28. Chapter Twenty Eight Rhowyn
Chapter Twenty Eight: Rhowyn
They were all here. All pushing love and light down our bond, but it was overwhelming. I was too raw, too sensitive after everything I just witnessed. The memories flashed across the backs of my eyes again, and I couldn’t get the image of those tiny bodies out of my mind. No matter how tightly I squeezed my eyes closed or how much I tried to ignore it, it was always there. I remembered riding behind Lennox, numb to my grief and pain, in shock at the evil I had seen. It hadn’t felt real, like I was apart from myself, a distant observer to my mind breaking.
I remembered Callum carrying me into my room and all of the guys lying down next to me, each of them touching me. Until Callum started pouring his feelings down the bond, I had been desensitized to it all. And now, it was all too much again.
A part of me prayed for the bliss of numbness again. I wanted to run away, to not admit that she had punished those children for nothing more than being present as she made her way to us. I was the focus of her wrath. I should have been the one to pay that price. But I wasn’t. I was just the catalyst for their demise. I was responsible for everything. “It’s all my fault,” I admitted to them, my voice scratchy and almost foreign as I spoke into the silence.
Immediately, I was met with vehement denial and anger from the bond, and I curled further into Callum to get away from the emotions. “You are not to blame,” Callum spoke between gritted teeth, his arms tightening around me until it was almost too painful to bear.
I sobbed out a laugh. “It’s my fault that she felt the need to raze their village to nothing, to slaughter them all. If I hadn’t pushed her, they would have lived,” I argued. Nothing they could say would convince me otherwise.
“Look at me, Princess,” Lennox spoke again. If any of them could understand, it would be him. I didn’t know if I had the strength to face him, but my eyes opened of their own volition. When he had my attention, he said, “She would have done this with or without you. If nothing else, they died knowing that someone was standing against her. That someone was fighting for their friends and family. There’s peace in that. You gave them hope even as they passed. Sometimes, that’s all we can give someone. We can’t change how others act, but we can change how we react.”
“Let us be your strength,” Baer cut in, drawing my gaze to his, more tears leaking from my eyes as I saw the sorrow there. “You have been there for all of us, in one way or another. You have been our hope, our salvation, our light in the darkness. Now, let us be that for you,” he begged me, and oh, how I wanted to let them be.
I wasn’t strong enough on my own. Not right now. I needed them. Needed what they were offering me. Unable to speak anymore, I simply nodded in answer. Baer gave me a sad smile before kissing my bare stomach where my shirt had ridden up to expose my midriff. His love poured down the bond, nearly suffocating me at the intensity of it. My eyes drifted closed as I focused on the feeling of it.
They were right. A part of me would probably always carry this guilt within me, but I could choose whether to let it twist me or to use it as fuel. I could decide to harness the pain of what had occurred today as a tool to be wielded against evil. At least that way, their deaths wouldn’t have been for nothing. I could avenge them by stopping Titania from hurting others. My mind recognized these truths, facing the emotions as they pulled me through the darkness, but I was so tired.
Another pair of lips found my forehead, pouring more love into me. Another grazed my upper arm. A hand grazed my hip and another my ankle. These men were grounding me, becoming my anchor in the storm of emotions that threatened to have me lost at sea forever. Each touch, each caress poured light and love into me until I could feel my core shaking off the darkness that had entombed it for too long.
My magic was light, pure and scathing, both life and death, depending on how I chose to wield it. I was the shadows and darkness that could bring warmth or create terror. I was fire and ice, water and earth. My magic was all of this and more. It was all within me to be used as I willed. I could either use it to tear others down like Titania, or I could use it to rebuild this world. It was my choice now, and the only thing I wanted in this moment was to feel their love and to show my own in return.