35. Chapter Thirty Five Rhowyn
Chapter Thirty Five: Rhowyn
We spent the rest of the day hashing out the minutiae of the details of how to make my haphazard idea take shape. Really, it was Arryn and Brannoc who did most of the planning while Callum piped in on what could go wrong. He really did have a way of finding the downside to everything. However, in this case, it was coming in handy.
Lennox was a good source of information on the inner workings of the Castle, allowing us to plot out just how to infiltrate and remain hidden. I guessed that after living in that horrid place all his life, he would know best how to move about unseen, even without the use of his shadows. From what I could understand, he kept his powers hidden, even from his mother.
I sat back and watched them as they planned, each in their own element, a small smile on my face, grateful that they were in my life. That I could call them mine in a way that no other could. I didn't know when I'd gotten so lucky, but I wasn't about to question it.
After living such a hard life all on my own, I found myself still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Life had never been this enjoyable for me, even with the evil bitch that wanted to remove me from the playing field. However, I was determined to embrace what I had for as long as I could. These men balanced me, challenged me, and brought happiness into my life. Something I could honestly say that I had never had.
I even had a family. A grandfather who had embraced me, no questions asked, and I'd just rescued my father. Although, I was nervous about formally meeting the second. Granted, we had conversed easily enough in the dungeons, but that had been before I knew who he was to me. Would he embrace me like my grandfather had? Or would what the Queen had done to him be insurmountable, forever twisting what I heard had been a good and honorable man?
My grandfather was in the room with him now. The guys had explained to me that they had restrained him for everyone's safety. And while I understood this, I didn't necessarily like it. Were we just perpetuating the abuses he'd already undergone? Would he understand why it was necessary? Could he forgive us for treating him the same way, even if we had good intentions?
The only way to find the answers to those questions would be to actually have a conversation with him, but where would I even start? Hey, Dad, long time no see? Hey, Dad, I know you've been missing for two and half decades, but I'm your long-lost daughter that you kind of abandoned by accident?
Nothing seemed sufficient. With my grandfather, it had been different. He'd been there for me even before he found out about our relationship. I'd been drawn to him, and his personality made it to where we didn't even have to think about those things. I got the feeling that with my dad, things wouldn't go quite so easily. Shit, how would I even tell him about mom?
A part of me wanted to meet the man I'd heard so much about, but the other part of me was being a coward, using this meeting to avoid the inevitable confrontation that had to come. Were the guys aware of my thoughts? Could they feel the wavering and waffling I was doing? I'm sure they felt something from the bond, which was why I was now sitting in Lennox's lap while we listened to the others debate the best course of action.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Lennox whispered in my ear, tucking the strands behind my still very human ear. That was something else I had to consider. I'd been told it was my father who had cast the glamor over me, which stood to reason that he could remove it. Was I even ready for that?
I had been me for all my life. The face I saw every day in the mirror was something I had grown accustomed to. While I didn't feel I was the most beautiful or striking in appearance, I also knew that I wasn't unpleasant to look at. Who even knew what I'd look like without my glamor? For all I knew, I could be hideous underneath this unintended mask.
“I'm not even sure where to start,” I whispered back, nuzzling into his neck as he wrapped his arms around me. I liked it here, in his embrace. I'd had sex before. Sex was simple and usually without attachments. This was new. Cuddling up to someone just because you wanted to be next to them. Touching someone else for reasons other than violence and sexuality. Wanting to have him hold me because I needed the comfort and reassurance was uncharacteristic and new for me.
“Understandable. You've had a lot go on in the last couple of weeks, much less days. Wanna talk about it?” Nox's arms tightened around me, and I caught the glances of the other guys. Everyone but Brannoc that is.
“Go. We'll catch you up when we're done here. There's still a lot to cover, and I'm sure you need rest,” Arryn said.
Looking at him, I was glad for the reprieve. “If you're sure?”
“I'm sure.” I felt him pluck at our bond, gauging its connection. “You're awake, but the connection is still weak. You'll need more rest to ensure your magic is at full force, which is imperative if we're to undertake this mission.”
“Okay,” I said, a yawn forcing itself from my mouth as if just the thought of sleep was enough to draw me down into the dark abyss. Standing, I turned to Lennox. “You coming?”
“If you want me there,” he said, his eyes hopeful, before glancing to the guys for their approval as well.
I glared at them, not happy that he was looking to them. If I wanted to spend time with someone, it was my business, not theirs. “I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you there,” I snapped, taking out some of my frustrations on Lennox. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself. There was too much uncertainty and anxiety gnawing on my gut for me to censor myself.
These emotions and feelings were great, but my instincts kept me on edge. If something sounded too good to be true, then it usually was. My brain struggled to let me just be, and instead, I was on high alert while I waited for something to go wrong. Logically, I knew that it was my own insecurities, but I couldn’t stop myself from lashing out. My temper was getting the best of me and doing its damndest to convince me that this was not reality. Maybe one day I would be able to relax into what these men were offering me freely. Until then, I feared I would continue to snap at them.
Instead of losing his own temper and retorting like he had every right to, he just laughed. “Easy, Princess. I'm coming.”
“Not yet he's not.” I heard Baer joke playfully under his breath, earning laughter from the others.
I couldn't help the smile that graced my face. There was nothing better than watching the guys teasing each other, building a camaraderie. Walking off, I called over my shoulder, “He definitely won't be if he keeps dawdling.”
Even louder laughter followed me as I heard Nox rushing after me, smiling as he slung an arm over my shoulder. “If you keep that up, I'll just have to make you wait as punishment. So impatient, Princess.”
“That's if you can even keep up,” I teased him as we entered my room.
“Oh, is that how little you think of me?” His lips found the back of my neck as he kicked the door closed, his arms wrapping around me. Large hands cupped my breasts, a moan escaping as I leaned backward into him.
“It's been too long. I've got to make sure I keep you on your toes,” I breathed out between gasps as he ground his hardness into my backside, his hands still working their magic.
“Is that a challenge?” he asked, deft fingers finding the hem of my shirt to pull it off swiftly before he kissed down my neck to my shoulder.
Just as I was about to respond, two fingers pinched my nipple, dragging a loud gasp from my throat. “Only if you want it to be,” I said between moans as he switched to the other nipple.
I pushed my ass back into his erection, grinding myself against him and eliciting a groan from him. His hands found my hips, gripping them hard enough to leave bruises, holding me still against him. “As you said earlier, it's been a few days, and I don't want to disappoint, Princess.”
He turned me around to face him, his tongue lapping across my collarbone, occasionally stopping to suck the skin hard enough to leave reddened bruises behind, marking me. “After all, you have no idea how hard it is to feel your pleasure through the bond...”
He kissed between my breasts, his hands removing my bra as if second nature for him. “...to hear your moans of pleasure through the thin walls...”
As he made his way down to my navel, he dipped his tongue inside and swirled it, imitating what his plans were for when he reached his final destination. My breaths heaved in and out in anticipation as I waited for him to finish his thought. “...to know that someone else is bringing you the pleasure that I am desperate to give you.”
His hands found the hem to my pants, his fingers hooking into the waistband and tugging my underwear and pants down to my ankles. He lifted one foot and then the other, causing me to place my hands on his head to steady myself as he left me completely bare before him.
Pausing, he gazed up at me from his position on his knees, sitting back on his heels. His eyes tracked up from my feet, to my core, my breasts, and then finally met my eyes. “Gorgeous,” he whispered reverently. “Everything I could have wanted and more.”
While his words pleased me, I couldn't help the twinge of sadness and fear that gripped me. “Even if I may no longer look like this after the glamor is removed?” My words were barely more than a whisper as I held my breath waiting for his answer.
Standing, he gripped my chin harshly. “Your beauty is not the shape of your body, though it’s pleasing to look at. Your beauty comes from inside,” he took my hand and placed it over his heart, “Where I feel you and you feel me. Your fire, warmth, kindness, and generosity. It's the way you give of yourself, never asking for anything in return. It's the way you act because it's the right thing to do, without any thought for the consequences for yourself.”
His lips found mine, teasing at the seam and then his tongue tangled with mine briefly before withdrawing again. “I would love your beauty in any shape because my love is for the woman you are, not what you look like.”
He knelt down on the floor before me, kissing one hip and then the other before continuing. “I love everything about you, Rhowyn, and that will never change. My heart is yours until the end of time.”
I sobbed loudly at his words, tears running down my face. How did he always bring me to such extreme emotions when we were alone? How had he known exactly what I needed to hear? And though a traitorous part of me wanted to deny that he meant the words, that he said them just to please me, a bigger part knew he meant them. All I had to do was search the bond that connected him and I. It rang true with each of his words. The only part that was in denial was the part of me that feared losing him. A defense mechanism that was trying to keep my feet planted on the ground, although all I wanted to do was to soar into the clouds of love with him.
Choosing to ignore that part of myself, to embrace this moment and deny the fear within me, I put a hand on his cheek. “I love you too, Nox. Forever.”
I fell to my knees in front of him, bringing us back on level ground. Though I may be his Queen, he was still my equal. He was my happiness, the silver lining to all my dark thoughts. I needed him more than I had ever thought possible. My mouth crashed into his, unlocking a fervency that had been held back between us both. Needing to be as close as possible to him, I aligned my body against his, a sound of frustration escaping me as I realized he was still fully dressed.
Both of us fumbled and ripped at his clothes, needing the skin-to-skin contact more than we'd needed anything before. Our teeth clashed as our mouths met greedily, neither of us concerned about the slight pain that accompanied the contact.
When he was finally undressed, bared before me, he picked me up from the ground, tossing me onto the bed where his eyes roved across my body. Unable to help myself, I writhed as the tension between us built. Powerless to stand the loss of his body any longer, I hooked a finger at him, bidding him closer. “Come show me just how much you love me.”
Not needing any further instructions, he climbed over me, his hips settling over mine. Our tongues tangled while our hands explored each other. His hips thrust forward, grinding his cock against my clit, and I broke his kiss to moan, holding onto him tightly. My legs wrapped around his hips, rocking against him, unable to resist the delirious friction that it brought us both. He moaned with the motion, his forehead resting on mine as he watched his cock rub against me.
He lowered himself onto his elbows, pinning me in place as his mouth kissed down my neck and to my breasts. With each kiss, he whispered words of love, his mouth a punctuation to each statement. Finally, as he took my breast into his mouth, sucking and rolling his tongue along the hardened point of my nipple, I reached between us to fit his cock where I needed him. The feeling of emptiness that had grown inside of me couldn't be quelled by anything other than him. Once he was notched in place, he thrust forward to seat himself fully inside me. Both of us moaned, pausing to enjoy the fullness of that connection between us.
“Fuck, Rhowyn, I love you,” he said with a groan, his icy blue eyes meeting mine, turning gray with the emotions we were both experiencing.
I kissed his face, his cheeks, his eyes, finally settling on his mouth. Before closing the distance between our lips, I whispered, “I love you, Nox.” As if my words had broken something in him, he pulled back and slammed into me again. And again. And again. Each thrust brought cries of pleasure and promises of love from us both.
As I crested the peak, I knew there would be no turning back for me. Lennox would always have to be with me. I'd do whatever I needed to do to ensure that. I was never going to let him go.
I cried out my release, clamping down on him hard as my muscles milked his cock until he finally came with a moan of his own. His forehead rested on mine as our fevered breaths mingled with each other, both of us drifting slowly back to our bodies. “Until the end of time,” he whispered and I knew that it was a promise from us both.