Chapter 21
Troy
Mackenzie was too good for me, and that was a problem.
Protests rose but never got past my lips as I felt her fingers massage my scalp.
Last night I’d made the decision to put some distance between me and the pretty American to save both of us from the pain that was coming, but those resolutions shredded to nothing the moment she touched me.
Pleasure, not even a sexual kind, rushed through me and it was a drug I couldn’t deny.
“God, that feels good…” I groaned, leaning into her touch.
Of course, that was when she had to go and slide down behind me. All control evaporated as I leaned back against her. Some part of me needed the animal satisfaction that came from human touch.
“You shouldn’t be doing this,” I said, making an effort to pull away, just not a very good one.
“Spent the day yelling at my brothers, my workmate, and my dog in that order.” Turning around slowly, I didn’t want to catch the look of disgust on her face, but I knew I needed to see it.
Instead, she just sat there, a small smile on her face. “I’ve been a complete arsehole.”
“You’ve had a tough day.” The smile faded. “I know something about that, so…”
Reaching for my hair, she was going to continue, but those first four words were enough to have me facing her. Water pounded into my shoulders as I stared at Mackenzie.
“What kind of tough day?” I growled.
“Oh, you know—”
She was going to palm me off, but that was never gonna happen. Gripping her hands with mine was as natural as breathing. Squeezing them so she knew she had my full attention came next.
“I don’t know.” My mind start racing again, never able to stay still for a second. Something or someone happened and that was what had her staring fixedly at the shower floor. “Was it Charlie? She gets super intense around heat waves. Or Beau? Did that fuck—?”
“No.” I could tell she was making herself smile when she finally met my eyes.
“It’s just…” The waver in her voice, the way she clung to my hands, I noted every tiny micro expression and then some.
“Australia is really tough, y’know? Like the place is so beautiful and the bush is just incredible and the rescue? ”
Was it too much for Mackenzie? I thought. I’d talk to Charlie—
“Is a dream come true, but…” It felt like I was hanging on her every word.
“We were picking up heat-affected animals all day or searching for them, and just when I think I’m getting past my city girl ways, I…
” When her bottom lip started to quiver, my thumb went out, brushing over the plush surface.
“It’s hard seeing koalas all dull eyed and listless, or possums without their moms.” She let go of my hands to move them restlessly.
“Joeys abandoned. You can’t help but think about what would have happened if we weren’t there. ”
I don’t know if I ever understood a person more than in that moment. Worrying about what you did, what you didn’t do and everything that might happen was my life, and so I was pretty sure I knew what to do. Freed from my own problems, I dragged her closer.
How the hell did I think I could resist this?
The feel of her curled up in my arms, her face pressed into my chest. The ragged sigh of her body every time she took a breath.
“Hey…” My response was inadequate, but rather than bark orders, I kept my voice as low and calm as possible. “Hey… It’s going to be OK.”
“You don’t know that.”
She looked up at me then, a small frown forming, and that forced me to try to smooth it away.
“I know this.” Holding her gaze, it felt like I was telling my own heart something along with hers.
“We’ve been through plenty of heat waves before and we’re all still standing.
That right now we’re doing everything we can to get the best possible outcome.
Australia goes through brutal summers every year.
If we can get through them, we can get through this. ”
“You’re just telling me what I want to hear.”
That was torn out of her, it felt, but Mackenzie launched herself at me, wrapping her arms around my ribs. I couldn’t help but hold her right back. It was like I wanted to mould a space for her on my body.
Something that would leave a hole when she finally went back home.
I didn’t care, I realised. If this was all the sweetness I was going to get, then I’d grab it with both hands.
Grab her with both hands.
“Look, I’m really sorry about the other night,” I said as I cupped her jaw. “I was a dick and—”
“You say that a lot.” Some of the spark was back in her eyes. “Seems to me that you could do something with that self-awareness and… whoa!”
I had her up on her feet, then the soap was in my hand. Smoothing it over her skin felt as natural as breathing, whereas only minutes before, I was too tired to scrub my own self down.
“I’ll try,” I told her as I washed those gorgeous rounded shoulders. “I can’t make any promises but—”
“Trying is all any of us can do.”
Did all the pain and frustration of her day go swirling down the plughole, just like it did mine? Did she feel lighter, better, the moment our eyes locked? Because I did. It felt like my heart was beating harder, faster, but for once, not from adrenaline.
For her.
Fuck. I was falling for Mackenzie James.
It was like I was standing on the precipice of a really high cliff and some instinct inside me was screaming for me to step back. I didn’t. Couldn’t, not when I was near her. Instead, I moved closer, ignoring every single vow I’d made, and then kissed her.
“Mm…”
That little sigh into my mouth was fucking killing me, but who was I kidding? Everything about this woman was perfect.
“Let’s get you into bed.”
“I bet you say that to all the farm stay girls,” she said.
Her smile was still there, but there was a wary edge to it now.
“No, Mackenzie.” I opened the shower door and lead her out, wrapping a towel around her shoulders, then drying her off.
“I can say with all confidence that I have not said anything like that to any other woman.” Shit, this was getting all too real.
I needed to change tack right freaking now.
“Apparently grunting and swearing a lot isn’t a turn on for most women. ”
“Their loss.”
I liked her smile, the way her hand slid down my chest. There was a possessiveness about the gesture that had my heart flaring to life as well as my body.
But while my dick would be cursing my name tonight, sex wasn’t what I had in mind.
Sweeping Mackenzie into my arms, I carried her across the hall and into my bedroom.
Back where she belonged.
“You know you don’t have to carry me everywhere,” she said with a giggle.
“I love having you in my arms,” I replied.
“I love…” The door swung open to reveal a pool of moonlight.
It was right there on the tip of my tongue, ready to be said, but as I stared at the moon, something kept me quiet.
Instead, I laid her down on the bed, joining her seconds later. “I’d love to know more about your day.”
When her smile faded, I thought I’d done something wrong, but the same instinct that had me moving before the cattle did had me pushing forward now.
“I know you told me what happened.” Pulling her closer, just holding her in my arms, my eyelids could finally fall closed.
A strange sense of peace settled over me.
“That you and Charlie have it covered with the wild animals, but…” My breath whistled between my lips as I let it out slowly.
“There’s a difference between talking about what happened and describing how that felt. ”
She went very still and quiet, which forced me to look down at her, checking for her response.
“I…” There it was, that reticence. A glance up at me and then she continued. “I hate it, y’know? Like I love that I can help Charlie and every time we made it to the vet, and the animal was still alive, I’d feel better, but…”
That shuddering sigh, I was pretty sure I knew exactly what that was.
“That doing something makes you feel less hopeless,” I replied. “But that empowerment comes at a cost. You feel completely responsible for everything. Every death, everything and everyone that’s hurting, that’s on you to fix.”
“That.”
She nodded sharply. I’d been balls deep in this woman more times than I could count and yet this was the moment when I felt like we truly connected. When I stared at her, when she stared at me, it was like something recognised the other on a soul level.
“You can’t protect all the wildlife in Australia,” I replied softly.
“Any more than I can stop the damn weather from heating up, but…” I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze, glad when she squeezed right back.
“The animals you do help, the ones you get water to or to the vet’s, you’ve given them the best chance of survival, and that has to count for something. ”
With a sigh, she nestled herself into my chest.
“My mom always says don’t set yourself on fire to keep the world warm.” Her muffled words felt like they were spoken directly into my heart, but that organ was struggling to process them. “I need to remember that.”
Well, Mackenzie was one step ahead of me. That was a lesson I still needed to learn.
After the heat wave was over.
I stayed with her for some time, watching my girl sleep.
My eyes couldn’t help but track the way the moon cast shadows across her face, detect the sounds of her soft, measured breaths.
But when I knew she was deeply asleep, I slipped out of the bed and padded down the hallway.
My laptop was sitting on the dining table, the budget spreadsheet taunting me from the moment I booted up the machine.
Because maybe Dad would get his wish.