Chapter 5
TAG
She doesn’t not like pain. That’s what she said.
Is my vanilla ex more open to kink than I’d thought?
I don’t want to hurt her. That’s why we broke up.
Christopher walks down the driveway next to me, toward our cars parked on the street. “Do you want to grab a drink?”
I stare at him, this rival for Janie’s affection. “A drink?”
“Yeah. We should probably talk.”
I follow him to Abdul’s in downtown San Esteban, stewing the entire way. Why did I agree to this?
Curiosity. Idiocy.
Maybe a thirst for violence. I would fight for Janie. Physically, even. I don’t know who would win in a fight between me and Christopher. It might come down to who is more desperate.
We walk into Abdul’s together. The place exudes wealth, with its dark wood-paneled walls and the comfortable, low lighting. Christopher orders a whiskey, and I ask for a dark beer. We face each other from our high stools, sitting across a small table.
“So. Janie’s pretty special,” Christopher says.
“Yeah.” Fight me, you old bastard. I’m at least five years younger. Which means I’m old enough to stop acting like a child. I shove aside the violent thoughts and admit, “I lied about her being my girlfriend—we’re exes.”
“I figured. But you don’t play with anyone else at Salt that I’ve seen, and you’ve never brought her with you. Why not?”
“She—she’s vanilla.”
Christopher snorts. “She’s a lot of things. She isn’t vanilla.”
“Well, yeah. I figured that out tonight.” I knew when I pinched her thigh and she shivered against me, her eyes rolling back in pleasure.
“I have some of my own shit to figure out.” He takes a sip of his whiskey. “But I like her, you like her, and I think she likes us, too.”
She treats me with nothing but loathing, but I’m pretty fucking sure it’s because I hurt her so bad. And like a sick son of a bitch, I keep coming around. I haven’t been fair to her. Since I’m the one who broke up with her, I should leave her the fuck alone. I haven’t been able to do this.
Christopher is staring at me, a look of expectation on his face. “So, what do you think?”
“About…?”
“About pursuing her. Together.”
I blink in surprise and take a large sip of beer to buy myself a couple seconds. We dominated her quite well this evening. It was fairly tame, as far as some of the shit that goes down at Salt. Yet because it was with Janie, it was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
“I’ve spent the last year trying not to hurt her,” I say.
“Have you talked to her about that?” Christopher raises his eyebrows. “She might want to be hurt.”
“I don’t want her to do it just to make me happy. A year ago, she would’ve agreed to anything. I couldn’t risk it.”
“And now?” he asks.
“Now I’ll have a harder time getting her to take me seriously.” I want to bang my forehead against the table. “Do you think we pushed her too far tonight?”
“I think we pushed her the exact right amount. As long as she doesn’t freak out about our own relational difficulties.”
I give him a sharp look. “The boss thing?”
“And…she and my daughter are best friends.”
“Shit. How old are you?”
“Forty-five.”
Ten years older than me. He doesn’t look it, at least. And then I’m ten years older than Janie. Goddamn, what an age gap.
He gives me a regretful smile. “So I have my own things to figure out, too. But I’m in this if you are.”
“I’m in.” After a year of being tortured with missing her, it’s time to get my girl back.
CHRISTOPHER
The next day dawns bright, but a heavy feeling of misgiving rests at the bottom of my lungs. I’ve only just reconciled with Ariel. It wasn’t easy. She’s whip-smart and doesn’t take shit from anyone, least of all her old man.
How would she react to the idea of me dating someone her age? And what if that someone is her best friend?
When I send her the text inviting her out for breakfast, I almost hope she’ll say she’s busy. However, she’s free. We arrange to meet at a coffee shop downtown for a late breakfast.
I’ve just gotten a table at the café when Ariel arrives.
Her blond hair is down around her shoulders and she’s wearing comfortable looking jeans and a light purple sweatshirt.
She offers me a big hug, which I return with gusto.
I can’t believe I nearly lost my daughter due to her ex’s lies.
Since everything went down, I’ve made sure Leon is blacklisted by not only my own business, but the businesses of all of my friends and acquaintances.
Last I heard, he was complaining about the lack of opportunities in SoCal and I was considering a move to Nevada.
“So what’s up?” Ariel asks as she settles into her seat across from me.
Her mother’s ring sparkles on her finger. That ring had been my excuse to send the bounty hunters after her. Boy, did that backfire.
But we’re a happy father-daughter pair again, so all’s well that ends well, as the saying goes.
“Nothing’s up, I just wanted to see my daughter.” I start to add another inane excuse, but we’re thankfully interrupted by the server, who takes our order.
But Ariel is too smart for my white lies. “We just saw each other a couple days ago, Dad. Really—what’s going on? Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m okay. I’m just thinking of dating again.”
She cocks her head at me. “I know you’ve dated since Mom died. You tried to hide it a bit, but there’ve been girlfriends. What’s really going on?”
“None of them were serious.” I straighten my fork and knife, like having them exactly parallel to the edge of the table is of the utmost importance. “I’m interested in someone, and no, I’m not ready to introduce her as my girlfriend yet. But I wanted to talk it over with you, first.”
Thinking of Janie as a potential “girlfriend” makes her sound even younger than she is, and it makes me feel like a dirty old man. I am wracked with enough guilt already.
Our server drops off our drinks. A mimosa for Ariel and a regular coffee for me.
“I only want you to be happy.” Ariel sips her drink and gives her lips a happy little smack.
This endearing quirk has chased her since childhood, and I’m happy to see she still hasn’t outgrown it.
“If that means dating a serious girlfriend, then go for it. We’re our own people, Dad.
I know you aren’t thrilled I’m dating the two bounty hunters from Ironwood, but you could see it makes me happy, so you’re happy for me.
If you want to date someone seriously, and it makes you happy, I’m happy for you, too. ”
I nod. “You know, no one will replace your mother.”
“Obviously not. And I have you—I don’t need a mother. Whoever you date...I wouldn’t consider her my mom, or even a step-mom, honestly. I’m all grown up, you know.”
That’s a relief. But given the emotional turn of this conversation, I can’t tell her about Janie—not the entire truth, not yet.
Besides, Janie is just as attached to Ariel as I am.
If Janie and I are going to pursue a relationship, we should tell Ariel together, or at least come up with a plan together of how we’ll break the news.
Our food arrives, and I dig into my eggs benedict. One last concern weighs upon me as Ariel slathers her waffles in butter.
“How do you feel about age gaps in relationships?” I put down my fork to give her my full attention.
She looks up at me in surprise. “Age gaps?”
“An older person dating a younger person.”
“I know what they are,” she says with a laugh. “I’m just trying to wrap my head around the idea of you being in one.”
I wait while she “wraps her head around it.” Her opinion is the most important to me—she’s my daughter, and if she rejects this idea outright, my dreams are dead in the water.
“I think,” she says slowly, “when people reach a certain age, the power imbalance isn’t such a concern.
Obviously when someone is underage, or freshly of age, or if some older person is constantly chasing younger partners because they’re easier to manipulate?
Then it’s a problem. You don’t fall into the second category—your girlfriends have always been around your age, right? ”
“Right.” I nod for emphasis. “And I’d never date anyone in her teens or even young twenties. I want my partner to already be established on a career course, and know who she is.”
Janie knows who she is. She’s told me before, that she loves being a high-level personal assistant.
She loves the challenge, and the way her tasks change day to day.
She also admitted that this position is the best she’s had, because I rarely have to contact her outside of work.
When she goes home at the end of the day, she knows she can truly relax.
“Then all I am, Dad, is happy for you.” Ariel shoves a giant bite of waffle into her mouth. “Whenever you’re ready, I look forward to meeting this mystery girlfriend.”
She isn’t my girlfriend yet, but if Tag and I play our cards right, she could be very soon.
Ariel widens her eyes. “How big of an age gap are we talking, anyway?”
To her credit, she barely blinks when I admit the two-decade gap. Her nose does wrinkle slightly, though. “Dad, I’m twenty years younger than you.”
“I know, I know.” I hang my head. “It sounds wrong, doesn’t it?”
“Fuck what it sounds like.” Ariel goes from weirded out to defensive so fast, I have mental whiplash. “Fuck any haters. You love who you love, and it isn’t wrong. I’ll be your number one back-up if anyone gets confrontational, okay?”
“I don’t deserve you.” I reach across the table and squeeze my daughter’s hand.
She’s my daughter and my champion.
Hopefully she’ll still be an ally when she learns my “girlfriend” is Janie.