Chapter 32
We lay nestled in each other’s arms for a long time, but eventually Taran pulled against my hands. I had my face pressed into his bare chest so that he couldn’t see my expression, and I made a wordless protest as he attempted to disentangle himself from me.
Tomorrow. I’d tell him tomorrow. Ask him to go a little further tomorrow.
Just one more ocean, just one more disaster.
I’d bargained with myself for this one night, and it wasn’t over.
I wanted this entire night in his arms. But he rubbed his nose and lips into my jaw hard enough to make me giggle, then rolled to the other side of the bed.
I reluctantly sat up too, only to discover a wet smear on my thighs that unexpectedly shimmered like molten gold. Startled, I stifled a small laugh.
I supposed that I now had another plausible explanation for why he’d been so content to wait years for our wedding night.
Even a sheltered priestess of Wesha would have grown a little suspicious about his ancestry when confronted with the apparent consequence of lying down with one of the Stoneborn.
Nose wrinkled endearingly, Taran tugged a loose lock of my hair to pull my attention away.
“I’ll be right back.” He pulled a sheet over my naked legs without bothering to cover himself before padding nonchalantly from the room.
Moments later, he returned bearing wine and a folded linen cloth.
He offered me my choice of these two new and appropriate gifts, and I reluctantly acquiesced to time continuing, despite my best efforts to freeze it while Taran held me and loved me and was happy.
Collapsing back in bed, Taran caught my left hand and held it out to examine my bare fingers, satisfaction in his every line. “What kind of a ring do you want? Emeralds? I have a few with emeralds. I suppose I could have a new one made, but I don’t really want to wait that long, do you?”
I shifted my wrist to twine my fingers with his instead, pulling our joined hands to my chest. I didn’t want the next hour, the next day, or the next year. Just this moment. But he was waiting for my answer, so I spoke reluctantly.
“Any ring is fine. I just want to get married in front of our friends.”
Taran propped himself up on some pillows and took a deep draught of the wine, and when he answered, his voice was still relaxed and unassuming.
“What friends? Do you mean Marit, or that girl Genna’s holding on to? They can come.”
I didn’t answer, instead burrowing my face into his chest. Taran put a hand under my chin to tilt my face up to his, somehow catching on that my thoughts were not marching in the same direction as his.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked after considering my expression.
“No, of course not,” I said, trying to wrap my hands around his so that I could duck my head again. I was afraid I’d hurt the both of us though. I still felt him studying me and I squirmed, cheeks heating from shame that had nothing to do with my state of undress.
He took another deep swallow of the wine, silent for long thoughtful minutes before he set the goblet aside. When he finally spoke again, all the warmth had vanished from his voice.
“You mean the friends I can’t remember? The ones back in the mortal world, where you’d rather go than stay here with me?
” He sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers as his body tensed.
“I see. Well, go on, then,” he said, voice leaden. “You’ve softened me up. Ask.”
“That is not what I was doing,” I said, turning to splay my hands on his chest, even as my heart fell. I should have told him. “This was because I love you.”
“I’m sure. As this act means so much to you. I appreciate the demonstration of your affection. Even if you were tracking the minutes you had to wait before you next asked me to take you across the sea.”
That was a challenge thrown down, his eyes begging me to deny it.
“I love you,” I said again, wondering if he’d ever believe it now. “Taran, I love you! I meant everything I said. We still have to go.”
“I told you that it doesn’t have to be you,” he said, pointing at my scarf and ring where they were discarded on the floor with our scattered clothes. “I asked you just once to choose me instead. Me instead of anything!”
“And you said you’d let me go if I asked,” I said, voice wobbling. “You were willing to go to the Painted Tower. It’s only a little farther, it could only be a few months, and then we could still come back—”
His mouth flattened into a hard line. “You couldn’t have asked me an hour ago? What if you’re pregnant?” he demanded.
I froze, then began counting days. Such prosaic concerns had been slow to occur to me, but the math was familiar from long ago.
“I won’t be,” I said when I was done, shoulders relaxing.
Taran scoffed. “How can you possibly know that?”
“Wesha’s the patron of childbirth, and I—”
Another flash of hurt crossed his face. “And I come from a line of fertility goddesses. Do you think my mother wanted me?” he asked, nearly yelling now.
“I want you, Taran,” I cried, reaching again for his hands, but his face darkened, sharpened as he stood up and began to pace.
“I want you forever, I want to watch you build that big marble villa, I want to have ten grumpy redheaded babies that we will love even if they look like me instead of you. And we will still have that, if we can ever finish what we started.”
Taran sucked in a short, pained breath.
“If you think I am unselfish enough to let you sail home to wage more years of war against the gods, you dramatically overestimate my character. In fact, I’m feeling a very mortal change of heart coming over me right now.
I think I ought to test whether you can forget your pointless war with a few more months in my arms, or at any point before the Moon mistakes her course and falls into the sea.
You certainly forgot your betrothed quickly enough. ”
I devoutly wished I’d never begun this charade.
Every terrible decision I’d ever made was clear only in retrospect, which was not helpful at all in making better ones now.
Was it a kindness to keep it from him now, or a betrayal?
The shine of his eyes was hard and brittle.
If I chose wrong, I knew I could shatter him.
I got to my feet and cupped his face with my hands, heart aching at the way he turned his cheek into my palm.
I didn’t have to tell him to convince him to let me leave—I knew he’d relent soon enough.
He wanted me to stay because I loved him, not because I had no choice.
All I could do now was give him a reason to come with me.
“I didn’t forget,” I said, framing his face with my fingers. “Not for a single minute. I won’t ever change my mind about you. Because that was you too. It was you, Taran. You’re the one I bargained with Wesha for.”
It took him a long moment to understand. He held stock still, staring at me in confusion as he tried to match my words with everything else I’d said.
“What?” His voice was a rough bark.
“I came to bring you home. That’s what I’ve been trying to do.”
There was a tremor in the floor under my feet. The Summerlands trembling either for the absence of the Allmother, or the emotions running through Taran’s immortal heart.
“There wasn’t anyone else?”
“No. There was always only you,” I said, releasing him and sitting back on the bed.
Part of me felt free and light. I’d never wanted to have secrets from him. And now he knew everything.
“You—you said we were in love. You wanted to marry me. But we took vows? Betrothal vows?” he asked, eyes widening as he worked through it. “That’s my ring. All those things you said…”
The shift from shock to anger in his face when I nodded wasn’t entirely unexpected, but it still hit me hard. Taran backed away from me.
“You have been trying to leave me since the moment we met,” he accused me.
That was not what I’d expected him to be angry about.
“If I’d taken you to the Painted Tower the night I saved you from the Fallen, you would have left me here. You’ve tried to run away from me half a dozen times. When you’d already promised to be my wife? Did you ever mean it?” he demanded incredulously.
I blinked, jolted by the accusation. “Taran, you died. And I was so convinced that I couldn’t live without you that I sailed across the Sea of Dreams to ask Wesha to give you back. I’m only here because I wanted to marry you.”
“Well, here I am!” he cried, arms spread. “I’ve been here the entire time. You can have me, every possible way you can have someone, until the end of time. Past it! What were you waiting for? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Five minutes after I got here, I found out you were only in the mortal world to kill me. Put down the mortal rebellion. Make us worship the Stoneborn you hate!”
“Which I did not do, even though I could have. Instead, I did everything you wanted, up to and including dying for you. What would have been enough, Iona? Was there a single thing I didn’t do?”
I gripped my hands so hard together they cramped. “I didn’t think you were the same person I knew. If I’d even known you in the first place—you were a Stoneborn, instead of a runaway acolyte. You’re immortal! You have priests! I didn’t know what you could have possibly wanted with me.”
“So the second you found out I wasn’t exactly what you expected, you changed your mind about me,” he said bitterly.
“I didn’t change my mind,” I insisted, grabbing the sheet and trying to wrap it around myself, even though Taran and I didn’t seem to mind shouting at each other naked. “I’ve been trying to change yours. You were looking for me? I’ve been looking for you!”
“Then you’ll keep your promises? Good. I always keep mine. Let’s go find a peace-priest. We can get married tonight,” he said, expression fierce.
I put a palm over my face, nearly laughing in dismay.
“You want to get married now? Right now?” I asked incredulously.