46. Alexis
Alexis
I wake up slowly, the sterile, unfamiliar scent of the hospital room unsettling me before memories of the previous day start to seep through the haze. As everything comes flooding back, my chest tightens, and my fingers dig into the thin sheets.
Part of me wants to think it was all a nightmare, but it’s too vivid in my mind. The argument in my father’s office. Travis’s predatory smile, the confidence oozing from him. Gabriel’s revelation. For some reason, it’s the latter that rekindles my nausea.
I leave my eyes closed, not wanting to face the harshness of the overhead fluorescent lights. I can hear the endless, droning buzz from above me. And, underneath that, quiet voices. One is deep and steady, the other light, young. Gabriel and Peyton.
“Why hasn’t she woken up yet?” Peyton sounds worried.
“She’s still tired,” Gabriel responds in the patient tone he always reserves for his daughter. I never thought I’d hear that cadence in his voice again, and it feels like pressing on a bruise. “Sometimes it takes a little while to recharge.”
“She’s going to be okay, right?”
“Of course.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.” There’s a creaking sound as he shifts in his chair. “We just need to take extra good care of her.”
The thought of being taken care of, after the hellish past several weeks, is enough to make my heart ache with longing.
But the ache is tangled with uncertainty.
With fear. If I let myself slide back into that comfortable place, where I’m not constantly bracing myself for the next disaster, where I feel loved, then I’m risking everything.
I’m risking the ground beneath my feet. It’s already fallen away from me once, and I don’t think I can handle that pain again.
Gabriel and Peyton are still talking quietly. She’s rambling on about wanting to draw me a picture to make me feel better.
“—me, and Pepper, and Alexis. And we’re gonna be on a boat.”
“Why are you on a boat?” Gabriel sounds fondly amused. His tone almost tugs the corner of my mouth into an involuntary smile. Almost.
“You remember when we went on Uncle Beckett’s boat? I saw dolphins,” Peyton says. “I think Pepper and Alexis should get to come next time.”
“Well, Pepper is certainly staying home,” Gabriel says dryly. “Kittens aren’t allowed out of the house.”
“But what about Alexis?”
Gabriel doesn’t respond right away. His silence feels heavy, like he’s carefully considering his next words.
“Is Alexis going to come back and live with us now?” Peyton’s question is tentative, cautious.
Gabriel draws a long breath, then says, “I’m not sure, Bug.”
“Why not?” I can hear the frown in Peyton’s voice.
“Because I made a mistake,” Gabriel says. He hesitates, then adds, “I did something to help her, but it hurt her too.”
I turn my head to avoid the lights, finally blinking my eyes open. I don’t really want to be fully awake, but it feels wrong to keep listening to this conversation while Gabriel doesn’t know I can hear him. Like I’m eavesdropping or something.
The second he realizes I’m awake, Gabriel is out of his chair and at my side. “Hey. How are you feeling?”
“I feel better.” My voice is raspy, but the words are true. The dizziness has subsided, and my vision is back to normal, albeit sensitive. It’s reassuring. I was worried about the baby.
Gabriel exhales, and I can see my relief echoed on his face. “Good.”
My gaze drops to Peyton, who lingers behind her father’s legs. She shifts nervously from one foot to the other, clutching her plush cat to her chest.
“Hey, Pey,” I say, smiling at her. “Long time no see.”
“Are you really okay?” she whispers.
I nod. “I’m really okay. I promise.”
She bites her lip, then turns to set her plushie down on the plastic chair. She digs in her pocket and produces a crumpled, half-empty bag of Skittles. “I saved you some,” she says solemnly.
“Thank you. That’s very sweet,” I tell her, my heart swelling with affection.
It’s much easier to interact with Peyton than it is to talk to Gabriel.
There isn’t as much baggage with the little girl.
Our connection feels simpler, and that kind of uncomplicated bond is exactly what I need right now, when everything else in my life feels like a chaotic mess. “How’s Pepper doing?”
“She’s good,” Peyton says, her eyes lighting up at the mention of her cat. “She sleeps on my bed now. And she loves cuddles.”
“Sounds like you two are perfect for each other.”
Peyton nods vigorously, beaming. “She said to tell you something.”
“Oh, yeah?”
I lean in close to hear the message, and Peyton whispers in my ear, “Meow.”
Well, I’m not sure what I was expecting. I snort a laugh, and Peyton giggles.
“Because she’s a cat. She can’t talk!”
“She can’t talk, but she can try,” I say with a smile. “I bet she meows at you because of how much you talk to her. You’re going to turn that kitten into a little chatterbox.”
Gabriel watches us, his expression unreadable, but there’s a hint of something softer in his eyes as he looks between me and Peyton. He’s always been so tender around her, and it’s clear just how much she means to him.
He’s a good father. A really good one. The thought pops into my head, unbidden, and I self-consciously lower one hand to rest on my abdomen.
The door opens, and Dr. Bryant steps into the room, her white coat billowing behind her as she enters. “Good morning,” she greets us, giving Gabriel a polite nod before turning her attention to me. “How are we feeling today?”
“Better,” I reply. “I don’t feel so dizzy anymore.”
“Good,” she says. “That’s the fluids doing their job.” She taps at her tablet a few times, making a quick note. “We’re going to do a quick check to make sure everything’s okay, then you should be good to go.”
She checks the monitor by my bedside for my vitals, then wraps a blood pressure cuff around my arm and runs the machine, her eyes scanning the readings as the cuff tightens. After a few moments, she releases the cuff and taps at her tablet again, making more notes.
“Blood pressure is looking good,” Dr. Bryant says, offering me a reassuring smile. “You’re fine to be discharged. There’s just some paperwork to fill out, and then you can be on your way.”
“Thank you, Dr. Bryant.”
“I’ll send the nurse in with your discharge forms in a moment. Take it easy for the next couple of days. Keep your stress levels down,” she tells me. “If you have any concerns, don’t hesitate to reach out, and if you pass out again, you should come straight back here.”
I nod, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Gabriel nodding too, like he’s taking mental notes on the doctor’s instructions.
Shit, he probably is. That realization should be worrying, in a sense.
I know he’s gearing up to take care of me, and I don’t know how to wrap my head around that fact. But honestly, all I feel is relief.
Relief at the thought that I won’t be alone. That I won’t have to fend for myself.
It’s not how I want to feel. It’s a dangerous way to feel. But I can’t help it. I’ve been propping myself up for so long that I feel weak, my energy depleted. I don’t know if I could do it for longer.
As Dr. Bryant leaves the room, Gabriel edges closer to the bed. “You good?” he asks, his voice low, full of concern.
“Yeah,” I say quietly. “Glad to be getting out of here.”
I don’t look him in the eye. I can’t. I feel like if I do, I’ll be drawn in, hopelessly entangled in his gaze. And I can’t afford that right now.
A nurse enters the room with the discharge paperwork. She reaches between me and Gabriel to set the clipboard on the side table. “A few signatures, and you’ll be all set. You can press your call button whenever you’re ready.”
She offers a polite smile before stepping back out into the corridor, closing the door behind her. I pick up the pen, my fingers still slightly unsteady, and begin working through the forms.
Gabriel remains beside me, close enough that I can feel his breath as he exhales. I don’t look at him, focusing instead on the forms. I move through the paperwork mechanically. Name. Date of birth. Insurance.
I pause, the tip of my pen hovering over that last box. My insurance plan was through Vérité. The reminder of my parents’ control, of how even something as basic as my healthcare was tethered to them, makes my stomach twist.
Everything is in shambles now. When I leave this hospital, emerge back into the world, where am I even supposed to go? The depressing apartment Gabriel set me up in? The Fashion For All warehouse? The entire foundation of my life has crumbled. I can’t fall back on my family, even if I wanted to.
I haven’t officially been fired from Vérité, not yet, at least. I think my insurance should still be in effect. I jot down the information, my handwriting a little shakier than I’d like.
Gabriel shifts in his seat. “Everything okay?”
“Yes,” I grit out. “Fine.” My grip on the pen is tight enough to turn my knuckles white.
He doesn’t pry, but I can tell he doesn’t believe me.
I finish signing the last form and toss the clipboard onto the side table, collapsing back onto the pillows. Just the thought of moving forward has taken its toll on me.
“Alexis,” Gabriel says.
For the first time in several minutes, I turn to look at him. Peyton has settled into a chair by the door, playing idly with a stuffed animal she must’ve brought with her. Gabriel is watching me closely, those deep, stormy gray eyes searching my face.
“What?” I want my voice to sound bitter, but it doesn’t. I don’t have the energy for bitterness. I just sound tired.
He hesitates for a moment, then says, “Come home.”
Home. His house. The kitchen where I sat with Peyton, chatting while we waited for him to finish making waffles.
The pool deck where we lounged in the sun and watched Peyton splash around with her uncles.
The bedroom, where he taught me new ways to feel, where he showed me the reality of the fantasies I’d indulged in since the first stirrings of my sexuality.