Chapter Twenty-Two #2
A few minutes later, he realized he’d made a huge mistake.
He should have hidden the other chair so it wasn’t an open invitation for somebody—namely Joey—to join him in the shade.
It was too late to pull the chair away now, though, because leaving a guy holding a sleeping baby with no place to sit was too much, even in his current mood.
Joey managed to lower himself into the chair without jostling Julia, and then his entire body seemed to relax into it as he sighed. “This potato gets pretty heavy when she’s asleep.”
A genuine smile curved Danny’s lips when he looked at his infant niece. “It’s funny how who she looks like changes every day, or even when she’s awake or asleep. When she’s sleeping and her face is relaxed, she looks more like Ellie and Nora.”
“She has my eyes, so when they’re closed, you don’t see me as much. But she looks a lot like Nora when Nora’s being quiet or sleeping. You guys get a very animated version of her, so you don’t see it as much.”
Danny chuckled, looking across the yard to where Nora and Oliver had given up on dessert and were playing some kind of game involving one of them bouncing a ball off the fence and the other having to catch it.
Luckily, his grandparents Leo and Mary had long ago embraced the first rule of having a possibly raucous backyard barbecue—invite the neighbors to the event so they were on the fun side of the fence.
“How are you doing?” Joey asked. “You’ve been pretty quiet.”
Danny decided to pretend he didn’t know what his brother was really asking. “This book really beat me up so it’s taking a little long to climb out of the post-book quiet time, I guess. Just having a little me time.”
Taking walks, without Kenzie. Sitting on the back porch, without Kenzie. Eating, without Kenzie. Living, without Kenzie.
“Come on, Danny. Are you wallowing in quiet time, or are you wallowing in regret?”
So much for pretending. “I’m drowning in regret, Joey. But just because I have regrets doesn’t mean there’s anything I could have done differently.”
The sound his brother made was pure skepticism. “I’m pretty sure that’s what regret is—wishing you’d done something differently.”
“Me going up there is just hurting me, and, more importantly, it’s hurting her.”
“Does walking away hurt you both more, though?”
Yes. He refused to admit it out loud, though, because he’d never hear the end of it.
“We were talking about you and Kenzie the other day,” Joey continued, and Danny sighed. “You’ve dated and had a few close-to-serious relationships, but none of us have ever seen you so gone for a woman. I know we’re overstepping and you’re mad about it, but—”
Danny heard a finger snap, and his gaze immediately went to his mother—as did the attention of his brothers.
Everybody quieted, and he watched his mother give Joey a look—no words or arched eyebrows, but just a steady stare they all knew translated to “stop what it is you’re doing and do something else. ”
“So how ’bout those Red Sox?” Joey asked quickly.
Danny laughed, relaxing into his chair. His mother must have been clocking his emotional temperature from across the yard, and whether she guessed they were talking about Kenzie or not, she could tell he was about to get up and leave.
They talked sports for a while, until Julia began stirring. Danny took his niece so Joey could get out of the chair, which was old and sagged a little in the seat, and they rejoined the rest of the family.
Lisa’s Finger Snap of Doom must have done the trick because he was spared any more sad looks and probing questions. It helped him get through the rest of the barbecue, but there was never a moment he wasn’t wishing Kenzie was there with him.
And that was part of the problem, he reminded himself as he watched the happy couples surrounding him. His grandparents. His parents. Joey and Ellie. Brian and Siobhan. His dad’s cousin Sean and his wife, Emma. All the kids. Even if he and Kenzie were a couple, he’d be here alone.
No, he wasn’t happy without Kenzie in his life. But he wasn’t sure they’d both be happy in the long run if she was in his life. Wasn’t it better to face that reality now, before they tried to build a life together?
Something hit Danny in the back of the head, and he whirled, expecting to see one of his brother’s laughing, but Nora was standing ten feet away, with her hand covering her mouth and her eyes wide. The ball—one of those soft red playground balls—was on the ground between them.
“Sorry, Uncle Danny,” she said while Oliver giggled.
He made a mock growling sound and scooped the ball off the ground. “Oh, you’re going to be.”
The kids squealed in delight and took off running, and he laughed as he chased them.
This was exactly what he needed—family, love and laughter. Instead of wallowing in misery, he’d focus on the joy of his nieces and nephews, and his work. Sure, he’d had his world turned upside down, but he could right it again. Maybe it would be a little crooked, but he’d get used to it.
Eventually.