Chapter 45
CHARLOTTE
The window is open, allowing the cool sea breeze to flow into our bedroom. I’m rearranging the clothes on the shelves, as we have far too many between us for this small bedroom closet.
I refold Brandon’s T-shirts, and my heart flips.
He brought the T-shirt I ruined with the flowers.
I put it on, and immediately, I’m laughing inside.
Brandon walks into the bedroom shirtless, and I moan at how freaking hot he is.
I can’t help but stare at his tanned chest, huge pec muscles, and taut abs. How am I so lucky?
“The stone walls are being built tomorrow.” He looks up and grins. “Ah, you found my trophy.”
I giggle. “I can’t believe you kept it.”
“I wear it to feel closer to you.” He has that cheeky look. “Now, come here.”
He always surprises me. “But it was a time I wanted to ruin you, but only because I loved you.” Now tear it off me.
He pulls me into his arms, and we fall onto the bed, laughing. “You have a weird way of expressing your love.”
“Don’t ever leave me. Otherwise, who knows what piece of clothing I’ll ruin next.”
He nuzzles my neck. “I never will.” Leaning over me, he pulls open the bedside drawer.
“What is that?”
“What?”
“The envelope. I saw my name on it.”
He pulls it out and holds it to his chest. “I kept it. I couldn’t throw it away.”
What the hell is it?
He slowly pulls the paper from the envelope. “It’s the letter I wrote you a few months after I left.” His voice changes on the last word. Even now, he finds it hard to say.
My hand rises to my throat. “The one I returned?” He nods. “Can I read it?”
He hands it to me, and I carefully unfold the pages. Brandon rolls onto his side and watches me as I read it.
Lottie,
I need to begin this letter with an incredibly heartfelt apology.
A wise lady once told me the heart is fated to break, but the broken live on.
I’m waiting because the agony that constricts me is making it impossible to breathe.
Two long months have passed since my flight arrived in Chicago. The snow, while it looked pretty, felt equally as cold as my core. Dread filled me during my final days in LA. I was empty and at a loss for what to do.
How do I make our world right?
I can only hope one day you will understand why.
I stop reading and glance at his nervous face. We’ve spoken about this, but it doesn’t erase the emotion and the hurt at the time.
I keep reading…
The last thing I wanted was for you to see a grown man cry.
When I saw you merely weeks after I was traded, I lied when I told you I had thrown my phone in the lake. I would never destroy our memories, our photos, or our chats. Instead, I changed my number.
Why?
He cried?
You deserved a fresh start.
To be with someone you wouldn’t have to look at with disappointment. Someone your family would be proud of for you to share a life alongside.
I’d always hoped that person would be me.
And then I fucked up. I hurt you, Byron, and your family, who took me in and treated me as one of their own. For those reasons, I needed to cut all ties and remove myself from your lives.
How could I stay when I caused so much pain?
Byron hated me. Blamed me. Shit, I blamed myself. He almost didn’t play ball again, and it would have crushed him, as I know it would me…
Hindsight is a marvelous thing because if I had the chance, I would exchange playing for the possibility of being with you again. I have asked myself over and over again… would you give me another chance? Would you even want to see me after I left without a goodbye?
You deserve better.
Still, that doesn’t stop me from wanting you. I want that more than anything.
But we wouldn’t stand a chance if I didn’t take the time to work on myself. My worth. To learn how to value myself enough so I can love you the way you truly deserve. If we want an honest, healthy relationship, then that needs to start with me.
It will take time, but I guess time is what we have.
I inhale a sharp breath.
Back then, it didn’t feel like time was on my side.
I mourn for you. When I’m not training, I lock myself in my apartment and ignore texts from my teammates to hang out.
At training, I curse when I mess up, using every profanity I can.
I scream at the players because they don’t understand how I play.
They are unable to grasp it. Any of it. Their ignorance fuels my frustration. It’s not their fault I’m an asshole.
This move, and losing you, have changed me. I was never like this before…
Why did I even bother coming here?
Then I think about you. It kills me to think you are hurting as much as me.
If I had the ability to make everything right, then I would do it in an instant. But the only option that seemed feasible to me on that day was to be far away and out of your lives.
I regret not trying harder to make amends and stay.
If only…
If only…
My thoughts are my nemesis.
The nightmares.
The heartbreak.
If only… we were both hurting like part of us had died.
I miss your heartwarming smile and the way your eyes light up. I miss your touch, the sound of your voice, and even your lame jokes.
I miss you, Lottie.
Is there a possibility that we might meet? Have a coffee, and chat about basketball. Return to our roots when we first met. We were friends first.
What I’m trying to express is I miss you deeply, unfathomably, senselessly, terribly.
I hope one day you can forgive me.
Forever yours,
BJ
“Moja gre?ka,” he whispers and pushes loose strands of hair behind my ears. My fault.
It’s not the first time he has said this.
Tears well in my eyes, but they don’t fall as I carefully fold the paper and hand it back to him. “You spoke about time as though everything that passed was the wrong time for us. Yet, I wonder, if we were honest with Byron, would we be where we are today?”
“I don’t have the answers other than we have today, the present, and the future.” Brandon leans over me again to place the envelope back in the drawer. “It’s two o’clock,” he murmurs and pulls out a red velvet box. On the bed, he pushes up onto one knee.
I gasp. “What are you doing?”
“In my head, this was going to be different. On the beach. A sunset dinner. Family standing in the background waiting to congratulate us.”
Yeah, that does sound romantic.
“What changed?”
“Time. I don’t want to waste another second of my life without you.”
I shake my head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“And it’s two o’clock. Today is the twenty-second of October. Three twos. Your angel number. The moment feels right.” He bows his head and pops open the box. A huge solitaire diamond sparkles under the ceiling light.
It’s so beautiful.
My man is perfect.
“I want forever with you. Wherever that may be, know I’ll never leave you again.”
I push up onto my knees, take his face in my hands, and kiss him, not allowing him to break away. We kiss for what feels like forever until he murmurs against my lips. “Lottie.”
I pull back and swipe the happy tears from my eyes.
“Marry me.”
“When?” I blurt.
He grins at me. “Is that a yes?”
“Yes,” I say louder. “A hundred times, yes.” He slides the ring on my finger, and a single sob bubbles out of me. Splaying my fingers wide, we both admire how perfectly it fits. How perfect it looks on my finger. We fall back onto the pillows, kissing each other, the love flowing between us.
For years, I struggled and questioned if I was meant to find love. The way my chest is exploding, I wasted too much time doubting we would find our way back to each other again.
“I could have asked you the first day we met,” he says, looking coy. “I knew it the moment I saw you that you were the one I wanted to spend my life with.”
I wiggle my nose against his and giggle, remembering when we were young and careless. “And I was so mesmerized by you, I would have said yes. But would we have gone on to experience all we needed to in life to get where we are today?”
“I didn’t need any of it,” he murmurs. “I would have given you all of me.”
“No what-ifs.” I kiss him. “We are right where we need to be.”
He kisses me back. “Fate brought us to this moment in time, but Adelaide is not where we need to stay.” He touches my heart. “Here. It’s the one place no one can take from us. We live here in each other’s hearts.”
Running my fingertip on my name inked over his heart, I look up into his blue eyes. Eyes yearning for my love. “For infinity.”