5 Olivia
March 29th, 2022
I felt as if I was being watched constantly now. Eyes on me wherever I went. Judging, studying, waiting for the right moment to strike.
It felt the same as it had growing up, except there was something eerie about it now, something not right. Instead of cameras and scripts I had to follow to the letter or risk being scolded, I was waiting for the feeling of hands around my throat or a gun pressed to my temple—
“Olivia?”
I blinked, shaking my thoughts away as I met the eyes of my publisher. She was a beautiful woman inside and out, and the only person who knew me by the name Olivia Rose and Abigail Ross. Usually, an author would have an agent to work as a go-between for author and a publisher, but Katie and I had always had a really strong relationship. We were close and I had been studying how businesses worked since I was 14. Anything to get ahead of my mom and her constant scheming.
I owned a third of my father’s company because of some contract they had misread. Upon the contraception of their first child, me, a third of the company would be put under their name, an after finding out about it at 14, I realized that there was no way I could allow them, my mom, to manipulate me into giving it up, so I started studying my ass off to understand businesses, contracts, legal jargon, how business attorney’s worked, and everything else under the sun.
It had prepared me for a lot growing up, and honestly, I think Katie was more grateful than anything else that she didn’t have to work with an agent. Grateful that she could work directly with me without any third parties involved.
I loved it too. It just made things easier.
Mom hated that I still owned a third of the company though, and I had known that for a long time, but there was nothing she could do about it. Not unless I gave it up willingly or died. My third was protected under the law. Even if they managed to bankrupt the company, which was impossible, I’d still be safe. In fact, there was a stipulation in the original contract that stated that if they managed to fuck up that bad, the company would default to me.
I could fix it, rebuild it, and it would all be in my name.
I still wasn’t sure why mom, after grooming me to be her perfect little pet my entire childhood, had been doing everything she could to convince me to sign it off, but my stubbornness and pride held me in place.
Even if I wanted to get rid of it, I wouldn’t, not when I now had something to prove.
“Sorry,”
I apologized, straightening. “What were you saying?”
She smiled and leaned back in her chair. “I love the first two chapters you gave me,”
she said, placing her hand on the small stack of pages I had emailed her that morning. I hadn’t even realized she had printed them out. “This one sounds a little different than the others, I like it.”
Relief flooded through me. “So, then the renegotiation?”
She nodded, setting her pen down. “It’s a-go,”
she confirmed. “You have been renewed for four more books. Including this one, five. You did good, kid.”
I couldn’t help but smile, joy filling me. “Thank you, Katie. Thank you so much.”
“Thank you for keeping a roof over our heads.”
She laughed and waved me off. “A joke. You’re a good writer, Olivia. Keep it up, you’ve got a promising future ahead of you.”
I gathered my bag and stood. “I will, thank you,”
I said again. “I’ll get another chapter done by the end of the week.”
“Perfect, I look forward to it.”
With a wide smile, I headed for the door.
I didn’t restart my story again, but God, it was so good, and Katie loved it. Now I was trapped. I had to finish it, whatever the cost. Maybe I just needed to lay off the coffee. That had to be it. Coffee and stress weren’t good combinations.
“Oh, Liv, I forgot to tell you,”
Katie called as I reached the door. “We got into the shop on Fifth and Asher,”
she beamed, her eyes alight with joy.
I felt the air leave my lungs, my jaw dropping. “We got into Varien?”
I breathed out.
She nodded. “We got into Varien.”
The laughter that escaped me couldn’t be helped. We got into fucking Varien! That book shop was one of the most exclusive shops in The Springs. No amount of money got you into that shop, it was by pure talent alone.
I got in!
“Enjoy the day,”
Katie told me. “It’s one worth celebrating.”
I nodded, thanks leaving my lips in stumbled disbelief. I walked out of her room in a daze and headed down the hall, my head spinning, my heart racing.
I got into Varien. I did that. Me. All on my own. No paparazzi, no family name, just me.
I walked out into the cool morning air, the breeze pulling at the strands of hair that had come loose from under the beanie. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. It was a day for celebrating.
Laughter left my lips as I turned back to the street. I wanted to call someone. Anyone.
I headed down the sidewalk and pulled out my phone, finding Steven’s name only to hesitate with my thumb above the call button. He wouldn’t think anything of it. Nothing at all. But maybe mom would.
I found mom’s number and hit call. She picked up on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Mom, guess what?”
I said, the joy thickening my voice. “I got into Varien! My books are on their shelves!”
“That’s great, dear, have you thought about the next time you’ll come and visit?”
My smile faltered, my chest immediately tightening. “Um…”
I shook my head. “I don’t…that bookstore is really hard to get into,”
I explained, thinking she might not have understood what this meant. “You can’t just buy your way in, you have to have the talent to get into it.”
“Yes,”
she said impatiently. “Congratulations, sweetie, have you made plans?”
My shoulders fell, my joy snuffing out like a candle in a windstorm. I rolled my eyes as they prickled painfully. “No.”
“Okay, call me when you do.” Click.
I swallowed and nodded, shoving my phone and my anger away. I didn’t have anyone else I could call. Steven was the first person I had met here. He swept me up in a whirlwind of romantic chaos and I got so caught up, I never thought about making any of my own friends. Not that he would let me spend time with them anyway.
Steven was possessive and not in the hot, romantic kind of way. I thought it had been sweet at first, but I suppose when you offer a starving person a morsal, they’ll eat whatever they’re given, even if it’s poisonous.
Mom and dad had me to make their image look good. The house wasn’t exactly loving. We didn’t have family dinners or holidays unless we needed a picture for some new article. As soon as the cameras were off, I was handed off to someone else to take care of me and that’s where it ended.
Steven was the first one to show any real interest in Olivia Rose. Just a normal girl. New to the city, nothing to her name.
I was starving, and he gave me a morsal.
And now here I was three years later, still starving, just a little slower than before.
I released a breath and pulled my beanie off, shoving it into my bag. I shook my hair out and readjusted my sunglasses, fixing my shirt which I had half tucked into my skinny jeans. Now what?
My phone started ringing and I pulled it out, my shoulders falling as the air left my lungs. I really didn’t have the energy to deal with this, and yet, my finger hit answer anyway.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?”
Steven asked, a bite to his tone already.
I started thinking back, trying to figure out what I had done wrong. What I had said or forgotten, but there was nothing. “I told you that I had a meeting today.”
“No, you absolutely didn’t.”
I closed my eyes, suddenly tired. “I did, Steven. I called you this morning and told you that I had a meeting at work. That I wasn’t sure how—”
“Okay, I don’t need to listen to your lies. I’m at your place right now, I wanted to take you to lunch.”
I stopped, causing someone to run into me. I mumbled an apology, my brows furrowing. “How did you get in?”
“The key you gave me. Are you okay? Did you sleep well last night?”
I straightened, turning towards the street. “I never gave you a key,”
I told him, my heart pounding. How did he get a key? That was my one place of sanctuary, why would I ever give him a key?
“Yes, you did,”
he said, enunciating each word as if I were too stupid to understand him. “You gave it to me last year. You need to lay off the caffeine, Liv.”
I didn’t….
Did I?
I chewed on my lip, questioning everything. Maybe I had given him a key. A year was a long time to remember something like that and I had already decided that caffeine had to be a factor in my forgetfulness.
“God, you would forget your own head if it wasn’t for me,”
he confirmed. “Listen, forget lunch, you’re busy—”
“No, I’m done now, I can have lunch. I actually got some really exciting news,”
I said, testing the waters.
“It’s fine, Liv, don’t worry about it. I’ll call you later. Get some rest, you need it.” Click.
Don’t worry about it.
I swallowed, the tears burning the back of my throat.
Don’t worry about it.
Worry about what? About not seeing the boyfriend that I hated more than I hated myself? About the fact that I had just signed another contract for five more books, which meant that I had to come up with five more ideas that might all fucking suck?
Don’t worry about mom pushing me to go to Denver.
Don’t worry about the fact that I had to give up coffee because it was causing this forgetfulness.
Don’t worry about losing your mind.
I was sure I told him about the meeting. I was sure I never gave him a key.
But I was also sure my parents were capable of love when they had been proving to me for 23 years that I was just a pretty face to put in front of their cameras.
I worked my jaw and swallowed the tears back. Forced the emotions down. I needed to get home. I had no idea what he had done to Lucy. She would have certainly attacked him had she been able to.
I walked up to the curb and called a cab. If he hurt my dog, I’d burn down this whole motherfucking world.
I unlocked my door and walked in, finding my place exactly how I had left it except for the milk left on the counter. “Lucy?”
I called, shutting the door behind me.
I held my breath. My apartment wasn’t that big. I would have heard her, right? “Lucy!”
I called desperately.
A muffled sound came from my bedroom.
I dropped my things to the floor and ran through my bedroom door. “Lus!”
There was a scratching at the closet door.
I rushed over and ripped the door open, Lucy sprinting out snarling as she spared me a once over sniff before she started scoping the place out.
I released a breath, my heart racing in adrenaline filled relief. It was a ridiculous thought that Steven would ever be able to do her actual harm, but even still there was always a chance.
I had gotten her as a puppy when I first moved here. An all-white half-wolf, half-German Shepard pup, with piercing blue eyes and shaggy fur. She was huge, and she was one of the few things I had invested any real money in. I spent thousands training her, along with the thousands of hours I had spent myself training her to recognize silent and sound commands. She was the most well-behaved dog I had ever known or seen. Losing her would be the end of me.
Losing her would be the end of everything.
She was all I had in this world. My only real family.
I walked after her, unzipping my boots and kicking them off in the living area as she jogged around sniffing, snarling, checking everything out to make sure it was safe. To make sure we were safe.
I let her go through her process, feeling much safer if she did. While she took care of the house, I took my jacket and sunglasses off and went to pick up my things. Today was supposed to be a good day. I got another deal, my publisher loved my pre-edited chapters, and I got into Varien. It should have been something worthy of celebration.
Lucy walked up to me when she finally decided the place was clear. Her tail was wagging, her tongue rolling out as she sniffed over me, nudging her nose under my hand.
I smiled, crouching down in front of her, scratching her ears. “Hey,”
I greeted. “Guess what?”
Her ears perked.
“I got into Varien,”
I told her, my eyes burning. “My publisher loved my chapters. We got another deal.”
God, how pathetic was I that I didn’t have one single person in my life I could tell? Someone who would be excited for me.
She wagged her tail a little more, licking my cheeks before my tears could fall as if she could actually understand what I was saying.
I laughed and leaned into her, wrapping my arms around her neck as her head fell around my shoulders. She always smelled so good. Better than other dogs, I would say. A mix of her shampoo and her natural scent.
I inhaled deeply, forcing the tears back. We could still celebrate. Just us. I didn’t need anyone else here. I had her. I always had her.
I leaned back and met her big blue eyes. “We are going to celebrate,”
I told her, standing. “How about some sushi and steak?”
Her head tilted to one side, her tongue disappearing.
I laughed. “Want some steak?”
Her tail started thumping and she jumped up, barking.
“Good,”
I nodded. “I’ll call some in. We can drink and eat and watch some shitty romcoms that’ll give us a better reason to cry, eh?”
She barked again, hopping and jumping around and I couldn’t help but laugh again. I didn’t need anyone else. I didn’t need people to gush to when I received exciting news or someone to complain to when things didn’t quite make sense. Complaining was terrible for the mental state anyway.
What I really needed was this. Some quiet time with my very best friend and a glass of wine or two with some sushi.