51. Chapter Fifty One Baer
Chapter Fifty One: Baer
I paced the floor, having lost all patience hours ago. Looking at the clock again, I realized I hadn't slept at all for almost thirty six hours. None of us had. All of us were too anxious to sleep in case Rhowyn needed us.
I stomped past Callum, who slammed an arm out, halting my progress. “Stop,” he growled out.
“It's not like I can help it. I need to do something. And since I can't go in there to see her, I need to move,” I reasoned with him, my skin crawling with the need to move.
“Your pacing is driving me nuts and making my wolf nervous,” he said through gritted teeth, his eyes flashing yellow as if to reiterate his point.
I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. “Sorry. I just hate sitting here. It's eating me up.”
“It's eating us all up.”
“I know, it's just...” I trailed off, unable to put the feeling into words.
“I get it. I feel the same way. My wolf isn't wanting to listen to reason. He wants to crash in there and make sure she's alright. He doesn't get that if he does that, he could kill her,” he said, more to his wolf than to me.
“Yeah,” I said, my mind already drifting from the conversation and back to Rhowyn. Two days. She'd been locked in that room for two whole days without so much as a twinge through the bond. I couldn't get even a hint of emotion from her. I knew she was there, but it was like she was in a coma. I would say sleep, but even in her sleep, she projected her emotions to us, usually fear or anger, her dreams haunted by nightmares.
If the scars on her back were anything to go by, the nightmares were to be expected. I knew that people who had been through something traumatic often had nightmares, anxiety, and other symptoms such as flinching at loud noises or when startled. I believed the humans called it PTSD or something like that. Whatever it was, we were lucky that the only thing to hint at the trauma she carried was the nightmares and the marred flesh that should have never been there in the first place.
Rubbing my hands over my face, I shifted from foot to foot, trying to fight the urge to pace again. I hated waiting, and this was the worst form I'd ever faced because there was absolutely nothing I could do to keep myself busy.
Arryn sat in a chair by the fire, a book in his lap, looking for all the world like he didn't have a care, but I noted that he hadn't changed the page in at least thirty minutes. He was just as concerned as Callum and I but was better at hiding it.
Brannoc was off in the kitchen, taking his mind off of the situation by cooking feasts for us, even though most of the food went to waste, all of us consumed by thoughts of Rhowyn.
Lennox sat next to Arryn, a glass of whiskey in his hand that never seemed to fully empty even though he drank from the glass regularly, his brow furrowed in concern and thought.
Master Jude and Rhowyn's father sat next to each other near the hallway, consumed in conversation as Jude tried to catch the man up on what had happened while he'd been imprisoned.
Cyerra was another story altogether. She simply went through the forms of her training, flowing from one movement to the other as she focused on her breathing. She hadn't known Rhowyn as long as we had and didn't have the same attachment to her, but her need to move echoed my own, indicating that she was just as worried.
Unable to resist any longer, I stalked toward Jude. “This shouldn't be taking so long.”
Jude watched me, searching for signs that I was about to make a break for Rhowyn's room. “It takes as long as it takes. Only Avalonia decides what is needed.”
I eyed the hallway entrance, calculating the odds that I could make it past the old man, the urge to go to her pulling at me incessantly. Despite desperately wanting to check on her, I knew that I couldn't risk waking her. I wouldn't be the cause of her death.
Not looking up from his book, Arryn said, “Sit down Baer or go help Brannoc in the kitchen. You're only making things worse for the rest of us right now.”
I wanted to argue, but I knew he was right. My anxiety only seemed to ratchet up everyone else's, and Callum was already struggling to contain his wolf. He didn't need me to make it more difficult for him. Knowing that sitting still wasn't an option, I stalked toward the kitchen, intent on trying to avail myself of Brannoc's services of feeding the growing horde of us. Halfway there, pain lanced through my chest, dropping me to my knees with a hiss.
I clutched my chest, the bond between Rhowyn and I throbbing in pain, horror, and fear. Brannoc rushed out of the kitchen, a mixing spoon in his hand. “You felt that too?” he asked me.
Unable to speak, I simply nodded. Arryn was instantly on his feet. “Felt what?”
“The bond,” Brannoc said. “It's straining. I can feel Rhowyn's pain and fear. It's....potent.” His words a struggle to get out toward the end. Apparently, he was finally feeling the same agony that I was.
I leaned forward, pushing my forehead to the ground and trying to breathe through the agony. Surely, she wasn't feeling the same intensity of pain, because if she was...
I didn't even want to finish that thought. “I'm not feeling anything,” Lennox said as I struggled to inhale the air my body needed.
“Me neither,” Callum said, suspicion tinting his words.
“I'm not either,” Arryn said, his brain switching over into problem-solving mode. “So why is Baer in the same agony that Brannoc is in?”
“It's their bond,” Jude said.
What?! Surely, he misspoke. I didn't have a bond with her other than as her consort. “What do you mean their bond ?” Arryn asked him, echoing my own thoughts.
“He's mated to her,” he said simply, as if this was common knowledge.
“We know Brannoc is, but why is Baer also in pain?” Arryn asked, confused.
Jude sighed and spoke again as if speaking to a youngling. “They are both mated to her.”
“How the hell did that happen?” Callum snapped.
At the same time, Arryn asked, “When?”
“I didn't think High Fae could have mates?” Lennox said.
Rhowyn's father stepped forward. “It's possible. Rare, but possible. Usually, it's formed when one High Fae gives their essence to the other and vice versa.”
“But...” Arryn started, realization dawning on all of us.
“When she saved him during the trials,” Lennox hissed out.
“That would be my guess. In her clumsy efforts to heal him, she gave him a part of herself. You didn't know this?” Jude asked.
“No! We had asked you about it, but we never got the answer,” Lennox said.
“Oh. There was quite a bit going on, and it must have slipped my mind. I remember now, but it wasn’t until you were already in the second trial that I stumbled upon the answer. Then you weren’t available for me to explain. I thought you had figured it out by the time I was rescued, so I didn’t bother bringing it up,” Jude explained, chagrined. “You really didn’t know?”
I wasn't sure if he was asking me or the others, my eyes having been squeezed shut as I listened to their conversation in an effort to distract myself from the agony that was coursing through me.
“No,” Arryn said, as I just shook my head, rolling my forehead on the floor, words still escaping me.
Just then, when I thought the pain couldn't get worse, another stronger wave coursed through me. “Shit,” Brannoc gritted out.
“What's going on?” Arryn asked him.
“She's...oh goddess... the pain.” He panted a few breaths, before trying again. “It's getting worse.”
At this point, I could only feel the grief that was coursing through her, the agony as the bond between us strained. Knowing that if I was hurting this badly, her pain had to be worse, I tried to push to my feet, determined to wake her. This time, I didn't care if I risked hurting her more. I couldn't let her continue feeling all of this.
Somehow, I pushed to my feet, panting hard with the effort, nearly stumbling back down and falling on my face as more pain rolled through me. By some means, I managed to put one foot in front of the other, making slow progress toward the hall.
“Baer?” Arryn asked. “Where are you going?” I opened my mouth with a gasp of pain, words still escaping me. Instead, I just shook my head and pushed forward again.
“Stop,” Arryn ordered. When I didn't heed it, he repeated it. “Stop. You can't wake her.”
I shuffled another foot forward, swaying as I forced myself to push through it. “Don't make me stop you. I don't want to hurt you, but I can't let you do this,” Arryn said again, pleading with me, closer now than he had been before.
I continued.
Jude's voice sounded out, a gentle hand touching my arm. “Son, you cannot. Trust in Avalonia. She won't let her be permanently harmed. She needs Rhowyn.”
I wanted to believe him, but how could Avalonia allow such pain to exist? How could she force this on anyone?
Again, I put another foot in front of me, so close to the hallway now. Suddenly, the pain vanished just as quickly as it had come on. The absence of it sent me to my knees again. I heaved in heavy breaths, finally able to breathe fully again, but my fear was only heightened because now, I couldn't feel her at all.
Scrambling to my feet, I lunged for the hall entrance, picking up speed as I dodged the hands of the others as they tried to stop me. A body tackled me from behind, crashing us both to the floor with an oomph. This time, my own pain rang through my body, my face slamming into the hard surface with enough momentum to send stars dancing across my vision.
“Baer, stop!” Callum growled out as I struggled underneath him. If only I could get out of his hold, her door was just two feet away.
Goddess, this fucker was heavy . Callum's weight made it hard to breathe again. I rolled onto my back, using my momentum to send an elbow into his cheekbone with a thunk of bone against bone. Instinctively, he pulled back just enough for me to scramble out from under him. Two large lunges had my hand on the doorknob, twisting it as I allowed my momentum to slam into the wooden surface and crash through.
Inside, I halted, two bodies slamming into my back and sending me stumbling forward. But as I caught my balance, barely staying on my feet, my eyes never left Rhowyn's. She was awake and looking at me now with confusion.