21. Jett
21
JETT
He huffed out a laugh and kissed the top of my head. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“So will I.”
Icy dread seeped into my satiation at Ezra’s voice.
Oh shit. How much had he seen?
I tried to wiggle out of Wes’s arms, but he held me tight.
The bed dipped as Ez sat next to us. He put a warm hand on my back, and the last of my panic melted away.
“Did you enjoy it?” he asked in that voice that made my brain quiet and set my body on fire.
“Yeah.” Resting my cheek on Wes’s chest, I peered at Ez through my lashes.
“Do you want to tell me?” He moved his hand in a slow circle.
“You want to hear about it?” I couldn’t help asking.
“Of course. I like hearing about my boys having fun together.”
My face flushed hot at his words. I was one of his boys?
“We, uh, did a sixty-nine.” The tips of my ears burned so hot they hurt.
“Yeah?” Ez’s smile went wicked. “Did you like it?”
I nodded against Wes’s chest. “So much. I’ve never done one before. I had no idea it could feel that good.”
Something flared in Ez’s eyes, but it was gone before I could pinpoint what it was.
“Do you want to do it again?”
“Now?”
Ez huffed out a soft laugh at my enthusiasm. “Maybe not right now. But soon. I have a feeling we’ll never get breakfast if we start the fun again.”
“Probably not,” I agreed.
Ez patted my ass. “How about you two get some pants on, get cleaned up, and come to the table?”
“We’ll be right there.” Wes leaned up and accepted the quick kiss Ez gave him.
My face flushed hot again when he pressed a soft kiss to my lips next.
In a bit of a daze, I got out of bed and put on the sweatpants Wes handed me.
We took turns in the bathroom, and my heart skittered a bit when I saw the new toothbrush and new stick of deodorant that had been set out for me.
When I was cleaned up, I made my way to the kitchen, still not quite believing that I was here, with them, about to have breakfast after spending the night together.
“Holy shit,” I exclaimed when I saw what was waiting for us on the table.
Bowls of cut fruit and yogurt sat next to a plate of what looked like breakfast burritos wrapped in foil. Each of the three place settings had a glass of ice water and a steaming mug in front of it.
My morning meal usually consisted of cereal and fruit or toast and eggs if I was feeling fancy. Most days I had to grab a breakfast sandwich on my way to work to make sure I had enough food in me to last until our break.
Was this typical for them, or was it because I was here?
Wes put one hand on my back to steer me toward one of the chairs. I sat, feeling awkward all of a sudden.
“What’s up?” Ez asked, settling on the chair next to me.
“Nothing.” I pushed my hair back from my face.
“Are you sure?” Wes sat across from me.
“Yeah. I’m just not much of a cook. I’m not used to seeing real food in the mornings.”
Ez chuckled and picked up his mug. “That was the one skill my parents insisted on teaching me.”
“Cooking?”
He nodded and took a quick sip of his drink. “My mother had me in the kitchen with her starting when I was ten, and my dad taught me all his secrets when I was in high school.”
“Your dad cooks?” I peered into the mug in front of me. Was that hot chocolate?
“He does. Especially now that he’s retired. He loves it. He’s always inviting us over for dinner or afternoon tea so we can help them eat whatever he’s spent the day making.”
“And we always get sent home with a ton of leftovers.” Wes put one of the wrapped burritos on his plate.
I accepted the one Ezra held out to me.
“That’s got eggs, peppers, onions, mushrooms, and sausage in it,” he said. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah, sounds great.” Carefully, I peeled the wrapping off the burrito.
We didn’t talk much while we ate, but it didn’t feel strained or awkward. The silence was comfortable, companionable. I couldn’t remember the last time I was able to just sit in silence with people and not spend the whole time in my head freaking out about what they were thinking or why they weren’t talking.
When the food was gone and our bellies were full, I had another moment of panic.
Were they going to kick me out now that they fed me? Or maybe they were waiting for me to leave, and I was too dense to see it?
“Do you have anything you need to do today?” Ez asked, finishing off the last of his water.
“Not really. But I can go?—”
“He was asking if you needed to leave. He wasn’t kicking you out,” Wes said gently.
“Sorry.” I scrubbed my hand over my face. “I’m being weird.”
“You’re fine,” Ez assured me. “I’m guessing you haven’t had many morning afters.”
I huffed out a laugh. “Nope. The first time I spent the night with someone was my wedding night. Although, the morning after was pretty awkward.”
“How so?” Wes asked.
“I’m not sure how to explain it without sounding like some naive kid.” I toyed with my fork. “But it didn’t really hit that we were together together until we got married.”
They exchanged a curious look but didn’t say anything.
“We grew up together. I was so used to Naomi being around that even when we were courting, things didn’t really change except we held hands a lot and people referred to us as a couple. Then we got married and spent our first night in our new house, and it all hit in the morning that it was real, and that was going to be every morning for the rest of my life.”
“That sounds like a huge change.” Wes’s tone was understanding. “A lot to deal with all at once.”
“You haven’t had any weird morning afters, have you?” I looked between them. “Not if you’ve only ever been with each other.”
Ez chuckled and glanced at Wes. “We did. Remember after homecoming?”
Wes laughed. “Like I could ever forget.”
“Wait, what happened?” I asked, perking up. “I’m sensing a story.”
“We started dating when we were in tenth grade, but because we were still in the closet, we couldn’t go to school events together or go on dates because people might see us,” Ez said. “When homecoming rolled around, we went with a couple of girlfriends.”
“Like, girlfriends, or friends who are girls?”
“Friends who are girls. They didn’t know about us, and sixteen-year-old us were too stupid to realize that asking a friend to a dance was the same as asking them out on a date.” Wes smiled ruefully. “Thankfully there wasn’t any drama because a whole group of us did it. Just kind of paired off to have an official ‘date’ for the tickets, but we spent the whole time hanging out as a group.”
“After the dance, Wes and I went back to my place because my parents were away for the weekend. Or at least they were supposed to be.”
I winced. “Please tell me they didn’t come home and catch you doing stuff.”
“Not exactly.” Wes smiled ruefully. “They came home early the next morning and found us in bed together after doing stuff.”
“Were they pissed?”
“No.” Ez laughed. “They were surprised because we never made it to my bedroom and they found us butt naked on the couch. Thank fuck we had a blanket over us, but they knew what we’d been up to.”
“And they weren’t mad?”
He shook his head. “Not about Wes and me, but I broke a house rule by having him over without asking permission first.”
“His parents made us get dressed, then his dad made a big breakfast, and we had to sit with them for over an hour making small talk and pretending like we hadn't just been outed.” Wes glanced at Ez. “Then his dad sent us out to do a shit ton of yard work as punishment for breaking the no sleepover without permission rule.”
“That’s how they found out about you?” I looked at Ez.
He nodded. “They already suspected I was gay, and they also figured that Wes and I were more than just friends, but that was when they found out for sure. At least we have one good outing story.”
“Wait. One good outing story? You’ve been outed more than once?”
Wes leaned back in his chair. “That’s the thing about being queer that sucks. You don’t just come out once. So you can be outed more than once.”
I looked between them. Was it okay to ask more questions?
“We managed to keep things quiet until just before finals,” Wes continued. “But we made the mistake of letting our guard down and went to a movie together. We thought going to a late show and picking a movie that had been out for a while would give us cover, but it didn’t.”
My chest constricted painfully. I’d spent years terrified that someone would figure out I was bi. Being outed had been my biggest fear.
“Some guys from school saw us, and that was it. The whole school knew by Monday, and someone told my brother.” Wes looked down at his empty plate. “And instead of talking to me or keeping my secret, he told our parents.”
“I’m sorry.” The words felt inadequate, but what else could I say?
He shrugged. Ez leaned over and took his hand.
“Long story short, they kicked me out, and Ez’s parents took me in.” He shrugged again, like he was shaking off his bad mood. “The other times we’ve been outed were at work. Nothing big or dramatic ever happened. Most people didn’t really care as long as we weren’t overt about it, but some people cared too much.”
“It’s not exactly low stress to have your coworkers watch your every move to make sure you don’t act gay or acknowledge your male partner in any way.” Ez laced his and Wes’s fingers together. “But we don’t have to worry about that now.”
“I overheard Quinn joking about how he should have named his company Rainbow Construction because we’re the queerest crew ever.” My smile fell. He’d also joked about how I’d broken their streak by being the only straight guy.
But I wasn’t straight. I’d never been straight. And I was lying to the people who’d done nothing but love and support me, even when I continuously shut them out and kept them at arm’s length.
“What was that face for?” Ez asked.
“Nothing.”
Ez’s look clearly said he didn’t believe me.
“I was just thinking about how no one at work knows about me.” I rubbed my hands against my thighs, the warmth from the friction helping to ground me. “I don’t know why I’m keeping it secret. I told Nick, and you guys obviously know. But I can’t make myself tell anyone else. The guys at work, my friends. Not even my aunts. And I’m literally guaranteed to have the best coming out ever. Not a single person will even blink when I tell them. I know it’ll be fine, but I’m scared to actually do it.”
“How about we take this conversation to the living room so we’re more comfortable?” Ez suggested.
“What about…” I waved at the dishes still littering the table.
“We’ll get it later.” Ez pushed his chair back and stood.
When we were in the living room, they sat on opposite ends of their couch, leaving an open cushion in the middle.
“Do you want to sit here?” Wes tapped the cushion. “Or there?” He pointed to the easy chair.
I sat in the chair. Not because I didn’t want to be next to them but because I wanted to look at them while we talked.
Wes slid across the couch and settled next to Ez.
“Do you think maybe your fears about telling people stem from what it was like before?” Wes asked. “I imagine you had to be incredibly careful while you were figuring stuff out.”
I nodded and dragged my fingers over the arm of the chair, the rough scratch of the fabric helping to focus my thoughts. “I figured out I like guys around the same time I started liking girls. I don’t really want to get into it, but I didn’t even know that bisexuality existed until I was seventeen.
“My Aunt Tabby, the one I lived with when I moved here, was the first gay person I ever knew. I was ten when our family found out and she moved away. No one told us why she left. They just said she’d chosen a different life, and we were never to speak of her again. I overheard my parents talking about her being a lesbian a few days later. I had no idea what that was, but by the way they said it, I knew it wasn’t good. I couldn’t ask anyone what it meant, so I looked it up.”
“I imagine that internet search was eye-opening.” Ez grinned.
“Thankfully ten-year-old me didn’t have access to the internet, so I used a good old-fashioned dictionary. That’s when I learned about gay people. A few years later, I started noticing girls, but I also started noticing guys. I thought there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t straight, but I wasn’t gay. I had no idea that you could like both, so I spent a lot of time trying to repress my feelings and attraction to guys and force myself to be straight.”
“It never works, does it?” Wes’s eyes were sad.
“Nope.” I sighed. “And I hate that I’m still scared of my identity.”
“It takes time, Jett.”
My chest tightened at Ezra’s soft tone. I loved the way he said my name. How it always felt familiar and special.
“You’ve been away from your family for over a year, right?” he asked.
“Almost a year and a half now.”
“That’s not a lot of time when you think about all the work you’ve done on yourself,” Wes said. “You had to unlearn all the crap that was forced on you and basically rework the way you look at the world. And you had to do it while dealing with the aftermath of something horrible and the loss of your support system. That’s a lot of trauma to process in a short time.”
“Are you going to tell me to be kind to myself?”
“Yup. And you’re going to listen.”
“I am?” I couldn’t help smiling at his teasing tone.
“You are.” He nodded solemnly.
“And why’s that?”
“Because I said so.”
Something about the way he said it sent a shiver of awareness up my spine, and all my rogue thoughts went quiet at the same time.
“Jesus,” I muttered.
Wes’s gaze intensified. “Now, are you going to be a good boy and listen to me?”
I glared at him, which only made him laugh.
“Well,” Ez asked. “Are you going to be our good boy or not?”
My dick stirred in my sweats. “That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair?” Ezra asked innocently.
“How am I supposed to keep being an ornery jackass when you can just call me a good boy and I melt like a puddle?”
“I guess you’ll just have to stop being an ornery jackass,” Wes said simply.
“You’re annoying.”
“You love it.”
A sudden burst of adrenaline detonated in my chest, so hard and fast it had the same effect as a punch to the gut.
I didn’t know what I felt for them. It went beyond like and lust, but was it love? Did it even matter? As much as they might want to date me or whatever, there was no way they could ever love me. Not when they loved each other so deeply.
Thank fuck I’d perfected the ability to hide my reactions to things, and I just leaned back in my chair and shot them a lazy grin. “Maybe.”
Wes pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the time. “Shit.”
“Do you need to leave soon?” Ez asked.
Leave?
He nodded and made a face. “I really need to remember that the me who makes plans is usually not the me who has to go through with them.”
Ez glanced at me. “He volunteered to go with Adam to pick up some stuff for his new place.”
“I’ll grab a shower and head out.” Wes stood and tucked his phone away.
“I should go too.”
“Do you need to go, or are you leaving because you think you should?” Ez asked knowingly.
“Get out of my head,” I grumbled.
“You’re welcome to stay if you want. I’m not doing anything interesting, but I’d like the company if you’d like to stick around a bit longer.”
A different kind of adrenaline drop hit me right in the chest. This was the kind that came with feelings and made both my heart and my dick happy.
“Yeah. Okay.”
Wes leaned down to kiss Ez, then came around the table to kiss me. “Be out in a few.”
“Do you need some help cleaning up?” I asked Ez when it was just the two of us.
“Yeah, that would be great.”
By the time we were finished cleaning, Wes was dressed and ready to go.
“Shouldn’t be too long. I’ll text if it’s going to be more than a few hours.” He took the water bottle Ez held out to him and fixed his amber eyes on mine. “Will you be here when I get back?”
I nodded, more of those little adrenaline bursts going off in my chest and stomach.
“Good.”
The heat in his eyes made my stomach flip-flop, and I could only stare after him as he pulled open their front door.
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Ez asked when it was just the two of us.