29. Chapter Twenty Nine Callum
Chapter Twenty Nine: Callum
We walked down to the training room again as a group, but Rhowyn and Baer were up ahead, joking around. Baer teased her about something and caused her to blush. Such a pretty color on her creamy, olive skin. I could picture her with that same color in her cheeks for a completely different reason.
Arryn and Lennox followed behind them, lost in their own thoughts but both very aware of her every move. I was at the rear of the group, out of sight and out of mind. Or at least that's what I had thought because just then, Arryn glanced at me over his shoulder, his gaze hard after our conversation last night.
After going back and forth with my thoughts last night, I was no closer to a decision on what to do with my Chosen. I still wasn't fully comfortable or sure in my decision to accept the consort bond. Doing so would either be the best thing or the worst thing for my people. And there was still the problem with her sticking around after the trials. Was it worth putting all my hopes on her ?
For the last several years, I had been trying to survive and to protect my people from any further punishments from the Queen. I hated her with every ounce of my being, but I'd had to swallow that loathing for years in hopes of being able to bring her down for good. I hadn't been making any headway, only suffering through her favorite forms of torture for her own twisted pleasures. And now, with this consort bond, I had the opportunity to overthrow the bitch. But I couldn't shake the dread that filled me, the anger at the situation that made this all or nothing.
I knew absolutely nothing about this woman, how she wound up on Earth, what her motivations were, or what kind of queen she would be if we succeeded. All I knew was that I'd rather die than allow another sadistic queen on the throne. All the other choices were either too similar to our current queen, both strong and manipulative, or too weak for their own good. If we were to succeed, we needed someone who could make the hard decisions while also maintaining her virtues. Inevitably, each hard decision would chip away at a person, hardening them into a shadow of their former na?ve selves.
I needed to get to know Rhowyn better, but I couldn't seem to let down my own guard, to be vulnerable enough that she would trust me with her own inner thoughts. Which brought me back to my conversation with Arryn, who'd been waiting up for me alone in the sitting area of our suite.
He'd been nursing a whiskey, staring into the flames, not reacting initially when I entered the suite. As I approached the door that led to our consort rooms, he asked, “What are you playing at, Callum?”
I didn't know how to respond, his question catching me completely off guard. “Excuse me?” I asked, my anger rising as I turned to face him .
He continued to stare into the flames, taking a small drink before speaking again. “Since making yourself known to us as the fourth consort, you've also made yourself quite scarce. I have to question one, why you took so long to come forward, two, why you keep disappearing, and three, if we can even trust you.”
He finally glanced in my direction as he finished his inquisition of me, studying my every move. His subtle accusations angered me, and I crossed my arms over my chest, debating whether or not to answer him.
Arryn spoke again before I had decided, as if sensing my internal debate. “While I have only known Rhowyn for a few days, she is unlike anyone I have ever met before. And yet, she possesses such a goodness in her that I can't help but want to believe in and protect it. This feeling is much more than the bond. I refuse to allow someone else to tear her down. You know as well as I do that she's not led an easy life, per her own admission this afternoon.” He paused as if I needed the reminder of her trauma, which had shocked me and angered me to a point I had never known before when she had revealed that little nugget of information.
He continued, “So. That being said, I refuse to allow you to pull her down with whatever is going on with you. We consorts need to get our acts together and become the men that the land believed we could be for her.”
Understanding where he was coming from eased some of my anger, but I hated the protectiveness that flared in me. I already had too many people counting on me. I didn't need these four relying too heavily on me now.
I shifted on my feet, finally responding to him. “I'm sure you know my history and my current position in this Court. I'm sure you are also aware of what I have been put through, seeing that you are in the Queen's Guard. I feel the bond pulling at me, but I haven't decided if this is a mistake or not. I'm not sure what I could offer her or you.” I wanted to say more but decided not to. He didn't need to know all my thoughts yet. I still wasn't sure if I could trust him.
“Obviously, the land and Avalonia thought differently since they chose you, out of all the fae available, to be one of her consorts. You're right. I know your history, as well as what the queen currently does when alleviating her boredom. Like you, I've not had much choice in her whims, but our people deserve a queen who puts them first. Rhowyn is our best shot at this. The way she has fought to try to get back to those who are counting on her back on Earth tells me that she won't give up easily. We all need to find a way to be what she needs so she has the best chance of surviving and possibly winning these trials.”
I thought over his words, thinking of the way Rhowyn had fought me off when I had snuck into her room, as well as her fight when she was sparring yesterday. She had surprised me with her techniques. I was shocked that she was as well-trained and lethal as she was. She still had a lot to learn about weapons and magic, but she could at least hold her own physically.
She was smart and calculating during her match with Lennox, reading him and patient enough to wait for her moment to attack. Arryn was correct in the fact that she would be our best chance at replacing this queen. But I couldn't help the niggling doubt in my mind that told me that even if we won the trials, Rhowyn would still have a major fight on her hands for the throne. Something she still was adamant she didn't want.
It was hard for me to put all my eggs in one basket, especially when I'd been disappointed and betrayed too many times in my life so far. I decided to voice one of my doubts to hear his response. “And what happens if she decides she doesn't want to be queen?”
He sighed, turning back to the fire and taking another drink. “To be honest, I'm not sure, but I plan to do everything in my power to give her more reasons to stay. I plan to get her to see the true power she has and that she is exactly what we need in a queen. Having you all helping me in this would make it much easier.”
I could see his point but wasn't ready yet to admit that to him. I was still afraid of what would happen to my people if we failed. They were my priority, and I needed to make sure they were protected at all costs, even if that meant betraying my consort bonds.
I had left him there with that, unsure what else to say to him, and went back to my room to toss and turn. Baer woke me up this morning, informing me that we were going to do some training while we waited for Master Jude to be available to help us complete the consort bonds.
Apparently, she had accepted the importance of solidifying the bonds. Her decision made me hopeful because it meant she no longer planned to run away as soon as she was done with the trials. The bonds were for life, but I wasn't worried on my end about that. I didn't ever see myself as being with anyone else, so I had no qualms about accepting the bond in that sense.
As for believing we could succeed, I still needed to decide where I stood on that. I wanted to have confidence in her, but I couldn't seem to get rid of the doubts that plagued me continuously. I didn't dare allow myself to trust this chance fully.
Which was how I found myself following behind the group, getting glares from Arryn as he tried to figure me out. Good luck with that because I didn't even know what I wanted. All I could do now was keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking each day at a time, and hoping I survived the day.
We made it to the training room, and I kept my distance from the group like I had been for the last several days, choosing not to interact too much. I preferred to watch them, trying to figure out their motivations and intentions .
Baer and Rhowyn walked over to the weapons that were available for training purposes and started picking up the pieces, turning them over as he explained each piece to her. She listened to him avidly, nodding her understanding, genuinely curious to learn more. Most female fae could care less about fighting, leaving that to the males, so her interest was refreshing. It took some of the burden off my shoulders to know that she would be able to protect herself.
I could guess why she had such a need to learn about weapons, to learn physical combat. She'd already been a victim one too many times and surely felt the need to never be one again. I could respect that since I felt the same way about my situation. However, the difference between us was that I still felt helpless in mine while she seemed to have a grasp on hers.
That thought aggravated me, and I went to grab a sword, a heavy monstrosity that was too much for most fae, males and females alike. I edged up to the table that held the weapons and reached around Rhowyn to grab the sword, brushing her shoulder as I did so and drawing her attention.
Her brow furrowed in question as she saw me, but she didn't say anything, turning her attention back to Baer, who hadn't stopped speaking. I stomped away from them, angry at everything just now and needing the physical release of a good training session. This sword would tire me the quickest.
Once I reached the training dummy, I started swinging, focusing on the footwork, the swings, the dance of sword fighting. When my focus was honed into training, everything else drained away, always leaving me more centered afterward.
I continued, barely breaking a sweat, when a flash of light to my left caught my eye. I turned, pausing to find the source, and found Baer teaching Rhowyn how to hold the daggers. It was a good choice for her, especially starting out. We didn't have time to build her endurance for a sword or her aim for throwing knives. The daggers were simple once you grasped the general concept.
He stood behind her, adjusting her grip, as he leaned forward over her shoulder to speak into her ear. I saw the flush starting to creep up her neck and her breath quickening. I smelled her arousal shortly after, my nostrils flaring to inhale it. I resisted the urge to adjust myself, growing hard at picturing what I could do to her.
I turned away and attacked the dummy with more force, trying to get my attention off what she looked like aroused. Yes, I wanted to fuck her. Hard. I wanted to pound into her pussy, but I wouldn't let myself do such a thing until I knew more about her. Again, there were no guarantees that she wouldn't run away and leave us with our dicks in our hands.
Angry about my inability to control my desire, I swung the sword harder, faster. I continued the breakneck pace until I swung the steel blade at the dummy's middle, and the sword lodged itself deep into the wood. I tried to tug the sword back to me, panting hard, sweat dripping into my eyes, but it wouldn't release.
“Fuck!” I cursed under my breath. I planted one boot onto the dummy and pulled with both hands to dislodge the sword. It finally came free, and I stood there, panting. I wiped the sweat from my brow, the silence pressing in on me, telling me they were all staring at me.
I gritted my teeth, trying to reign in my temper. A hand pressed on my lower shoulder and softly glanced across my tunic, the heat searing my skin despite the light touch. I jumped and whirled around.
“What!?” I barked out, immediately regretting my tone when she flinched away from me, holding her hands up and out in front of her, demonstrating she wasn't a threat.
Quietly, too soft for the others to hear even with their advanced hearing, she asked, “You okay?” Her brow furrowed in concern.
“Just great!” I bit out sarcastically.
She lifted one side of her mouth in a smile. “Doesn't seem that way to me, but okay. If you insist. I just wanted to check and let you know that if you needed to talk, I'm a pretty good listener.”
I wanted to lash out at her, to tell her that I didn't need her help. I held back, running my free hand through my hair, and huffed out a sigh, releasing some of my tension. “Thanks, but I'm good.”
“If you say so.” She shrugged at me.
I growled, getting fed up with her refusal to let this go. I stepped closer to her, invading her personal space and towering over her slight frame. “If you must know, I'm not a huge fan of this whole situation.”
She gasped mockingly, her hand going to her chest. “Really! I would have never guessed,” she teased, her smile flirting with her lips and her eyes sparkling with mischief.
I had meant to be intimidating, to get her to leave me alone, but she wasn't backing down from the challenge. Her mirth growing on me and surprisingly easing some of the tension.
“For real though,” she paused and placed her hand on my chest over my heart, her face turning more serious with concern, “If anyone can understand, it's me. Trust me. This is not how I envisioned my life.” She forced out a chuckle, holding my gaze for a second longer. I wanted to grab her by the nape of her neck and crush her lips to mine. I wanted to slam her up against the wall and feel her wrap her legs around me. Having her this close was messing with my head.
I shook my head to clear it pointlessly, still not responding. She sighed and stepped back, shaking her head at me. “Fine, have it your way. When you're ready, come find me.”
She turned her back on me then, walking back to Baer, who stood watching both of us, concern on his face. As she went back to him, his face changed, lighting up with genuine joy. He was lucky not to have a past like mine. He didn't wake up every morning hating himself or struggling under the weight of his people counting on him to free them.
I growled, running my hand through my hair again, wanting to punch something. I walked back to the weapons table and threw my sword down, not bothering to sharpen or clean it. I needed to get out of here.
As I made my way to the door, Arryn stepped in front of me, blocking my exit and pissing me off. “Get out of my way!” I growled out at him, not raising my voice, but the danger was evident in every syllable.
He just regarded me nonchalantly, stuffing his hands in his pockets as if unconcerned. “No.”
“I'm serious, Arryn, I need to get out of here. This isn't helping me.”
“This isn't helping Rhowyn either, you running away every single time you get upset. If I didn't know any better, I would think you were a spoiled child throwing a temper tantrum every time he didn't get his way,” he said accusingly.
I growled, my fists clenching and my body shaking as I restrained myself from punching him. “You know absolutely nothing.”
“You're right. I don't know anything.” That confession took me aback, and I rocked back on my heels. “So, tell me.”
My breaths were ragged with my emotions as I stood there regarding him, debating whether or not to trust and confide in him. Knowing I couldn't continue on this way, knowing I needed to commit to a course of action, I decided to test him.
“You know my people still look to me to save them.” At his nod, I continued, “Then you also know that having more people counting on me is not easy for me. I'm not sure if I should go along with being a consort, knowing that I need to do the best thing for my people above all else.”
He nodded in understanding, mulling through my rushed confession. “Understandable. But I think you're thinking about this all wrong. By supporting Rhowyn, you'll be able to help them more than you have since becoming the queen's plaything,” he said, not holding back his true thoughts on me.
I studied him, trying not to give away the fact that his assessment hit too close to home. “That's only if this whole thing works out. We have no way to ensure that it does.”
“Yeah, but your way wasn't working either. Did you really think she would ever be foolish enough to let you inside her inner circle? No matter how much she enjoyed your company ?” he challenged me.
Anger surged through me, and I clenched my fists, turning my back on him. I wanted to run away from the truth of his statement, but I held my ground, whirling back to face him. “Say you're right. Say the only chance I have to save my people is to go along with this. What happens if we fail?”
He shrugged, his body language saying he didn't have any worries, but his eyes gave away his thoughts, his fear. “If we fail, then we're all screwed anyway.”
Fuck. He was right . If her power was allowed to grow unchecked, then all of Avalon was doomed. Her tastes would continue to grow more and more sadistic. She was already growing in her bloodthirst, needing to push the limits further and further, no longer satisfied with the usual games she played. I'd noticed it, but I hadn't wanted to admit it to myself.
He was right, but I didn't like it. At least before I could pretend I had some choice in the matter. Now, it seemed I couldn't avoid the truth, the glaring fact that the only hope we had to possibly succeed was to go forward with being Rhowyn's consorts .
He let my mind race. Standing there watching me come to the inevitable conclusion. He met my gaze steadily. “Now, the question is, what are we going to do to make sure she succeeds?”
That was the crucial question now, wasn't it? I huffed out a breath, running my hands through my already tousled hair. “She's going to need a lot more training. And we need to get her magic under control.”
He laughed. “Obviously. I'm working on the magic, trying to find out how best to help her. The bonding will help her according to Master Jude, but we need to know more about her background just in case.” He studied me again. “I figured you could work on her training. If I remember correctly, you were the best with weapons at one time. All types. From what I saw, you haven't really lost your touch either.”
“Baer seems to be doing all right in that area so far,” I replied, unsure of where he was going with this.
“Baer is too easy on her. If we're going to make this work, then she needs someone to be tougher on her. To push her, even if she doesn't want to be.” He crossed his arms, waiting for my answer.
I huffed out another sigh, knowing he was right again. “You know, this smug, knowing side of you is not my favorite.” He laughed loudly at that, knowing again that he had me. Fuck, this bastard was too smart for his own good. He saw too much.
“I promise I'm not always like this. Only when people don't want to pull their heads out of their asses,” he joked with a shit-eating grin on his smug face.
I laughed in return, a lot of the tension leaving me. Apparently not deciding had been weighing on me more than I had thought. I turned back to watch Baer with Rhowyn, evaluating her progress. There was no time like the present to get started. After all, Titania’s moods had only grown more and more volatile the closer we got to the actual trials.
She’d sent Lennox after Rhowyn with a tight deadline. While he’d met it, the trials hadn’t. Meaning that whatever she was hoping to accomplish wasn’t going according to plan, and she’d be looking for something or someone to take her frustrations out on. All of it boiled down to one simple fact. We were running out of time. Any moment, we’d be called to complete the first trial, and none of us were prepared for it.