Epilogue #2
Rory, a man who trades on his bonhomie, blinks a few times as he searches for an appropriate response.
He’s not one to back down from a challenge.
“If it’s isolation you want, there’s another crofters cottage on the far north of the isle.
It’s a shell at the moment, but it’s on my list of outstanding projects.
I thought my daughter might want to use it, but it’ll be a while.
She’s just started university,” he explains. “She’s not that much younger than you.”
There’s an awkward pause and I don’t think I’m the only one wondering why thirty-seven-year-old Rory Moncrief felt it necessary to point out to twenty-two-year-old Sasha that he had a daughter close to her age. Or why the ruddiness of his cheeks has deepened.
“You could help with the design,” Rory continues when Sasha’s response is simply to stare at him along with the rest of us. “If you liked.”
“And why would you let me do that?” Sasha demands. It’s more accusation than curiosity. She’s not used to kind gestures and will be looking for some Machiavellian plot behind the offer.
“I… Well, I suppose… I mean, why not?” Rory stutters.
“What he means to say,” Ash finishes for him, “is that he’s never going to get rid of our mutual friend, and you two ladies should stay close after everything you’ve been through, but not so close that you can’t find the solitude you enjoy, Sasha.”
“Exactly,” Rory agrees, but his brow furrows when he turns to Killian. “Unless you have plans of coming out of exile any time soon?”
“Not while my dad is living and breathing,” Killian replies, stiffening abruptly. “I’ve no intention of putting him out of his misery. Let him suffer for what he did.”
There’s grit in Killian’s voice that scratches his words. Hatred would be too simple a description of the rage my husband felt when he found out it was John McConkey who gave my uncle the anonymous tip off that foiled my original escape.
Malachy would have shared what he knew about the Griffins’ plan with his dad, but it was the father and not the brother who decided I couldn’t be trusted to deny my uncle a place at the Moncriefs’ table.
Perhaps he didn’t know the depth of Killian’s feelings for me when he fed me to the wolves.
Or else he knew exactly how entangled his first born had become with a Bratva princess and that was enough for him to betray me, the Griffins, and ultimately his son.
“I had a call from John last week,” Ash says. “He wanted to know if I was willing to come out of retirement. He wasn’t surprised when I said no, but we did have an interesting conversation about you.”
Killian drains his glass. “Don’t want to know.”
Rory pulls his phone from his pocket. “Sasha, I can show you the renovation plans for the cottage, if you’re interested?”
His not-so-subtle withdrawal from the conversation with Sasha passes without remark. It’s safe to assume Rory already knows what Ash has to say.
“He knows your alleged death wasn’t in Colorado.”
“How?” I ask because Killian’s lips are pursed shut. He doesn’t want this conversation and I hate the pain the rift in his family has caused him. I can’t help feeling responsible.
“Shelley told him,” Ash explains. “It was always going to be risky making her a part of the coverup. I know she’s been loyal to you, Kill, but now she thinks you’re dead, her remaining loyalty is to your dad. Not me.”
There’s more silence from Killian in answer.
“At least she doesn’t know Killian survived,” I offer.
“Nor does John, for now,” Ash says, still addressing Killian.
“And like the rest of the world, he thinks the Bratva empire imploded in on itself after Vasili’s unfortunate accident.
I think that’s why Shelley told him you were shot by the Bratva.
She didn’t have to worry about him stirring up another war between your families.
She saw how much your dad was grieving and she thought he deserved to know your death hadn’t been some freak accident. ”
Ash’s persistence pays off. “I bet he wasn’t too pleased that you were behind the lies,” Killian mumbles.
“Not as pissed off as he’d be if and when he finds out you’re alive.”
“He isn’t going to find out, Ash,” Killian insists.
“I could turn up in Vegas tomorrow and he’d still expect me to choose my family over Kat.
He’d never trust her, especially now she’s heiress to a Bratva empire, albeit an extinct one.
And I can’t trust him not to betray us again.
He’s lucky no one else knows he ratted Katarina out to the Bratva or his reputation would be shot.
” He tilts his head. “Unless he confessed his sins to you?”
Ash shakes his head. “He’ll be assuming Vasili died not knowing where the information came from and that was an end to it.”
Killian’s jaw feathers. “Then that’s how we leave it.
They’re managing fine without me,” he replies, and when Ash opens his mouth to say more, my husband changes the subject.
“So, how long are you planning on staying? I’m surprised you’d want to leave your ever-expanding family, or are you here to catch up on some sleep? ”
Ash scratches his beard, his features softening at the mention of his family.
“I’m only staying for a couple of days to help finalize the plans for Rory’s distillery.
But yeah, it is nice to get some unbroken sleep,” he admits.
“That is, when I’m not lying awake worrying about how Belle’s managing back home with the baby and a six-year-old who has unlimited reserves of energy and talks almost as much as you do. ”
“The joys of fatherhood,” Killian scoffs.
It’s a throwaway comment, and one he wouldn’t think twice about if he didn’t feel me stiffen in his arms. Suddenly the room feels too hot. Too crowded.
Killian reacts immediately. “Could you excuse us a minute?” he says, taking my hand and pulling me back towards the boot room where he throws his coat around my shoulders and shoves my feet into boots. We step outside where a motion-sensor light chases away the shadows.
My throat constricts with emotion, but I swallow it back as I look down at Killian’s socked feet. “You’re going to get cold.”
“And you’re going to cry,” he observes. “Standard practice for a birthday party, I suppose.”
“You made me cry last year too,” I remind him, countering my wobbling emotions with some sass.
“That I did, but look at us now. A year on and all those things you were crying about mean fuck all. We didn’t just survive it, lovely. We had some pretty unforgettable moments. Do I need to remind you about your orgasm while plunging off a cliff?”
I go to shove him away, but he snags the lapels of the oversized coat he’s wrapped me in and pulls me closer.
“Tell me why you’re crying, wife.”
“I’m not… I’m…” Angry tears are already spilling down my face. “Fuck you, Killian for being too good at reading me and just… just too good.”
“Tell me,” he whispers.
“You lost your family because of me,” I blurt out.
“And I… I can’t give you another one. It’s just me.
And it’s always going to be just me. How can that be enough for you when you come from a big family?
How can you not want to reach out to your brothers?
I know how close you all are. I saw it in action with Lorcan.
And I saw how much it got to you when you thought it was Malachy that had betrayed you.
It hurts deeply because you care deeply. For all of them.”
“I do,” he admits. “And I won’t deny I miss being a part of their lives, but my brothers are grown men and if they’re lucky, they’ll find women who they’d put before anyone else too. That’s how it should be.”
“But I…” My chest heaves but I swallow the sob. “I can’t fill that void. I can never be enough.”
Killian spins me around and pins me to the wall, his face inches from mine. “Don’t you ever say you’re not enough, Katarina,” he growls. “You’re more than enough. More than any man has a right to be blessed with. Or cursed with. Because you do drive me fucking crazy, woman.”
“But there’s more to life than us,” I insist. “Be honest. Would you have wanted kids one day?”
His eyes bore into my very soul. “There were times when I dreamed of a house full of them, playing football with my sons and threatening any guy who dared to date my daughters. But I was never completely convinced I should bring new life into this shitty world.”
“I used to think the same,” I admit. “But I would have had your babies. I’d give you anything you asked for, Killian. If I could.”
He releases me so he can swipe away the tears that won’t stop falling.
“We can’t choose what life throws at us, but we can choose how we deal with it, Kitty,” he says, hooking his finger under my chin and tilting my head upwards so there’s no escaping his gaze.
“When that boat was sinking and I thought I’d lost you, I would have traded my life for one more day with you.
Just one hour.” He smiles through the pain of the memory.
“You know exactly how I felt because you went through the same, and yet here we are. As far as I’m concerned, I won the lottery of life. ”
“I won too,” I whisper as a heavy weight lifts off my chest.
“Yes, you fucking did.”
I’m so sorry for putting you through all of that.
This was one of those books that was driven by the characters so you should really blame Killian.
I hope you enjoyed the ride and if you haven’t read BOUND and Bitter yet, make that your next read to learn what was happening to poor Duke during his fake engagement to Katarina.