New Year’s Day
Ben
Okay, admit it, if my dad hadn't had a "heart attack," your NYE post would have been way more boring. Our parents getting high and my dad's boner are comedy gold.
Lainey
I hope he doesn't get upset about it because my mom is not happy with me. She thinks if he finds out about my article, he'll cancel their next date.
Ben
Too late. I already showed him. He laughed his ass off.
Lainey
Whew! I'll tell my mom. Or not...maybe I'll let her sweat it out.
Ben
You're evil. I like it.
I am disappointed in the ending. You could have mentioned you had the best kiss of your life at midnight. I mean, my dad's boner gets a mention, but nothing about me?? I'm hurt, Lainey. Hurt!
Lainey
Will you please stop mentioning your dad's boner? I literally cringed writing about it and am trying really hard to erase it from my brain.
Ben
Same, Lainey. Same.
So, what is the date plan for NYD?
Lainey
No date. Going to my sister's for dinner. I'm grabbing some cabbage and black-eyed peas from Betty's Table so that's my Austin plug for today.
Ben
Lame.
Lainey
Well, if a certain someone had kept their phone on them, I'd probably be cuddling up on the couch having takeout with my new fuck buddy, completely satisfied.
Ben
Or doing the walk of shame out of his apartment, unsatisfied.
Lainey
Doubtful. What amazing thing are you doing today?
Ben
Hanging with my dad. Bar’s closed so everyone could have a break.
Lainey
How's your dad today?
btw, it's really nice to give your employees a day off. I bet they were slammed after you left.
Ben
Embarrassed. But laughing through it. And thx, I really owe them after last night.
Lainey
I gotta run. Nice meeting you, Ben. Tell your dad to stay away from pot gummies.
Ben
Ha, for sure! I enjoyed meeting you, too. Thanks for the kiss and mini dry-hump.
Lainey
Omg! You're the worst.
Ben
Maybe. But you like it.
Two hours later...
Lainey
I can't believe I'm admitting this, but...you were right. Just saw Miss Red Dress do the walk of shame out of David's apartment.
Ben
It's a gift, what can I say?
Lainey
You know, you could be a little sympathetic about my date going home with someone else.
Ben
Why? He wasn't the guy you were thinking about when you went to bed.
Lainey
Wow. You really do think an awful lot of yourself.
Ben
Am I wrong?
…
Ben
Look, I know a good kiss. And that was a really, really, good kiss. I would have risked you being a stage-five clinger. No question.
Lainey
I can't tell if that's really sweet or really weird.
Ben
If you had been my date, I wouldn't have left your side.