Chapter 30
Ellie
The fae realm—Aedys—is absolutely incredible.
It’s as if I didn’t know what color was before I came here.
Even my most saturated oil paints would look washed out next to the vibrant hues leaking out of our surroundings.
It’s like the same light that burns in Taran’s eyes radiates out of everything, from the vivid green leaves rustling softly in the breeze to the pink and orange wildflowers releasing their sweet perfume along the hillsides.
Even the dirt is captivating. I could spend an entire day pressing it between my fingers, seeking every shade that glistens with its inner radiance, and my paints wouldn’t be able to capture a single one.
Not that I’ve had the chance to do anything like that.
From the moment Reid and Emlyn left, Taran’s set a pace I’ve struggled to match.
I can barely keep up as he leads the way out of the forest, back into the hills, and a cramp stabs at my side from the effort.
But I refuse to be a burden, so I force myself to review my situation to keep the pain from overwhelming me.
While I’m happy Reid’s finally paying more attention to his own life instead of mine, I shouldn’t have dismissed his warnings so quickly. Talking to Taran this morning didn’t bring me any clarity, only more doubt and confusion.
It’s wrong, he said. Two words, then silence.
I wasn’t even sure a relationship was what I wanted, but I left the conversation with a battlefield raging in my chest. Shame at being so blatantly rejected—is it because I’m human?
—confusion at how I’d gotten things so wrong, and a single banner of relief waving in the air.
At least I knew where he stood, and that would hopefully make ignoring his pull easier.
But then the border passage happened.
Even thinking about the experience turns my insides to ice.
The cold fury crushing down on me, the rage battering against my eardrums…
but if I push past the horrors, Taran’s warmth seeps through.
How he took my hands in his, reaching for my mind trapped under the weight of the fog.
His voice cracking as he tried to calm me with words I couldn’t comprehend.
The comforting weight of his arms as he carried me.
How his touch lingered when he set me down.
The relief in his eyes when I finally recognized his face.
There’s no doubt in my mind that he feels something for me—something he’s trying very hard to ignore. But if that’s the case, why’d he let me come along? He could’ve easily made me go with Emlyn.
But he didn’t. Instead, he seems to be doing his best to pretend I’m not here. If that’s how it’s going to be… fine. I don’t need anything more between us. I simply need to focus on doing my part, on being helpful. To prove that humans aren’t lesser just because of our ancestors’ sins.
I huff and puff as I follow him up a steep, rocky hillside, with no idea how far behind I’ve fallen. The terrain finally levels out, and I find him waiting, looking out over the valley.
“Can we take a break?” I resent having to ask, but the cramp in my side’s spiking with every breath. “I’m starving.”
Taran glances at me, and I catch what almost looks like sorrow in his gaze. He nods, setting down his pack.
Just as he’s pulling out the food Emlyn gave him, he pushes me down behind a boulder.
“What are you—”
Taran brings his finger to his lips as he ducks down next to me, his face alert. Concentrating. But he isn’t looking at anything. A couple minutes pass without either of us moving, his musky scent filling my nostrils while the warmth of his body, so close to mine, burns through me.
“What is it?” I whisper, hardly able to stand it anymore.
He holds his finger up again. Another moment passes, and he lowers it, his body practically wilting as the tension breaks.
He lets out a heavy exhale before speaking. “A small group was passing through the valley.” He pulls some nuts and cheese from his pack, offering them to me. “They’re gone now.”
I take a deep breath, pushing past the discomfort of the moment now that he’s further away. “How can you tell?” I ask, then shove a handful into my mouth.
“I can sense their movements through the Land.”
He’s mentioned that before. “What do you mean?”
Taran settles with his back against the boulder. “All fae have what we call land-sense. I can feel where everything is around me. Like a prickle on my skin, but far away.” He sighs, then rubs his brow. “It’s difficult to explain.”
“No, that makes sense.” I think back to our travels so far. “Is that why we never came across any border patrols?”
He nods. “It wasn’t as strong in your realm, but still better than mortal eyes.”
Those eyes that make me not good enough for you. But before my ire can stew, heat flares up my neck. Last night, when I waited for him in the woods… he probably knew I was there the entire time. And with fae hearing—he may have heard my entire conversation with Reid.
I tear a chunk off the cheese and cram it into my mouth, hoping to bury the blaze before it burns in my face. My eyes widen at its earthy flavor, and I quickly take another bite.
“Wouldn’t the fae down there sense us, too?” I ask.
Taran shakes his head. “This is my realm. My land-sense is stronger than anyone else’s.”
“Even the queen’s?”
“Her bond with the Land passed to me when she was exiled. She’s been fighting me for it—that’s how she knows I’ve returned. But she’s been gone for decades. She shouldn’t be able to wrest it from me anytime soon, outside of my death.”
“Why did it go to you if your father was king?”
“He wasn’t an Evermoor,” Taran explains. “I was a child when I inherited the throne, and by fae standards, I’m still young and foolish.” The words have a ring to them, as if he’s repeating a phrase he’s heard many times. “He ruled in my name.”
I chew my food while considering this new information.
Despite calling himself a prince, he’s basically the king, which makes his behavior even more understandable.
He’s already fighting for the crown; even if I wasn’t imagining things, it’d be ludicrous to risk alienating his people by getting involved with a human.
“It’s weird to think of you as King,” I say, tucking away a long blade of grass the wind has tickling my leg.
Taran freezes, a handful of dried fruit hovering inches from his mouth. “I’m not King.” He pauses, lowering his hand. “Not yet.”
I shrug. “You basically are. You don’t have your crown, but you’re fighting the queen for your realm, making plans, ordering everyone around, showing off your power…”
His eyes narrow. “I’m not showing off—I’m keeping us alive.”
The heat flares again, drying out my mouth. “I know. I’m… simply seeing a different side of you. That’s all.”
His jaw tightens, and he packs the remaining food back into his pack. “We’ve lingered long enough. We have a lot of ground to cover.”
The wind picks up as he marches away. I really need to start thinking before I speak, or better yet, just keep quiet and follow Taran’s lead before I frustrate him enough that he regrets ever seeking my help.
But the thought of doing so carves an emptiness into my chest, which is odd—that was all I did before going to the Academy. When did that stop being enough?
Aside from a few more moments where he stops us to hide from far-off eyes, we keep moving until nightfall.
My little button is squeezed between my fingers; I’m not sure when my hand drifted to it.
Despite everything, it still feels like helping Taran will somehow lead me to what I’m missing.
A wholeness that feels otherwise out of reach, except when holding this button.
How can such a small, meaningless thing bring me such comfort?
My foot catches on something in the darkness. I lurch forward, arms flying. Taran catches me around the waist, pulling me back from a very steep, rocky descent into blackness.
A glint in the moonlight tumbles down.
My button.
Gone.
I pull myself free of his arms, my body seizing in panic.
My button.
“Are you alright?” Taran asks.
Tears well in my eyes, and I take a deep breath, trying to settle my pounding heart. It’s just a button. Small. Meaningless.
So why do I feel like I lost a part of myself?
“We can’t keep going like this!” I say, my voice pitching up. “I can’t see a thing!”
Taran looks around, apparently having no trouble at all seeing in the dark. “We need to get out of the wind.”
He takes my hand, his own rough and warm against mine, then pulls me along, pointing out the obstacles in our way. Eventually, he leads me behind a large boulder that makes a decent windbreak.
My heart finally settles as I collapse against the freezing hillside that might as well be rock instead of grass and dirt. “You’ll have to collect firewood this time.”
The cold air shocks my toes as I yank my boots off my aching feet, my stomach panging with how useless I’ve become. First, I can’t incant anymore. Now, I can’t even hold on to a button.
“No more fires,” Taran says. “They draw too much attention.”
I stare at him, though he’s barely more than a silhouette in the darkness. “We’ll freeze.” Despite escaping the wind, the chill’s already piercing my skin now that I’ve stopped exerting myself.
“That’s a wool coat. Sheep survive nights out here just fine.”
“Their coats are a lot thicker!”
I regret my outburst almost immediately, my jumbled emotions clogging my throat. It’s not his fault I’m so clumsy. But before I can apologize, he stretches his arm out, pressing his hand against the hillside. A few seconds later, he slumps, shaking his head.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
He sighs. “Nothing. You’d still be cold, and it’d just exhaust me.”
My jaw clenches, and something snaps within me. “Stop trying to make me feel bad for being human. I do enough of that on my own.”