Chapter 13
TWO YEARS LATER
KEATS
It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a black-tie affair, and this is the first one I’ve agreed to attend where I wasn’t serving others. “No, thank you,” I say to a server as she passes hors d’oeuvres through the crowd on a silver platter.
Admittedly, I would be more comfortable carrying a tray than mingling with strangers I’ve been sent to charm my way into connecting with, also known as networking.
I’ve found success on a more personal level with my clients.
I’ve made more money than I ever thought I could, and I was a big fucking dreamer.
In four years, I’ve had a handful of promotions, earning me a title that sits under the president of the finance department.
I didn’t have to fuck anyone over. I didn’t have to step on coworkers to get to the top.
I kept my head down and focused on the clients, meeting them where they are in their businesses.
From Kickstarters to established firms, I shook hands in their office, at coffee shops, and at small dinner parties.
Standing in the middle of this crowd, I adjust my silk bow tie and wish I had stuck with the black tie I originally chose to wear with this tuxedo. I don’t feel like myself.
Taking a drink of champagne even feels pretentious. I work my way to the bar. It’s tempting to order a beer or even a whiskey neat, but I’m supposed to be blending in, so I go with a bourbon, as if that makes a difference.
As soon as I take a sip, my shoulder is squeezed, and from behind me, someone says, “Here’s the star I was talking about.
” I instantly recognized my boss’s voice.
I hadn’t seen Mr. Young even though he insisted I come to this event at the Plaza when I could have been at home wrapping up edits on the manuscript I just finished.
With the goal of sending it off to agents on Monday, I would rather be working on it than making appearances at over-the-top parties.
Wealth is seen in every detail, from the crystal chandeliers to the scale of this event and the guest list. Money. Money. Money.
I turn to look behind me, already grinning. Mr. Young has treated me well at the company. It’s good to have one-on-one time with him out of the office. Though I have a feeling this conversation will no doubt end in business. “Nice party,” I say, shaking his hand.
“It’s been fruitful so far. How are you hanging in there?” He tugs at his bow tie like I had just done to mine. Leaning closer, he keeps his eyes forward like he’s about to reveal a secret he doesn’t want others to hear. “I don’t love these events, but they’re a necessary evil.”
“I believe that.”
He chuckles although I wasn’t. “David?” He angles away from me, between two people, to shake hands with someone he sees. “David?” Signaling back with a nod toward me, he says, “Come over. I want you to meet the guy who’s killing it in Manhattan financing right now.”
The other man says, “The one you were speaking so highly about?” Our gazes hit like a head-on collision.
Although I’ll never forget Sosie’s father and his threats, I’m surprised he would remember me at all by how he tried to make me feel so small and meaningless.
I was nothing more than an ant he tried to stomp out.
Look at me now, fucking up his world on the recommendation of one of the most respected businessmen in Manhattan.
Still glaring at me, Mr. Stansbury clears his throat, plasters on a grin that holds no love, and shoves his hand forward. “David Stansbury.”
I take his hand, not moving toward him an inch. “We’ve met, Mr. Stansbury, at a holiday party you hosted at your house.”
The back of Mr. Young’s hand lands against my chest. “That’s the hottest ticket in town, Matthews. How’d you score an invitation?”
Mr. Stansbury laughs too loud, and it’s too forced to sound natural. Watching him squirm is a long-overdue reward. He keeps his attention on my boss. Guess he’s not comfortable with me seeing him for who he is. “I’ll make sure you and your lovely wife are on the guest list this year, Jeffrey.”
Refusing to deviate one millimeter from his discomfort, I reply, “I worked it. I was a server for the catering company they hired.”
“You always have been a hard worker,” Mr. Young says. “Did you know he graduated at the top of his class from NYU?”
“I didn’t.” David Stansbury looks me over as if he misjudged me the first time.
“That’s quite an achievement. Berry & Young are lucky to have you.
” His shoulders ease, which is his first mistake.
The smile comes naturally, which is his second.
“Seems everything worked out for the best then. Wouldn’t you say, Mr. Matthews? ”
My boss redirects his attention to me as his confusion grows in the jagged lines of his expression. I don’t mind exposing this asshole for who he is, even if he’s friendly with Mr. Young. What I can’t tolerate is that smugness sitting on his face like he has a right to it.
Fuck him.
I reply, “Manipulating a situation with threats and—”
“Ah!” His eyes go over my shoulder, and he waves as if I wasn’t speaking at all.
“My lovely wife and daughter managed to find me talking business.” My heart plummets to the pit of my stomach as the words I was going to say choke in my throat.
I slowly look over my shoulder, not sure what to expect, only to be greeted by a goddess in a peach-colored dress.
Sparkling beads only highlight the sparkle in Sosie’s eyes as she smiles at someone in another direction.
As much as I wish that smile was for me, an ache tugs in my chest, remembering how leaving me came so easy for her.
Her father whispers to Mr. Young, “I promised I’d take the night off. ”
“I hear you,” he replies with a laugh. “I’m already in the doghouse myself for sneaking away from my wife’s side to talk to acquaintances I recently made.
They were more interesting than hearing about the ladies who lunch together but gossip behind each other’s backs at the club.
” He pats Mr. Stansbury on the shoulder.
“You go on, and we’ll keep this meeting a secret.
And the three of us should do lunch soon. ”
“We should. I’d like to hear more about Mr. Matthews here.”
Never fucking going to happen. I can’t even summon a fake smile for him to make a good impression on my boss.
So I glance back once more at Sosie, clocking how many seconds I have left before my world tilts on its axis like it did the first time with Sosie.
Considering how fast my heart was beating, I knew she was near before I saw her.
Now that I catch sight of her again, it’s hard to turn away.
She’s stunning with her shoulders bared and her makeup light.
Her hair is pinned up on one side, giving the large diamond earrings the spotlight.
But it’s those pink lips that have me craving just one more taste of heaven again.
Despite the fucker her father is, the truth hurts. She didn’t want me and made that clear by never returning. I still have the necklace and earrings. They stayed wrapped around the tree in that studio until the day I moved out. Now they’re buried in a box in my closet that I’ve never unpacked.
“Excuse me,” I tell my boss and slip through the crowd and away from anything to do with a Stansbury.
I finish my drink on the way out and push through the ballroom doors to the large corridor.
The trek to escape in a timely manner is hindered by the maze of this hotel.
I’m practically running by the time I reach the lobby.
As soon as the May air hits my face, I breathe easier, as if I were losing the capacity to do so as I was getting away.
I haven’t smoked in a couple of years, mainly because it fucked up my chances to run farther than a mile without feeling a tightening in my chest, but I could sure use one now.
“Hey?” I ask a nearby valet, “You got a spare cigarette?”
“Sorry, I only vape.”
“No worries.” I start to walk down the block when I spot a man in a suit stamping out a cigarette on the sidewalk. “Can you spare a cigarette?”
“Hope you’re not the groom.” He laughs as he pulls a cigarette from a soft pack.
I look at the tux and chuckle. “Nah. It’s a charity event.”
“Good.” He hands me the stick and lights it for me. “Don’t get married, kid. They’ll take you for everything you got and leave you with a daily headache.”
“Thanks for the cigarette, and don’t worry,” I say as he walks away. “I don’t plan on ever getting married.”
His laughter trails him as he returns to the hotel. I lean against the building, closing my eyes, and take a long overdue drag that begins to soothe the anxiety and heartbreak away.
“Never?” I open my eyes to her voice, the musical notes of her tone bringing me back to life.
When my eyes lock on those hazels that haunt my nights, I pretend Sosie didn’t just kill me a second time. “Never what?”
“You’re never getting married?” Oh.
“Um.” I painstakingly pull my gaze away from her and watch the traffic dance being performed on 5th Avenue.
Taking another long pull, I glance at her through the corners of my eyes, then hand her the cigarette.
Sosie takes it, holding it between her lips, and inhales.
Her lids dip closed like she finds sweet relief in the act.
Maybe it’s been a while for her as well.
I exhale, the cloud clamoring in front of my mouth until a breeze sweeps it away.
“It’s not something in the cards for me.
There’s no track record of success on either side of my family.
So I’d rather be single than end up at a party doing anything I can to avoid my wife. ”
It's only the minutest of nods as she watches people at the curb pour out of a cab, but there’s understanding in her gesture.
With the cigarette between her fingers, she lowers it to her side, taking full ownership like she did the night we met.
It shouldn’t make me smile like it does.
When her gaze shifts to the street, I steal seconds that aren’t mine to drink her in—the gold flecks in her eyes that still glitter like stardust, the rosy cheeks that seem to darken just for me, and the pink streak running through her hair as her last rebellion before transforming into who she never wanted to be.
She exhales, and says, “I used to feel the same.”
“What changed your mind?”
When she looks back at me, she can’t seem to stop the small smile that appears.
“I’m not sure my mind is changed, but I can’t say never with any kind of authority.
What if I’m the one to break my family’s curse?
What if you’re the one meant to be the first in your family’s lineage to make marriage work? ”
“That feels like a burden.”
“I look at it as more of a challenge.” That doesn’t surprise me about her.
Something I’ve learned about working with people who have money is that sometimes it doesn’t matter if they win or lose.
They just want to beat the other guy in the game.
“I don’t want my marriage to be a ‘fuck you’ to the universe.
” I push off the wall, realizing I’m not getting another smoke with her around.
“I don’t mind a fight, but that fight needs to be us against the world, not between us.
” Damn, it’s so good to see her again that I’d be a fool to walk away before fully appreciating the woman she’s become.
I’d be an idiot to stay. “It was good to see you, Sosie.” I walk toward the hotel entrance, knowing full well that I have no intention of returning to the event.
“You look good, Poet.”
My feet stop without my permission, and as tempting as it is, I don’t look back. I can’t. She’s not the direction my life is heading. Not anymore. She made sure I knew that four years earlier.
Despite not having a say in the matter last time, I leave this time. It’s still not easier to walk away, even if it is on my terms. But it does remind me that there’s no healing old wounds when she exists on this earth. The pain is as fresh as it was back then.
It doesn’t matter that I have a view from a bigger apartment, a stocked fridge, and a closet full of tailored suits. I’m still returning to a place where I’ll be alone again, left to think about the one who got away.