Chapter 18
The Conference
Harper
Luke left fifteen minutes ago. I made him promise to come back, but I don’t know if he’ll keep it. Then again, he’s snuck in before when my mom was home. He doesn’t have to sneak in this time, but he still might not.
Mom keeps glancing at me.
“What?” I finally hit pause on the show we started. It’s not that good. It’s one everyone hypes, but maybe it just starts really fucking slow.
“You doing okay?” She glances down at my hands and the blanket I’m squeezing the life out of.
I release my stranglehold on the blanket and sigh. Luke said my mom knows about his father, but it still feels weird. All our childhood we’re told to tell an adult and they can help us. But his father is too powerful.
“I wish Luke didn’t have to go back to his father.” I smooth out the wrinkles in the blanket. What can I do if he gets hurt again? How will I even know? Will Luke tell me?
“The world is a complicated place. This whole town is a complicated place.” She blows out a breath. “If I could have reported it, I would have, but there are some very rich men who control everything.”
She looks out the window and there’s a sadness I don’t normally see in her eyes.
“We always figured we’d make enough money and leave this town.” The wistfulness in her voice isn’t lost on me.
I swallow. Maybe she misses my dad. Maybe that’s why she never talks about him.
“When I was showing the guys the motorcycle, I had this... memory of a guy squatting next to it. He gestured for me to come over.”
Mom smiles and stands. She goes over to the bookcase and pulls out a book, seemingly at random. She flips through it as she walks back to the couch and sits next to me.
“Your father left when you were so young. I was so angry at him. It didn’t matter if he left accidentally or on purpose.
He was supposed to be here. We were supposed to leave together.
” She stops as the book falls open to a page with a picture in the crease of the book.
“You and I just carried on and he got further and further from my mind.”
She turns the picture over and moves it so I can see it.
“Sean.” Her finger lingers over the corner of the picture.
He stands with his arm draped around Mom’s shoulders. She looks up at him with what can only be described as stars in her eyes. His eyes are warm brown. His tousled hair sandy blond. His beard is neatly trimmed and reddish. The smile on his face is inviting and kind.
“I’ve never seen this picture before.” My fingertips hover over his black leather jacket.
Mom sighs. “He was the love of my life, and when he left us, I didn’t want to think about him. If he didn’t want to be part of our lives, I wouldn’t let him keep us from living.”
She still loves him. It’s easy to see. The softness of her eyes. The smile that keeps tugging at her lips. The sadness that clings to her words.
She holds the picture out to me. “Is this who you saw?”
I take it and study the face. “I don’t know. Maybe. It was more of a feeling. Like I lost something.”
When I hand her back the picture, she draws in a deep breath. Her brown eyes are shiny, but she doesn’t cry. It’s strange. To me, it’s a picture of a man who meant something to her and should mean something to me. But I don’t have an emotional connection to him. Not the way she does.
“It’s weird to think about what might have been. If he’d taken us with him.” Mom runs a finger over the picture before closing the book.
I don’t have anything to offer. I don’t remember him. She didn’t bring him up. And I never had anyone in my life who was a father figure to me after him. What if we had moved away? What would it have been like to grow up without the horsemen?
My stomach twists. No hiding. No Eli. No Caden. No Jack. No Nico. No Luke.
“He wouldn’t have been happy with you having one boyfriend. Let alone five.” Mom chuckles and stands to put the book away.
“Why are you?” It pops into my head and out of my mouth before I can even consider it.
She freezes with the book partially on the bookshelf. For a moment she hovers there and then she puts it away and comes over to sit in the chair facing me. Her face is carefully blank.
“If you weren’t you, I might have an issue.” She sighs and looks at the palms of her hands. Lifting her gaze to mine, she smiles. “Maybe I should be more worried, but I also know you. I trust you and know that even if you make the wrong decision, you’ll find a way to make it right.”
My heart pounds in my ears. Do I?
“You have this huge heart you’ve squirreled away for years. And hell, you only live once, so if you get to date five guys your senior year, why not? That doesn’t mean you’ll marry them. That’s years away and not something anyone should decide at eighteen.”
She laughs and takes my hand.
“They seem to make you happy. That’s good enough for me. Now if in five years you tell me you’re marrying five guys, well, maybe then we’ll need to talk. But you’re young and you should live a little before life comes crashing down around you.”
My mom doesn’t regret loving my dad. That’s clear as day. But she had her world crash and she kept going for me.
“I love you, Mom.”
Her eyes grow shiny again as she tucks my hair behind my ear. “I love you, too.”
She clears her throat and stands. “Should we get started on dinner?”
I nod. I want to ask her if she knows what Luke’s dad wants from us. Would she know? Does she know what Dad took of his? Is it possible that she’s hiding it? Or is she as much in the dark as I am?
Would she worry more if she knew everything that was happening? Probably.
She turns on some music while she pulls ingredients out of the refrigerator and sets them on the island. Luke thinks she’d hate him if she knew the truth about our relationship. How it started. What he did.
I don’t think she’d hate him, but she might have more reservations about leaving us alone. My butt hurts when I sit on the stool, like it’s bruised, reminding me of last night.
He didn’t hit me that hard with the belt. As I wash the vegetables, I can’t help but think about his father hitting Luke with a belt, hard enough to scar. A small shudder races through me.
I don’t like Luke being there. But I can’t control him. At least not when it comes to his family. And his father is still his family. Tension ran through Luke when he got the text that his father was in town. He didn’t want to go, but he did.
I just hope he knows he can come back here. That I still want him here.
A knock on the door draws my attention. When I open it, Caden smiles down at me and pulls me in for a hug.
“Missed you,” he murmurs in my hair.
The turmoil I was feeling settles a little. Caden makes me feel safe.
He backs me into the house and pulls away. His hand remains on my back as he gestures behind him. “This is my sister, Ava.”
Ava steps in and she’s gorgeous. Not hard to believe given Caden, but her green eyes sparkle and her dark hair flows around her shoulders. She’s thin and a little taller than me. Her smile seems genuine.
“Harper, I’ve heard so much about you.” She steps forward and takes my hand. “Thank you for having us over. I’m all for a home-cooked meal.”
Mom comes over and Caden introduces her to Ava. When Ava thanks her as well, my mom waves it away.
“It’s so hard to cook anything for just the two of us. I always make extra.” Mom tucks her hair behind her ear. “When will your parents be home?”
“We expect them soon. It depends on when they could get their flight plan approved.” Caden squeezes my shoulder. His smile is easy, but there’s an underlying tension running through him.
Is it his parents coming? Or is it because of Ava?
“Dinner is almost ready.” Mom smiles and heads over to the stove. “Harper, do you want to set the table?”
I draw away from Caden and open the cabinet to grab the plates. Caden presses against me and takes a stack of four. Awareness flows through me.
“I’ve got it,” he murmurs.
Ava leans on the island with an amused expression. I just shake my head and grab the silverware. Ava watches me with curious eyes. It’s odd to know she’s important to him.
When the table is set, Mom brings over the chicken and vegetables.
“Let’s eat.” She sits at the table and we all grab a chair.
“This looks delicious.” Caden passes the dish to Ava.
Mom smiles. “So, Harper says you go to boarding school?”
Ava sighs. “For now.” She glances at Caden. “I’m hoping to come back to school here.”
I haven’t had a chance to talk to Caden yet to see if he found out what happened with Ava and school.
“My parents will make the decision.” Caden glances at Ava. “But knowing them, she’ll be enrolled by midweek.”
Ava smiles. “I wasn’t really fitting in there. It would be easier. I have friends here.”
Who helped us with the plan to lure the mole out. Except all we found out is that the guys can’t trust any of the guys they usually trust.
“It’s hard to make new friends.” Mom cuts her chicken. “I actually moved here in high school. This community is pretty tight knit, so it was hard to build friendships.”
I didn’t know that. Why didn’t I know that?
Caden’s fingers brush mine on the table and I zone back in. My eyes meet his. My heart beats a little harder.
“Caden tells me you’re in art.” Ava smiles.
“Yes. Caden’s actually my partner on our art project.” I don’t mention Tanner. Fuck Tanner and his bullshit. If anyone deserves what they got, he did.
“Is this a new project?” Mom asks.
“No, same one.” I shift nervously in my chair. I never told her Tanner’s name, just called him an asshole. Which he is. But she also doesn’t know that the reason he’s an asshole is sitting at this table.
“I’m glad you got that resolved then.” Mom smiles and changes the subject thankfully. She asks what extracurriculars Ava does. When Ava says she was on the dance team, we end up talking about dance.
Caden rests his hand next to mine, but doesn’t take it. Is that for his sister’s sake or my mom’s? Part of me wants to slide my hand into his and own our relationship, but it could be awkward, so I don’t.
When Mom rises to start dishes, Caden stands. “I can do them.”
Ava looks at Caden like he’s grown three heads. He ignores her and works on clearing the dishes. Mom excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
Ava looks at Caden and then looks at me speculatively. “So your mom knows about your relationship?”
I glance at Caden
He nods. “Ava knows.”
I blow out a breath. “Yes, my mom is okay with me dating five guys.”
“Is this a new thing at school? Like are more people doing it? Can I date five guys too?” Ava leans her elbows on the table and holds her chin up.
“No,” Caden says definitively from the kitchen.
“Why not?” Ava pouts as she stares at Caden’s back. “Why should Harper have all the fun?”
I sit back in my chair and watch as Ava argues with her brother over her right to have multiple boyfriends. They bicker back and forth for a while. When Mom comes out, she grins.
“It’s only fair,” Mom chimes in at some point.
Caden arches an eyebrow at her. “She’s fifteen.”
Mom shrugs. “If her parents are okay with her dating, I don’t see why they wouldn’t let her date multiple guys. No one should settle down with the guy they date in high school anyway.”
Caden’s eyes narrow. Yeah, he doesn’t like that sentiment.
I walk over to Caden and take the towel he’s currently strangling from his hands. I rest my hand on his arm and his gaze drops to mine and softens. She doesn’t know what the guys mean to me or the fact that Caden is determined to keep me.
“We have a lot of growing up to do,” I admit to my mom. “But you never know. Do you guys need to head home?”
The easiest way is to end the conversation.
Caden sighs and glances at Ava, who watches us with wide eyes. “Yeah, we should head home. Walk me out?”
I nod. Ava and Caden thank my mom again before we head outside.
Caden wraps his arm around me.
“It was nice meeting you, Ava.” I give her a genuine smile. She’s been sweet.
“I’m shocked and a little amazed to meet you.” Ava chuckles. “I figured Caden had a girl trapped in a relationship with him.”
Not far from the truth at the beginning of the year. I just smile.
“Do you mind waiting in the car, Ava?”
Ava grins. “Aw, do you guys need some alone time?”
“Yes.” Caden points to the car.
She laughs the whole way over before getting in. Caden draws me into his arms and hugs me.
“Is Luke coming back?” he asks.
“I don’t know.” I rest my cheek against his beating heart.
“Make sure the security system is armed.”
“I will.” I don’t know how I’ll sleep without him tonight.
He releases me and tips my chin up. “I’ll miss you.”
His mouth claims mine. His hand cradles my head. Everything in me wants to figure out a way this all works so that I can sleep with him tonight. Dammit, I want to sleep with all my guys every night.
He rests his forehead against mine. “Fuck. We’ll figure this out.”
I chuckle. “Guess we’ll have to act like normal teenagers for a while. Sneaking around.”
“Fuck that.” He kisses me once more and then backs away. “See you in thirty, little nympho.”