21. 7 Years Ago #3
“All right. Well, it’s nothing like your situation.
If we’re rewinding all the way to that last summer, then I’ll start there.
I’m not going to lie.” He inhaled deeply.
“I was a mess over you for a long time. Couldn’t really date anyone seriously.
I missed you.” He took a gulp, looking away. “A lot.”
“I missed you, too, if that means anything.”
He shook the words away, like ripping off an itchy wool sweater.
“Anyway, I did my thing at school, whatever. Once I graduated, I moved back home. I majored in engineering so I could work at my dad’s firm.
I didn’t really love that, but who the hell knows what they want to do with the rest of their lives at 22? Right?”
I nodded in agreement.
“I took the job; I was doing entry-level stuff. Systems testing. Generating reports. Nothing particularly interesting. Living at home. Just so embedded in the same, mundane life I always had. My mom cooked dinner every night. I saw my dad 24/7. And don’t get me wrong—I love them, but it was a just a lot.
I started going out with this one girl, Megan, and things were all right but on more than one occasion my mom compared her to you, which was super awkward and, frankly, hard for me.
So that fizzled out not long after. One year became two, and I don’t know.
I just felt like the walls were closing in.
I didn’t want to grow up and become my dad. ”
“Your dad’s a good guy, though,” I said.
“He is, you’re right. He’s great. I just needed to live my own life. One night, I was out at a bar with some friends, and I ran into AJ Chipouras. You remember him?”
“Corn Chip?”
“Yeah,” Matt smiled. “He was the one who told me about this job. Said he ran into Larry at the outlets or something and found out he was leaving. So I looked it up online, and sure enough, it was true.”
“How is AJ?”
“Good. Married, if you can believe it. He went into the military, so he was away for a while. Stationed in Germany, he said.”
“Wow. He’s pretty young to be married already.”
“Apparently it’s common in the military. But I met his wife, and she seemed really nice. It was cool to see him.”
“Aw, that’s good to hear. He was always a good guy.”
“Definitely. So, anyway. I applied for the job. My mom was really upset. Not so much that I was moving out, but I think I hurt my dad’s feelings.
Like, badly. He couldn’t understand how I had gotten a degree from a great school in a tough field and now I wanted to come paint cabins and clean toilets for a living.
There was no good explanation. I just needed to, I don’t know. Leave the nest?”
“I hear that,” I replied.
“Once I got out here, after a day or two, I thought I made the wrong choice. Not for nothing, it’s a lot quieter here in the off-season than I realized it would be.
I mean, it’s great to have my own place and a job where I’m actually paid by someone other than my own father, but I didn’t think I would be so… ” He gulped. “Lonely.”
Well, you don’t have to be lonely anymore. I looked at him but didn’t say anything.
“A few times I even went back, closer to home, just to go out. Meet people. Pathetic, right? I know.”
“No.” I shook my head. “Not pathetic. It’s understandable.”
“So that’s it. I took up smoking. I don’t know why.
One girl I hooked up with smoked, and I remember trying it and feeling relaxed.
And as for the job? I mean, I like it. I’m good at it.
It definitely got a lot more interesting once I found out you were coming.
” He gave me a sheepish grin. “I didn’t know how we’d be, though, after all this time. ”
“Yeah. I’m not going to lie. This was a pretty incredible surprise. I’m glad I didn’t know in advance—otherwise I probably wouldn’t have applied.” I felt a little slippery, my words deciding on their own when to leave my mouth.
He smiled and looked down at the couch. “I hope you’re happy to be here.”
I nodded. “I am.” My eyes washed over him, willing him to come closer.
An awkward silence followed. Trying to keep my cool, I reverted to the most recent subject. “So, your parents? Are they better now?”
“I don’t know. I guess. You know my mom. She wants me to be happy, but she also wants to keep the peace. My dad keeps reminding me that I have a job waiting for me if I decide I want to come back.”
“Well, I guess that’s good, right?”
“Yeah. I guess. It’s good to have a backup plan.” He took another swig. “What about you? What are your plans for after camp?”
“Not a clue. I feel like I’m just returning to the land of the living. Trying to take things one day at a time.”
“Makes sense. Summer goes by fast, though.”
“That’s true. I always felt that, especially here.”
“You know what that means, right?”
I shook my head.
“No time to waste,” he said, turning toward me.
“Shit,” I giggled, feeling the effects of almost two hard lemonades. “You look so serious.”
“I mean it. Being here with you, having you back, just having a conversation with you. I’m… I don’t know. Overwhelmed?”
“Maybe you’re just drunk.” I smiled.
“Nope. I can hold my alcohol. You, on the other hand—”
“What? I’m totally fine!”
“Really? You’re one hundred percent in your right head space?”
“Maybe ninety-nine,” I said, raising my bottle. I mused aloud at how the sentence reminded me of that old song, “Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall…” Matt shook his head at my random singing.
I set my Mike’s down on the coffee table. “So, tell me,” I said, my face suddenly composed. “Do you really want to make out?”
“No,” he replied, shaking his head.
“Really?” I whined.
“Don’t misunderstand me, Roberts. I want to. More than that, I plan to. But not now, and not like this.” He patted my knee. “My little lightweight.”
“I’m really fine,” I said, frowning.
“Look at me, Taylor.” He stared intently, his gaze pushing deep into my psyche. I gulped, raising my eyebrows, unable to look away.
“You need to hear this, buzzed or not,” he went on. “I never got over you. I’m still not over you.”
Hearing those words, my body weight slowly fell towards him, my eyes closing. I stopped short, surprised to find his hands on my shoulders, holding me back. My eyes opened, and I struggled to process what was happening.
“Based on everything you told me tonight, I’ll be damned if I’m going to rob you of the chance to feel every little bit of how much I want you.”
I stared at him, letting the words sink in.
“I’ll let you in on a secret,” he whispered. “It’s more than you could possibly imagine.” He kissed my forehead and grabbed the rest of his six-pack. “Glad you’re back, Roberts,” he whispered into my hair. Then, like a breeze changing course, he turned and closed the door gently behind him.