Chapter 4
CHAPTER
FOUR
Mindy
I barely make it to the bathroom before throwing up the best dinner I’ve had in a long time.
As my stomach empties its contents until I’m left dry heaving, tears once again stream down my face.
This time, they’re not due to the humorous stories Cruz took great delight in telling me.
No, fear and stark terror have wrapped themselves around me right now, and as my gaze catches the tiny stick on the corner of the bathroom sink, I break down in hysterical sobs.
Two lines.
One horrible night has got me hunched over my toilet, wondering why the pills I took in the hospital didn’t work.
The one thing I know for sure is that I’ll be keeping this baby.
Despite how they were conceived, I grew up being taught that all children were blessings no matter how they came to be.
The biggest thing now is how do I tell Jolie?
I’m barely hanging on most days and in a few short months, I’m expected to be wholly responsible for a baby.
Once I’m convinced I am done being sick, I get myself and the bathroom cleaned up.
I think I’ve spent more money these past two weeks on cleaning supplies than I have in my entire adult life.
Satisfied that it’s as good as it’s going to get, I trudge back into the kitchen and grab a bottle of ginger ale, a sleeve of saltines, and several plastic bags just in case the urge hits once again.
“How am I gonna tell Jolie? Not about being pregnant, but about keeping the baby?” I murmur out loud as I get settled on my bed and grab my remote.
Deciding on a show I’ve been binging for a while, I turn it on and then pick up my phone.
There’s no time like the present. My guilt over constantly shutting her out since that night is like one of those snuggle things; it’s wrapped around me and burrowed deep into the marrow of my bones.
I think it’s because when it comes to our relationship, we’ve never really had boundaries per se.
Outside of the nitty gritty details from that night, which I can’t totally recall, there’s no one thing about me that she doesn’t know about in some fashion or form.
Most of the time it’s because she was right there, alongside me, whenever things were happening.
Some of that has changed, of course, since she and Dex got together.
She’s got her hands full between his grandmothers, his siblings that they’re now raising, and of course, Dex himself.
Since he and Brock are best friends, he’s been around for as long as I can remember as well.
Granted, growing up I know my brother and his friend thought of us as little more than pests because we were always tagging along behind them, or begging for rides to the mall.
Good times. No real responsibilities, hanging out with my friend, learning about life.
“Yeah, that worked out well for ya, Min,” I mutter as I unlock my phone. Jolie and I have the same password, only reversed. That way, if either of us ever have to use the other’s phone, we can access it quickly.
God, we have so many of these little rituals and things we’ve done forever.
Most of our ‘rules’ were created to protect us, of course, since we became aware that females are never truly safe in the world.
Maybe it was stupid, maybe not, because Clark still managed to get through all my safeguards and assault me in the most violent way.
Me: Hey, can you come by and talk?
Jolie: I can be there in a few, are you okay? Do you need anything?
Me: I’ll be okay when you get here. Drive safe. I’m in my room.
Jolie: Gotcha. See you soon.
Since she’s got a key to my place, as well as the code to my alarm system, I focus on settling my stomach which still feels a little off.
I know I need to make an appointment with an obstetrician so I can get started on the prenatal vitamins and all that jazz, but there’s a tiny bit of fear involved in saying it out loud.
Because what if Clark decides he wants to be involved?
I know there are states where, if a child is created even if it’s due to an assault, the other parent has parental rights.
Personally, I feel like they shouldn’t, but nobody asked me for my opinion.
Still, I need to know if there’s anything I can do to ensure he isn’t involved in my child’s life.
That’s another reason I need Jolie; she and Dex have a fantastic attorney that fought hard for him and his pilot after the oil rig explosion.
This might be outside his wheelhouse since he’s more on the corporate end of things, but I’m sure he’s got friends who are skilled in family law that he can point me toward.
“Go ahead and cry, Mindy,” Jolie says as she holds me close. “You can’t keep all your feelings bottled up, it’s not good for the baby. Do you think our kids will be best friends like we are?”
I pull back from her, my face covered in the detritus of my crying jag and ask, “You’re pregnant? At the same time as me?”
That was one of my secret hopes a long time ago until Jolie said she never wanted to get married or have kids since everyone leaves. Apparently, now that she and Dex are married, things have changed.
She blushes while nodding. “Yeah, we just found out a few weeks ago. So, since you are just finding all of this out, we need to make a list of shit for you to take care of. Hell, Abuela and Nonna are going to be over the moon to have babies to spoil.”
Despite the tears still staining my face, I grin because Dex’s grandmothers are forces to be reckoned with all on their own.
They have been taking care of Dex’s three younger siblings, Thad, Anni, and Arya, for years but then their parents died and the state decided the two women were not young enough to take care of them any longer.
When the threat of them being put into foster care was mentioned, Dex and Jolie entered into a marriage of convenience, although I always knew there was a slight spark.
I mean, maybe not when we were younger, of course, because that would just be creepy as fuck. But I saw the looks he gave her when she came over after work one day and now, hearing that my best friend has gotten her happily ever after has me cheesing it hard.
“Yeah, they will be,” I reply. “But, Jolie, what do I do about him? I can’t let this baby be involved with a man who thinks it’s okay to take what wasn’t freely offered!”
“I’ll ask Dex to see if his attorney has any suggestions. Have you told Brock yet?”
“About?” I stammer. “The rape? The baby?”
“Any of it,” she retorts. “And… judging from your face, you haven’t said a single word.”
Gulping, I try to explain. “Jolie, I don’t want Brock going off the handle and doing something that’ll land him behind bars.”
“Give your brother some credit. He’d figure out a way to do it so that he wasn’t caught. You know how protective he is over you. I’m surprised you’ve managed to dodge him this long, to be honest.”
I snicker then say, “Well, about that… any time he’s made noises about stopping by, I’ve alluded to the fact I’ve had female things going on.”
She bursts into laughter because my brother is a wimp when it comes to the things women go through with respect to their periods.
He’s faced down a wild boar that attacked while he was hunting one day and didn’t blink an eye, but if I even hint at the fact that a part of my body is sloughing off and it’s a natural thing, he blanches so much, he looks like he’s going to pass out.
“Good to know he hasn’t changed all that much. I honestly feel for him when he meets his one, you know? Can you even imagine if he ever has a daughter?” We’re both laughing now as the visual hits us.
Because Brock will face a firing squad before he’ll admit that the mere thought of blood makes him squeamish. “I mean, he’ll suck it up for the woman he loves,” I reply. “He bought stuff for me when I was younger, remember?”
She snickers again while nodding. “Yeah, but he had a hoodie covering his head and kept his eyes downcast the whole time. Although… he does have good instincts when it comes to the necessary snacks.”
“Remember the time he brought in two huge bags full of every kind of chocolate?” I ask. “Good times since somehow, our periods synced.”
“Okay, so now we need to make a plan, Mindy,” she says, pulling out her phone and pulling up the Notes app.
“First and foremost, you’re calling on Monday and making an appointment with the doctor’s office I’m using.
Next, you need to find a therapist, my friend.
Because there’s a lot of shit you need to process and it’s important to make your life as stress-free as possible.
I’ll ask Dex to reach out to his attorney and see if they know someone versed in family law.
Are you okay with me sharing the fact you’re pregnant with him? ”
“I don’t want to be the reason you keep secrets from your husband, Jolie,” I state, my voice firm. “Do I know how I’m going to handle all the extra attention? Not a damn clue, to be honest, but we’ve faced a lot of shit together and as long as you’re by my side, I’ll be okay.”
“Cruz will be there too,” she says, grinning at me.
“What do you mean?” I question.
Yes, I think the man is a walking wet dream, and before that night, I might have entertained thoughts about seeing if we could explore something.
Now, though? Yeah, now I don’t want to contaminate him or anyone else with the filth I still feel like I’m swimming through.
Logically, I know in some ways, it’s no different than if I had been in a consensual relationship and gotten pregnant.
But the fact remains that I don’t even know if I can handle another man’s hands on me ever again. Maybe it was a good thing I was drugged, because the memories are hazy. Still, just the thought of anyone wanting physical intimacy from me has me hyperventilating.
“I mean that since that happened, he’s been like a guard dog or something.
Every time I’ve come by, even though you wouldn’t answer the damn door, if he’s home?
He comes outside and tells me you need more time.
Dex looked into him, Mindy. He’s a really good guy who got royally fucked over.
In fact, Dex has his attorney looking into his case because there are so many things wrong with it that it was obvious to the two of us and we’re not exactly versed in criminal proceedings.
He lost years of his life due to someone else’s actions, plus he can’t do the job he went to school to do. How is that fair?”
“Life isn’t fair, Jolie, and we both know that firsthand,” I remind her. “But he is a good guy.”
It dawns on me that during the hours we spent together earlier, I never once felt on edge. In fact, I was as relaxed as I am when I’m with Jolie, her family, or my brother, which is telling. I’m what many would consider an extroverted introvert; I keep my circle small which keeps me safe.