62. Chapter Sixty-Two
Chapter Sixty-Two
Imani Boudareaux
One Week and Three Days Post Diagnosis
“Thanks for coming, Dad.” I follow him out of El’s bedroom.
Trying to be quiet, not to disturb Elowen.
She made me wake Beau to tell him to leave.
He fell asleep on the couch last night before I took her to her room.
Dinner with Dad went really well last week and we both promised that I wouldn’t shut him out when I do need some help.
This morning I finally needed to use my phone-a-friend to him.
Elowen is now officially bound to her bed. She can’t walk. It breaks my heart.
“It’s not a problem, pumpkin. I would’ve been upset if you hadn’t looped me in.
” He shuts the door behind him in a soft and gentle manner, leading Genie out of her room.
He’s about to lose the only other daughter he’s ever had the chance to know.
Losing Elowen might wreck him more than losing Alta and the baby.
David takes a deep breath and wraps his arms around me in an embrace that can only mean we are about to lose another family member together.
Neither of us have experienced a loss like this.
It feels like any second now we might wake up.
“What are the nurses saying? How does hospice work?” The word hospice hits me in the throat like a pair of hands trying to wrangle the life out of me.
“From what I can tell, they’ll stop by to manage an IV as her condition progresses, but since she is mostly coherent we drafted up a will…
just in case.” He sits on the arm of the chair facing me, messing with the edges of his cuffs.
He doesn’t know what else to ask so I'll keep talking. That’s what I do. I solve problems.
“I can handle the medicine, Dad,” I pause, “It’s not hard. It’s a lot like when I gave medicine to Pappy as a kid.”
“You’ve made me so proud, Imani. My beautiful baby girl.
I wish Alta was here to see just how fine of a young woman you’ve grown into.
” Tears sneak up around the rim of my eyes at the mention of her.
She was supposed to be here too. The one to guide me through the rest of the hardships I might face.
A maternal figure for me to lean on. Except the world cruelly pulled her from my grasp, leaving my Dad to sorrow in her wake.
“I love you, Dad. I’ve got some food on the stove for later. If I need you, or if anything changes, I’ll call.” I hug him again, holding on a little longer this time. And, he leaves. I’m all alone again, besides Elowen’s trusted sidekick, Genie.
The house feels too quiet. The kind that settles in your bones and refuses to move. Curtains are drawn against the afternoon sun, and the soft perfume of lavender from the diffuser tries to mask the sharper scent of medicine and fear. It severely fails.
I sit at the kitchen table with my phone clutched in one hand, tracing circles on the wood grain with the other.
My mind keeps drifting to the room down the hall where Elowen rests.
Even her faint breathing doesn't fill the silence. My curls have slipped from their tie again. They brush my cheeks, clinging to my damp skin. I push them behind my ear with fingers that tremble more by the second. My ear piece lies on the table. I scroll until Beau’s name appears.
The glow of the screen feels harsh in my palm, like the device itself is asking if I’m sure.
I pick up my earpiece and place it in so I can call.
It rings once. Twice. Three times. Then his voice, rich and steady, washes over me.
“Imani.”
I swallow the tightness in my throat. “Hey, Beau.” My voice betrays me with a crack I have been avoiding all day. Silence stretches. Only half a breath, but heavy enough to make my pulse hammer.
“Want to fill me in on why I was rushed out the door this morning?” He asks.
“It’s been weighing on me all day,” I say before he can speak.
“I don’t think she wants you to know yet, but…
this morning we learned that she can’t use her legs anymore.
She wanted me to rush you out of the house to give her time to manage her feelings.
It’s progressing pretty fast for the timeline that Dr. Storms gave us.
I thought this week had been going super well.
We found a middle ground, and between you, Kai, and I, things have been pretty normal.
I don’t know why it’s progressing so fast, but it is.
We knew this could happen, I guess.” I hear him swallow over the line, trying to figure out what to say.
I bite the inside of my cheek until I taste blood.
“Hospice stopped by this morning, after you left, before my Dad showed up. They said it’s normal.
Part of it. Her condition is getting worse faster than any of us expected.
That includes her nurses.” I force the words out.
“Do you…Do you know when she’ll want to see me?” Beau asks timidly.
“She hasn’t mentioned it yet, but I think it might be a good idea, sooner rather than later. Just in case.” The admission burns. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry anymore today. Not in front of nurses. Not in front of Elowen. I hear a slight knock at the door, “One second. Somebody is at the door.”
Before I can stand to head towards it, Beau speaks up, “It’s me.” What?
“Excuse me?”
“I’m outside.” The fuck?
The confession hits like cold water being thrown in my face. “You’re what?”
“I stayed away this morning because it’s what you asked of me.
But I couldn’t leave her entirely. I’m renting a house on the other end of the block.
I offered the guy thirty thousand to let me use his house for a few months.
He seemed very psyched and I handed him the cash.
You know I can’t stay away from her, Imani. ”
A humorless laugh escapes me. “So now you’re stalking her on her deathbed? Great.” I rub my forehead with the heel of my hand. “You’re fucking ridiculous.”
A soft, weary chuckle. “I know.”
“I can’t stop her from loving you,” I say quietly, peeking out the window shade to see if he’s really standing there. “She needs you whether she thinks so or not.” I peek around it to see Beau waving at me through the window. “Just come in, weirdo,” I whisper, and end the call.
And I pray, with every fragile thread inside me, that she gets her own version of happily ever after.
Even if it’s brief. Even if it’s borrowed.
My best friend deserves to feel the kind of love people dream about.
I can’t imagine a world without her, and the thought alone digs its claws into my ribs.
Beau steps inside and shakes the sleet off his jacket. I press my hand over my heart and a single tear drops from my eye. So much for no more tears today.