Chapter 12
Abby
I’m strong.
With each day that passes where I’m not under the influence of my family, I recognize this. As my body grows a whole human inside me, I feel it in my bones.
So why does Rhett’s emotional distance lately make me feel weak and broken?
It’s what’s for the best. I know this.
And yet…it’s eating me alive.
When he visits to bring me food or check on me, it’s as if his eyes are glazed over and he’s in some sort of trance. It pains me deeply that he can’t be his normal, imperfect self when he’s with her. He’s a plastic version of himself and I hate that for him.
But it’s what he wants.
He’s made this abundantly clear over and over. I thought maybe I could change his mind there for a little while, but he’s proved what he truly wants.
Not me.
I’m strong and I’ll keep reminding myself every day if it’s what gets me through these heartbreaking moments. It’ll be what keeps me going when Buck cries in the middle of the night to be fed and I’m all alone because Rhett is sleeping next to another woman.
My child will need that version of me.
Resilient and filled with fire.
For now, though, I’m going to allow myself a good cry.
Headlights shine in through the closed curtains, and my heart skips several beats. Both cats meow happily. We all know what this means. Seconds later, keys unlock the front door and Rhett walks in.
The robot version is gone.
His hair is slightly disheveled, eyes ringed dark with fatigue, and his beautiful mouth is turned into an unhappy frown.
Until he sees me.
I watch in awe as his face lights up and transforms into one bordering on joy. He closes the door behind him and locks it. Then, he stalks over to me on the couch. His cologne swirls around me and it has its usual effect. I feel safe and little Buck dances inside me.
He doesn’t ask why there are crumpled tissues all around me or why I’ve been crying.
My emotions have been wrecked since the day he put this baby inside me.
Plus, he’s in tune with me enough to read between the lines.
These feelings we have for each other are messy and complicated, but they’re always there running amuck.
Behind the facade he’s put on lately, I know deep down they’re there.
All the sadness seeps out of me when he kicks off his shoes and sits on the couch, crushing a mountain of used tissues.
Then, he scoops me up and pulls me into his lap.
I melt against him burying my nose against the side of his neck.
His palm finds my belly, and he rubs it gently while kissing my hair.
I wish I could pause this moment.
Right here, right now, everything is perfect. We’re a family. Bonded and happy to be around each other. His arms are strong and comforting. The aching loneliness that drags me under each night has vanished.
“You okay?” I ask, voice hoarse and trembling.
“Perfect now.”
My heart squeezes in my chest. “Me too.”
His palm slides away from my belly to cradle my jaw. Then, he tilts my head up until we’re staring at one another. I get lost in his intense stare, marveling over how handsome he is. I hope our baby boy gets his adorable blond curls.
He closes his eyes and inches his face toward mine. This is my opportunity to push him away. Remind him he has Angela. But I part my lips, needing him desperately. His lips are soft at first as they brush over mine. Then, he makes a needy groan before devouring my mouth.
Truth be told, I’ve never been kissed like this. Like I’m the most precious person on the planet. Rhett kisses me like he’s trying to bind our souls together permanently. An unspoken vow much more powerful than one of marriage. I let him show me through his kisses how much I mean to him.
A sharp pain radiates from my back around my stomach to the front.
It’s enough that I gasp and tense up. When Rhett starts to pull back, I spear my fingers into his soft curls, urging him to stay lip-locked with me.
He freezes and then melts, kissing me more passionately than before.
Fire burns down my spine, and I yearn for more with him.
The pain comes back but I’m able to suffer through it without flinching.
“Honey,” Rhett murmurs, lips ghosting over mine. “You taste so good.”
I smile and he kisses it away. I’m not sure how long we make out on my couch for. Feels like blissful eternity. Aside from the stupid pains that keep assaulting me and threatening to ruin the moment, I’m incredibly happy.
“I love…”
I freeze at his words, pulling back so I can see his face. His eyes bore into mine, burning with intensity. Swallowing, I wait for him to finish his statement.
“I love…” he starts again, voice raspy.
You. I love you.
I wait with bated breath as he struggles to articulate his feelings for me. They’re so obvious on his face right now. This thing between us has transformed into something beautiful. All we have to do is name it and claim it.
“I love…” The certainty in his eyes flickers and he drops his gaze from mine. “This baby.”
His words are a blast of cold air. Not because of him saying he loves Buck. I already know this. He’s said it before. It’s because he’s still too much of a coward to admit the truth.
“Just this baby?” I ask, anger surging through me. “Really, Rhett? After all this?”
His jaw muscle ticks but he still won’t look at me.
This is going to be so confusing for Buck if I let it go on. I can hardly take this back and forth, but a little one won’t understand at all. Hell, I certainly don’t. I have to draw the line in the sand. Now or never. Where Rhett chooses to stand is on him. I can’t make that decision for him.
He tries to kiss me again, but I grip his chiseled jaw nearly bruising him to keep him from avoiding what needs to be said.
“Just this baby?”
He closes his eyes. Unbelievable.
I start to move away from him, hurt and anger warring inside me, when another sharp pain takes me out. The howl that escapes me has Rhett stiffening.
“Abby,” Rhett cries out, panic in his voice. “What’s wrong?”
Tears roll down my cheeks and I gasp for air. “Something’s not right. This hurts. I think I’m in labor.”
We don’t need to say the truth. It’s too early.
Within seconds he has me in his car and we’re flying to the hospital.
Please be okay, Buck. Mommy and Daddy need you.
False labor. Or Braxton Hicks. After rehashing my day, the doctor thinks I overdid it while hauling my laundry basket to the laundromat. It’s embarrassing that I even went to the hospital over some minor pains. But this is my first pregnancy and I kind of panicked.
“Dad, can you keep an eye on her while I grab some stuff from the store?”
“I’d be glad to,” Owen says, clasping his son on the shoulder.
Rhett shoots me a pained look before nodding and slipping out of the townhome.
It’s late and I’m exhausted from spending hours in the ER.
I hate that I officially met Owen while there.
I’m not sure what all Rhett told him, but Owen met us up at the hospital, strong and in command while me and his son nearly fell apart with worry.
“Can I get you something from the kitchen, Abby?”
It’s not lost on me that Rhett’s father also seems like a loving caretaker. My heart swells some knowing Buck will have a kind grandfather. At least on one side of his family.
“Sprite, please.”
He returns with a Sprite and a cupcake Clara brought over this morning. I happily take both while he sits on one end of the sofa, body angled toward mine.
“You must think I’m a whore,” I blurt out around a mouthful of buttercream icing.
Owen barks out a laugh. “Wait, you’re serious? God no. I think you’re adorably pregnant and I’m kind of losing my shit right now about being a grandpa.”
“Good or bad?”
“All good.” He beams at me. “I can tell Rhett really cares about you.”
My eyes water and I focus on shoving more cupcake in my mouth, so I don’t have to comment. His chuckle puts me at ease.
“Rhett has always been rigid in how he goes about life,” Owen explains, voice soft and warm. “But whenever he lets go and allows himself to stray from what he should do, he’s happy. Like with you.”
I snap my head up to meet Owen’s gentle gaze.
“It was the same with Riko. His mother hated that kid. Too chaotic and hyper and irresponsible. Rhett thought he hung the moon. His relationship with Riko has always been organic and real unlike some of the other aspects of his life.”
“He’s not happy with me,” I grumble as I wash the sugary sweetness down with a gulp of Sprite. “I’m an obligation. A mess he has to fix.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Owen says softly, “that’s simply not true. I know my son and he’s…”
I lift my chin, hope burning in my chest. “He’s what?”
“Let’s just say he doesn’t look at her the way he looks at you.”
This should make me happy, but all it does is break my heart a little more. Why is Rhett so adamant about pursuing a life he doesn’t love?
“I’m glad he told you about the baby,” I say through my tears, voice hoarse with emotion. “I want Buck to know his grandad.”
“Buck?” He snorts out a laugh. “There’s no way my son agreed to that name.”
“Nope. He hated it.” I grin through my tears. “But I’ve caught him calling him that a few times. I vowed to make it stick and it’s totally sticking. Right, Buck?” I pat my belly and my baby kicks.
“You’re good for him,” Owen says with a smile.
“I think this baby will be good for him too. And he told me a little up at the hospital about your family. I just want you to know that you’ll have a family with us.
No matter what it is, call or text me, and I’ll be there for you and Buck. ” He winks at me.
The tension in my shoulders relaxes. Knowing I have another person to lean on puts me at ease. They say it takes a village to raise a child and I’m slowing rebuilding mine with family I’ve found, not those related to me.
“He’s going to come around one day,” Owen promises. “I know my son. Even if it’s a little slow, he will. He’s worth waiting for.” He reaches over and pats my knee. “And so are you. The two of you will figure this out. You’re going to be great parents, too.”
Thankfully he moves on from the confusing subject of his son to his own baby that’s on the way.
I’m grateful to hear more tidbits about the Monahan family from someone other than Rhett.
I feel like every little thing I learn is something else for me to pass down to my son.
When I start to doze off, and the cats have settled in for a nap up against my belly, I feel Owen drape a blanket over me.
“You’re not the wrong sister, Abby,” Owen whispers. “You’re the right one. One day he’s going to see that. Hang in there for him. I promise you, it’ll be worth it.”
You’re not the wrong sister. You’re the right one.
For so long I’ve been told the exact opposite. I want to believe it, but it’s going to take some time to relearn it.
Later, Rhett carries me upstairs to bed, tucks me in, and kisses my head.
Maybe Owen’s right about Rhett coming around. But patience has never been easy for me.