Chapter 69 Reprieve #2
The doorbell rings, and I tense. Which dick has come to pick me up? I’ve barely heard from them tonight. Luke dropped me off after the exchange, but he was in a hurry to get back to practice.
My bedroom door opens, and Kenz walks in, closing the door and dropping her overnight bag in the corner.
“What’s up, my bitch?” She holds her arms wide, and I tackle hug her. She laughs, rubbing my back. “Miss me? I mean, I just saw you with the Cheermonsters so…”
A sob rips from my throat as the tears I pushed back all day flow down my cheeks.
“Oh, H.” The sympathy in her voice makes me cry harder. She leads me to the bed, and we sit on the edge. She hands me the box of tissues, and I grab a few, trying to wipe the tears away. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t even know where to start.” I shake my head.
“Can you name which asshole is being a dick, or is it the whole lot?” Kenz takes a tissue and presses it to my face. Her worried look has me holding back a fresh wave of tears. I love Kenz and don’t have to worry about her loyalty. It will always be me she chooses.
Taking a breath, I tell her about last night. How Nico’s mom outed Tanner is my partner in art, and Nico didn’t back me up. Then how angry Caden was, and the sex. Fuck, the sex.
“Holy shit, H.” Her eyes are big. “I mean, it sounds… it sounds…”
“Hot?” I laugh. “I mean, I’m happy to come as many times as they want me to, even when it hurts a little. If they were aiming for punishment, they missed the mark.”
Kenz touches her lips. “I mean, yeah, but one after another?”
My pussy pulses in memory of the slide of their cocks inside me. It was like having a never-ending erection. I blow out a breath and shake off the memory.
“Jack says I went into subspace. I need to look that up tonight.” I haven’t had a chance yet. My cheeks burn remembering the need, the craving. “I couldn’t get enough.”
Her eyebrows raise as her doubtful gaze drops to my lap. “How’s the vajayjay today?”
“Sore, achy. And then Eli fucked me hard at lunch in the closet.” I close my eyes, remembering his words and the way he touched me, like he knew my body better than I did. He made me want it.
They all do.
“At school?” Kenz shakes her head. “You know about the betting pool, don’t you? I just found out about it.”
“Yes, Grant Perkins. I’m surprised no one has claimed it yet. We haven’t been that secretive. I mean, there was the whole study session at the coffee shop.” Maybe I did the exit wrong and should have made a circuit of the shop, giving everyone high fives.
“You’d think someone would catch on.” Kenz rolls her eyes. “Grant’s a prick.”
“It’s the horsemen claiming a virgin. Anything they do calls attention to them.
It probably didn’t help they stuffed underwear in his mouth.
” I smile. They did it because he harassed me, but maybe I’m looking at it with rose-colored glasses.
In reality, it was probably to maintain their power or solidify their claim on me.
My smile falls. Everything they do is for them. I need to remember that. I bury my face in my hands. “What am I doing, Kenz?”
“Having the fucking time of your life.” Her grin is obvious in her tone.
“Am I?” I flop back on the bed. “Is it really better than hiding?”
“Hell yes, it is.” She lies down next to me on her side with her head propped on her hand. “H, you can go to parties, dances, study sessions. You don’t have to live in fear of the guys realizing you exist.”
“But I have to deal with the guys.” I pout. “They’re all bossy and demanding in their own way. Every time one of them seems nice, they do something dickish that tips the scales back toward assholes.”
“What was the problem last night?” She flops down next to me and holds my hand as we stare up at the ceiling. “Besides the multiple orgasms.”
“Besides Nico totally feeding me to the lions and not defending me? I thought he was my friend, but I should have known the horsemen come first. Then Caden and his stupid need for me to know what I did was wrong. When I was keeping it a secret to protect him. And Luke telling Caden to punish me. I swear he gets off on punishing me.” I blow out a breath, letting the anger overwhelm me a little.
“Eli was fine last night, but in the closet—” I stop as I remember.
It’s all so fucking confusing. “He wants what he wants whether or not I want it, but he makes me want it, which is frustrating as hell.”
“And Jack?” she asks.
“Jack.” I blow out a breath. “Last night must have been his turn to play nice guy. Jack stayed the night and held me while I cried in the bathroom.”
“Why were you crying?” Kenz squeezes my hand.
I roll my head to face her. “They keep making me feel like this could be more, then they do this shit and I realize I’m not one of them and I never will be. I’m just a toy for the year.”
Maybe that’s what stings the most. I’m not part of their group. They own me. I’m no better than a toy to them. They haven’t even called me tonight, probably because they know I’m not up to having sex. Therefore, they have no use for me.
“They’re pretty tight with each other. You’re more in than any other girl has ever been. They’ve claimed you, Harper. They’ve never done that before.”
I turn on my side to face her fully, putting my hand under my head. “They just want me for sex. The novelty of a virgin they can do anything they want with. Someone only they have touched.”
A shiver works through me. There’s more to it though: Caden’s dreams of the future, Luke’s possessive streak, Nico’s friendship, Eli’s coaxing and promise to protect me, and Jack…
I rub at my chest, not sure what to feel about Jack right now.
He’s always let me lead. He lets me explore before he takes. “There have been moments, but…”
“You don’t have to fall in love with them, H.
Appreciate you’re getting an education most of us couldn’t dream of.
A chance to experiment and enjoy yourself without worrying about the tangle of emotions.
” She mirrors me on the bed and reaches out to move some hair off my face.
“Just think how confident you’ll be in your first genuine relationship.
The horsemen may have had your body, but you’ll still have your heart to give to some lucky guy. ”
“Maybe.” I release my breath. “Okay, enough about me. How are you and Brandon doing?”
She grins, and her whole face lights up. “Girl.”
My heart unclenches, knowing she’s about to tell me a good story. She doesn’t judge me.
“I’ve missed you so much.” I breathe out.
“You’re always my girl, H.” She takes my hand and presses her forehead to mine. “If you need me, I’ll always be there for you.”
“Thank you,” I say quietly. “Okay, tell me about what you’ve been up to.”
With a smile, she starts a story about this closet they found at school.
I listen and smile at the appropriate spots.
Part of me is still heartsick after last night.
She and Brandon fell in love before they started having sex.
Now I’m having sex with no hope of love.
As long as I remember that and don’t let myself slip, I can just have fun. Maybe that’s good enough for now.