Chapter Twenty
‘Well, mine’s a Guinness, how about you?’
‘That’s a very intriguing choice for you, Josh,’ I said with a smile.
‘I’m full of surprises, what can I say. What am I getting you?’
‘I’ll have what you’re having.’
When he returned with two glasses, he nodded down at my book on the table, which I stowed in my bag. ‘Can’t be too careful, there are book thieves around. Cheers,’ he said, clinking his glass against mine.
‘I’m glad you’ve grown out of that particular habit,’ I said, drily. ‘Very restrained of you.’
‘I always gave them back! I mean, I coulda held them ransom like our old friend the taxi driver . . .’
‘That’s true, I suppose. Then you moved on to filling in every square on my crosswords with the letters J, O, S and H.’
He grimaced. ‘Did I? God, what a jerk! I can’t believe you had to go and literally hide to get away from me!’ he said, shaking his head.
‘Ah, today it wasn’t about you, I just wanted to read in peace.’
‘And provide content for that Instagram account about your reading material, of course.’
‘You know about that?’
‘I’m one of @WhatsEmilyReading’s many followers!’
‘You are not!’
‘Er, there was a whole thing on the Wonderwick fan Reddit about me following the account, and also, I can read, ya know,’ he said with a roguish grin.
It was good to see him back to his playful self.
It had been kind of unnerving, to see a stressed-out and serious Josh, but part of me had liked seeing another side to him. ‘You should do something with that.’
‘Like what?’
Josh shrugs. ‘I dunno, just feels like something you’re clearly passionate about.’ He threw a peanut into his mouth and crunched it, thoughtfully. ‘You could start a book club. Or . . . I don’t know, a production company? Buy the rights to interesting shit, try to get it made.’
I couldn’t help smiling, a warmth filling my chest that he’d even suggest something like that. It was never going to happen, I had no idea how to be a producer, but it was still a nice thing to say. ‘I don’t know if I’m up to the challenge but that’s a good idea.’
‘I’m full of ’em, what can I say.’
I bit my lip. ‘Josh, I’m really sorry I was so hard on you before.’
He waved the thought away. ‘Don’t apologise, I was a total jerk. That’s one of the reasons I thought we should, you know, have a chill, no-drama drink together. Just to really cement the fact that the old days are done.’
‘They are, aren’t they?’
‘Thank God.’ He shook his head, raising his eyebrows. ‘I can’t live like that anymore. I’m surprised I got away with it for so long, you know?’
‘Not with me, you didn’t,’ I said with a laugh.
‘Well, that’s my point. For so much of my life nobody ever called me out on my shit.
Then I got into films, and people only gently called me on my shit because they didn’t want me to run home and tattle to my parents that they were being mean to me, or whatever.
But you always called me on my shit, not because it was your job but because you really, actually cared about the thing we were trying to do.
It took me too long to realise it, I guess. ’
I nodded, wanting him to say more. ‘What did you realise?’
He laughed and shook his head, not looking me in the eye. ‘God, it sounds so fucking stupid when I say it out loud.’
‘Try me?’ I urged him.
‘I think I understand what it feels like to care about stuff?’ he ventured, cautiously.
I couldn’t help but smile. ‘That’s a good place to start.’
‘I know, I know, it sounds completely ridiculous, I can’t help it.
But after the whole . . . debacle at the river, when I knew I should just stick to the script but instead I wanted to screw around, try out doing shit my way, whatever the hell that means.
Anyway, when I saw what a total mess I’d made of the whole shoot, how much time I wasted for everyone, how, rightfully, upset you were at me, I just thought, what’s the point?
Like, why am I doing this? And I didn’t have an answer.
I guess . . .’ He swallowed, looked thoughtful, but didn’t say more.
‘No, go on, I want to hear what you have to say,’ I urged him.
‘I guess I kept doing it because it was what I’d always done, you know? Force of habit, or some shit? But I never, like, thought about whether I really wanted to keep doing it, and now I’ve realised, maybe I don’t?’
‘That’s a good thing to realise.’ I nodded, encouraging. Obviously I thought it was a good thing: I didn’t want to get pushed into a river again, but more than that, it seemed like it was actually good for Josh, too.
‘It’s just hard, you know, when you’re stuck in this role that you’ve been playing for years,’ he said, looking at me. ‘And I don’t necessarily mean Rowan Clearwater, you know?’
‘I do know.’ I nodded.
The conversation flowed easily, a fluent back and forth that we’d never been able to achieve before.
It was as if there was an invisible force field around us: no one came up to us asking for a selfie or to tell us they loved or hated Wonderwick.
It was like we were in this funny little bubble, in the warm glow of the fireplace.
‘What’s next for you? After Wonderwick, I mean.’
‘Going home for a while.’ Josh stretched out, leaning back in the chair and folding his hands across his stomach, relaxed and comfortable in front of the fire like a big, friendly dog. ‘I’m doing Deep Water 2.’
‘The submarine one?’ I had seen the first one and struggled to see how a sequel was a good use of anyone’s time, money or energy.
‘Right. Those guys must be pretty unlucky to have a disaster on a submarine not once but twice.’
‘And this time they’re even unluckier because you’re there,’ I said, unable to hide my smile.
Josh gasped in mock horror. ‘Emily Montgomery, I thought you’d changed.’
‘I have, I promise! I’m—’ I started saying, before stopping myself. ‘I’m almost glad you pushed me in that river. Otherwise we might not be here.’
Josh nodded, holding my gaze. ‘And here is . . . kinda nice, isn’t it?
’ His glance flicked down to my mouth and back up to my eyes, and there was something in that tiny motion that made my stomach feel fizzy.
In the soft light from the candle on the table and the roaring fire, I could almost understand what all those girls saw in him.
I swallowed, overwhelmed with the moment. ‘Yes.’ I took a sip from my glass.
‘Oh,’ he said, reaching out towards my face.
‘You’ve just got a little . . .’ He cupped my jaw in his hand and gently wiped something off my upper lip.
A little foam from the Guinness. He retracted his hand, but my face felt hot with his touch and I just blinked at him, stupidly.
What was I supposed to do now? For a beat we just stared at each other, waiting for something to happen.
But the clanging sound of a bell shattered the moment. ‘Last orders!’ called the barman.
‘Oh, uh, you want something?’ Josh looked around, startled.
I shook my head, my mouth a little dry. ‘No, that’s OK. I should probably be getting home.’
‘I guess so,’ he said, looking at the time. ‘Yuri’s gotta get to bed, too.’
We didn’t speak on the drive home, both of us just looking out of the window at the twenty or so minutes’ worth of passing scenery.
But far from an awkward silence, it was comfortable.
Hard earned, like we’d spent the past seven years scrapping for the right to be able to just sit next to each other in the back of a car.
Josh was one of the only people in the world who could understand what things had been like since we got cast in Wonderwick, what it was like growing up in the public eye, everyone having an opinion on your outfits, who you were or were not dating, what project you should sign onto next, what X, Y or Z meant for your reputation, how much money could be wrangled out of this brand or that agency.
Part of me just wanted to keep sitting here next to Josh in the back seat forever, but Yuri eventually pulled up outside my house, sitting dark and empty on the suburban street.
‘Well, thanks for the ride,’ I told Josh, leaning back down to speak to him through the open car door, just like he’d done last night. ‘See you tomorrow, I guess.’
‘Thanks for the drink,’ Josh said. ‘And, you know, for giving me the time of day after . . . well, everything, ever.’
‘Any time.’
I looked over my shoulder as I turned the key in the lock. Josh was still there, waiting to make sure I got inside safely. The sound of a car window opening punctuated the quiet evening stillness on this empty street, and Josh stuck his head out. ‘Night, Emily.’
I waved to him as I pushed open my front door. ‘Night, Josh. See you tomorrow.’
As I closed the door behind me, I leaned my back against it and closed my eyes, standing in the dark of the hallway.
With great reluctance, feeling my heart beat a little quicker in my chest, I couldn’t help face the facts.
It was looking dangerously as if I had joined the legions of girls across the world who had a crush on Josh Sacco.