34. Present
Chapter thirty-four
Present
I’m lost in thought when Matt arrives back at his parents’ house.
He shakes his head as he climbs the stairs to the porch. “You should go, Taylor.”
I don’t know what to say. “I’ve been waiting for you for a while, though,” I stammer.
“Ha,” he replies. “I know the feeling.”
“Please, Matt. Please talk to me.”
“Why? So you can lie to me again?” Despite himself, he sits down in the empty rocker beside me.
“Listen, I don’t know what she told you—”
“She told me you knew about the GoFundMe page because you helped her plan it. You conspired with her so that she could go to California when I got sick. As if I couldn’t just handle my own business, you had to come back here and insert yourself into my life like some kind of nostalgic consolation prize.
But, it’s worse than that, really, because this time you fucked with my family, too.
Seriously, Taylor. How could you do that? ”
His words sting so badly, I can’t even respond.
“Brett loves you now!” he continues. “She loves you, and I was right there with her, falling right back into my old stupid habits, and I said this, Taylor! I told you that I needed to be able to trust you. Well, mark my words, I will never trust you again. Thank God Brett’s little.
Little kids are malleable enough to forget things.
Eventually, she won’t remember any of this.
I just wish I could forget you too. I wish none of this ever happened,” he seethes.
“Matt,” I whisper.
“I just—I don’t know what you thought would happen here!
” he goes on. “How cruel are you? I should have known better after the stunt you pulled last time. You broke me. It took me forever to figure out that you intentionally changed your number. I searched every after-school program in Queens looking for you! Did you know that when I finally found you, I went there? To your job! Like a stalker! I wanted so badly to confront you, just to ask you why. And then I saw you leave the building with some old lady, and you were smiling. Laughing. You looked so happy. And I realized that you weren’t missing me at all.
That you chose to leave me behind.” He stops to catch his breath.
“It changed me, Taylor. And now I feel worse than I would have if you’d never come back in the first place. ”
“Matt,” I try again.
“This is my own damn fault. You know what they say: Screw me once, shame on you; screw me twice, shame on me. I should never have opened the door that day. I should have just let you freeze out there.”
“Are you finished now?” I ask. He’s breathing heavily and I don’t want to get him worked up. His chest rises and falls beneath his T-shirt. This outburst can’t be good for his blood pressure. All I want to do is explain. “Can I say something, please?”
“I’ll let you say exactly one thing, and then we’re finished here. So choose your words wisely and know that I won’t be fooled by your lies again.”
It’s such a harsh punishment, but I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. So I say the most honest thing I can think of. “I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted to help. I swear it.”
“You done?” he asks.
I gulp.
“Good. Now get off my parents’ porch and never call me again,” he barks. “If you even so much as think about texting me, I’ll change my number so fast your head will spin.”
At that, Matt Thompson turns away from me without a last look. No goodbye. Nothing. He just opens the door and walks inside, leaving me alone with a mouth full of unspoken words and a heart full of regrets.