7. Chapter Seven Baer
Chapter Seven: Baer
I woke to the sounds of argument, instantly alert. “I’m going to kill her!” Callum yelled out.
“No. You won’t. You’re just angry.” Arryn tried reasoning with him. A crash sounded out, startling me. I groaned at the pain that shot through me at the sudden movement. A hand landed on me as I made to sit up, my head foggy about how I’d gotten here. I recognized my bed in Brannoc’s hide away, but the reason why I was lying here wouldn’t come to me.
“Shh…” Jude’s voice drew my attention to the old man now standing beside the bed. Noting the chair behind him, I could surmise he’d been waiting for me to wake up. “Just lie still. I’ll go get Arryn and have him check you over.”
“Okay,” I told him, my voice cracking, telling me that I hadn’t used it in a while. Or overused it. Either way, I could use a glass of water.
Jude disappeared from the room, and I heard running footsteps before the door burst open. Arryn paused on the threshold, relief painting his features. “Good. You’re awake.”
“There was…” I coughed to clear my throat. “Was there any doubt about that?” I tried again, more successfully.
“About that…” he started, moving to the side of the bed. He helped me sit up as I gritted my teeth against the pain and dizziness that swamped me, threatening to send me back into unconsciousness. I felt like I’d been hit by a train, and I couldn’t figure out why that was. Before continuing, he held a glass of water to my lips, helping me drink the cool liquid to soothe my throat. I made to help him hold the glass, but when I finally got my arm to cooperate, I noticed what had him so on edge.
At my questioning look, he explained. “Titania was going to have you beheaded as a way of forcing Rhowyn’s compliance with returning Avalonia’s magic in hopes that Genevieve could ascend in her place. Only, Loki stepped in at the last second and managed to knock the blade aside, resulting in that.” He nodded his head in the direction of my missing hand.
“We still almost lost you anyways. I couldn’t get the wound to stop bleeding because Rhowyn pulled all of our magic from us and into herself. If she hadn’t, then we all could have died,” he finished. His words swam around inside my brain, but I couldn’t focus on them, my gaze staring at where my hand should have been. A ringing in my ears sounded out, growing louder the longer I focused on the missing appendage. My sword hand. My dominant hand.
How could it just be gone? Here one minute, and the next, just poof. Up in smoke. I used that hand for everything. What would Rhowyn think of me now? I couldn’t defend her, couldn’t protect her. In fact, she had to save me. What kind of man was I without that? What could I offer her now?
“Baer.” Arryn’s calm voice sank through the fog that had filled my mind, and I looked at him. When he was sure he had my attention, he said, “You’re going to be okay.”
The numbness that had overcome me at the realization of my missing hand fell away. “How? How can you be sure of that?”
“Because I’ve seen this before. Too many times to count. I promise, everything will work out,” he said calmly.
“You don’t know that for sure! It’s my sword hand, Arryn!” I yelled at him, my emotions all over the place. He wasn’t an oracle; he couldn’t foresee the future. So, how could he tell me now, with such confidence, that everything would be okay?
“You can learn to fight with your other hand. It may take some time, but you’ll see, you don’t need both hands to…”
“It’s easy for you to say! You have both hands!” I cut him off, holding up both of my arms for him to clearly see what was missing. I wasn’t whole anymore. I was only part of a man. One that was missing something I’d never get back. Broken beyond repair.
“Look. I get that you’re upset, but…” He tried to reason with me again, but I cut him off, not wanting to hear his platitudes.
“Upset? Upset!? This goes beyond that, Arryn! I’m broken. Useless and…” I choked up, hearing the words out loud. As if saying them, releasing them into the universe, made them more real. The words managed to break me further, and I fought to hold back the tears.
Lennox rushed in, and I tried to turn away so he couldn’t see just how destroyed I was, but he didn’t even acknowledge me. “She reached out again.” His words were just as rushed and breathless.
Arryn stood suddenly, my plight forgotten for the moment. Unable to resist, I turned to them, confused as to what they were talking about. “When?” Arryn demanded.
“She’s talking to him now,” Lennox explained.
Arryn stormed from the room, anger vibrating down his form. Lennox just looked sad and scared. “What’s going on?” I asked him, pushing down my own pain. Clearly, I had missed something else while I was out.
“Rhowyn left us,” Lennox said, his head dropping to his chest in shame.
I sat up straighter, biting back the groan of pain, my whole body aching as if it, too, missed the hand I’d never have again. “What!?”
“She left while we were all sleeping earlier today. She took Cyerra with her, but she won’t tell us where she is, and she’s cut us off from the bonds,” Lennox explained.
Unable to sit here any longer, I forced my feet to the floor, swaying with the effort. Lennox rushed over to steady me, an arm going around my waist to keep me from collapsing back onto the mattress. “Maybe you should lie back down?”
“No. I need to know what’s going on.” I glared at him, hating the pity I saw there, daring him to push me on this. I knew he’d never seen this side of me, but he could clearly see that I wasn’t playing around. He helped me to my feet, wrapping an arm around my chest and slinging my good arm over his shoulders. He led me slowly down the hall, my movements shaky and unsteady. The further we went, the more I had to lean on him. If he hadn’t been here to help me, I wouldn’t have made it on my own. Just another thing that made me useless.
I pushed the thought to the back of my mind as we entered the living area and found Brannoc sitting with his eyes closed, an angry look on his face. Arryn hovered over him with a hopeful look. Jude and Jonathan wore their fear and worry on their faces as they waited for Brannoc to speak to them. And Callum looked pissed as he paced back and forth, his muscles tense as he glared a hole into Brannoc.
Brannoc’s eyes snapped open, his frustration morphing into fear. “She’s in trouble.”
“How do you know?” Arryn demanded. His calm fa?ade was slowly slipping as he floundered for answers to our problems. I was just another burden for him to worry about when he really needed to be focused on Rhowyn and getting her back.
“As she was telling me that she loved me, loved all of us, her connection cut off,” Brannoc explained. He closed his eyes as if trying to regain access to their connection.
“She could have just cut the connection too soon. Right?” Lennox asked hopefully as he lowered me into one of the chairs. I did groan this time, more with relief than out of pain.
“You shouldn’t be out of bed,” Arryn scolded me, his focus only partially on me and my issues when it should be wholly on getting Rhowyn back.
“Bite me,” I told him, refusing to be moved on this.
Sighing, he turned to Brannoc, who explained, “Her words cut off first before she closed the connection. Before she did, I felt a spike of fear.”
“Shit!” Callum swore, stomping back and forth. “That stupid, idiotic woman. Always getting herself into trouble.”
“Did you get a sense of where she was?” Arryn asked Brannoc, ignoring Callum’s tirade. I couldn’t blame him; I felt the same way right now.
“I did, but it wasn’t much. She’s somewhere in Autumn territory,” he explained. Callum stopped and stiffened.
“Where?” he asked, his back turned to the group.
“I couldn’t tell. The connection cut before I could get more,” he answered, dropping his head into his hands and pulling his hair in frustration.
“Why?” I asked the group after no one spoke for a moment. They turned to look at me but didn’t answer. “Why would she leave?” I asked them more forcefully, a sinking feeling in my gut.
Arryn’s gaze softened before he answered me, “She left to protect us. After you got hurt, she felt guilty, and apparently, she doesn’t want to risk us again,” he told me honestly.
I just nodded, wanting to crumble on the spot. Instead, I forced out my next words. “She left because of me. It’s my fault.”