Chapter 10
IN THE WEEDS
JASON
After I couldn’t make it home for the Christmas concert, I noticed a shift in Natalie.
Usually, she just got over things or acted as if they never happened.
She hated conflict, avoided fights, and I was the same way.
We were never the couple who yelled or slammed doors.
We never held grudges, at least I didn’t think we did.
But now she seemed irritated, more distant than before.
When my plane touched down I texted her.
Jason: Hey, I just landed. Going to catch an Uber, then I’ll be home. Want to order Thai for dinner?
I knew that was her favorite takeout. She didn’t respond for a while. When she did, it was short and clipped.
Natalie: Sure, that’s fine.
When I got home, the house was empty. I realized she must be picking up the kids. I set my bags down and headed upstairs to shower. The past week was a rollercoaster, but we closed the deal and the company’s future was secure. I planned to tell Natalie the good news tonight.
When the kids got home they were excited to see me, and I scooped them both up in my arms.
Natalie came in from the garage a few moments after them, balancing their backpacks over one shoulder and a coffee in her free hand.
“Need help?” I asked.
“I’m good,” she said.
I walked over anyway and took the coffee and the bags from her.
“Thanks,” she murmured.
No hug, no asking how I was.
That night, we ordered dinner and watched a movie as a family. I must have dozed off because when I woke up, everyone had already gone upstairs. It was nearly midnight.
I went up to bed and found Natalie asleep, a book resting on her chest. She looked peaceful with her hair piled on top of her head.
I wanted her. Needed her. Maybe that was part of the problem, I had been absent in more ways than one.
I moved the book and leaned in, brushing a slow kiss against her lips.
She stirred, her eyes fluttering open just enough to see me.
“Hi,” I whispered.
“I’m sleeping, Jason,” she mumbled, turning over.
Normally, she would engage in these moments. I didn’t want to push it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Maybe she was still upset about the concert.
The next morning, I thought about trying again, but James crawled into bed before seven, wedging himself between us. “Can I watch cartoons in here?”
“Sure, buddy,” I said.
Natalie stirred, smiling as she ran a hand through his messy hair. “Hi, honey. Are you hungry?”
“Yes, Mommy.”
“All right, I’ll make you breakfast.”
She barely acknowledged me.
Twenty minutes later, the scent of bacon and maple syrup filled the house.
I found Bebe already perched on a barstool at the kitchen counter.
Natalie fixed three plates—one for each of the kids and me.
Nothing for herself except coffee. She poured me a cup and slid a plate of pancakes, bacon, and fruit toward me.
“How about we go Christmas shopping today?” she asked.
The kids cheered.
“Sounds good,” I said, even though all I really wanted was to lounge on the couch and drown out the world with ESPN. But I wasn’t about to complain. I wasn’t sure where I stood with her right now.
We spent the day at Fashion Island picking out gifts, stopping for pastries and hot chocolate. It turned out to be a good family day.
When we got home, Natalie put on Christmas music and started making dinner. She really was the perfect wife. She did all the things I ever wanted with someone. But, I felt like something was missing lately. I should to try to be with her again tonight. We needed to connect.
I put the kids to bed, then came back downstairs. Natalie was curled up on the couch under a throw blanket, half-watching a Hallmark movie. When I sat down beside her, she glanced at me like she wasn’t sure whether to close her eyes and pretend to be asleep or let me make a move.
“Want to go up to bed?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she said quietly.
I leaned in, pressing my lips to hers. She kissed me back, but something felt off. I pulled my shirt over my head, then tugged hers off. Her breath rose and fell steadily. I traced my fingers along her bare skin, slipping her pants down, my hand easing into her panties to see if she was ready.
She wasn’t.
I kissed her again, deepening it, trying to bring her into it. Eventually, I felt her shift, her body responding enough for me to continue. I guided her hand to me, needing her to help me along. She did, yet I still felt strangely disconnected.
This is my wife.
Why does it feel so…mechanical?
She pulled my pants down, and I pushed myself inside her. We moved together the way we had a hundred times before, muscle memory taking over. I focused on finishing, on making it work, and on making us work, but I wasn’t sure if she would get there, too. Eventually I let go and released.
Afterward, I kissed her forehead. A habit. A reflex.
She sat up, pulled the blanket back around her, and walked upstairs with the fabric still draped over her shoulders.
“I’m going up to bed,” she said as she walked away.
“Okay,” I said, staying put. “I’ll be up soon.”
She went upstairs without looking back.
I sat there for a while, then went into the kitchen for a glass of water, but what I really needed was something to take the edge off. Something to make me feel like everything was good and right in my life.
I found an old pack of joints in my office.
It would do.
I stepped out onto the back patio and smoked until I was numb.
Eventually, I went up to bed, slipping in beside Natalie, feeling the weight of everything settle over me.
Tomorrow, we’d wake up, go through the motions, and by Monday, I’d be back at work—back to the version of me that felt most like me.
The next morning, I got an email from Danny.
Subject: New Hire
You’ll need to go to New York with Marcus and a possible new hire, Shannon O’Connell. Be there by noon.
I told Natalie later that day about the potential new hire. She barely reacted.
“I leave early Monday,” I said.
She nodded, rinsing a dish in the sink like it made no difference.
“Oh, and Danny and I are officially taking over the company,” I added.
She stilled for a second.
“So, you’ll be busier than you already are?” she asked, surprising me with that being the first comment out of her mouth.
It was the first time she’d ever admitted that I might be working too much.
“Yes, probably,” I admitted. “A lot of our business is moving east. Eventually, I’ll be in L.A. and San Francisco more, but for now, yeah—I’ll be gone a lot.”
She exhaled, then forced a smile. “It is what it is,” she said. “Congratulations.” There was a pause, then she sighed. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that.” She walked over and kissed me lightly.
“Thanks,” I said, though it all felt a little empty.
That night, after dinner, I helped her put the kids to bed. I think she appreciated that we did it together. Later, when she came into our room to get ready for bed, I tried to reach her again.
“Maybe I could take a weekend off. We could take the kids to Big Bear for New Year’s.”
She looked surprised. “That would be nice,” she said. “I’ll look into booking something,” she added after a bit.
“Great.”
We carried on, finishing the night in silence, flossing, brushing our teeth, and going through the motions.
I fell asleep feeling content enough. Everything felt…fine. Maybe even perfect, when I thought about it.
At least, for now.