Chapter Thirty-Nine #2
Before I could ask her where she was going and why I was meant to be loitering in the street without her, she was gone.
Half of me wanted to just stand there and wait for her to reappear but I knew we needed to start heading out, so I did what I was told.
I strode out onto the street, one foot confidently in front of the other, my high heels making a pleasing click-click-click on the ground.
I looked down at them, admiring the craftsmanship, marvelling at how comfortable they were, and when I looked up—
Josh.
Josh Sacco.
Josh Sacco leaning against a gleaming black town car.
Josh Sacco leaning against a gleaming black town car dressed in a black suit and white shirt, a little pocket square in exactly the same shade of blue as my dress. I actually gasped. The sight of him actually, literally, took my breath away.
He beamed at me like he’d never been so happy in his life. ‘Shit, Montgomery . . . I knew you were going to look good but I wasn’t expecting this.’
‘Josh,’ I whispered. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Well, for some reason I’ve been invited to the BAFTAs and I was desperately hoping that you could find it in your heart to let me be your date? I want to be holding your hand when you win.’
The adrenaline rush, the pure flood of happiness felt like it could knock me backwards like a wave in the ocean.
I was so happy to see him but I was so scared of feeling the way I felt in Venice again.
The high being followed by a crushing low.
‘Josh, I can’t do the same thing all over again!
Please, if you’re not really, really serious about .
. . whatever we are?’ I wanted him so badly but I couldn’t take it if his heart wasn’t in it. ‘You have to mean it this time?’
‘I’ve thought about it a lot.’ Josh swallowed, looking down at the ground.
The blustering confidence had quietened, like a cloud passing across the sun.
‘Like, a lot a lot, and I realised, yeah, you do deserve better, but I can be better. That’s what I want.
I want to be better for you and for myself.
Or I at least want to try, not just run away and never find out what could happen between us. ’
‘Trying is all I’ve ever asked for,’ I said, my heart racing.
He reached out and took my hands in his, looking deep into my eyes.
‘I was a fucking insecure, immature idiot. You called it! You always knew! And you were right! I was scared of finding out I was a talentless hack at the exact moment you were finding out you’re what, one of the finest actors of your generation?
And I pushed you away because I knew you could see me clearly when I didn’t want to be seen.
But I don’t want to live like that, Emily.
I want to have a life with you, I want to build my career with you, whatever that looks like, even if it looks like you being the finest actor of your generation, and me being a talentless hack!
At least I’d be a hack who gets to love the most brilliant woman.
Let me try, for you, for me, for us? I won’t let you down. ’
I heard the click of cameras before I even knew I was kissing him.
But I was kissing him. It was the only response I could think of.
Actions speak louder than words, and that was the only thing I wanted to say, really.
What else was there? I didn’t care about the paparazzi, I didn’t care about the people filming us, photographing us on their phones, the tourists, the gawkers.
We couldn’t keep it to ourselves any longer, and it felt good to share it.
For a moment, I stared at him, my arms draped around his neck, our faces millimetres apart.
‘I can’t believe you’re here. I can’t believe this is real.
’ I stood back so I could really take a good look at him.
That lock of dark hair flopping over his forehead.
His gleaming smile. The twinkle of pure delight in his eye.
‘Believe it, baby.’
‘ExcUSE me, young lady!’ I heard a strident, foghorn-like voice which jolted me out of my beautiful oxytocin haze.
I whipped around to see Arianne, half in and half out of a black cab across the road, before moving towards me at the speed of light, brandishing a lipstick.
‘My handiwork means nothing to you?’ she said, pressing it into my lips before I could object.
‘No more kissing until the red carpet photographers have got the shot! Don’t show me up or you’ll never work in this town again! The Arianne lip must be preserved!’
Josh was shaking his head and chuckling as I stood, frozen and bewildered by . . . everything happening all at the same time.
‘What are you guys still doing here?! Arianne, leave her alone!’ Chloe had finally emerged and was maybe the only person who was temperamentally a match for Arianne Sharp. ‘Go! Get in the bloody car!’ she urged us. ‘You’ve got an award to win!’
Josh gallantly held the door open and I stepped in, carefully manoeuvring my dress, bowing my head so I didn’t mess up my hair. But none of it really mattered anymore anyway. I didn’t need to win. I didn’t need to look perfect. I didn’t need anything much anymore.
As we held hands in the back seat of the car on a journey I didn’t want to end, I knew that whichever way the evening went, I had already won.