18 Olivia
May 30th, 2022
I didn’t want to do this, but I had no choice.
The dinner was finally back on, confirmed by the check mom had sent me that I was supposed to give to Mr. Kingsmen, surely far less than the loan was actually worth, so I had to go.
I didn’t want to die because of her. I had too much anger in me to just give up now, so here I was, dressing in my dark blue dress and my black heels, my hair pulled up into a low bun, and a shit ton of makeup on, and I was heading out to meet the banker who stupidly agreed to give my mother a loan.
I patted Lucy goodbye and headed to dinner. Same restaurant, same table, same seat.
Mr. Kingsmen pulled my chair out and allowed me to sit, our greeting short and simple, not many words exchanged before the wine was poured.
I had a long last few weeks. I didn’t have it in me to have a good conversation right now. I was just too tired.
“I know when a woman has had their fair share of bad in too short a time,”
Mr. Kingsmen, Malachi, began.
My eyes lifted from my wine glass to meet his. He looked genuine. His eyes old and sad.
“I’m nothing more than a stranger to you, but a conversation between strangers can do some good in times such as these.”
My wounds were barely healed enough to have this dinner, and while a simple pair of black lace gloves took care of my hands, I was sure I would have to do an extensive care routine on my face just to make sure the wound was cleaned out sufficiently enough when this night was over.
But despite the makeup, there was still faint lines that could be seen behind the cake, and I absolutely hated it.
I didn’t feel my best. I didn’t look my best. I was, by all means, just poor company this evening, and the guilt of that wasn’t helping at all.
I searched his eyes before mine fell back to my wine. I twisted my glass a little and finally folded my hands across my lap, both still sore, but healing. “My apologies,”
I told him, finding his eyes. “I’m not much company tonight.”
He offered a pained smile. “Unfortunately for us, bad days don’t keep a considerate schedule. Would you like advice, an ear, or to talk about something far less complicated than that? The universe, perhaps?”
I managed the barest of smiles, but it was there and gone before the pain of it reached my mind. “The universe isn’t less complicated than matters of the heart.”
“On the contrary,”
he said with a warmer smile. “The universe can be explained easily in poems and written words. My son and his fiancé know a little about that. But matters of the heart? Especially those days that make the rain seem a little more complicated, those are much harder to put into words. Emotions are far bigger than the stars. Don’t do them an injustice by claiming they are something far less than that.”
I searched his eyes, feeling the tears burn the back of my throat. “You’d be a fantastic writer.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “Oh no. No, I’ll leave the masterpieces to my children.”
I watched him for a long time before shrugging, my eyes filling. I swallowed back the tears, glancing to the window until I could get them under control. I watched as a black van drove by, tracking it until it disappeared. “My…my boyfriend died,”
I finally told him, turning back to my wine. “And, um…”
I cleared the thickness from my throat, embarrassed by how I was reacting. “And I should have left him years ago, but I still feel…I still feel as if I failed somehow.”
“Failed in what way?”
I shrugged, finding his eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. “Because I didn’t get to say my piece,”
I whispered. “I never had the guts to do something about it. Tell him that I hated the way he treated me, that I hated him. I didn’t get the chance to find my bravery. I’m a coward,”
I inhaled sharply, covering my lips with my fingers and quickly looking away, forcing the tears down before they managed to fall. I never wanted to willingly bleed for anyone again, that’s what I had decided the day he died, yet what did I do? Lay in my bed for days before Everett showed up and forced me out of it?
It was pathetic.
After a few seconds, I cleared my throat and forced my hand down, taking a drink of wine to settle myself. “I’m sorry,”
I apologized, shaking my head.
Mr. Kingsmen sat forward, his eyes so intense, so captivating, it was hard not to fall into them. “Never apologize for feeling, my dear. I told that to my second oldest once. Rose, there is something that you need to understand about bravery, okay? Something I was only ever able to teach a few of my children.”
“And what is that?”
I asked, praying he had some fix. Praying that he would say exactly the right thing and it would make all of this… this…turmoil disappear.
“Sometimes bravery means walking away. All of my children, from the ones I first adopted to the ones they have or will marry, they are all brave in their very own ways. Just because you don’t pull the trigger doesn’t mean you are any less brave than the person that did. Bravery looks different to everyone, yes, but so long as you’re doing something you are afraid to do it is no less brave than anything else.”
I searched his eyes, my brows furrowing.
He lifted his chin, his gaze unwavering. “Looking down the barrel of a gun and laughing is just as brave as standing up for what you believe in, even when you’re standing alone. He died before you said your piece, but perhaps there is another way you can show him that what he did to you did not destroy you.”
I waited on the sidewalk for a cab, not taking the chance that I had the last time I was here. At this point, I was sure Everett had just been making an excuse to get me into the alley, but honestly, I was too tired to do anything else but hail a cab and get home.
Crying in front of a banker was not on my bucket list, but God, did it make me feel better, even if it was just a little, it was something.
I pulled my jacket closer, glancing up and down the street. I should have stayed inside until it got here, it was chilly tonight.
“Rose? What are you still doing here?”
I glanced back, Mr. Kingsmen joining me, his own coat and hat on. He looked so different wearing that old fedora and long trench. Like a man straight out of an old crime novel. “Just waiting for a cab. I thought you had another meeting.”
“They cancelled. Not something I appreciate last minute, but I’ll handle that.”
He glanced up and down the street. “You already called them?”
I nodded, shivering. “Yes, they must be busy tonight.”
“Well, in that case, mind if I wait with you? I doubt our cabs will be too far apart.”
I took him in. Standing out here with him? It seemed different than in the restaurant. More personal. “Sure,”
I nodded, shoving my hands into my pockets. I turned back to the street. Why was it this cold in May? It should have been warming up.
“Do you have any plans this evening?”
I shrugged, looking down the street again, my motions slowing when I saw that black van again, parked a few cars down across the street. “Just bed, maybe a movie.”
“Oh? What kind? I’ve recently been getting into romance movies myself. Something about the process of falling in love just warms my soul.”
My brows pulled together as I stared at that van. Tonight wasn’t the first time I had seen it since that day in the park. I saw it on my way to Steven’s too, and just the day before that when I had gone on my run. Maybe they were a new delivery service that had yet to get their logo plastered on their doors.
Maybe I was just being paranoid.
“What do you see?”
“Hmm?”
I glanced in his direction before turning back to the van. “Oh, nothing, just tired,”
I decided, shaking my head. I was just being paranoid. Something that came with being attacked, I guess.
He looked past me in the direction of the van. “Do you recognize it?”
I shrugged, picking up my search for my cab again. “I’ve seen it a few times. A delivery service, I guess.”
“A few times, you say?”
I nodded. “It’s not a big deal.”
I straightened at the sight of a cab with its light off. “Oh, I think this is me.”
Sure enough, it pulled up in front of me, causing a breath of relief to fall from my lips. Thank goodness. “Thank you for standing out here with me.”
He smiled, walking up to the cab and opening the door for me, one eye still on that van as if he now found it as odd as I did. “Of course, it was my pleasure. Have a safe ride home, okay?”
I slid in, thanking him again before he shut the door and turned back to the van, his eyes hardening just as the cab pulled away.
I watched him for a second longer before turning to the van as we passed it. I was only barely able to catch a glimpse of a man sitting in the driver’s seat before we drove by.
Just a delivery service, I was sure. Everett and Steven had made me paranoid, that was all. Nothing more than that.
Nothing at all.