Chapter 23
CHARLOTTE
We laughed and laughed, and I wish it wasn’t Sunday.
“I’ve had the best time,” I tell Zara and Penny, blotting happy tears from my eyes.
“You can’t leave yet,” Zara exclaims. “I have booked dinner for us in the restaurant. I can tell you our new chef is amazing. Just stay for the food.”
“I’ve barely been home all weekend, but hey, why work on a Sunday when I’d rather be with my crazy sisters-in-law?”
“We are crazy.” Zara winks at Penny. “For marrying brothers.” She snort-laughs. “Who knew that when we played games like he’s a ten, but we’d be referencing men who are genetically alike.”
“Eww. Please don’t have the penis comparison conversation while I’m here.”
Penny’s head falls back in laughter. “You mean, he’s a ten, but you inherit the sister.” Zara’s eyes widen with an oh fuck expression.
“That’s the best thing to happen to you both,” I state.
“He’s a ten, but he’s your best friend’s brother-in-law.” Zara raises her wine glass to her lips. “With the hugest penis,” she says into her glass.
“That’s it. I’m done.”
“What about Byron?” Penny smirks.
“He’s a ten, but you wanna fuck his best friend.” Zara points at me. “Don’t lie, Little Miss Innocent.”
“Fucked,” I correct and roll my eyes. “A huge mistake, and don’t recommend.”
“Was it his penis?” Penny asks with innocence, the wine talking.
“His penis is fine, actually.” Ugh, they both grin. I walked straight into that one.
“He’s a ten, but you’re his boss.” Penny glances at me.
“Fine. That could be four people over the last four years, and I didn’t agree to play this game.”
Penny swivels in her seat to face me. “In the last ten years, have you dated anyone outside of basketball or the LA Sharks, for that matter?”
“Ah… that would be a no.”
“It’s a big ocean, and you’re fishing in a puddle.”
“Lucky I’m not fishing. The few men I did date for a few months were a convenience. I don’t have time to go out and enjoy a social life unless it’s centered around the team and corporate events. Most of the men I meet remind me of my brothers, so it’s a big fat no from me.”
“Why was BJ different? And we know you were trying to fill a void by dating other people to forget him. Surely, he reminded you of Byron?”
“Far from it. While he and Byron were best friends, he still had a sense of humor I loved. It was more his it’ll-be-all-right-mate attitude that attracted me to him and equally frustrated me.
He didn’t care what others thought except for Byron, and we all know how that story ended.
” I take my wine glass and drain the contents.
“Talking about BJ is ruining my day, so move on to something else. No more penis talk or I’ll be needing Lucifer tonight. ”
“Your vibrator?”
I nod. “The latest model and worth every cent.”
“Do you give your vibrator a name?” Penny asks Zara.
Zara rolls her eyes. “Every girl names her vibrator.”
“Not when you don’t have one.”
We stare at Penny.
“We’re not having this conversation.” I pour more wine into my glass. “I don’t need to know why and definitely don’t want to hear how my brother pleasures you.” I gulp down a few mouthfuls.
“Good, because I want to double back and ask a serious question. No more joking around because I care about you.” Penny is staring at me as though I’m about to cry.
I shrug. “Sure. Fire away.”
“Have you spoken to BJ since he’s been back?”
Ugh. “Do we have to go there?”
Zara reaches and squeezes my arm. “You can’t blame us for being curious. All jokes aside, we know how much he hurt you, and now he’s back, well, you don’t look sad about it.”
“I was fucking furious at first. My moods change from anger to denial, bargaining, to being depressed, and now I’m simply trying to accept it.”
“The five stages of grief…” Penny says concerned.
“Yep. He was dead to me for years, so I went through the loss of losing someone I loved, and then when dickwad Walter started the process of the trade, I felt every emotion again, all in a matter of weeks. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.
One minute, I think I’ll be okay. The next, I’m confused and wish like hell I’d never met him. ”
“And now?” Zara refills my glass.
“And now…” I sigh loudly. “Well, we’ve already kissed.”
“You have?” they both say in tune.
“Whenever he’s close, I can’t fight the urge to push him away. My whole body calls for him like we’re bonded, if you know what I mean. But if we were, then he would never have left. He would have fought for me.”
“Has he told you he is sorry?” Zara asks.
“Yes, many times. Unfortunately, it hasn’t taken the pain away, and I want him to hurt like I did.
But Mom reminds me that weak people get revenge, strong people forgive, and intelligent people ignore.
” I roll my eyes. “So why do I feel satisfied knowing I’m hurting him because he never knew how my heart shattered into tiny pieces the day he walked out of my life? ”
“I think he knows.” Zara shrugs.
“Yeah? Well, I’m not done. While Mom thinks the sweetest revenge is to forgive, and I am slowly getting there, I’m also blood will have blood.”
Penny moves forward in her seat as though she has been wanting to ask a question, and it’s finally the right time. “Can we double back to when you kissed?”
“Okay, sister. The right response would be, name your weapon.”
She smiles sweetly. “I’m all about happy ever afters.”
I clink my glass with hers. “Of course you are. I’m glad you got yours, but mine is not so simple.
” Damn Penny for making me think about the kiss and how he said we’re no longer stuck in reverse.
Every time I think about his words, like now, my chest aches, and I get choked up inside thinking about moving forward. If only forgiveness were that easy.
“But if you kissed, it’s a step to liking each other again, right?”
“I never stopped loving him. I just hate him equally,” I add before Penny gets ahead of herself.
“You know,” Penny begins. “I think you should always stay open-minded. People change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. What did your gut tell you when he kissed you?”
I look down at my hands. The fun in the conversation is lost because my heart is racing with the truth. I want him, but I am afraid to let my guard down.
“Oh, I’ve been wanting to ask you something,” Zara interrupts.
“It appears to be open slather today. Fire away.”
“The tattoo on his chest. Was that for you?”
“What tattoo?” Penny asks quickly.
“BJ pulled his jersey above his chest and pointed to his heart after a winning game. In ink was Lottie’s name.”
“What?” she exclaims.
“Maybe,” I manage. “It was months ago, and we haven’t spoken about it or—”
“Oh my God, it was for love,” she whispers.
I offer a hopeful smile, yet in my heart, I know he did it for me.
“Fucking awkward if it’s for another Lottie,” Zara quips.
Penny nods. “On the bright side, lucky it wasn’t his fuck stick.”
Zara bursts out laughing while I’m still in shock at my sweet sister-in-law, who barely speaks dirty.
“On the contrary,” Zara says, giggling. “Why would that be a bad thing? Because it’s given me an idea.”
“You ho.” Penny giggles. “You’re going to ask Jobe to do it.” She giggles even more. “I can see the letter Z expanding as he grows.” She howls with laughter.
“I refuse to picture that.” Fuck me, I often wondered how these sweet girls ended up with my brothers, and now I know.
“Off topic, was there talk of food?”
“Depends on what you mean by food.” Penny grins.
“She’s going to be pregnant again, I can see it,” I tell Zara.
Zara laughs. “We can go now if you want.”
“Whether I leave now or after dinner, I’m putting off the inevitable. All the Sunday business bullshit.”
Zara stands and signals for us to follow her. “Either way, you need to eat, Lottie. It will be easier to do so here.”
We leave the hotel business meeting room and walk the hallways to the restaurant at the Hendricks Hotel. The walls are lined with Giana’s artwork.
“I understand now why Giana is over her head in commissions with you referring the guests to her,” I tell Zara.
“I know, right? We have queries every day.” She stops and talks to a lady at the door.
Zara turns and holds her arm out in the direction for us to walk. Penny leads the way, only I don’t see a spare table. Zara indicates to one in the back corner, which is more private and away from other diners. “There are only two seats?” I point out.
“It’s fine.” Zara waves a hand. “You two sit, and I’ll find a chair to add to the table. Allow me time to talk to the staff and ask them to bring out the chef’s finest dishes.”
Penny sits opposite me.
“Jobe and Zara have turned the hotel into something magical,” I muse as I gaze around the restaurant. “It’s almost like a castle.”
Penny smiles. “I love that their vision was inspired by their stay in England.” She picks up the menu. “Oh, the food looks divine.”
My finger glides down the menu, deciding what I like the most.
“Backtracking about our earlier conversation,” Penny begins.
“Which one?”
“The one about BJ.”
Placing the menu on the table, I meet her gaze. “Again, which one.” If we keep talking about Brandon, I’ll need to compose myself, as it works better if I block him out.
“All of it. What if you had a chance to tell him how you feel face-to-face?”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“But what if it’s meant to be? What if you both need to talk to move on? There are many unanswered questions for both of you. Besides, you were friends first.”
“Honestly, I don’t have the strength.” Lifting a finger, I hail the server to order drinks because of the way this conversation is headed, and I’m going to need another fast.
The server arrives with a glass of champagne for Penny and me. “Zara ordered for you.”
Penny and I clink glasses. “Now you have a little liquid courage. Do you think you might find the heart to speak to him?” Her eyes are apologetic.