Chapter 35
THEO
Evidently, suits got less comfortable the longer you went without wearing them. Despite the fact that the suit I had on right now had been expertly tailored, it really couldn’t compete with a worn T-shirt and a pair of work boots, but that version of myself was behind me now.
I stood in front of the mirror in what used to be my bedroom, tugging at my tie and wondering who the hell the guy staring back at me was. I didn’t recognize myself like this anymore.
Just like my soul didn’t seem to recognize this bedroom anymore.
This was Zach and Adeline’s house now, and something in the very air itself had shifted as a result. Like I just wasn’t as welcome here as I had been when I was a kid.
Not that they hadn’t been welcoming.
Zach, Adeline, Jennifer, Lu, and Bear were thrilled to have me home. They’d all told me about a dozen times, but something fundamental just felt different ever since I’d gotten back.
I’d had my hair cut, but the tan hadn’t faded yet and neither had the small scratch on my forearm from helping Avery repair a sagging gate the week before all hell had broken loose. The calluses on my hands were still there too, and so were the memories.
As I stared at my reflection, my hair back to being short, neat, and styled so it stayed out of my face, I couldn’t figure out why I felt so uncomfortable.
This was the first suit I’d worn in months, but it’d been one of my favorites before I’d left.
My tie wasn’t strangling me and my polished shoes were a perfect fit.
Everything about me was exactly the same as it’d always been. I was Theo Westwood, about to sit through a day of meetings about acquisition targets in one of the tallest buildings in the city. A building I’d practically grown up in.
Life was weird, though.
A week ago, I’d been traversing the desert, getting to Chicago from Arizona in record time, and now, I was heading back into the office as if none of it had ever happened. I shook my head at myself and backed away from the mirror.
“You just need to ease back into it,” I murmured out loud, then grabbed my coat and left.
I inhaled the unique scent of expensive coffee and ambition when I finally walked into the lobby at W&S.
As I crossed it, I greeted everyone, slowly but surely feeling myself slipping back into my old skin.
It just didn’t fit as well as it used to either, but by the time I made it up to Alex’s office, at least I’d shed the desert rust well enough that no fewer than three of our employees had invited me out for drinks after work.
Guys I used to hang out with pretty often, who were assuming I was still the same person I’d been before I’d left.
Alex looked up when I cocked a shoulder against his doorframe, a smile spreading across his lips. He waved me in. “The prodigal brother returns. I kind of thought Zach was fucking with me when he said you’d shown up at the house.”
“Did you miss me?” I asked as I walked in. “Ah, don’t answer that. I already know you did.”
“I didn’t, actually. The only thing I missed was the extra pair of hands around here.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a terrible liar?”
“I’m an excellent liar.” He chuckled and leaned back in his chair, giving me his full attention. “Sit down, little brother. You and I have a lot to talk about.”
“Yeah.”
“How was Arizona?” he asked, surprising me when he didn’t just jump straight into the subject of my marriage. “For a while there, I’d thought we’d lost you to its charms.”
“You almost did,” I joked. Well, sort of joked, anyway, but the most important thing was that he believed it was a joke. “I knew you’d be lost without me, though.”
“Lost, huh?” He snorted. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“Oh, is that right?” I made to stand up. “In that case, I think I’ll just be getting back there.”
He chuckled and shook his head. “Sit your ass down and don’t even think about touching that motorcycle again. Jane found a gray hair on my head the other day and I’m pretty sure it was there because of you.”
“You give me too much credit. I’m pretty sure the gray hairs are all Cameron’s fault.”
“Hairs? As in, plural?” He blinked a few times, then groaned. “Don’t even joke about that right now. It was a terrible, awful moment for me. Why don’t you tell me about your trip instead?”
“Okay, grandpa,” I teased, then gave him all the highlights while carefully avoiding any mention of Raquel.
It still hurt too badly to even think about her. One day, I might be ready to talk about it but not now.
When I was done, Alex nodded slowly, but then the expression on his face morphed into one that let me know we were finally getting down to business. “Okay. Well, I’m glad you had your fun, but have you given any more thought to getting married? You’re the last one and I want to get it done.”
“So you’ve said. Only about a hundred times, though. Would you like to say it once more? Just so you can be sure you’re clear.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Come on, Theo. You’ve had months to think about this, so did you give it any thought or not?”
“Maybe I’m just an exceptionally thoughtful person.”
“Or maybe you’re just indecisive, but that’s okay,” he said. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”
“Already?”
He shrugged. “I’ve had a lot of time to consider our options.”
I rubbed a hand across the back of my neck, squeezing the tense muscles there. “Do I get a choice?”
“Of course.”
“Technically, I guess that’s true.”
He smirked. “Technically, jumping out of a burning airplane also comes with choices. You can either do it willingly or somebody will eventually push you. If you’re lucky, that is.”
Instantly, my mind threw me back to that day at the lake when Avery had said almost exactly the same thing. Pain radiated through me, so intense that it was almost debilitating. “What is it with big brothers being so eager to give their siblings a little push?”
“Who else has been pushing you? Is it Nate?”
“No,” I said quickly. “Just forget about it. It’s not important. Who is she? This girl you want me to meet.”
“Belle Thurston.” Alex’s infamous Westwood blue eyes locked firmly on me. “Her father has been sniffing around for a while. He’s a tech guy. Cyber security. Very aware of how careful he needs to be about who they get into bed with going forward.”
“Great,” I said, my stomach sinking to my shoes. “New money?”
He shook his head. “Old. They’ve been in the security game for a long time. Belle’s grandfather simply started their expansion into cyberspace once that became a thing and their family has been fortifying their position in the industry ever since.”
“Awesome.”
“I’ll set it up,” he said, either ignoring or not even hearing my sarcasm. “In other news, Charlotte and Trent are in town. We’re having dinner tonight at our place. They’d love to see you.”
“Of course,” I replied as I stood up. “Is that all?”
“Yep. We’ll see you tonight.” He was on the phone before I’d even left his office, already making headway on some deal as if our conversation hadn’t even happened.
I spent the rest of the day wondering if I could go through with the date he was setting me up on. By the time I got to Alex and Jane’s house later, I still wasn’t sure, but when my sister wrapped me up in a hug, I shoved the date, the girl, and our potential marriage out of my head.
Charlotte held me tight, stroking my back as she buried her head in my chest. “God, I’ve missed you. I’m offended you took that bike all around the country and you couldn’t make time to swing by our place in Texas.”
I chuckled. “Next time.”
Trent, her husband, grinned and shook my hand after Charlotte released me. “The way I hear it, you might need a side-car next time. Alex says you’re the next batter up.”
“Yeah.” I groaned. “Apparently.”
He laughed and slung an arm around my sister’s shoulders. “It’s not so bad. Trust me, it might even work out, being everything you never knew you wanted.”
Oh, I know I want it. I just don’t want it with whoever I’m going to end up marrying. I didn’t say that, though. I still hadn’t said a word to any of them about Raquel, so I sank into family time instead, watching my nieces and nephews run around the house.
For a little while, I managed to stop thinking about Raquel, Arizona, and the little town where I’d felt so much more like myself than I did here.
I just enjoyed laughing about the same stories I’d heard a hundred times before, got caught up with my sister, and brainstormed baby names with Jesse and Jacque.
It was good. Normal, even, but after they nixed Maximus, Gorilla, and Bob, I finally groaned and gave up, turning with my drink in hand. Unfortunately, it struck me then just how much I’d become an outsider.
They all had families now, Alex running around with Cameron, who was pretending to be Superman, and Trent running after them with Tyler in his arms, like the baby had any kind of idea what was going on.
Nate aged another ten years when Emma slipped on a rug. Zach was arguing with Lu about why Jennifer had to do homework as soon as she got home while Adeline and Kate interjected every once in a while with their opinions.
All of these little moments were the norm for my siblings now, but I suddenly felt like I was on the outside looking in.
They weren’t excluding me. It was more like I was just late to the party.
Like everyone else had gotten the instructions to a happy life and I was still trying to find the manual.
Thankfully, I was snapped out of it when a chair scraped back beside me and Colin dropped into it. He grinned and passed over one of the two beers he’d been carrying. “Welcome home, man. I’m glad to see your roots didn’t dig in quite as deep as I thought.”
I shrugged and nodded my thanks for the beer as I uncapped it. “I told you there was nothing to worry about.”
He let out a bark of dry laughter, his gaze sweeping across my face before he finally leaned back in his chair. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“What are you talking about? I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, and I’m happy you’re back, but you’re not.”
I scoffed. “Says who?”
“Says me.”
“I’m fine.”
“Uh-huh.” He arched an eyebrow at me. “Maybe you should tell your face that if it’s true, because you really don’t look fine.”
I sighed. “Is it that obvious?”
“Yeah.” He took a long sip of his beer. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, but hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Are you considering marriage?”
His eyebrows hiked up. “Wow, that’s random.”
“I know, but just…” I trailed off for a beat and shook my head. “It’s just something I’ve been thinking about.”
“You’ve been thinking about whether I’m considering marriage?”
“No, I’ve been thinking about marriage, and you’re a Thayer. Your family has been known to arrange those too.”
The Thayers were even older money than we were. I would have imagined that, as the second oldest of their stock, Colin would be under pressure too. Jane was the oldest and the only girl, and she’d been married to my brother for a couple years now.
It stood to reason that their family would’ve wanted Colin married by now, but I wasn’t even sure he dated. He was insanely private about his personal life. Maybe he talked to Zach or one of the others about it, but he sure as hell had never talked to me.
For all I knew, he spent every weekend in a cave, digging up archaeological sites or pretending to be a wolf. As I watched, his gaze drifted over to Alex and Jane, who were standing near the oven, working together to get the food on the table.
“Yeah,” he finally said. “We’ve done it a few times, but we’re not nearly as committed to the idea as the Westwoods. Maybe if my dad wasn’t in prison, there would’ve been more noise about it from the family, but as things are, it’s only my mom and she’s not too bothered.”
“So you’re not thinking about it?”
He chuckled and brought his gaze back to mine. “Actually, I am.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I’ve been considering having Jane and Alex set me up.”
My jaw practically unhinged itself. “Are you serious?”
Colin laughed. “Yeah, man. Of course.”
I frowned. “Why?”
“Look around,” he said, still chuckling. “It’s a good system, Theo. It works. Look how happy they all are. Everyone here fell hopelessly in love with their arranged spouse. Why couldn’t we?”
I didn’t even have to look around to know that he was right. Every last one of my siblings was deliriously happy and all of their relationships had started because of that insane tradition. Proof that the system worked was all around us.
Colin probably had a real good shot at it working for him too, but not me. I was already in love and I already knew I’d never feel this way about anyone else. Raquel simply didn’t check the right boxes.
I didn’t say that, though. Instead, I just quietly submitted to the future that’d been mapped out for me, resigned to sacrificing my heart for the sake of my family.
“Yeah,” I said finally. “You’re probably right. I really hope it works out for you.”