21. Chapter Twenty One Rhowyn
Chapter Twenty One: Rhowyn
It seemed that our task was one that didn't require as much time as the others. That was my first thought as Brannoc and I landed in the living room of his home. I was positive that was their intention all along when they assigned us to it. Now, I found myself pacing back and forth after waiting much longer than I had anticipated. My mind whirred with concern for them, knowing my anxiety wouldn't settle until they were all back here safe and with me.
Brannoc sat in one of the chairs in front of the fireplace, watching me as I tried to displace this nervous energy in the only way I could. Normally, back on Earth, I would have been able to go to the gym to dispel my fears through sparring or simply working a bag. There was none of that here, so I was forced to find another way. One that wouldn't destroy Brannoc's beautiful home as I tried to fight the imaginary demons in my head.
Amusement lit his face as he watched me, but he remained silent, a soft, barely there smile following me from one end of the room to the other. Over and over again.
I paused, shaking my hands out, the energy threatening to overwhelm me. I really didn't like them out there taking risks without me. I wanted to be with them, to protect them. Of course, I knew they'd say they didn't need my protection and that it was their job to provide me with protection, but I didn't see it that way. They were my responsibility. From the moment I met them, my life had been drastically changed, and despite the danger we were all in, I couldn't imagine life without them anymore.
Glancing at Brannoc as I opened and closed my hands, I realized I was becoming attracted to him. There was something about him that drew me in, his mysterious air pulling me in like a moth to the flame. Every line of his body screamed danger, but I couldn't help but want to risk walking too close to the flames.
I wasn't sure what the other four would think about my attraction to Brannoc, but I was sure they felt some of that through the bond. There would never truly be secrets from each other any longer, sharing our emotions in ways women on Earth would dream of. But from what I knew of the fae, they were more open about relationships than the humans on Earth. I had once thought I was normal in that regard, never truly desiring to be with more than one person, but since being here in Avalon, it was like a part of me was switched on. A part that I hadn't even known existed and desired pushing the boundaries.
Twice now, I had been with two of my consorts at one time, something that still shocked humans despite their ideas that they were advanced and emotionally aware. It was like my body knew that what we were doing was natural, following the pleasure that we could bring each other, not allowing preconceived notions to tell us how to embrace our relationships.
And yet, I was nervous about how to proceed with my attraction toward Brannoc. I wanted to respect my consorts, but I felt there was something more than simple lust between Brannoc and me. From what I could understand, while the queens of Avalon history had been free to pursue lovers, none of them had embraced long-term lovers outside of the consorts that had been chosen for them.
Deep in my gut, I knew that Brannoc was going to be important to me. That if we did decide to pursue a relationship, especially a sexual one, we'd need it to be more than a fling. I wanted him to be equal with my consorts in a way that was apparently unheard of.
I resumed my pacing, unable to stop myself. “If you continue, you'll be worn out before we can ever mount a rescue,” Brannoc said with a smile in his voice.
Stopping to face him, I searched for the words to respond, to explain my racing thoughts and fears. It wasn't just them being gone, I realized. It was so much more. It was everything finally catching up to me. Things that I pushed from my mind, swelling up to drown me and pull me under. When I stayed busy, I could ignore my thoughts, but in moments of calm and stillness, I was struggling.
Uncrossing his legs, he pushed himself up from the chair. The smooth movement transfixed me for a moment as he seemed to glide over to me soundlessly. I could see the assassin now. It was written in the very lines of his body, of his being. It was everything he was, and yet, he was so much more than just an assassin.
Coming to a stop in front of me, he reached out a hand to pull my gaze to his, a brief flash of uncertainty and hesitation crossing so quickly that it felt like it was just in my imagination. “There are many things in this life that you can't change. Many things that you have no control over. Fate seems to make fools of us all,” he said confidently.
Puzzled at where he was going, I opened my mouth to inquire further, but he simply shook his head. “Just listen.” I nodded as his hand dropped to run along my arm in a soothing gesture that he didn't seem to be aware of. “What I've learned over the many years that I've been alive is that if we focus on the things that are beyond our control, we will quickly be consumed by them. Regrets hinder us from ever being able to progress.
“I know this because I had to learn the hard way to let those things go, and I recognize when others are struggling with the same thing. It's okay to not have the answers now. It's okay to not know where fate is leading you, but don't let fear be your guide. Don't get lost in thoughts about what you think you are or aren't.”
Swallowing at his words, emotions threatened to spill from my eyes as he continued, wiping away a tear as it escaped and rolled down my cheek. “I haven't known you long, but I believe in you. I believe you're the answer to the prayers of the fae people. For years, we believed Avalonia had abandoned us to suffer under the Queen, our lands and people dying out. A long, slow but sure process.
“And then you arrived. You reminded the people what strength and courage should be. You demonstrated honor and loyalty through your deeds. Captivating us all with your kindness and beauty.
“So, whatever you're thinking now, know this. You are enough. You are more than we could have ever asked for. You represent hope and faith. None of it is something you thought about. All of it is simply just who you are.” He wiped another tear from my eye, our gazes glued to each other as he poured out his heart to me, and I knew he meant and believed every word he was speaking.
“But you don't have to bear this burden alone. You have your consorts to help you, protect you, to love you.” He paused to take a deep breath before continuing even more softly. “And you have me. I am here with you in whatever way you need me, in whatever capacity you'll have me.”
Swallowing past a thick lump in my throat, I slowly pushed up on my tip-toes, closing the distance between us further. As if moving in slow motion, our eyes never parting, I leaned into him, searching for a clue that he didn't want this.
What I saw instead captivated me. Unable to resist any longer, I kissed him. My mouth finding his in a press of lips meant to convey thanks and gratitude, lust not part of this equation. I could feel his devotion as he kissed me back, slowly and surely. My tongue darted out, seeking to deepen our connection, swiping along the seam of his lips. He opened for me, our tongues dancing briefly before he jerked back, separating from me brusquely.
Still reeling from the moment, I gazed at him confused. He stepped backward, running his hands through his hair before clearing his throat. “The others are back.”
Not waiting for a response, he became smoke, leaving me alone in the place that was his sanctuary to question what had just happened. Did I read that wrong? Did he not want me in that way?
His words had been so striking, moving me deeply, but alluding to something more. Surely, I hadn't made that great of an error in judgment? He wanted the same thing, right? After all, he had kissed me back, but was that just the heat of the moment? Our passions taking us further than he had intended?
Before I could ponder on those questions any further, Brannoc returned, the smoke clearing to reveal Callum and Baer. Unable to help myself, I rushed forward, wrapping my arms around Baer and hugging him tightly, needing the comfort he provided me after Brannoc had left me reeling. He chuckled at my enthusiasm, a tug along the bond, a question about my swirling emotions, the only indication that he knew how much I needed him. I shook my head against his chest in answer, not ready to say anything yet.
Baer pressed a kiss against my hair, and I allowed my eyes to close, soaking in his warmth and security as I tried to wrestle my emotions back into the box where they belonged.
“Come here, Trouble. Let me get one of those hugs,” Callum said, pulling me into his embrace and from Baer's arms just as I closed the lid on that box inside my mind.
“That's better,” he rumbled. Leaning down to speak softly in my ear, he said, “We were worried about you.” Through the bond, I could feel the pulse of uncertainty and fear that he was allowing me to feel. I smiled at the way he'd slowly been opening up to me, especially after our interlude with Lennox.
Pulling back, I teased him, “Oh ye of little faith. Surely, you'd have more faith than that in your future Queen?”
Snatching me back into him, he grumbled, “Oh I have something for my Queen, that's for sure, but I wouldn't call it faith.” His seductive words stoked the fire low in my belly.
Baer laughed freely. “If you two are going to have some fun, I would love to be invited to the party.” Letting me go, Callum smiled, the lascivious thoughts clear as day on his face.
Pulling back further, finally feeling slightly more settled, I couldn't help but notice the way Brannoc stood back, removed from us but watching everything we did. Turning back to Callum and Baer, I asked, “So what did y'all manage to find out?”
“Unfortunately, we didn't find out much. It seems that the fear among the lower fae is too great to be broken by a few beers. Although, Callum here imbibed his weight in ale, leaving him more likely to reveal secrets than our targets, as evidenced by the way he's looking at you now like you're the food to his starving body,” Baer said with a laugh.
“That explains why he's so cuddly all of a sudden,” I teased him, smiling.
“Hey! I am not cuddly. ”
“Sure. Whatever you need to tell yourself buddy. You’re just a big ol' teddy bear underneath it all. Apparently, all I needed to do was get you drunk to get you to show it.” I winked at him playfully.
Confusion crossed his face. “What's a teddy bear?”
Baer and I laughed loudly while Callum's frown only deepened at our reaction. As Baer explained that it was a stuffed toy, my gaze found Brannoc still standing apart from us. His expression was shuttered again, but shadows seemed to leak from him, undulating at his feet and sides. I wanted to kiss him again, to pull him into the group so he didn't have to stand on the outside, but guilt over kissing him without talking to the others first made me duck my head, hiding from him.
“The others are here,” he said coldly, drawing my attention back to his face. This time, the pain in his eyes threatened to send me to my knees. Frozen, I watched as he was swallowed by the darkness.
A gentle hand on my lower back had me jumping from staring at the spot that Brannoc had been, his eyes haunting me even though he'd already gone. “What's wrong?” Baer asked me.
Turning back to him, I rolled my shoulders as if I could physically shake off the guilt. I needed to tell them about it, but now was not the time. Now that Arryn and Lennox were back, we needed to focus on getting to Jude. Smiling, I begged Baer with my eyes not to push me. “Nothing that can't wait.”
“Are you sure?”
Nodding, I murmured a quick, “Yes,” as I placed a hand over his heart, pushing my own emotions back down again. “I'm fine.” He didn't believe me. We both knew he could feel what I was feeling, but thankfully, he left me to my own thoughts. Glancing at Callum, I caught a frown marring his face before he smiled broadly, his eyes now dancing with mischief.
“So, lass, you think I'm soft?”
“I didn't say that.”
“Is that not what a teddy bear is? A soft toy?” I laughed as he stalked closer. He snatched me around the waist, pulling me firmly up against him. I loved this side of him, more playful than I had ever seen from him. His smiles and laughter were a sweet balm to my soul after he'd withheld them for so long.
He nipped my ear, and his warm breath had me turning my neck and exposing the soft tissue for his attention. His nose ran the length of my neck with an inhale. “If you think I'm soft, I'll just have to show you how hard I get. How I like to push the envelope of pain and pleasure, to bring you to the edge and then take that which you desire away. To keep you from the pinnacle until I'm ready for you to soar.”
I gasped at his words, my hands fisting the fabric of his shirt as my knees weakened. He nipped at me softly, but I dared not move. It felt like his wolf was close to the surface and any sudden movements would have him pouncing on me. He turned my head, claiming my mouth, before pulling back. “Do you think you could handle that, Trouble? To submit to me and be fully at my mercy, at my command?”
His words held an unsure tone, more than the simple words, his question was much deeper than that. He seemed as if he desperately needed me to give this to him, and I found that while I had never been the type to submit to anyone, I now had two men who needed that from me. After everything they had given me, how could I deny either of them.
“I can do that,” I whispered, awed by the weight that lifted from his eyes with my words. “It may not come naturally to me, but if it's what you need, I can give you that.”
He swallowed deeply before nodding. I could see his demons threatening him, pushed back by my words. Finally, he smiled. “Oh the things I plan to do to you. For all those times you pushed me, I plan to punish you until you're begging me for your release.”
“I don't beg,” I challenged him. His eyes flashed with the provocation.
“Oh, we'll see about that.”