FROM WORSE TO WORSER
Twyla’s righteous anger couldn’t distract her for long, and by the time she’d showered, attempted to eat, and climbed into bed, her stomach was once again roiling with self-disgust. Her mind was racing and every time she tried to make sense of it, she burst into tears.
Sleep didn’t come easy, and when it finally arrived it was fitful.
When she awoke, she was exhausted and her head was pounding.
She contemplated calling in but quickly dismissed that idea because she’d be left with nothing to do but think her thoughts.
That was nowhere on the list of things she wanted to do today. Or anytime soon.
So, she got herself ready as best she could and went into the kitchen to make some lunch.
Opening the fridge, she was surprised to find her name written on a sticky note atop a square container.
Inside of the glass container was a lunch-sized serving of last night’s dinner.
She knew this was her mother’s way of making amends, but try as she might, Twyla couldn’t make herself feel an ounce of gratitude.
That didn’t stop her from placing the container in her lunch kit and heading out of the house.
The moment she stepped into her classroom and placed her bags on her desk she started kicking herself.
Bringing her own lunch meant she had to go to the breakroom to both put her food in the refrigerator and get it out when it was time to eat.
Taking a deep breath, she steeled her spine and trekked down the hall.
She told herself that she would be quick—get in and get out—but for some reason she lingered a bit after placing her lunch kit on the second row of the fridge.
After she’d made her usual cup of tea—regularly glancing expectantly at the door all the while—she headed back to her classroom.
The morning was unadventurous but busy enough to keep her mind occupied.
After she handed her kids off to the music teacher, she trudged over to the breakroom to retrieve her food.
It was a disappointingly uneventful trip.
She was able to heat up her food and return to her classroom without running into anyone she didn’t need to see.
And it should’ve been fine. It should’ve been more than fine.
But it wasn’t.
Arturo’s absence was like pouring salt into a wound.
Her life had imploded and her mother was acting like Twyla was blowing things out of proportion.
Her mind was a jumble of pain and confusion and despite it all being connected to Arturo, she also felt that somehow seeing him would bring her comfort.
The more time that passed, the more she analyzed every moment, the worse she felt.
Even knowing what she knew, she still missed him.
Terribly. It made her stick to her stomach but she couldn’t help it.
It had been days since the bomb was dropped and she had yet to see him.
Every day that he didn’t pop up in that break room twisted the knife in her gut deeper.
Was he as broken as she was? Did he miss her too?
Was he wishing things were different? Not having the answer tore her up.
Three weeks after Linda had dropped the shock of a lifetime into Twyla's lap, the older woman sat excitedly in front of her ready to spill news she could barely contain. Twyla eyed her with a bemused look.
"What is it, Mama?"
Linda smiled. "I have some good news. I know you've been upset with me because of things with Arturo, but you'll be happy about this."
Twyla sucked in a breath, just hearing the man's name felt like a stab in the kidneys.
Linda truly had no idea how affected Twyla was behind this—and, truthfully, that was by design—but Twyla debated every other day if she should tell her.
Other than Vanessa, her mama had been—was—her best friend.
They discussed everything with each other and Twyla genuinely enjoyed spending time with her.
Keeping this one detail from Linda had been difficult, but the fear of retribution after things were out in the open held her back.
That fear was stronger than the desire to cry on her mama's shoulder about the one who didn't simply get away, but was violently snatched out of grasp.
The uniqueness of this situation didn't even allow for her to mourn what could have been without shame pressing down on her.
Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she blinked at her mama and urged her to continue with her news.
"Well, I talked to my brothers and sisters, and we decided to resume the annual family vacation."
Twyla's lips split into a grin. It was the first genuine smile that she'd had in a while and Linda, who looked pleased to see it, pointed it out.
"See! That's what I've been missing around here; my baby's smile.
" Linda gave Twyla an answering smile. "Go ahead and put in for your vacation for six weeks.
We are going to spend ten days in a luxury cabin in the Tennessee mountains.
" She then pulled out a glossy folder with a travel agency emblem on the front and flipped it open, removing sheets of paper and handing them to Twyla.
Twyla looked at the pictures and descriptions of the cabin and surrounding area as Linda told her more out their trip and minute-by-minute her mood began to improve.
She had needed something to get her out of her funk—something to take her mind off of what was or wasn't going on—and this trip looked like the perfect solution.
Ten days in a gorgeous cabin with family she hadn't seen in far too long sounded amazing.
Just as she was picturing herself lounging in the massive hot tub that fit up to ten people, Linda called her name.
She looked up at her mama, who stared at her, her expression earnest—hopeful.
"Yes, ma'am?" Twyla asked, suddenly nervous.
Linda put the folder on the coffee table and grabbed one of Twyla's hands in her own. "The things you said about how the family treated—treats—Arturo really struck me. I had to look inside of myself to examine why they made me so uncomfortable, and you know what? You were absolutely right."
Every bit of Twyla's good mood began to seep out of her and was immediately placed with dread. Never before had hearing that she was right made her anxious.
"I talked to the others, and they agreed that we should invite Arturo on this trip. He's family and he should be there."
The quickness with which Twyla's stomach plummeted into her feet was impressively fast. She clutched her abdomen and stared at her mama wordlessly.
"I already called and invited him. He said yes. Isn't that great?"
Twyla nodded weakly.
"I have to admit, I thought he might say no—and he definitely had reason to—but he said that it has always been his desire to have a closer relationship with his family.
" Oblivious to how her daughter was internally detonating beside her, Linda clutched Twyla's forearm and leaned in, like she was about to share a juicy secret that she didn't want anyone else to hear.
"Get this, T. He even thanked me for thinking of him.
" Linda shook her head and sat back against the couch, unperturbed by Twyla's silence.
"It made me feel even worse about not keeping in touch with him. I felt terrible."
Finding her voice, Twyla nodded. "As you should. All of you should. You have no excuse for how you've shut him out."
Pursing her lips, Linda cut her eyes at Twyla. "Okay, little girl. I heard you the first damn time. No need to keep reiterating it."
Normally, Twyla would laugh at her mama's response to being chastened, but this was no laughing matter. Things had just gone from bad to worse.
No. That was a defeatist attitude. Another of those cheesy cliche's flitted across her mind.
This, too, shall pass.
And it would. It was a simple matter of allowing her feelings to run out.
She was no longer feeding them—not intentionally—so eventually they would go away.
That's what she told herself over and over as the week of the trip loomed closer and closer.
Maybe it would have helped to see Arturo moving on.
If he developed an office crush or allowed one of the many women who crushed on him to have a moment of his time, then Twyla could take that and move on too.
But it didn't happen. Arturo didn't hold conversations with anyone in the break room over his morning coffee—as a matter of fact, he started taking his coffee straight to his desk.
He didn't engage with those bold ones who leaned over his desk and tried to pry a smile out of those lips.
Not that Twyla was watching, but Arturo seemed to have shut down just as she had.
That didn't please her, though. It made things worse.
It confirmed that their little office romance had been just as meaningful to him as it had to her and she just didn't know what it would take for them to come out on the other side of this thing.
The day before she was due to fly to Tennessee for a long overdue, but dreaded ten days away, she moved through work like a zombie.
She was torn between wanting the vacation and wanting to burrow in her sheets and turn off the world.
Her only consolation was that the cabin was so large that there were multiple places that she could hide out from everyone and—most importantly—avoid Arturo.
After her lunch break, she shuffled into the rest room to relieve the pressure on her bladder.
After she washed her hands, she stared down into the sink, wondering why her feelings wouldn't wash away as easily as the suds from the soap washed down the drain.
Wondering why things couldn't just be simple.
Twyla had no idea how long she had been standing there, staring into the washbasin before she heard a question called out to her.
"You okay sis?"
Blinking, she looked toward the door of the restroom and noticed that the question had come from one of the team leads in her department.
"Seraph, hey. My bad, am I blocking the sink?"
The other woman's brows furrowed and she took a step toward Twyla.
"I asked if you were okay."
"I'm—" The lie was stuck to the roof of her mouth like peanut butter. Finally, she shook her head and chuckled self-deprecatingly. "No, I'm not."
Closing the gap of space between them, Seraph quickly assessed Twyla from head to toe before meeting her eyes, the concern in her own clearly evident. "What's wrong?"
Twyla swallowed hard. "Um, I'm in love with the only man on the planet that I cannot have and I am drowning under the pressure of it."
Her neck jerking back, Seraph's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh."
This time, Twyla's giggle was genuine, and she was grateful to even feel humored by anything. "Yeah. Well…it's shitty but it's life, I guess. I'll get over this eventually. Hopefully. I just wish I had a magic wand to wipe away all of these feelings in one swipe."
Canting her head to the side, Seraph observed her thoughtfully. Then she lowered her voice and said, "I don't know about a wand, but I do know where you can get some magic."