CHAPTER 4 #2
I wasn’t sure I could go through with this.
“Hey.” Brax’s concerned tone had me turning to face him as I dumped my bag on the kitchen counter. “You okay?”
“Nope,” I admitted. “Not even a little bit.”
He must’ve realized I was serious, because the next thing I knew, Brax was up in my face, his big, warm hands curled around my neck, gently kneading the muscles there. He was frowning, his warm gaze scanning every inch as though the answer might possibly be written somewhere on my face.
“Case. Look at me,” he insisted. “Take a deep breath.”
I tried, but I couldn’t focus. My lungs were racing to fill, but nothing seemed to be coming in. My hands were numb and my body felt heavy. Too heavy. My gaze darted to the bedroom door behind him, and more trepidation filled me.
“Breathe, babe,” Brax stated firmly. “You’re gonna be fine.”
I shook my head, gripping his shirt in my hand. “I’m not.” I was fucking gasping for air, and though I knew it was ridiculous, I couldn’t seem to stop.
“You are.” He didn’t sound convinced. “I promise. Just breathe. Slowly.”
“I…” I swallowed hard, the air somehow suffocating even as it moved through my lungs. “I need to go outside.”
“All right,” he said quickly, taking my hand. “Let’s go outside. We’ll take a walk.”
I nodded and allowed him to lead me out of the apartment.
He locked the door, then steered me to the elevator.
Minutes felt like days, but then we were finally outside.
I stumbled over to a rock wall and perched my ass on the edge.
I inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly. People passing by glanced my way, a few seemingly concerned, although no one stopped. Damn big city.
My hands were shaking, but at least the air didn’t seem so scarce out here.
It wasn’t much better, but it wasn’t worse, either.
I hated the concrete jungle that was the city.
I wanted to see grass and trees, not parking meters and storefronts on every side of the road.
Car emissions made me feel as though I was choking.
Brax stood beside me, his warm hand on my back. I could tell he wanted to do something, but he likely didn’t know what. Hell, I didn’t know, either.
Cars passed, horns blaring, people shouting.
There was so much traffic, so many people.
Why had we thought this was a good idea?
I would’ve given anything to go back to Texas, to drive down a winding country road, the windows rolled down, wind in my face.
Here I had to settle for a chilly breeze that smelled like gasoline and concrete and did nothing to cool me down.
“Let’s take a walk,” Brax said as he motioned me toward the sidewalk.
“Yeah. Okay.” I pushed to my feet and straightened my spine. I took a few steps, then a few more, allowing Brax to steer me where he wanted me to go.
“There’s a coffee shop around the corner,” he told me, glancing at his watch. “We’ve got half an hour before we have to meet Zeke at the restaurant. We can get some coffee and relax for a few minutes.”
I didn’t drink coffee, but Brax knew that. He drank it, though. By the gallons. I liked to give him shit about it because I could. It was one of his few vices.
We turned the corner and I inhaled deeply, finally feeling the sun shining down on me, warming the air as it peeked through the horde of buildings and the thick, gloomy clouds.
I wasn’t watching where I was going, making sure my feet were moving, trusting Brax to lead me safely, so I came up short when I slammed into his back.
“What’s wr—” I cut myself off when I looked up to see Zeke standing in front of us.
He was frowning, his black eyes scanning my face.
“What’s wrong with you, pretty boy?” I was almost certain there was a hint of concern in his tone.
“He just needed some air,” Brax explained, his apprehensive gaze bouncing back and forth between me and Zeke.
The dark slashes of Zeke’s brows didn’t shift. Clearly he wasn’t convinced.
I pointed toward the sky. “I’ve got an issue with apartments,” I admitted. “Gonna take some getting used to.”
“What kind of issue?” His words came out slowly, as though he was still wrapping his head around the term.
I shrugged, and Zeke looked at Brax.
“He has an issue with confined spaces. Apartments to be very specific. As we just learned.”
“You claustrophobic?”
I shook my head. “No, actually. Well, I hadn’t thought so. It’s the idea of being locked in a box with no means of escape.” It sounded stupid even as I tried to explain it, although deep in my soul I knew I was admitting something I’d never admitted to anyone before.
“There’s an elevator and stairs,” Zeke stated, as though I hadn’t already thought of that.
“I know.” I shrugged again. “I’m sure it’ll pass once I get used to it.”
“You ever live in an apartment before?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Visited one?” he questioned.
“Well, yeah. But most apartments in Texas have exterior doors.” And stairs that led down to grass.
“You’ve lived in Texas your whole life?”
“Nope.” I did the math in my head. I was twenty-eight. We moved there when I was fourteen. I smiled. “Just half my life.”
Whether Zeke was buying my excuse or not, I couldn’t tell. However, he did glance at Brax, who held up his phone. “I was going to get coffee.”
Zeke nodded. “There’s a dog park around the corner. Meet us over there when you’re done.”
Brax glanced at me. I nodded, not sure what else to do.
“Sure. Can I get you anything?” he offered.
“I’m good. Get the pretty boy some water.”
“Will do.”
Zeke’s eyes narrowed, and Brax must’ve realized how he sounded because he quickly amended his response with a “Yes, Zeke.” Without looking back at me, he took off down the street.
I didn’t know what to do or why Zeke felt it was necessary to split us up, but I was still focused on taking deep, cleansing breaths. My chest was looser than before, the panic abated, and my hands had stopped trembling. I considered that a good sign.
“Were you coming back?” I asked. It made sense because Zeke had been walking toward us.
“It doesn’t matter. Walk,” Zeke commanded, and I did. “How long’ve you had this problem?”
“Just today,” I told him. “Seriously. It’s only this building. I’m not big on the city, and I guess it closed in around me.” I was sure I was being overly dramatic. Then again, I hadn’t faked the panic attack. “I probably just need some sleep. It’s been a long couple of days.”
“Interesting. I would’ve pegged the cowboy to have issues with the city.”
Yeah. Me, too. After all, Brax’s family did live on a small farm, complete with goats and pigs and a couple of horses. I loved spending time at his parents’ house, helping with the animals. I hadn’t grown up like that, but the suburbs always felt like home for me. Less people.
We made it half a block before things opened up. The buildings gave way to trees, concrete morphing into an abundance of grass. I finally managed to relax, the tension in my shoulders easing.
What the hell was I going to do? How the fuck was I supposed to live here if I couldn’t even go inside the apartment? I knew Brax was only doing it because it was free rent, and until we got a feel for the area, he didn’t want to find a more permanent residence. Not that I blamed him.
Brax was the rational one in our relationship. He managed our money with the skill of an accountant, investing when necessary, saving as much as he could while still allowing us to live a comfortable life where we enjoyed being able to do things.
“Sit,” Zeke commanded.
I did, and it was about the time my ass hit the park bench that I realized he had been talking to Tank, not me.
“Obedient.” He chuckled.
Yeah. It appeared I was.