Christmas Eve
BEN
I’ve heard from Lainey every day this month, yet it’s 5:00 p.m. on and nothing. I hope that means I’ll get to see her.
My dad and Kathleen invited me over for dinner, not mentioning if anyone else is coming, and I’ve been too chicken shit to ask. Too afraid of how disappointed I’ll be if Lainey doesn’t show up. I’m so desperate to see her, it might crush me.
She said she was going to court the fuck out of me, and she did. She sent carolers to my bar on Caroling Day and had the whole place singing. I got some seriously questionable cookie cutters for Cookie Cutter Week. I didn’t realize how much I needed her to pursue me. To prove her feelings are as real and strong as mine.
It’s been seriously hard not to interact with her over text like we have all year, but I needed to see her courting through. Then the twenty-first happened, and it took all my willpower not to find her, wrap her in my arms, and never let her go. I couldn’t believe she even remembered the anniversary of my mom’s passing. She gave me the joy of Christmas back, allowed me to grieve and enjoy the holiday that was my favorite until six years ago. She made me fall in love with her all over again.
If I don’t see her tonight, I’m going to say to hell with this courting dance and hunt her down.
When I arrive, Kathleen’s all smiles and warm welcomes, though maybe a little nervous, too? While we’ve cleared the air since Thanksgiving, we haven’t seen each other since. Is this residual awkwardness, or does she know her daughter’s courting me?
I push aside my questions and step into their house, which is all decked out in Christmas decorations and a tree covered in white twinkle lights. As I take it all in, I notice some things from my childhood scattered about. Things I haven't seen since my mother died. My dad didn't bother with a Christmas tree the first year after she passed, but when I brought a three-foot tree to his house the next year, he took the hint and put a few things out. But it wasn't the same.
I go to the table where a nativity scene is laid out. My mother painted this set. I pick up the Mary figurine and smile at the glued hairline break in her praying hands where I'd dropped it as a kid.
"I hope you don't mind that I set out some of your mother's things," Kathleen says, as she comes up next to me, her small smile hesitant. Maybe this is why she’s nervous.
"No, not at all. I haven't seen them in years." I gently place Mary back beside the manger.
"Your father thought it'd be a nice surprise."
"It is. Thanks."
"I was thinking that when everything is boxed back up, I'd give it all to you to use next year. But if you don't want to, I can use them here."
"I'd actually love to have them. I miss not decorating for Christmas. I wasn't helpful to my mom when she decorated, but I loved what she did.” And I miss it. I miss her. “What you've done here...it feels like Christmas again. Thank you for that."
She smiles and hugs me tightly.
After that, Kathleen impresses me with a Christmas-themed cocktail, and we all settle in front of the tree and chat. She says there's a casserole in the oven, so dinner isn't quite ready. They haven’t mentioned Lainey or Harper, and I’m about to burst out of my skin with curiosity. I’m trying to play it calm and cool, but my leg won’t stop bouncing and I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back from asking for much longer.
Then I hear the sweep of the front door opening just before a high-pitched screech.
“Merry Christmas!” A shrill voice rings out from the front hallway that can only come from Cassie. She barrels into the living room, yelling for her grandparents.
My stomach jumps into my throat as I stand, waiting to see who else emerges from the hallway. Harper and Chandler follow behind their daughter, their arms full of gifts. Our parents greet them with smiles. After Chandler puts his stack of presents under the tree, we shake hands and give each other a half hug. Harper comes up and hugs me, and it’s nice to have her as a friend instead of a foe. She pulls back, and her mischievous smile has my skin tingling. I look beyond her to the hallway and hold my breath. It’s probably only two seconds, but it feels like years before Lainey steps past the wall and into view. I don't know how it's possible for my heart to race and stop at the same time, but it does.
"Merry Christmas, Ben," Harper whispers before she steps away.
I can't tear my gaze from Lainey as I watch her make her way toward her mother. The room’s brimming with chatter, but I can't hear a thing. I can only watch and wait for her to get to me. And finally, it happens. Her beautiful brown eyes are on me. The way her chest stills then rises again makes me wonder if her heart’s going as crazy as mine.
She gives me a soft smile and steps closer, then falls back, seemingly unsure if she should hug me. “Merry Christmas, Ben.”
"You're here," I say instead of returning the sentiment, really hating she’s not in my arms right now.
Her smile’s wide and bright. "I'm here. There’s nowhere else I'd rather be." With that she leans forward again, yet still hesitates. So, I take a step toward her, hoping she’ll take the hint. I’m desperate for a hug.
Fuck that, I’m desperate for her .
She steps into me, her hand snaking up my back until she presses on our secret spot. We both instantly relax into each other. In this moment, everything’s as it should be. Just us. Where we belong.
She gives my back a last caress before pulling back. All the chatter in the room hits me again, and chaos ensues. Cassie’s shaking presents and talking about Santa. Kathleen recruits the girls to help get dinner on the table. Chandler’s in charge of opening wine while my dad keeps Cassie occupied, which he does happily.
I can't seem to move. She's here. We're all here. Together.
I press a hand to my chest and try not to cry like a baby. I didn't realize how much I missed family until now. Tonight, a new tradition begins, and I hope it means Lainey will always be by my side.
Lainey sits across from me at dinner, and we can’t stop sneaking glances. Her smiles are shy and uncertain. I didn’t exactly put myself out there in her courting texts, though, to be fair, she hasn’t truly declared her feelings either. And I really need her to .
Once we’re back in the living room with dessert and drinks, Cassie immediately goes to the tree, inspecting the presents.
“Can I open my present now?” she asks, jumping up and down like a kangaroo on crack.
"You don’t open them tomorrow?" I ask.
"We have a tradition that she gets to open one gift on ,” Harper says before giving Cassie a pointed look. “ Our pick ."
Cassie deflates slightly at the reminder then nods and continues to jump. Harper picks out a particular present and hands it to her. "Here you go."
Cassie tears into it, revealing Christmas-themed pajamas that immediately get tossed aside for a Vet Doctor Barbie doll with a dog and a cat. Cassie jumps up and begs Chandler to open the doll. As soon as Barbie is free, Cassie takes off to another room. Once she's out of earshot, Chandler whispers that tomorrow they're going to give her the dog she's been begging for and shows us all pictures of an adorable spaniel mix puppy. Harper proceeds to hand out presents to everyone else in the room and we all discover we have pajamas matching Cassie's.
"Be prepared for a cheesy family photo in about an hour," she declares.
"I'm just glad they don’t have an upside-down snowman on it," I say, prompting everyone to laugh. The pictures of me in my ugly Christmas sweater were a social media hit, and the comments were ruthless—as were the texts from everyone in this room.
"So, there's one more present to give out." Lainey goes to the tree, grabs a big box, then turns to me. "This is for you."
"Me?"
She smiles and nods. I glance around the room, and our families all look like they're trying not to smile. I take the present, which is a decorated box with a top that lifts off. The first thing I see is a bag of gummies with a sticky note on it that reads, Caution: Can cause fake heart attacks. Then there's my hospital bracelet as well as a lavender Pick Your Poppy bracelet from Valentine's Day, and a mask from Mardi Gras.
I look at her. "It's from your holidates."
She shakes her head. "From our holidates. Keep going."
As I dig, I spot mementos from all our holidates and texts—a small bottle of Limoncello, a Jello shot, a book of dirty jokes, and more. At the bottom of the box is what looks like a photo book. I open it, and it's pictures of us with snippets of our texts throughout the year, including her courting texts. I stop at the picture of me reaching up and touching the angel above my mom’s stool from the Winter Solstice. I run a hand over the picture before turning to the next page. There, with no other notes or pictures, is our marriage license.
“You should have included the annulment papers next to this,” I say with a laugh.
“I can’t.”
My brows snap together. “What do you mean?”
“I never submitted them.”
I swear the air thins. “That means we’re still married.”
She smiles, though it’s a little unsure. “We are.”
I don’t know what this means, and I’m too afraid to hope. Lainey sinks to her knees in front of me. My heart kicks into overdrive.
"Ben, this year has been the best of my life. The truth is, I started falling for you the moment you took my hand on New Year's Eve. And with every holiday that passed, I fell more and more. You might have been the wrong holidate, but you were the only one that ever felt right. You were the only one I ever wanted. I’m so sorry for hurting you. For not trusting myself enough to say what I knew in my heart. Ben, you’re all I want, all I need. So, no. I didn’t annul the marriage to the man I love.”
My heart is thumping so hard and fast I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole room could hear it. I can’t believe it. I’m afraid to. “You want to stay married?”
“I do.” She takes my hands in hers, her brown eyes tinged with an edge of fear. “Do you?”
I lean down and take her face in my hands. “I do, but only if you’re sure. It’s okay if you’re not ready. We can date properly. We—"
She places a finger over my mouth. Her gaze softens and the earlier fear clears. “I’m not going to lie. It’s scary, but it’s a good scary—the kind that excites me. I don’t want to go backward. I only want to move forward with you.” She leans in until our mouths are a breath away. “Husband.”
Raw need rockets through me, and I can’t resist her a moment longer. Our mouths clash in a kiss that’s full of love and carnal desire. It’s been too fucking long, and neither one of us hold back. She raises up on her knees, and I yank her closer. If she crawled inside me, she still wouldn’t be close enough.
A loud clearing of a throat stops us. Damn, I totally forgot we were in front of our whole family. We reluctantly pull apart, our gazes locked with a mixture of amusement, love, and lust.
“You totally grand gestured me,” I tease her.
She tilts her head with a playful smile. “Of course. How could I court you properly without one?”
“I love you, wife.” I lean in and give her a quick kiss. “Can we hug now?”
Harper and Chandler groan as Lainey gives me a saucy smile. “We should definitely hug, husband. I think we deserve a nice, long, hard hug."