27. Chapter Twenty Seven Rhowyn
Chapter Twenty Seven: Rhowyn
Lennox got to his feet stiffly and paused as if steadying himself before he started to head to the door. “Are you sure you're up to it right now?” I asked him.
“I'll be fine,” he muttered as he opened the door and left us in the suite. I still felt like shit though. If he felt anything like I did, I couldn't imagine how he was up and walking already.
The food seemed to help though, and I continued to eat from the plate Callum handed me. No one said anything after the bomb I dropped on them when Lennox provoked me. Ugh! This was why I never told anyone about that. It always made everyone act weird around me.
“I'm not broken, guys,” I told them out loud, still looking at my plate. “I won't have a nervous breakdown. In fact, I'm starting to feel much better.” Even if it was a stretch of the truth, I was feeling better, so it wasn't a complete lie.
“Good. I'm glad to hear that,” Arryn said, placing a hand on my back, rubbing my shoulders. I glanced at him next to me on the couch and smiled. His touch ignited the heat from last night, and I found myself wishing for a repeat.
“Killer can't be taken down so easily,” Baer joked, pulling my attention to him and making me feel instantly guilty for having thoughts about Arryn after he and I kissed yesterday. Ugh ! I wanted to get away from all these confusing feelings. They weren’t any fun, and I had no idea how to navigate all of this.
Did I just come out and say it out loud? That I was attracted to all of them? I had needs, but I didn't want to ruin the friendships that were developing. Maybe I should try to find some other fae male to scratch my itch. All I knew was that I needed to get away for the moment. I needed to be by myself for a few minutes.
“I think I'm going to go take a shower,” I stated, having finished my food and feeling stronger. “I feel disgusting after all that.”
“Of course. Do you need any help?” Arryn asked.
I laughed. “I don't think so. I should be perfectly fine on my own. But I promise to let you know if I have any trouble,” I replied with a wink. I stood up a little unsteady, but the knee-buckling feeling passed quickly. I made my way to my room slower than usual, but completely on my own, feeling the men staring at me the whole way.
As soon as I was on the other side of the shut door, I leaned back against it and caught my breath. I wouldn't admit it to them, but that had almost taken everything out of me. I didn't like being weak. It made me vulnerable, and I would rather not let anyone know how exhausted I truly was.
I pushed myself off the door and made it to the bathroom, turning the water as hot as I could stand it as I slowly stripped my clothes off while I waited. Stepping inside, I let the water run over my tired muscles, soothing the tension that started to settle there. I probably shouldn't since I was already so weak, but there was a demanding need between my thighs that I needed to take care of. My attraction to all of the men outside my bedroom was making itself known, and if I didn't do something soon, I was more likely to do something I'd regret.
So, after I had cleaned myself up and washed my hair, I let my fingers trail to the junction at the apex of my thighs, easily finding my clit. I ran my index finger along my slit, teasing myself and building the desire, picturing all of the men in the shower with me. Baer would be on his knees before me, his finger running along my slit. Arryn and Callum would each be tugging on a nipple with their teeth and fingers. My own fingers mimicked the feeling they would bring, first to one breast and then the other. Lennox would be behind me, waiting to dominate me, kissing along my neck. He'd be the one dipping a finger into my cunt from behind while Baer sucked on my clit, both playing me in a perfect rhythm.
My own fingers danced quickly over my clit before I dipped two fingers into my pussy, my palm now rubbing my clit as I played with my G-spot. My free hand pulled on my nipples, pinching them hard and shooting pleasure straight to my core. I could feel myself racing toward the cliff's edge as my pleasure climbed higher and higher, my breaths rushing out of me in pants. I was almost there, and needed this more than I’d realized.
My breath hitched as I reached the pinnacle, hanging out right on the precipice, ready to fall over the edge, when a knock sounded loudly at my bathroom door, startling me from my peak. I bit back the growl of frustration at the intrusion as I bit out, “What!”
“Sorry to interrupt, Killer, but Master Jude is here,” Baer called from the other side of the door.
I leaned my head against the cold stone of the shower, knowing I needed to go out there and not keep Jude waiting. I debated continuing, but I knew it would take me too long to reach the edge again, even if my clit throbbed with unrealized satisfaction. Ugh! Just my luck .
I sighed, knowing I had to finish up now, and shut off the water. “Alright, I'll be out there in just a minute,” I grumbled at the door.
I didn't get a reply, but I did hear the outer bedroom door shut indicating Baer had gone to deliver the message. I dried off quickly and exited the bathroom, throwing on some more workout clothes, a pair of black leggings and a T-shirt. Not bothering with a bra, that infernal torture device created by men, I dried my hair quickly before heading to the living area of our suite.
Master Jude was sitting on the couch again, the guys around him and talking quietly among themselves. I approached them slowly, exhausted but on edge since I hadn’t reached my climax.
Baer grinned at me mischievously as he saw me approach, Arryn and Jude turning to face me from the couch. Lennox was sitting on the chair across from them while Callum took up his spot by the fireplace, close enough to hear our discussion, but not close enough to appear involved.
I rounded the couch and went to sit between Arryn and Master Jude. Arryn helped me down when my legs started to shake, completely worn out after everything. I smiled at him thankfully, our eyes meeting and his dilated as if he were turned on, nostrils flaring before his gaze dipped to my mouth. I clenched my legs again and wondered if a girl could actually die from being too horny. My clit throbbed, and I could've sworn I had the equivalent to blue balls. Ugh! Not exactly a condition conducive to getting answers about what just happened .
I forced myself to turn away as Jude cleared his throat to gain our attention. “So, I was told there was an incident this morning?” he asked us, his gaze bouncing between us all, waiting for our explanation.
“Yes. When Rhowyn went to reach for her magic this morning with Callum, her power seemed to get trapped, somehow increasing to the point that she was almost consumed by her own magic,” Arryn began. “We believe that, for some reason, she wasn’t able to channel it, most likely because she has too much power and not enough control. We obviously found a way to get it under control, but it was a close call. Now, we’re concerned about practicing with it again and hope that you will be able to help us put a block on some of her power until she learns to gain some control over it.”
“Hmmm... She was able to gain control eventually, was she?” Jude asked, but he looked at Lennox as he did. Obviously, he didn't believe us, but he wasn't going to push it, thankfully.
“Well, I'm not certain I can block only part of her magic, but I know that should she complete her bonds, she would gain control of her magic with the assistance of her consorts. They would then be able to assist her by drawing off some of the excess magic so she wouldn't be consumed.” He stared down the guys as he said this.
“What do you mean by completing the bonds?” I asked, confused. This was the first I had heard about having to complete the bonds. The guys and I hadn't really discussed in detail what exactly it meant to be consorts to me. I remembered them briefly telling me about a bond, but I assumed the ceremony we already completed took care of that. I didn't realize that there would be more to the equation than that.
Jude smiled at me gently. “I believe that is a discussion for you and your consorts. They know what I mean.” He patted my knee before continuing, “Now, as far as your glamor, I also believe that once you have access to your bonds and control of your magic, you should then be able to break the glamor yourself.”
“Oh, well that sounds good,” I said.
“Indeed, but be prepared, dear, because you will no longer look like you. You will be your true fae self, with very little to no similarities to what you currently look like. Your appearance will change drastically. I imagine it will be quite a shock and will take some getting used to.” I wasn't sure if I was ready for all of that, but I knew I was at least curious as to what I was really supposed to look like.
“Could it really be that simple?” Baer asked.
“Indeed. But I'm sure it won't be easy because she has much to learn about her magic and yours before she can control them enough to remove the glamor,” Jude replied.
“I have another question,” I murmured to Jude, waiting for him to face me again before continuing, “This morning, the guys mentioned I might have access to an affinity that no one else has. Is that possible?”
Surprise lit his face before he glanced at Arryn. “Is this true?”
“Yes, Sir. We were able to feel more it while her magic was consuming her.”
“Interesting.” He seemed to get lost in his thoughts for a few moments as we sat there silently, waiting for his thoughts on the matter. “I'll admit, I haven't heard of a fae having new affinities, but I seem to recall a legend of some sort claiming that it is possible. I'll investigate it further and let you know what I find out.”
“Okay. Seems pretty straightforward,” I said, brushing off the weight that seemed to be growing on my shoulders. I knew things shouldn't be this complicated and yet, for me, there just seemed to be more questions every time we found an answer.
I refused to fall victim to the weight, determined to bear it for now. I knew the guys would help however they could in the meantime. Eventually we had to come across all the answers. Right? I wished I could be more certain, but since they'd strolled into my life, it had been anything but simple. I knew I needed to have patience, but it wasn't easy right now. Exhaustion tugged on me, and my patience was running thin. Hunger and my need for sleep clouded my mind, making me react emotionally and instinctively.
“Thank you for your help, Master Jude. We’ll keep you updated on what goes on. And if you find out anything in the meantime, don't hesitate to let us know,” Arryn said, helping Jude stand and walking him to the door.
I stood to follow them. “I can't tell you how much you've helped me already. Thank you for everything,” I told him simply, grateful for all his help. I couldn't imagine where we'd be without him.
“Of course, my dear. Anytime. I'm sorry I couldn't help more, but if you need anything else, please let me know.” He smiled at me dotingly. I couldn't help but feel like he knew more, but I couldn't be sure of that.
I gave him a hug as he left, Arryn closing the door behind him. He then helped me back to the couch, where I plopped back down, groaning when I realized I didn't grab anymore of the food on the table. I eyed the food but decided I didn't have it in me to get back up again so soon.
Instead, I narrowed my eyes on the guys. “So, who wants to tell me about these consort bond thingies?” I asked no one in particular, instead letting them decide who would answer.
Baer chuckled nervously, running a hand on the back of his neck. “About that...” he trailed off, not completing the sentence or explaining what Jude had been talking about.
“We need to complete our bonds with you so we’ll be connected to you,” Lennox stated, almost bored. But I saw through his fa?ade, noticing the slight tension in his shoulders as he admitted this.
“Okay. So, what exactly do the bonds do?” I asked them, trying to get some clarification.
“The bonds connect us in ways that help us to find you, protect you, and meet your needs. While the land chose us as your consorts, you must accept us in order to complete the bonds. It's not something that can ever be undone and will stay with us whether or not you are selected as queen.” Arryn finally explained, his eyes meeting mine.
“Ah. That's why you guys haven't said anything. If I'm intent on returning to Earth, you'd still be tied to me no matter what,” I said, catching on. “But what exactly does it feel like? To be bonded?” I asked.
Arryn sighed, seeming to hesitate on how to explain this to me. I waited somewhat impatiently for him to answer, getting tired of not having the answers to things I should know by now. “Being your consorts means that we can feel what you feel, we can find you even if you aren't near, and we can share our gifts and affinities. It means that we are tied to you forever, and that if you aren't near, we will feel as if a part of us is missing,” Callum spat out, almost as if he was angry with me.
“And in order for me to get control of my magic, to break my glamor, and to survive the trials, I will need to bond with you all?” I asked, pretty sure I knew the answer but needing them to confirm my conclusions.
“Exactly,” Lennox snapped out with a forced smile that looked more like a grimace.
Okay, apparently a couple of them were on the same page as I was. I didn’t want to be tied to anyone for eternity, and I didn't want to hurt them when I eventually returned to Earth. There was no way I could ask this of them. There had to be some other way to survive the trials without bonding to my consorts. We just hadn't figured out a way yet.
“Well, I still don't plan on being the queen. I still want to return to Earth. I have too many people counting on me back there, so there's no way I can ask you guys to bond with me. We'll figure something else out,” I told them simply.
“I wish it were that simple, Killer,” Baer said sympathetically.
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused as to why we couldn't just follow my plan.
“He means that we can't risk training you in magic without being bonded. Today was too close of a call, and Lennox is pretty burned out after helping you through that. There's no way you can make it through the trials without at least some magic. They were designed to test you magically, physically, and mentally. If you can't manage all of that, then it's very unlikely that you will survive,” Arryn told me.
“No. You guys don't know just how stubborn I am. If there's a way, I'll be able to find it. I've survived this long without it. I don't need my magic now. No big deal,” I denied, not wanting to let them do this.
“I believe you are probably the strongest fae I've ever met, but it's highly unlikely that even you would be able to survive the trials without your magic,” Arryn insisted.
“You only survived this long without magic because you were on a magic-less plane. You didn't need it. But that's Earth. You are no longer in that world and need to accept that you can't make it through this without your magic,” Lennox snapped at me, getting angrier as he continued.
“I won't let you guys tie yourselves to me in that way. I can't be responsible for y'all too,” I snapped back at him, angrier at the situation more than him.
I stood up, needing to move, no longer as tired as I started to realize that they were right. But I couldn't ask this of them. If I did, I would have to stay here and abandon everyone I had left back on Earth. Those girls needed me. They had no one else.
“I can't do it,” I said to no one in particular. I paced back and forth, running my hands through my hair, not able to come to terms with all of this right now.
“We don't have to decide anything right now,” Arryn said calmly, ever the diplomat.
“But we will need you to decide soon,” Lennox pushed, not letting me run from this, the bastard.
I stopped pacing and glared at him, letting my panic, anger, and fear bleed into my eyes. “How can I be expected to make this decision? Either I abandon you guys after the trials, or I abandon those little girls back on Earth who have absolutely no one else who cares about them. They're all alone without me.”
Baer came up to my side, pulling me into a side hug gently. I let him hold me, wanting to bury my face in his chest, but I couldn't pull my eyes from Lennox's. I could see the same resignation in his, the fear and hopelessness in them.
“You think you are the only one who has to give up anything? You think this is easy on us?” Callum snapped at me, his anger evident as he spoke through clenched teeth. My eyes met his and I instinctively stepped back at the acid I saw churning in them. I'd never seen this side of him.
“No,” I whispered. “That's exactly why I can't let you guys do this. I'm not worth this.”
“Well, we don't exactly have a choice. We can't just let you die. Which you will if you enter the trials without your magic. The minute we were selected, we no longer had any choice in the matter. You need to come to terms with that and accept it. The sooner, the better,” he growled out, holding my gaze for a few moments before he stomped off to his room, slamming the door behind him.
I jumped at the noise, barely holding onto my sanity. I pushed away from Baer, unable to accept his comfort, not when I was feeling so guilty. My eyes were now watering, but I wouldn't let them see me cry. I spun on my heels and hurried as quickly as I could to my room to hide from them and the decision I knew I needed to make.
As if I had any choice, not if I wanted to survive. If I chose to go through the trials without the bonds, without my magic, I would die, according to them. If I died, I would be abandoning the girls on Earth and leaving the guys with guilty consciences. Dying wouldn't make anything better. But if I accepted the bonds and accessed my magic, I would have a chance at surviving the trials. I could save the guys from having to go through all of that, but I wouldn't be able to return to Earth to live out my days there. Sure, I could return to visit, but we wouldn't be able to stay long enough to help the girls.
I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. What choice did I have exactly? Apparently, there wasn't one. I had to accept the bonds, but it didn't mean I had to like the choice.
I threw myself on my bed and cried, sobbing as quietly as I could, sure that one of the guys was outside my door since they wouldn't want to leave me by myself for too long. Not even my mental health was worth risking my life after someone had already threatened it the other day.
I couldn't say how long I lay there, my tears having run out a while ago, but I still stayed there in a daze of shock and grief. I might not be grieving a loved one, but I was grieving the life I had tried to carve out for myself. I was once again at the mercy of others, unable to choose what I wanted and having to do what I was told. I hated it.
A soft knock came on the door, but I ignored it, unable to muster the strength to answer it. The door creaked open, Baer peeking his head through. “Dinner arrived a little while ago if you want to eat?”
“I'm not hungry,” I mumbled. Truth was, I was still starving and weak from everything, but I couldn't bring myself to move from this spot. I didn't even bother looking at him.
“Okay,” he said reluctantly and shut the door again.
I continued to lay there, dozing off and on the rest of the day. Another knock on the door startled me awake, and I realized it was dark in the room, the sun apparently having set a while ago. My stomach gnawed at me in hunger and I needed to pee, but still, I didn't move.
The door opened again, and Lennox stomped in, throwing the door open wide before shutting it behind him. He walked over in the darkness and turned on the lamp, glaring down at me.
I flinched away from the sudden brightness and glared back at him. He wasn't cowed by that look, so I sat up and threw the blankets off me. I stormed to the bathroom to relieve myself, expecting him to leave while I was in there.
When I came back out, he was still standing there, his arms crossed over his chest and glowering at me. “What do you want?” I snapped at him.
“I want you to quit throwing such a fit over something we both know isn't going to change,” he snapped right back.
“Excuse me?” I said, crossing my own arms across my chest and cocking a hip at him. If he wanted a fight, I was down for it. I could use one right about now. Anything to not feel so weak and helpless.
“You heard me. This,” he waved a hand up and down my body, “isn't going to change anything. You and I both know you have no choice but to accept the bonds. Neither of us has to like it, but it is what it is.”
I hmphed at him, not having a response to that. I just continued to glare at him. “So, what, I'm just supposed to leap in joy that I'll be stuck here? That I have to abandon those girls?”
“You think you're the only one who has to abandon their dreams?” He shot me a look like I was crazy. “I didn't realize you were that dense.”
“Really? Dense? And just what dreams will you be giving up?”
“Maybe I had hoped that with a new queen I would finally have the chance to be free. Maybe I had thought that I could find out what it would mean to live my life without the constant threat of death looming over me. Maybe I had wanted to run away at the end of the trials to live in peace.” He snarled every word at me, drawing closer with each statement until he stood directly in front of me, almost touching. If I took a deep breath, my arms would brush his chest.
His words had the same effect as if he had slapped me, throwing ice over my anger, and I deflated. I dropped my gaze and my arms, my shoulders hunching with the weight of the guilt. “See, I'm not worth all of this,” I whispered, admitting my true thoughts out loud to him.
He drew closer, his slender fingers pinching my chin and raising my face until he could look into my eyes. “Did I say that?” he snapped. When I shook my head, he continued. “Maybe I realized earlier that if I had to be stuck with anyone, I was glad it was you. Maybe I always knew that my dreams weren't realistic and that I was meant for more. Maybe I realized I wanted to be your consort more than I wanted to be free.”
His words hung between us; my breath caught in my chest at his admission. “Why?” I asked, not understanding.
He turned away from me, running his hands through his hair. “I don't know exactly, just that since meeting you, I've been able to be my true self. I've never let anyone see the real me, not since I was a young child.”
He walked back toward me, just as close as he had been before, but this time, there was a different energy in the air. “I'm not a good man, but I feel like with you, maybe I can do some good. I feel different around you, and it's not something I can explain.”
His words trailed off as he stared at me, his eyes dipping to my lips as my tongue darted out to wet them. My nipples hardened at the heat I now saw in his gaze, the hunger evident there. My core clenched, and his nostrils flared.
He groaned just before he slammed his lips to mine, burying his hands in my hair as he consumed my mouth. My hands grabbed onto his chest, gripping his shirt as his kiss overwhelmed me. I couldn't think. Could only feel. And it was more than I had ever felt before. The turmoil of emotions we had both been struggling with now had an outlet in each other and combined, they threatened to sweep us away under a wave of passion.
His tongue raked inside my mouth, claiming every inch of it as it danced and tangled with my own. He backed me up against the wall, his body pinning mine as his hips pushed into me. I could feel his arousal pressing into my stomach, and I moaned against his mouth, the sound muffled. My hips arched against him, trying to find some relief. I needed more. As good as this was, as earth-shattering as it might be right now, I knew he could give me so much more.
My hands went to his waist and crept under the hem until I could feel his bare skin against my palms, each muscle outlined for me as I traced them up his sides. He inhaled sharply at my touch and worked a leg between my thighs, pressing it against my core. I moaned again at the contact, seeing stars behind my eyes.
Yes, this was what I needed. I ground against his leg, seeking my release that had been escaping me for days now. My moans escaped me as one of his hands released my hair and reached under my shirt, tracing up my side until he brushed the underside of my breast.
He growled when he realized I wasn't wearing a bra and then rubbed a thumb against my nipple. Both sent shockwaves to my core and drove me closer to the edge.
“Please, Nox, I'm so close,” I begged, without any shame. I was desperate for release.
His hand released my breast and went to grab my hip as I rode his powerful thigh. His other hand went to my waistband and crept under the hemline. “What do you need, Princess?” he asked me, his voice raspy with desire.
“You,” I said simply as I tried to take his shirt off, needing his cock inside me right now, but he pulled back slightly.
He chuckled at the look of disappointment on my face. “Not tonight,” he muttered, much to my dismay. When I whimpered, his hand crept lower, finding my clit and making me moan loudly.
“Gods, you sound so sexy, Princess,” he groaned as he began to move his finger slowly in a circle, drawing out my race to the pinnacle.
“Quit teasing me, Nox, and make me come,” I growled at him, needing my release now.
“Your wish is my command, Princess.” He pulled my shirt above my breasts, the cool air caressing my bare skin and making them harden further. He dipped his head and pulled one taut peak into his mouth, his teeth teasing it before biting down.
I moaned again and buried my hands in his hair, holding him in place as his other hand continued to play my clit. His long middle finger slid along my slit. “Fuck, Princess, you're so fucking wet for me right now.” He groaned as he buried that digit deep inside me and caused me to buck my hips.
“Fuck, Nox, don't stop. Please,” I begged him again, riding his hand as he added a second finger, finding my G-spot and crooking his fingers over and over. I was so fucking close; the edge was right there. “I'm so close. Please. Don't. Stop.”
My breath hitched as I drew ever closer to the edge, needing to fall over and fly apart, but for some reason, I just couldn't. Nox sucked my nipple into his mouth, biting down just as his palm rubbed my clit all while he stroked my dripping pussy. That was all it took to shatter me into a million pieces.
I bit down on my lip as I moaned loudly, trying not to broadcast to everyone exactly what we were doing as I saw stars behind my eyes. My knees buckled, but he held me still, keeping me from crumpling to the floor.
“Fuck, that was amazing,” I said through gasping breaths.
Nox chuckled smugly, and I arched a brow at him. He then pulled his fingers from my pants and stuck them in his mouth, sucking my juices from them with a groan. “You taste so fucking delicious. Next time this happens, I'm burying my head between your thighs to get a better taste.”
I moaned softly at the thought, my body starting to rev up again. As my thoughts started to come back to me, I started to realize what we had done. Guilt began to weigh on me as I thought about Arryn and Baer.
“None of that now, Princess. No regrets. What we just did was amazing, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it,” he demanded from me.
“Easy for you to say. You didn't kiss Baer and Arryn yesterday only to let you have your way with me,” I replied on a groan, pushing away from him, my shirt falling down as he let me go.
He chuckled at me as I ran my hands through my hair and started to pace. “I'm so glad you find my unfaithfulness so funny. Cause I sure don't. Ugh! What am I going to tell them?” I asked as I spun to face him.
He was now leaning against the wall, a smug grin on his face, clearly amused by me. I could see the outline of his dick, and it was eye-catching. I dragged my eyes away from the sight to look him in the eyes as he spoke. “You don't have to tell them anything. I'm sure they all know what just happened. Besides, that's part of what we’re here for.”
“What do you mean?” I gritted out, stalking closer to him, angry at his nonchalance.
He chuckled again. “Well, for starters, we all know you kissed Baer and Arryn, we could smell them on you. Secondly, we are your consorts. We’re here to meet your needs, whatever they might be.”
“What!?” I just barely kept myself from shrieking, not knowing where to start. They could smell each other on me, and they were supposed to meet my needs . What. The. Actual. Fuck.