CHAPTER 6 #3
God forbid that happened. I was a relatively sane man, but if some low-life piece of shit tried anything on my baby sister, I’d break every bone in their fucking body.
Twice.
Case (the pretty boy)
“Shit,” I groaned. “Do we really have to get up?” I stretched my back muscles. The damn things were spasming after having slept on the floor.
“Unless you’re willin’ to forego any future opportunities with the big guy,” Brax said sleepily, “we have to shower.”
“Yeah, we do.” I couldn’t resist sliding my hand over Brax’s warm skin. I was still spooned against him, my rigid cock pressed against his ass.
Because Zeke insisted I could not touch my dick, that was the only thing I could think about. The unruly appendage ached like a bad tooth, a consistent reminder that it was there and it was needy.
But a command was a command, so I refrained.
For four hours, I’d managed to remain in that apartment.
Half an hour was spent trying to find a place to sleep.
The instant I walked into the bedroom, I’d balked, spinning around and escaping as fast as I’d entered.
The next three hours were spent sleeping.
I hadn’t wanted to, but I knew Brax needed it.
So, I’d convinced him to curl up with me on the carpeted floor in the hallway with the pillows we’d brought with us.
I spooned him from behind, and a short time later, we’d both passed out.
Thankfully, Brax had set his phone alarm, or we probably would’ve slept through the night.
“Come on,” Brax groaned as he pushed up to his knees. “I’ll start the water.”
“Fine.”
We had just enough time to shower before we needed to head out. Being that we did so together should’ve saved some time, but that wasn’t the case. Once Brax was under the water, I was compelled to touch him as often as possible.
“Keep your hands off my dick,” he moaned when I kissed his neck.
“I promise,” I told him, cupping his face and pressing my lips to his. “I just want to kiss you.”
“Damn, babe.” He moaned softly as he pulled me into him, his hands sliding over my back. “You don’t know how badly I want to fuck you right now.”
Oh, I knew, all right. I wanted the same damn thing.
A few minutes passed while we kissed and groped before Brax managed to extricate himself from my grip. “We have to hurry.”
“Fine.” I grabbed the body wash and smiled back at him. “You first.”
I proceeded to wash him from head to toe. Of course, I never once touched his cock, nor did I attempt to breach his ass. However, there wasn’t anything innocent about it.
When that was through—my dick in even more despair—I dug a pair of clean jeans and a T-shirt out of my bag before shoving everything else back in.
Zeke insisted we bring our stuff with us, but I wasn’t sure it was necessary.
I didn’t want him to take pity on me because I’d had a panic attack.
I’d felt a hell of a lot better after he left.
So much so, I had been able to sleep. However, I wasn’t going to defy an order from Zeke.
Not until I knew what he had in mind for us.
So, after grabbing everything we’d brought with us, I followed Brax back down to the car.
“What do you think he has in mind?” I asked Brax as he drove us to the club a short time later.
“No idea.”
I sighed. “I really don’t want his pity.”
Brax barked a laugh. “Zeke? Pity? Have you met the guy?”
Fine. He had a point. Zeke didn’t seem like the type who gave a shit whether I endured a panic attack or not. The only reason it would concern him would be in regard to a scene. He was probably invested for as long as it would take to determine whether I was in the right headspace or not.
Now that we were out of the apartment for the foreseeable future, I was fine.
“I’m curious,” Brax said.
“About?”
“How is it you’ve never had a breakdown when we’ve stayed in hotel rooms? I mean, you know. The ones like the apartment. With hallways and elevators. It’s just … I’ve never seen you panic like that before, and I’m tryin’ to make sense of it all.”
That got me thinking because it was a damn good question.
We’d stayed in plenty of hotel rooms over the years, a lot of them set up in buildings similar to the Chatter PR building.
Vegas, for example. I never had issues there.
Perhaps it was because it was temporary, or whatever had been going on was enough of a distraction to keep me from focusing on it.
Or—something I wasn’t going to tell anyone—it was the apartment specifically. It brought back memories. Memories I’d spent my entire life trying to repress.
“Hell if I know. But you’re right. It’s never happened to me before.” I glanced over at Brax. “Maybe it was the long drive and the crappy night’s sleep?”
It sounded good, anyway.
“Maybe there were more windows,” Brax mused.
I reached over and took his hand. “Look, I’m really sorry.”
He squeezed my fingers. “What? No. I don’t want you to be sorry.
I’m just tryin’ to figure out how to fix this.
We can find a place, but it’s probably gonna take a little time.
At least a week or two. If we wanna buy something, it’ll be thirty days minimum.
We have to live somewhere in the meantime. ”
And he was thinking the same thing I was: our time with Zeke was extremely limited. Perhaps a night or two, max.
“Are you worried about what Zeke’s gonna want from us?” It’d been on my mind a time or ten, so I could only imagine Brax was thinking about it. “He did say we weren’t goin’ back to the apartment. I assume that means we’ll be stayin’ with him?”
“That’s what I got from it. Which we both know is temporary.
Maybe until our things get here?” Brax’s forehead wrinkled.
“Which means we’ll have to have a place to go when he kicks us out.
And yeah. I’m a little worried. It’s overwhelming.
I hadn’t expected it. Maybe he’ll outline it for us. Like a timeline or somethin’.”
He was clearly relaying his thoughts aloud while I was stuck on one particular point. “You said you were worried. About us? You and me?”
He shrugged, and I felt my heart lunge into my throat. I shifted to face him, wanting to hash this out now, before we got to the club.
“Are you serious, Brax? ’Cause I’d just as soon forget the whole thing if it means we’re gonna have issues.”
He came to a stop at a red light. “I honestly don’t know.
There’s no way to tell how things’ll turn out.
” Brax sighed. “But this is what we wanted, right? To experiment? To see what it’ll take to assuage these urges.
You know I can’t hit you. That’s not who I am.
And I know you can’t, either. It’s … Zeke seems like the perfect opportunity to explore this further. ”
He didn’t have to say because he was temporary. That was implied.
Brax was right, but we’d known that from the beginning. Ever since we agreed to pursue our masochistic sides while still engaging in a permanent relationship, I’d wondered how we could sustain both.
I sighed and flopped back against the seat. “This is so fucked up. Why do we have to be so fucked up?”
Brax laughed. “Because that’s the nature of the beast. We want what we want. We’ve been up-front about that all along.”
Yes, I had known it since the beginning.
I wasn’t sure it had always been the case for Brax.
He wasn’t even in the lifestyle when I met him.
I was the one who introduced him to kink clubs and BDSM.
Things progressed from there. We were friends in the beginning, and that developed into a sexual relationship, which then turned into something more until I found myself in love with the guy.
I didn’t think about how it came about, but I damn sure couldn’t not think about it falling apart.
What if he figured out he didn’t need the same things I did? I mean, I knew he was into rough sex, enjoyed humiliation. I’d seen him flogged a few times, and from the outside looking in, he appeared to enjoy it. But what if he was doing it all for me?
I glanced over at him and studied his profile.
He must’ve felt me looking, because his eyes cut to mine before returning to the road. “What?”
“I love you.” I needed him to know that.
He squeezed my hand. “I love you, too. With everything that I am.”
Those words triggered the memory of our conversation with Zeke in his office. When the big man had been questioning Brax. He’d said something similar then.
“And you, cowboy? What in the ever-loving fuck would you want from me?”
“Whatever you’re willing to give me, Zeke.”
“No matter how filthy? How disgusting? Because, little boy, my mind knows no bounds. My fantasies scare the devil himself.”
“I would give you everything that I am, Zeke.”
I’d never been prone to self-doubt or irrational fears.
I moved through life believing that I was exactly where I was supposed to be when I was supposed to be there.
However, as I looked at the man who owned my heart and I thought about the man who could own my body, I had to wonder if I would find myself in over my head.
What if Brax and I weren’t strong enough to survive this?
Was I willing to risk it because, no matter how much I loved Brax, I still didn’t feel complete?
While I could repress the darker side of myself, would I end up regretting that in the long run?
And what about Brax? What if I found what I needed in Zeke and it changed me?
Would he be able to handle me then? Would he even want me then?
As we pulled into Dichotomy’s parking garage, acid began churning in my gut.
I was no longer sure this was the right thing, and that scared me more than the thought of Zeke Lautner beating on me.