10. Eric #2
“Not even close,” Dave said without missing a beat.
Curt smiled down at his cards. “When did this start?”
He asked it with the same calm patience that probably made him a good principal.
“It didn’t.”
Mike dealt another card, not taking his eyes off me. “Then why’d you fold ace-king?”
I looked down at my cards. I’d forgotten I still had them.
That annoyed me more than the interrogation.
I’d spent twenty years reading suspects during interviews, noticing every twitch, hesitation, and change in breathing.
Meanwhile, four idiots armed with pizza and beer had me forgetting I was in the middle of a poker hand.
“I’ve had a long couple of days,” I told them.
Dave took a slow sip of beer. “Festival?”
“Festival.”
Mike nodded knowingly. “We heard about the donkey.”
Dylan laughed. “My wife said there was an alpaca.”
I nodded. “There were two.”
Curt nearly dropped his cards. “There were two?” His eyebrows disappeared somewhere near his hairline. “How do you accidentally end up with two alpacas?”
“Don’t ask.”
Dave leaned forward, his elbows landing on the table. “We’re asking.”
I looked around the table. Four grown men, all staring at me like they had nowhere else to be. I should’ve known poker night wasn’t going to stay about poker.
Before anyone could ask another question, the side door opened.
“Who’s ready for dessert?”
Every head turned.
Mike’s wife Carol came in carrying a homemade blueberry pie in one hand and a stack of paper plates in the other. Flour dusted one sleeve of her sweatshirt, and her chestnut hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail. She looked like she’d been baking.
She also looked like she’d heard enough of the conversation to know exactly what was going on.
That wasn’t unusual. Carol missed very little.
She set the pie on the table. “Well, don’t stop on my account.”
“Perfect timing,” Mike said, sounding far too pleased with himself.
“I know.” She set the pie down on the workbench before looking around the table, taking in five grown men with the same expression elementary school teachers reserved for classrooms that had suddenly gone suspiciously quiet. “What are you all staring at?”
Mike pointed at me with absolutely no loyalty whatsoever. “There’s a woman.”
Carol didn’t even look in my direction. “Of course there is.” She reached for the pie server calmly, like she refused to acknowledge manufactured drama until she’d confirmed it deserved her attention.
Dave laughed. “No, no. A woman.”
Carol picked up the pie server. “I’m still not hearing the problem.” She glanced between the five of us. “Unless one of you suddenly forgot how women work.”
“The sheriff’s got a girl,” pressed Dave.
Finally she looked at me.
I raised both hands. “I’ve said absolutely nothing.” That seemed like the smartest move.
“I noticed.” She nodded approvingly before turning back to her husband. “Unlike the four of you.” Her gaze lingered on each man in turn. “Honestly, you’re worse than my quilting group, and at least they wait until everyone has coffee before dissecting someone’s love life.”
“We’re investigating,” said Dave, sounding offended that she’d reduced serious detective work to gossip.
Carol rolled her eyes. “You’re gossiping.”
Dave shook his head. “It’s different.”
“It isn’t,” said Carol, her lips pressed into a fine line.
Curt accepted a slice of pie. “It really isn’t.” He didn’t even bother looking up from his cards. Even the principal knew when an argument had already been decided.
Dylan reached for another plate. “We’re just curious.” He paused. “Professionally curious.”
Carol continued cutting generous slices. “You’re behaving like a sewing circle.”
Mike looked offended. “We’re poker players.”
“You’re middle-aged men who get together every Thursday and spend half the night talking about everybody else in town.” She handed me the first slice. “That’s a sewing circle with worse snacks.” She looked around the garage. “And significantly more body odor.”
Dave pointed at the pie. “The snacks are excellent.”
Carol raised her chin. “They’re only excellent because I made them.”
“They’re still excellent.” Dave took a bite before she could change her mind. “You’d win ribbons at the county fair.”
She smiled despite herself before looking at me again. “You don’t have to answer them.”
“I wasn’t planning to.” I’d learned that lesson a long time ago.
“Good,” said Carol, still smiling.
Mike frowned. “So there is a woman.” He leaned forward like he’d finally uncovered a witness willing to testify.
Carol sighed, obviously having been married long enough to know stubbornness wasn’t something men grew out of. They just got older while insisting they were right. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Michael.”
“What?”
“If there is, he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”
“And if there isn’t?”
“Then you’ve spent twenty minutes interrogating an innocent man over a poker hand.” She looked around the table. “Which, now that I say it out loud, somehow feels even sadder.”
Dave leaned back in his chair. “He folded ace-king.”
Carol stopped serving pie. “He what?”
The entire table nodded in perfect unison.
She looked at me. “You folded ace-king?”
“I did.”
She stared another second before slowly setting the pie server back down. “Huh.”
I pointed across the table. “See?”
She shrugged. “I never said you weren’t acting strange.” She crossed her arms. “If Mike folded ace-king, I’d probably schedule him a doctor’s appointment.”
Four idiots burst out laughing.
I rubbed my temples. Even the voice of reason thought I’d lost my mind.
It was going to be a long night.