Chapter 37 #2
That’s my fate, whether I want it or not. Something to do with my life, at least. A bloody fucking purpose.
It fits. That’s all I was ever good for.
My ribs constrict around my lungs, pushing out needling hiccups. Like my body’s mocking me for ever thinking I could be happy here. That escape was possible.
There’s no air. Only shallow, agonizing breaths.
Laughter somehow falls out, broken and wrong. Is it mine? Why am I laughing? This isn’t funny.
It gushes, the spurts and waves crushing my lungs. Tears pour from my eyes. I curl into a spasming ball, every muscle jerking, pain stabbing my gut.
My brain squeezes, forcing a thought.
Is this how I lose my mind?
No. I can’t. Not now.
I claw at the grass, the sharp blades pricking my skin as I grasp for it, but it slips through my trembling fingers. This should be easy—are my hands not working?
The trees spin around me, shadows creeping. Twisting, looming. I need something, anything, to latch onto before I tumble into the abyss. It’s right there, beckoning me. A wide, empty darkness. I don’t want to fall, but I can’t pull myself away, every kick in my lungs edging my closer.
I had a reason once, didn’t I? To keep going? What was it?
Ellie.
Her face forms in my mind. A warm smile, eyes full of love. The lavender scent of her hair. I hug myself tightly, imagining the soft heat of her arms around me.
Her voice when she told me she loved me.
The laughter breaks, sputtering until it peters out. The tears remain, but I can breathe.
I have to push through. For Ellie. I have no idea how, but there has to be a way.
Footsteps rustle through grass. Someone kneels beside me, cold fingers touching my forehead.
“Sleep.” My mother’s voice echoes through what remains.
Everything fades to darkness.
* * *
It’s daytime when I wake. I’m back in my bed. My fae bed, specifically. I haven’t woken up from this nightmare. I never thought I’d miss my shitty mattress from home.
My head’s pounding. Mouth’s a desert. A cup of water sits on the bedside table—I gulp it down so fast I almost throw it back up. The relief is short-lived, nowhere near enough.
It’s hard to say how long I slept—if it’d been an entire day, I’d probably be hungrier? I don’t know; I’ve never fasted before. But that would make my wedding tomorrow.
So I have one day to get out of here. And I’m no longer surrounded by armed guards.
Feeling slightly light-headed, I change into clean clothes—something not covered in dirt and grass stains. I open the door…
…and there stands an armed guard.
Of course.
He stiffens as I step forward, tilting his spear toward me.
I pause, my irritation brewing. “Can I go?”
There’s a nervous bend to his brow as he clears his throat. “You’re still under isolation. My orders are to keep you here.”
Nope, no way—I’m getting out, even if I have to punch him in the face.
Or… I can try to willbend him. It’s not like I have anything to lose at this point. So I gather up all the fraying threads of my resolve, pressing them into my words.
“Let me pass,” I demand, stepping forward.
His spear moves closer, his face hardening. “I can’t. Queen’s orders.”
Fuck. It didn’t work.
A searing anger spikes in my chest—all my pent-up rage, ready to burst. My voice warbles with unbridled frustration. “As your prince, I order you to let me pass.”
The guard’s eyes widen, then he steps aside.
I guess I should’ve tried that earlier?
I high-tail it out of there before he changes his mind.
A couple servants pass by as I charge down the stairs. They don’t stop me, but they’ll probably tell someone, so I pick up my pace. When I reach the second level, I poke my head out a window, checking the distance to the ground.
I’ve climbed taller trees. Not to mention the clock tower—ignoring the time I fell and almost died—and this is just a really big tree, right?
The odds are better than meeting more guards, at least.
After a few precarious minutes struggling with nonexistent footholds, my feet land on the ground. With a rush of hope, I disappear into the gardens, keeping as straight a path as possible away from the castle.
The stone wall’s ahead. Looks scalable. Probably.
But there’s also a gate. With two guards.
I spin on my heel, following the garden path in another direction, only to find four soldiers barreling toward me.
Shit.
I bolt for the wall.
The round stones make for easy handholds. I throw myself up it.
One of the guards grabs my leg, yanking me down. My hands slip, but I hold tight, the rough stones scraping my palms.
I kick my leg wildly as panic’s icy grip sends my heart hammering. The frantic rhythm echoes through my voice.
“Let go of me!”
A second later, my foot’s free.
I clamber over the wall.
I hit the ground running.
I’m doing it. I have no idea where I’m going, but I’m out. I’m free. I’m—
A wrathful voice booms from behind me, echoing through my veins.
“STOP.”
My feet halt so fast I tumble forward, as if they landed in the strongest glue ever made. I push myself up, only to realize I haven’t moved a muscle.
I can’t move. At all.
I’m not even breathing.
“You will not speak.” Mother’s voice echoes above me, bloated with rage. “You can move, but you will not resist.”
I gasp for air as two guards hoist me up by my shoulders. My body’s jelly. My shouts empty. They drag me back to my room, step by crushing step, my mother leading the way. Pain hits me as I’m dropped to the floor.
I’ve never seen an expression so wrathful, Mother’s green eyes blazing with fury. Her voice echoes with her inflamed willbending.
“Stay there. Silently.”
She moves to one of the windows. Placing her hand on the wall, the wood stretches until the window ceases to exist.
My heart hammers in my chest.
She does the same thing to the next window. And the next, and the next, until none remain.
Light leaks in through the open door. She turns toward it.
No! The word doesn’t come out, just air scraping my throat.
I can’t speak. I frantically shove myself off the floor but don’t move an inch.
The last thing I see is her face, twisted in rage, before she slams the door. The cracks of light at its edges melt away, plunging me into total darkness.
I struggle for I don’t know how long until I finally fall forward. Scrambling to the spot where the door once existed, I feel it with my hands. It’s completely smooth.
There’s no way out.