11 Olivia
April 28th, 2022
It’s been five days since that night in the alley and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Even now, I was supposed to be writing, but I found myself just thinking about him. About how he felt pressed against me, the way he took and gave at the same time. As if my response was something he had owned since long before this world began.
He had tortured me, I was more or less willing to accept that, but what if the alley hadn’t been real? Then the torture hadn’t been real either, right? Because that’s when he had admitted to torturing me.
What if they were both real?
That slap print, in my memory, did seem kind of big for my hand, but by the time I finally got the nerve to check, it had been gone.
My panties, I remember, had been wet when I took them off, but I could have imagined that too. Steven said I make up the craziest things sometimes if I wrote too much. Or not enough. It could all be in my head. All of it. Maybe I finally hit a breaking point in my relationship with Steven, and all of this…this…shit about the ‘masked man’, it was all made up. Something to help me make sense of everything I allowed myself to go through.
I mean, he had come to the café wearing the mask and nobody really reacted. Nothing more than whispering, but people do that all the time. Maybe they were whispering about me talking to myself because if the guy wasn’t actually there, then I had to have been talking to myself and that was reason enough to whisper.
I worked the pawn between my fingers, one knee up to my chin, and my eyes drifting between my legs where my light pink silk pajama pants had fallen to the side slightly, revealing my black thong.
Steven said I had made a stupid purchase. That I needed to figure out a way to get this collar off or pay the price. That he already knew I was a bitch whore, I didn’t need to be flaunting it to the world, but I had tried everything, even causing myself to bleed trying to get it off. The shit was made of Teflon or something.
I stared at myself for a long time before sliding my hand between my legs and pressing slowly against myself.
My clit throbbed softly in anticipation for what would happen, but that’s it. There was no warmth, no tingles, no full-body chills. There was nothing but that light pulse.
I swallowed and slammed my laptop closed. It was fine. I had a doctor’s appointment in the morning. She would tell me what was wrong.
I shoved myself to a stand and turned to Lucy who was watching me from her bed. “Walk?”
She jumped up, her tongue rolling out, her tail wagging.
“Let me change.”
That’s what I needed. Fresh air to clear my head. I had cut out caffeine and I was cutting back on sugar, pretty soon my mind would regulate itself and I would stop imagining these horrible scenarios.
These absolutely intoxicating scenarios.
The weather was warmer today, so I decided for a beautiful light blue floral print dress that fell to just below my knees. It had a squared off top with mid-upper arm puff sleeves, and it hugged my breasts comfortably. Enhancing them just enough to give me a little extra confidence.
I twirled back and forth, admiring the free movement in the mirror before making sure the thin bow on the top of my dress collar was perfectly straight before pulling my hair up in a ponytail, letting some hair frame my face, and grabbing a pair of sneakers to match. Lastly, I wrapped a white scarf around my neck and tied it off, letting the extra fall down my back.
I walked out and posed for Lucy, happy that my bruises were healed enough that only light makeup was enough to cover me up. “How do I look? Ready for a spring walk through the park?”
She barked and walked over, hopping up slightly to grab her thick pink collar from the counter.
I smiled and crouched down in front of her, easily clipping it on. “Now we’re both ready, hmm?”
I should replace it. Just in case people saw through the scarf, I should definitely order a new collar for her. Although, pink was her color.
I grimaced. It was just frustrating. I really needed to find that key.
She licked my face causing me to laugh. “Let’s go then.”
Yes, this was exactly what I needed. Fresh air to clear away these delusions.
I grabbed her leash and my across-the-body-purse, and we headed out.
I clipped on her leash in the elevator and pulled on my headphones, turning on my favorite playlist as the elevator doors opened. It was a beautiful day today. A light breeze, blue skies, not too hot yet, but closer to Summer than Winter now.
We headed down the street and across to the park. It was filled with people of all ages today. Laughter and playing, couples roaming, people riding their hoverboards. Everyone was out and in good spirits today.
I was glad I came out. After the last few weeks I had been having, losing my mind, dealing with my mom, I needed a day like today to just…just breathe.
I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes for just a second as we walked down the path, feeling the warmth on my face and the breeze in my hair. I had been skipping out on my runs lately, but I needed to start up again. Nothing beat this. Nothing at all.
We kept walking, only to slow when the trail came into view. I studied it for only a second before lifting my chin. No, if it didn’t happen then there was no reason why I should feel nervous about walking my normal route. It was all in my head. All of it.
“Come on Lucy,”
I told her. “Be on guard,”
I said just in case. I was brave, but I wasn’t stupid. There were still dangers in this world, I just needed to make sure they were real and not in my own head.
The air was fresher on the trail. The trees providing cover from the sun, the moss growing on them damp and filling the air with this beautiful, woodsy smell that caused my heart to thud.
I turned off my music and slid my headphones around my neck, listening to the babbling creek and the way the wind whistled gently through the leaves.
I could live here, I decided. A place like this. Where there wasn’t such loud city noise. Where the trees hummed, and the streams sang. A place of such…peace. I could disappear in a place like this. No phone, no computer, no electronics of any kind, just life.
Well, I’d keep my laptop. I loved writing far too much to actually ever give it up—
A hand slammed around my mouth, another around my stomach, pulling me back against a hard body.
My heart slammed as hot breath tickled my ear. “Hello, little writer, time for the other half of your last payment,”
the man hummed in my ear.
My body tingled with shocks of warmth as the panic slammed through me.
He lifted me off the ground and I screamed, but the sound was muffled as I clawed and scratched at his hands, the leash slipping from my grip.
“Lucy!”
I tried to scream
He carried me into one of the hidden alcoves and tossed me away from him as if I suddenly burned him.
I stumbled, just barely managing to catch myself before I scrambled back, the creek to my back, too wide to cross, thick trees all around me, but it didn’t matter. He would find me no matter how far I ran, wouldn’t he? Real or not, he was always going to find me.
“Lucy,”
I said, fixing my dress as he stood in the alcove’s entryway like some sort of demonic entity watching its prey.
She appeared at his side, watching me with a wagging tail.
My eyes were wide. “Attack,”
I said carefully.
He didn’t even look her way.
She remained exactly where she was, confused as to why I would possibly give that command.
This couldn’t be real then. I was imagining things. I was having another nightmare.
She always followed my commands. Always.
I closed my eyes and shook my head, shoving my hair back. “Wake up,”
I ordered myself. “Please, wake up.”
The chuckle I heard sent fear spearing down my spine, causing my eyes to open. “This is one nightmare you will never wake up from, little writer.”
I took a step back, my shoe slipping on some mossy rocks, causing my heart to slam.
I readjusted myself and my eyes jerked back to his. “Yes, it is. It has to be.”
“Why?”
he asked, cocking his head to one side, the mask making the motion that much more terrifying. “Because something like this couldn’t happen to someone like you?”
he offered, taking a step forward. “Because you see this shit on television, write about it in your books, but you could never believe that it would happen to someone you love,”
he mocked.
I glared, hating his fucking condescension. “I don’t owe you any explanation.”
It wasn’t real because it just wasn’t. I saw him in that club, and he did what every other book character did; he consumed me. Steven was right, I needed to stop writing, no matter how impossible. I needed to stop filling my head with that nonsense. I needed to just get a normal job or stay at home and clean. Become a homemaker, that’s what I needed. His homemaker, just like he wanted.
This wasn’t real.
He shook his head, stalking forward. “No, but you owe me the rest of the payment, and trust me when I say, that after this, every payment will be made in full when I come to collect.”
I clenched my hands into fists and grit my teeth. “I didn’t agree to any payment arrangement. I didn’t borrow any money. I didn’t make any deal with you. I owe you nothing,”
I said, hoping my voice came off as angry as I felt.
He smiled as if he knew the secrets of the universe. “That’s the thing about us, we don’t need agreements. We decide, you do what we say, or you get punished. Usually by torturous death. You can thank your precious little boyfriend for that.”
I laughed against my better judgment, my hatred and resentment for Steven only growing. “That didn’t seem like torture to me.”
His smile widened. “No,”
he said, his eyes scanning over me slowly. “It wouldn’t have.”
My eyes narrowed and it was then that I realized how close I let him get to me. He was only feet away. Shit. “What does that mean?”
“It means you are terrified of how I make you feel. It scares you what I do to you,”
he went on, his eyes dropping to my lips only to find mine again. “It’s actually pathetic how green you are, considering.”
My eyes narrowed and I was too confused by what he was saying to move, to do anything but stand there. I shook my head, a breathlessness filling me, my skin growing hot as he stopped in front of me. “I am scared of you,”
I whispered, my hands shaking at my side. “I’m absolutely terrified of you.”
His hand shot out so fast, I had no idea what was happening until his fingers wrapped around my throat. He jerked me forward until my nose nearly touched his. “Good.”
I wrapped my hands around his wrist, my heart slamming against my ribs as he turned my back to the table and started forcing me towards it. “Stop,”
I pleaded, struggling to keep my footing, my heart slamming against my ribs, threatening to escape.
“A payment is a payment,”
he stated, ripping that scarf off my neck and tossing it to the ground.
I shook my head, my eyes filling. “I’ll pay the money. I’ll pay all of it, the entire thing,”
I tried to bargain, despite the slickness that had already grown between my legs. “I promise. The whole amount is yours.”
His eyes were cold. “The deal’s been made.”
My ass hit the stone table. “Don’t worry, I know how much you like it.”
My eyes widened. “I don’t,”
I told him, digging my nails into his hand. “I hate it. I hate everything about it.”
My breathing became labored, a rush building under my skin.
He lifted me up and shoved my hips back onto the table, my dress pulling back, the sleeves falling off my shoulders, his eyes falling to my chest, turning black. “I don’t like liars,”
he said carefully, his eyes slowly lifting back to mine.
My panic swam through me in waves, my head spinning, my legs trembling as I tried to force my thighs together, tried to ignore the throbbing between them, the ache. “Please,”
I tried again, my voice weak. But my skin was too hot, sparks dancing across it everywhere he touched, everywhere he breathed, and I half wondered the real reason why I picked this dress. Was it because of the confidence it gave me, or was it something far more twisted than that?
He grabbed both of my wrists tightly, sliding them into one of his hands while reaching into his pocket with the other. A second later, he pulled out a blood red silk ribbon and smiled. “Remember this.”
I needed to leave.
I could just kick him in the nuts and run.
The self-defense lessons were a lie, but I knew basic defense and every guy had one huge weakness.
Just kick him.
Kick him!
But I remained still, my panicked breathing a little tighter with the collar around my throat, my eyes locked on his hands as he expertly tied the ribbon in some intricate knot. There was some extra at the end and he used it to tie through the loop on the collar where the leash usually clips too.
My eyes lifted to his, my breathing uneven, my thighs quivering. I could feel the slickness between them, feel the way my nipples hardened, feel the way my skin craved his touch as he shortened the distance between wrists and neck.
But I didn’t want to feel what happened at the end. I didn’t want it.
When he was done with the knot, he slid his finger through the loop and pulled me forward. “If you deny yourself, it’ll make things so much worse,”
he threatened before shoving me to my back.
The stone dug into my bare skin, any movement of my shoulders, arms, or hands only made the collar pinch around my neck as my eyes lifted to the blue skies above.
Bright blue.
Not a single cloud to be seen.
I felt him lift up my dress and flick it back to my hips and then I felt his hot hands slide up my thighs and rip them apart.
Tears filled my eyes, a sob catching in my throat. This wasn’t happening. Why didn’t I run?
Because I was addicted. But just like all addictions, they were so good while riding the high, but as soon as you came down, that’s when the shame and guilt and regret slammed into you.
I was fucking addicted.
He stepped between my legs, forcing them further apart. His hand slid around my wrists, and he jerked me back up, my ass sliding painfully against the bench. He pulled me up until our noses nearly touched again. His mouth was open, his hot breath finding my lips, causing my thighs to clench and my own mouth to part as a dizziness fell through me.
Fuck me.
“You can’t even give yourself what I can give you,”
he told me, my skin tightening, the ache between my legs unlike anything I had felt before. “You’re mine until the debt’s paid, little writer, do you understand that?”
I swallowed, wanting more than anything to lean in, to feel his tongue slide across mine, to taste him. I nodded. Against all reasoning and all rationality, I nodded.
His forehead fell against mine, the feeling so intimate, it set fire to the pit of my stomach. His fingers slid against my soaked panties, just the lightest amount of pressure and my body shuddered in relief and need, a whimper escaping my lips.
His forehead pressed harder against mine, his mask digging into my skin, his breathing labored. “A payment,”
he said, his hand tightening around my left wrist, as if he were trying to convince himself that that’s all this was. Just a payment. I needed to tell myself that too. It was just a payment. No matter what I felt, what I thought, what I wanted to believe, this would never be more than a payment.
My legs tightened around his hips, my feet trying to wrap around the back of his calves, pull him forward. I needed him closer.
I wanted him gone.
I needed him to touch me everywhere.
I wanted him to leave.
He pushed my panties to the side and teased my entrance with the tip of his fingers, his breath catching. “So wet,”
he hummed like the prideful snake he was. “Just for me.”
I tried to rock my hips forward, terrified of the outcome, craving more. Nothing mattered. Nothing in the world, in the universe, mattered right now. I couldn’t think beyond his fingers, his air. I couldn’t breathe. The only thing that existed in this world was him.
I put all my weight on my wrist and where my legs wrapped around his to lift myself up and slide forward, his hot breath coating me, my skin, my soul.
His grip tightened around my wrist. “Open your eyes.”
I hadn’t realized I had closed them.
I did as he wanted, finding him staring at me, his eyes more silver than blue today, his pupils so blown, it looked like I was staring into a lunar eclipse. That’s what he was, my eclipse.
He slid his finger into me easily, my mouth going slack as I tried to move myself closer. I angled my head, not wanting to break contact but wanting more than anything to just taste him. Just a little taste.
But he kept his mouth away from mine. Within distance, but never touching.
I whimpered as he pulled his finger out and slid two in. I wasn’t even saying words, just desperate noises. My body was warm everywhere, electric where he touched, vibrating.
He slid them all the way to his knuckles, and I groaned, rocking my hips towards him, wincing at the pain as my bare ass scraped against the stone again.
He pulled them out and added a third, moving his hand faster, his grip tightening as he held me in place, uncaring that my legs were wrapped tightly around his, uncaring that the noises I was making were far from cute, uncaring of anything.
Desperation filled his eyes and then heat, rage, lust. “You feel so fucking good,”
he said in this low, animalistic whine. His hand worked faster, hitting that spot inside of me that sent electric shocks coursing down my spine, across my bones.
I groaned, my eyes filling as he pounded into me, that feeling starting to fill me again, consume me. “Stop,”
I pleaded, my hips rocking forward, my nipples aching for pressure.
“It’s an orgasm, little writer, and you’ve been denying yourself far too long.”
I’ve had orgasms before, this wasn’t it. “Please,”
I whimpered, trying to force the feeling to go away, trying to think of anything other than how his fingers felt inside of me, how his air filled my lungs, how the scent of him flooded through me.
But he was all-consuming.
“Feel it, Olivia,”
he ordered, his eyes flaming, flicking between mine and my mouth. “Feel it.”
I moaned, grinding my hips with every slam of his hand. God, it felt so good. It felt like fucking nirvana. I couldn’t keep swallowing my moans as he kept finger-fucking me. Fucking me like he was punishing me. Like he was trying to fuck the bad right out of me.
Fuck, if this was how his fingers felt, what would his cock feel like?
“That’s it,”
he purred, his voice a raspy moan. “That’s it, baby. Take it like the whore you are. You little slut, feel it, fucking feel—”
He slammed his lips against mine, the heat coursing through me as his tongue found mine.
I groaned, feeling the way he kissed me as if he were a starving man desperate for a morsal of food. His tongue worked against mine, his lips hot and heavy, his fingers working inside of me, my head spinning like a cyclone of electric emotions.
I moaned into his mouth, shoving my hips forward, feeling that intense feeling build in the pit of my stomach, vibrate through me like a twister tearing through a town.
Building.
Building.
And then—
I cried out, ripping my lips from his, my body tightening around his, around his fingers, as the feeling shook through me in unfamiliar, overwhelming waves. “Fuck,”
I whimpered, tears burning my eyes. “Fuck,”
I whined, my heart racing.
I panted, unable to catch my breath with this collar around my neck. That wasn’t normal. That couldn’t be normal. Even if it were possible, that was once in a lifetime kind of thing, it wasn’t supposed to be like this every time. Not ever.
His eyes found mine, searching, black and unreadable, and he slowly pulled his fingers out, his own breathing slightly labored.
My body went slack, drained of every ounce of energy I had, and I watched as he lifted those fingers and licked them off one by one. Slowly and deliberately.
He released my wrist, my head spinning, and untied the ribbon by pulling on only one end.
My hands fell slack at my sides, my body swaying, my legs shaking, the feeling still buzzing through me, slowing as my heart did.
He easily pulled my dress down. His eyes found mine, once again hard and chilling. “Your first payment is complete,”
he said coldly, almost in a detached voice, before he headed for the entrance of the small alcove. “Being inside of you is the only way it counts,”
he tossed back as if it were some sort of afterthought. “See you soon.”
I watched after him until he disappeared before turning back to the trees in front of me. Goddammit.