Chapter 35
UNDER THE RADAR
NATALIE
After the uncomfortable encounter between Will and Jason, I felt like I was going to throw up.
The shame was overwhelming. I wondered if I needed to come clean with Jason, but I had no idea how to start that conversation.
The words didn’t exist, at least none I could say without blowing our life to pieces.
We cleaned up Bebe’s party, but it was all a blur.
My feet moved. My hands worked, but I wasn’t really there.
Jason and I moved around each other like strangers with a shared task list. I put leftover cupcakes into Tupperware while he broke down the pinata, and the silence between us was suffocating.
I caught glimpses of Bebe’s flushed cheeks, still rosy from running around all afternoon, and James wiped out on the couch, a pile of candy wrappers next to him. It was my daughter’s birthday, the one day that should be about nothing but joy—and yet here I was, feeling like I might fall apart.
Later, when the kids were in bed, Jason said he was leaving early for New York.
“First flight out. I’ll see you Thursday.” He was already pulling a clean shirt from his drawer.
“Right,” I replied, distracted.
Jason paused mid-movement, as if waiting for something else. When I said nothing, he shrugged it off and went into the shower.
That’s when I noticed his phone buzzing with messages.
I shouldn’t have, but I picked it up. My hands were already moving before my brain could stop them, swiping to the password screen. Jason always used someone’s birthday. I tried his mom’s first. Nothing. My fingers hovered for a moment, and then I tried his brother’s.
Bingo.
The screen unlocked, and there it was: Shannon’s name was sitting at the top of his messages. I stared at it, heart pounding, my pulse rushing so loudly I could barely hear the water running. I knew I shouldn’t look, but I couldn’t stop myself. I tapped the message thread open.
She’d booked a reservation at a French restaurant for the two of them the next night to “prepare for their client meeting on Tuesday.” As if that wasn’t suspicious enough, she’d added French text beneath it, followed by a wink emoji.
I felt sick. Le bitch.
For a second I just stood there, staring at the words on the screen like they might change if I looked long enough. Seeing her name appear made everything I suspected undeniable.
The shower stopped, and panic surged through me.
I quickly swiped out of the messages and set the phone back down, my hands trembling so badly I nearly dropped it.
I stood there for a moment trying to calm my breathing.
Then I fled downstairs, trying to force myself to look normal, to think normally, to consider everything that was going on.
When I couldn’t think straight anymore, I called Meredith.
“We need to talk tomorrow,” I said. My voice came out strained and shaky.
“Okay,” she replied, sounding instantly alert. “Are you okay?”
“Not really,” I admitted. “Tomorrow, I’ll tell you more.” With that we hung up.
I could barely sleep that night.
What a mess both Jason and I had made, of ourselves, each other, our family.
Jason left before the sun was up, his suitcase wheeling across the hardwood like thunder in the still house. I lay in bed, listening to the sound of the front door clicking shut and the car pulling out of the driveway.
As soon as I was sure he was gone, I called Meredith.
“I need you to spy on Jason,” I said the moment she picked up.
“What?”
I need to know if he’s having an affair. And, by the way, I’m pretty sure I am.”
There was a long pause, and then Meredith finally said, “Oh, damn, girl. You’re Brady Bunch-ing it with a hot dad.”
“I’m not, and I shouldn’t be,” I said quickly. “Things are terrible with his daughter. I can’t be a Veronica.”
“Good point. Everyone hates the stepmom. We’ve been programmed since Cinderella,” Meredith said.
She didn’t sound judgmental, but her usual wit felt sharper today, like it might cut me if I wasn’t careful.
“I think Jason is definitely seeing Shannon,” The words caught in my throat. Just saying it aloud made it feel more real, like the second I admitted it, there was no taking it back. “She booked a dinner for them, and she sent him a wink emoji. A damn wink emoji.”
“Wow, classy,” Meredith said dryly. “Where’s this restaurant?”
“She didn’t say, but I’m sure you can figure it out.”
Meredith always knew what to do, even when everything else was falling apart.
That evening, my phone buzzed with a text from Meredith.
Meredith: Bingo. Found it on her Instagram.
Shannon posted a picture of two cocktails on a white tablecloth, with the restaurant’s location tagged in the corner. It was a French place in Soho. Of course.
Meredith and her best friend Jack were already plotting. She called me before she headed out on the mission. “We’re going to a bar across the street. So we’ll have front-row seats.”
“You’re the best,” I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.
“No, I’m nosy,” she corrected. “You’re the best for giving me something to do on a Monday night.”
A little after ten, Meredith started texting me updates.
Meredith: They’re at the table. Wine. Shannon’s boobs are pouring out.
Meredith: Jack says she is laughing like he is Dave Chappelle and we both know Jason is not that funny.
My stomach turned with every buzz. I sat curled up on the couch, hugging a blanket to my chest, waiting for the next text, and the next.
Meredith: They’re heading back to the hotel. Stopping in the lobby for drinks. This is definitely not on the clock anymore.
I stared at the screen; my hands felt numb.
Natalie: Okay. He must be having an affair.
Meredith: So are you. Maybe it’s time to cut each other loose?
A moment later, Meredith called me. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know how we got here,” I said quietly. “We lost respect for one another.”
“You stopped growing together,” she said. “You deserve more. You want your kids to see real love so you can break the pattern set by our parents. I think you have it, Nat. I never saw you more alive than I did that night with Will.”
“Thank you for being here for me. I love you.”
“You too, call me if you need anything.”
I put the phone down, my chest aching. Meredith was right. There was no fixing this, I thought, dragging myself to bed.
Sleep didn’t come easily. I lay awake, listening to the quiet hum of the house.
Jason was probably in a hotel room with Shannon.
And Will… I thought of Will and the way he looked at me, the way he listened to me, and the way I felt when he kissed me, like I was seen.
Like I was alive. Had I ever felt that way with Jason? Did he feel it now, with Shannon?
The most painful part was knowing our choices could hurt our kids. Or…was Meredith, right? Would they be better off if we stopped pretending, if they saw us with the right people.
Eventually I fell asleep from pure exhaustion, well after three a.m. And even then, it wasn’t a restful sleep.
The next day was rough. I pushed through Pilates, barely hearing the music being played or feeling the ache in my muscles.
I kept myself busy, grocery shopping, cleaning the house, anything to distract myself from what I had learned.
But my mind kept circling back to Jason and Shannon, to Will, to what the hell I was doing.
At some point, I texted Will.
Natalie: Can I come over? I need to talk.
Will: Sure. Come by before pick-up?
I threw on a loose cardigan and jeans. Neutral. Safe. I wasn’t going over there to lose myself in him, no matter how badly I wanted to.
When I got to Will’s house, the smell of coffee lingered faintly in the air, and the house felt…lived in. Real. I had to admire my own design work for just a moment. I sat on the edge of his couch, twisting my hands together.
“I think I need to tell Jason,” I said finally.
Will’s gaze was steady. “I fully support you if you do,” he said softly. “I want to be with you, Natalie. I want all of you. I want to wake up with you. I don’t want to sneak around.”
His words were tender but unrelenting.
“But what about all the kids?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“I like your kids,” he said. “They can live here.”
I blinked at him. “What? I can’t just move them out of their home.”
Will sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m just saying, if we’re serious about this, we can make it work.”
“I don’t know. It’s so complicated. And what about Madison? She hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you,” Will replied.
“Yes, she does,” I said.
“Look,” he said, his voice gentler now, “if we want this to work, we can. It’s ultimately up to you, Natalie.”
He reached for my hand. His thumb brushed softly across my knuckles.
Tears stung my eyes. He leaned in, kissing my nose, gentle and tender, like he was trying to steady me.
His lips found mine, soft but insistent, and then my neck, the heat of his mouth leaving me breathless.
Before I knew it, my shirt was slipping over my head, and his hands trailed down my torso as he leaned me back on the couch.
He unzipped my jeans, pulling them down as his kisses followed, slow and deliberate.
When his hand moved between my legs, I gave in completely, weak, undone, his.
I reached for him, unzipping his pants, pulling him closer, needing him inside me. The rest of the world faded until there was nothing left but us, tangled together, the weight of everything else falling away.
For a little while, there was no Jason, no Shannon, no guilt, just us.