CHAPTER 50 TALLULAH THAT’S NOT ENOUGH
TALLULAH
THAT’S NOT ENOUGH
I had a plan. A foolproof plan. A plan to get my parents and Nick to like each other before Nick and I flew to Houston.
All four of us were going to Niagara Falls.
It’d taken a while to convince Nick that this was a good idea. I could tell he was wary around them. But finally, he agreed, and I knew Nick was going for me, to make me happy. It was so sweet.
An hour outside of Niagara Falls, anxiety poured off of Nick from the driver’s seat. “This is going to go great. It’ll be…the best. This’ll be fun.”
“It will be fun,” I promised.
It…did not go well.
The falls were amazing, a once in a lifetime experience, even majestic.
And my usually lovely, warm parents were so standoffish, they ruined the morning.
They were indifferent to Nick’s jokes, silent to his questions, pretending like he wasn’t there.
It shocked me. Eventually, they had to relax a little, to let their guard down.
Right?
“Do you want to take a picture?” Nick whispered, nodding towards the railing.
It was the perfect backdrop for a photo, but when I held out my phone to my mom, she just smiled politely.
“Mom?” I asked. “Picture?”
“Sure. Go ahead. Take one.”
“No. Can you take a picture of us? Please?”
She gazed at my phone. It wasn’t ringing anymore, Nick and I had our devices on a permanent do-not-disturb setting. Only approved numbers could get through while we were all together. Yet she didn’t move, didn’t as much as acknowledge it.
“It’s fine,” Nick muttered.
No, it wasn’t fine. “Mom.”
With a sigh, she took my phone to snap a picture. What was her problem? When my dad and I wanted a photo together, she’d taken at least fifty to make sure she’d gotten the right angle. But when I wanted a picture with my boyfriend, it was one and done.
We went to the museum, and Nick genuinely tried to engage my mom.
She ignored him. My dad said he wanted to eat all of the weird, niche food—cotton candy burritos included—around the Niagara Falls strip, and when Nick offered to join him, that idea was thrown away.
Nick was trying so hard to connect with them.
It was mortifying how they refused.
By lunch, smoke was curling from my ears. I was pissed off. I’d never been angry at my parents ever. But every time my dad tried to hug me or my mom pretended to steal my Gladiators hat, my hackles rose. I was so close to losing a temper I didn’t realize I had.
We returned to our hotel at the water. Nick had called for a reservation at the hotel’s gorgeous scenic bar. It had the best view of the falls, and even that didn’t lift my mood.
I was tense in my seat at the table, watching my parents. Willing them to say something. Anything. Something to break the ice. Because I wanted to speak, but I knew if I opened my mouth, I’d say something I’d regret.
“You’re a senior in college hockey,” my mom said to Nick.
A breath of relief escaped me. Finally. I took a sip of my mocktail, letting my shoulders relax.
Nick nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Do you know where you want to play? When you graduate?”
“Oklahoma.”
I glanced his way. I must’ve heard him incorrectly. “What?”
“The Tulsa Wasps.”
The Tulsa Wasps? What was he talking about? The Tulsa Wasps weren’t even the best hockey team in Oklahoma. I’d been told they were good twenty, thirty years ago, but since then, they hadn’t won anything notable. They weren’t a great team. But…they were the closest one to the Cherokee Reservation.
Did Nick want to play for them because…?
No. That’d be a ridiculous move against his career, of course not. Except…it would fall in line with Nick’s other terrible career decision to follow me to Canada. I gazed at him, my chest suddenly warm.
My mom frowned. “They offered you…?”
“No.” Nick shook his head, nonchalant. “I can be very persuasive.”
“That’s a joke,” I said, not really believing that. A flush crept up my neck. “He’s joking. He’s not playing for Oklahoma.”
Nick started to respond, but he was interrupted by his phone jingling. He frowned, eyebrows furrowing in confusion when he saw the name on the screen. “Uh…I’m sorry, I’ll be right back.”
He excused himself, leaving the restaurant with his phone to his ear.
I watched him walk away, the man I loved who wanted to play for the Wasps for me. Even him saying that to my parents was meaningful. Goddammit, why couldn’t they give him a chance?
I faced my parents, placing my hands on the table. “Mom, Dad—”
“He’s not right for you, Lulah,” my mom said, her voice firm.
I gazed back at her, someone I loved with all of my heart. Someone who’d never disappointed me like this before. “How can you say that?”
“Because it’s true,” my dad said warily. “With Fridge, we knew. Fridge is respectful, cordial, courteous. He took care of you, he’s easy to trust. He’s the definition of an upstanding young man! While Nick—Nick—”
I was dumbfounded by their reasoning. “What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s arrogant,” my dad told me.
“Thinks he’s funny,” my mom muttered.
“Tries too hard. He’s so loud compared to—well—you.” My dad nodded towards me. “He’s impulsive, he has no plans after hockey, he—he—”
“He loves me,” I said as plainly as I could. “He makes me happy.”
My mom stopped me, her voice uncharacteristically sharp. “That’s not enough!”
I recoiled. My mom had never raised her voice at me. I’d never raised my voice with them. We never had to.
“You’ve never been able to stand up for yourself,” my mom continued, her words biting. “You shy away from things, you let people push you around.” She rubbed her temples, like she was in pain. “This is a hard, cruel world, Tallulah. I’m your mother, I can’t let you get hurt—”
“Fridge isn’t like Nick,” my dad agreed. “Fridge would keep an eye on you. He’s smart with his money, he’s intelligent, he has career aspirations beyond hockey, Nick is just some guy—”
“He’s the kind of man who doesn’t stick around,” my mom said. “And you’re…you.”
Tears pricked at the edge of my eyes, frustration getting the better of me. I stared at the table, lower lip wobbling.
“I thought you trusted me,” I managed.
“Trust you?” my mom repeated in disbelief. “Tallulah, if something happened to your dad and me, you’d be the first person to watch over my finances. Hell, I’d sign our house to you tomorrow if I thought I needed to! Of course we trust you—”
“No. You don’t.” My eyes slid to them. “If you trusted me, you’d believe me when I say Fridge isn’t the man for me.”
“But why?” My dad gestured to me, confused.
“Is this a phase? Is this like where you want to have fun and say fuck off responsibility? If Nick is some guy you want to sleep around with, I can understand that! I get it! I’m all in for that!
Have fun! But if Nick is just for a month, why are we pretending like—? ”
“Fridge had a threesome the day I broke up with him,” I said impassively.
The two of them stared at me. My dad held up a finger, as if he was supposed to say something, and didn’t. His eyes darted to my mom’s, just as stunned.
“He didn’t want me,” I continued, humiliation twisting my words. “He just wanted a girlfriend, and I was a convenient candidate. That’s it. That’s all I was to him.”
It was so quiet. None of us spoke.
“Lulah,” my mom said, her face drawn. She reached for my hand, and I pulled away from her, feeling so small. “Oh, Lulah.”
“Did Nick say that…?” my dad trailed off, hopeful.
“Fridge said that.”
The two of them leaned back in their chairs, a pang of sympathy passing between them like a hidden language.
“I didn’t want to tell you because it’s embarrassing,” I admitted. “So I didn’t. I thought I didn’t have to. I thought you’d trust me, to know that Fridge isn’t the guy for me.”
“Lulah…” My dad’s voice cracked. “I’m sorry—”
“I don’t ask for anything. I never do.” I folded my arms over my chest, eyes cast away. “So when I come to you, asking you to be kind to the man I love, it’s embarrassing that you can’t do that for me.”
“Lulah, Lulah.” My mom reached to touch me again, and I could see her throw a panicked expression at my dad. “No, we didn’t mean to—”
“Nick and I are leaving,” I said, pushing out of the chair.
“What?” My dad moved around the table. “Lulah, no, you can’t go, baby, of course not—”
“You know I’m not the kind of person to say these things lightly, to say I love someone,” I told them, so hurt. “I was excited for you to meet Nick, to introduce him to my family. This isn’t just embarrassing—it’s hurtful!”
My parents were unsure of what to do. They were panicking like I was a firework about to ignite.
“You say I can’t stand up for myself, then this is me, standing up for myself. My choices, my decisions, my life. I love you two so much, but if you just want to be hurtful, I don’t want to be around you right now.”
Footsteps returned, Nick sliding his phone in his pocket. He looked even more tired than when he left, and he didn’t seem to notice the sudden turmoil my parents and I had found ourselves in.
“Hey,” he said, his voice rough. “Uh, sorry, I’m turning off my phone now.”
“Nick.” I sniffled. “We’re leav—”
“Buddy!” my dad exclaimed. “Friend!”
Nick froze. “What?”
“Nick—Nicholas,” my mom said, her voice equally as high-pitched. “You’re back, we missed you!”
I lapsed into silence, and so did Nick. My dad’s hand was firm on my shoulders, pushing me down to the chair again.
Their enthusiasm wasn’t sincere, but if they wanted to try again, maybe that’d be less draining than leaving.
We’d already been through a rough couple of days, I didn’t want Nick to feel terrible if we stormed out.
I took a reluctant seat.
“We should get drinks,” my dad said eagerly. “Nick, do you drink?”
“Uh…not often.”
“Let’s get drinks, we’re going to celebrate.” My dad nodded to the waiter, who’d been awkwardly hanging on the outskirts, waiting to see what would happen. “Could we get drinks for the table? Whatever you recommend—”
“Could we get the dessert menu?” my mom asked. She shook her head, a painfully wide smile on her face. “We’ll try all of them. Bring them all out, we’ll share!”
Nick leaned to me, his voice low. “What’s going on?”
“We’re going to pretend like the morning never happened,” I said, my words a little loud. “Because it didn’t.”
My parents were trying so hard, doing their best to engage Nick, who was bewildered by the change of tone. I nudged him along, showing him that it was okay. Slowly, ever so slowly, I could see the ice beginning to crack. My parents were putting in real effort, trying to reach him.
We could either stay here or leave. Those were the two options, and I wanted to test my parents to see how far they were willing to go.
“Nick’s mom wants to come visit for Christmas,” I said. “She wants to meet you two.”
They could pretend to like Nick all they wanted, but the two of them actually agreeing to let him and his mom come home for Christmas would show they were willing to go all the way.
They stumbled for only a moment.
“Of course,” my mom assured me a little quickly. “Right, Jacoby?”
“Yeah.” He nodded fast. “Yeah, of course.”
Nick was still confused, that was okay. My lips ticked up for a smile, pleased that my parents were with me once again. I didn’t want to leave them at Niagara. I didn’t want to say goodbye, I wanted my parents to love Nick too, to see his goodness that’d made my summer so perfect.
The waiter brought over our desserts and I dropped my voice to talk to Nick. “What was the phone call about?”
There’d been so many directed his way, he’d screened most of them. I was genuinely curious whose number had gotten through. Nick’s eyes flickered to mine, and something passed over his face. A shadow.
“Nick?” I whispered.
“Can we talk about it later?” he asked, his voice soft. His exhaustion was evident in his question, and he wasn’t pushing me off. It was a legitimate question, a promise that we could discuss it in depth, away from my parents.
Slowly, I nodded. I trusted him. If he thought it was a conversation we needed to have in private, I believed him. “Okay.”