12. 17 Years Ago #2
“Yeah?” Matt shot back. “Okay.” Matt turned to me and without warning, his lips were on mine, his tongue probing between my teeth, moving, searching quickly.
It felt like he was convulsing in my mouth.
I held my breath for the longest, most excruciating five seconds of my life, and when he released me, the look in his eyes was a bizarre combination of savage and apologetic.
“Now. Your turn,” Matt provoked Ryan.
The show was interrupted by the sound of two whistle blasts coming from the lifeguard stand. “Buddy up!” the guard shouted.
Matt side-eyed Ryan while I caught my breath.
What the hell just happened? Did he just kiss me?
Was it supposed to be like that? I’d always imagined my first kiss would be magical, like in those movies my mom loved starring Meg Ryan.
I thought it would be special, at the very least. Now it was gone, over with forever, and all on a stupid dare?
Did I even do it right? I taste like Pringles.
Ugh! That must have been disgusting for him! I was humiliated.
The numbers were called, but it all sounded muffled to me.
When the guard announced, “26!” Matt responded, “Here!” but I remained silent.
The count finally ended at 54. Just as the horrible game was about to continue, I turned and swam away from the group, not at all interested in Ryan’s familial dirty laundry or in the idea of enduring another moment of embarrassment in front of Matt.
Despite Ryan’s audible protests, Matt followed me back to the sand.
“I’m sorry,” he began.
I collected my towel and shook it off, wrapping it around my waist. Tears sprung to my eyes, though I wasn’t sure why. Why does Ryan think anything about me and my family’s bank account? Lisa and her stupid big mouth.
“Hey,” he continued. “Talk to me.” He gently grabbed my wrist.
“I need to go,” my voice quivered.
“Stop,” he cooed in a soft voice. “He’s a dick. Don’t let him get to you.”
I shook my head, unable to say the words aloud, unsure even of what the words should be.
“And I’m sorry for kissing you. I swear. I just wanted to shut him up.”
I nodded. “I’m not mad at you. I just need to go,” I repeated. I pulled my arm back and turned from him to go find Callie. I’ll tell her I got my period. She’ll send me to the nurse.
The plan worked. Matt tried to talk me into staying on the beach, but I’d made up my mind. Callie had to accompany me, because campers couldn’t leave the beach alone.
I climbed the endless stairs with Callie without speaking. Once we reached the top, we headed silently up the road towards the nurse’s office.
“It’s not your period, is it?”
I sighed, shaking my head.
“What happened?” Callie asked gently.
“Do you know that kid Ryan Powell?”
“Is he the one who’s dating Lily?”
“Yeah.” I sniffled. “He’s an asshole.”
“What did he do?”
I explained what happened in the water.
“Wow. That sucks, honey.” Callie put her arm around me and gave me a side hug.
“And now I’m trapped here, with someone talking shit about me, a best friend who just kissed me and humiliated me, and no way to leave,” I complained.
“Take a deep breath,” Callie suggested. “It’ll be fine. Everyone will forget the whole thing by dinner. We’re not even seeing the boys again for two more days.”
“I see him every day at the farm,” I reminded her.
“Well, you have until tomorrow then. Just relax. Try to get it out of your mind. Why don’t you go take a shower?”
I took Callie’s advice, taking full advantage of the empty bank of showers and unlimited hot water.
I stayed there for almost a half hour, scrubbing the memory of the afternoon off my body and out of my hair.
Afterwards, I got dressed and laid down on my thin mattress.
The peaceful sounds of birds chirping and pine trees swaying in the breeze lulled me to sleep beneath the warm rays of sun shining through the screen windows onto my bed.
Later, when the rest of the girls returned, I got through the evening meal unscathed by keeping conversation mostly to a minimum and making a concerted effort to enjoy the fact that Dottie made everyone pizza for dinner.
The girls in my cabin gave me a wide berth.
It was Cabin Night, an evening where there was no formal group activity but instead, each cabin made a plan to conduct their own activity.
Our cabin had decided earlier in the week that all we wanted to do was watch Dirty Dancing on the DVD player in the Lodge and eat popcorn, so that’s what we did—which, to my immense relief, meant nobody really had to talk.
After the movie ended, I was in a decidedly better mood.
No one mentioned the events on the beach, which may have been Callie’s doing, but I was grateful regardless.
I washed my face, brushed my teeth, changed into pajamas, and climbed into bed just as the bugle blew Taps, a camp-wide indicator that meant lights out for everyone. Settling into my sleeping bag, I closed my eyes, letting sleep wash over me for the second time that day.
Hours later, I awoke to someone pushing gently on my upper arm, rocking my body the tiniest bit. I sat up, startled.
“Shh!” Matt motioned to me with his finger over his lips. No sound came from his mouth, but his eyes pleaded for me not to wake anyone up and get him in trouble. I looked around. He was alone, here, in my cabin, beside my bed. In the middle of the night.
Oh my God. This is so illegal, I realized.
Callie rolled over in bed, snoring lightly.
Everyone else seemed to be out cold. I shooed Matt away with my hand.
He waved for me to follow him and hopped out the back door, an emergency exit.
The cabin was built on a small hill, so the back of it was held up by cinderblocks several feet off the ground, requiring Matt to jump down into the dirt below.
I climbed out of bed, cognizant of every tiny creak made by the springs of the flimsy metal bunk bed.
I grabbed my flip flops and held them in my hand while tiptoeing out the front door, freezing in place every time the wood floor made a sound.
Once outside, I immediately wished I’d brought a flashlight. It was pitch black.
He must have read my mind, because I saw a light flash a good distance behind my cabin, back in the woods. I started towards him, lamenting the choice of flip flops. Great. I’ll get caught, get kicked out of camp, and I’ll get Lyme disease to boot. Perfect.
I found Matt in a clearing under the darkness of a gigantic oak tree, enough of a distance behind the cabin area that someone would have to specifically be searching the woods to find us.
Every step deeper into the woods was met with the crunching of leaves, coupled with the incessant fear that I was going to turn an ankle on a tree root or get poison ivy on my toes.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
“I came to check on you.”
“It’s the middle of the night!”
“I couldn’t sleep. I felt awful about before.”
“It’s not your fault, Matt. Ryan’s a jerk.”
“Yeah, but after what he said, I just wanted to strangle him!”
“This couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” I whisper-yelled. “We’re going to get caught!”
He waved off my comment. “I don’t care. I had to see you.”
“Why tonight?”
He gulped. “The kiss.”
I immediately tensed. He came all this way to humiliate me further? “I’m sorry, Matt. I know it was awful.”
“Taylor—”
“No,” I interrupted. “It’s just, I wasn’t expecting it. And, well, you know. I don’t have much experience with—”
“Taylor!”
“What? It was my first—”
“I know that! That’s why I came here.”
“Why, Matt? To embarrass me?” I folded my arms.
“No! I wanted to apologize. I’m sorry for kissing you.”
Great. It must have been the worst kiss in history. “It’s fine. Whatever.”
“Not like that. I mean,” he stumbled on the words, “I’m not sorry for kissing you. I’m sorry for kissing you like that. In front of everyone.”
“Oh.”
“What I’m trying to say is,” he began, then froze.
We locked eyes. Then, he took a step closer to me.
He raised his palm and placed it gently on the back of my neck.
He leaned his face toward mine, slowly this time.
Our lips met, and my eyes closed as I inhaled the sweet scent of the night air mixed with his shampoo.
His other hand found my lower back, pulling me closer.
I felt his tongue graze mine, and with my heart lodged in my throat, I returned the advance.
I brought my hands up to the back of his head, running my fingers through his silky hair.
I felt weightless, lightheaded, melting into his embrace.
Our tongues gently circled around each other as my chest constricted in a way I’d never experienced before.
Time stopped. Finally, he pulled his face away from mine.
Gradually. Carefully. Matt’s arms remained around my waist. I took another breath before opening my eyes.
“That was how our first kiss was supposed to be,” he whispered.
I remained silent, stunned.
“You okay?”
I nodded.
“You sure?”
I brought my face up to his ear. “Do it again.”
He pulled his face back, smiling. “Yeah?”
I smirked, staring into his gaze, my eyelids hooded with consent.
So, he did.