38. Chapter Thirty Eight Rhowyn
Chapter Thirty Eight: Rhowyn
After we all ate, we climbed the rock, grass growing in the crevices of the cracks and providing our feet purchase. Despite being in good shape, I was still short of breath by the time we reached the top. The view was amazing as sprays of salt water splashed on us, the waves crashing against the rock as if trying to force it to move, unsuccessful in the short term, but their persistence wearing down the stone over time.
I couldn't help but feel a parallel in this moment, as if I were the waves, battering up against life until I obtained what I wanted. My persistence gained me the things that I wanted, the things that were the most valuable such as love and friendship. You know, the things money couldn't buy. Those things required effort and desire, consistency and dedication in order to obtain.
For years, I floundered through life, never quite reaching the pinnacle I sought, always feeling as if there were so much more for me out there. And now, as I stood on the edge of the rock, gazing down at the waves, I realized I had somehow found the things that made me feel whole. Now, I just had to find a way to keep them through the tribulations that we would surely face.
Nothing in life ever came easy. At least nothing worthwhile. The things that seemed to fall into place without any effort always revealed themselves in the end. Wolves in sheep's clothing.
The magnitude of the situation weighed on me and I couldn't help sending up a prayer of thanks to any god who would listen for this moment. Bearing witness to such magnitude, I couldn't help but believe that there was something bigger than myself, bigger than us all. Something that weighed on us, measuring us and testing us until we failed or became the best versions of ourselves. Something that made us realize just how small we truly were in comparison to the unrelenting world, which moved on despite all the importance we placed on ourselves.
It was truly humbling to be in such a place, realizing just how much I had to be thankful for. I might not be ready to face the things the guys wanted for me, but I was finding that there was so much more I had to offer. So much more I wanted for my life and this world. For once, I had the opportunity to make changes that mattered.
Fear gripped me at that thought. Fear that I wouldn't measure up, that the things I thought might be for the best would actually cause devastation that I couldn't possibly foresee. My pulse raced at the responsibility that would be placed on my shoulders should I win, becoming the next Queen.
Sure, the guys believed that I would be great, but I couldn't help that niggling sense of doubt. The one that told me that I wasn't good enough, that I couldn't achieve what I wanted, and that the world didn't need someone like me. After all, my parents left me, my caretakers abused me, and the world I’d lived in before coming here saw me as nothing more than something to be thrown away, not worth the air I breathed .
A hand threaded through mine, fingers lacing between the spaces and holding me steady. Grounding me and keeping me from falling apart at the thoughts that raced through my mind. A firm squeeze brought me back to the moment.
Glancing over, I saw Lennox next to me, a tear leaking from my eye as our eyes met. He didn't need to say anything, the bond telling me everything I needed to know. He saw me as more, as someone who could accomplish what others had failed at before. He thought I was worth it.
A bittersweet ache gripped my heart as I smiled at him. For so long, I had pushed everything to the side, ignoring how I truly felt as if that would make it go away. Like an ostrich, I had buried my head in the sand. Out of sight, out of mind.
The others surrounded me, each placing a hand on me. Callum even moved to take my other hand, understanding my heartache on a level that the others didn't. We were two peas in a pod, having lived lives full of heartache and disappointment. Maybe together, we could grab hold of the future being presented if only we had the courage to take it.
He nodded as if reading my thoughts. Together. We would do this all together, for better or for worse. These men wouldn't abandon me. I would take them all if they would have me. Willing to spend my life trying to live up to their expectations, hoping that I could measure up.
And yet, even if I failed, they'd still be by my side, facing the world with me. I laughed in my mind, a sad smile gracing my face. It was us against the world, and I couldn't ask for anything more. The perfection of this moment struck true, hitting me in a way that words could never portray.
Taking a deep breath, inhaling through my nose, and holding the air in my lungs, I exhaled the doubt. Whatever we faced, we could overcome it as long as we faced it together. Again, Callum nodded at me, confirming the notion .
I smiled again, a truly innocent and joyous smile. This was what it felt like to come home, to be among family, those who accepted you no matter what. Such a novel idea for me, but something that I would fight tooth and nail to keep. Now that I had found my home, I wouldn't let it go.
“So, we just jump?” I asked the guys. Charity and her men gathered behind us, waiting patiently for their turn.
“Pretty much,” Lennox said.
“I can't help but think that this sounds absolutely ridiculous. Like she lives under the water?” I asked them, unable to wrap my mind around the concept.
“You heard the Gwyllion. We are to call out, and she'll hear us,” Callum said.
“And then what, we're transported to her lair?”
“That's the idea,” Baer said.
I took a deep breath, making an active decision to trust them wholly in this, despite my common sense screaming at me that this wasn't possible. “On three?” I asked them. Callum and Lennox both holding my hands with Baer and Arryn standing closely behind me.
At their nods, I started counting. “One... Two....Three...” I jumped on three, but their hands jerked from mine, leaving me soaring toward the waves alone. As I fell, I laughed at the absurdity of it. I guess they thought I meant one, two, three, jump.
Before I could think more of it, my feet broke through the surface, the water closing over my head quickly as I plunged into the depths of the lake. My eyes were closed, but as I continued sinking, I realized we hadn't called out to the Lady. Fuck. I hoped she was aware of us, that I hadn't completely screwed this up, and she'd allow us passage to wherever she was.
However, I continued to sink, slowing my descent until I pushed through some sort of barrier. It was like pushing through a bubble. One minute, I was sinking into the depths of the ocean, and the next, I was plummeting through the air. A scream escaped my lips at the feeling, so wholly unexpected. My feet touched the dry dirt, my knees collapsing from the momentum until I was a heap on the floor. Surprisingly, I wasn't hurt, considering my graceless fall.
I pushed up to my feet, expecting the guys to be behind me at any moment. When a minute passed, my brow furrowed in confusion. After a good five minutes, I was starting to get worried.
Pacing, I waited impatiently for them to join me. After what felt like hours but was most likely only several minutes, I had to accept that they wouldn't be joining me here.
Having nothing else to do while I waited, I took in the area. If I looked up, I could see the water forming a ceiling of sorts, walls of dirt formed around me to create a tunnel. Only a small area was illuminated, maybe a five-foot radius around me, leaving the rest in total darkness. I could go left or right, but it might as well have been a road to Mars for all the surety I felt for which way to go.
I should have known this wouldn't have been as easy as they made it sound. I could sense the guys vaguely through the bond, enough to know that they were okay if a little panicked at where I had gone. I guess it was up to me to find the Lady on my own.