Chapter 7 #2
“When I was a little girl, my parents split up. I was too young to know what was going on, but I’ve heard it was pretty ugly.
I come from a long line of blue blood. Do you know that term?
It means we’ve been here a long time, respectable, connected, all that.
When my parents’ battle was over, my mother moved to Europe, and I’ve hardly seen her since then.
And my father is a very, very difficult man.
” She closed her eyes and shook her head.
“Being a dad is not his forte. He’s all money, all the time.
He still lives here, and I still see him occasionally, and we sort of talk, but it’s all business stuff.
Very transactional. You’ve said more fatherly things to me in a half hour than he’s said to me my whole life. ”
She paused and took a calming breath. “But I was really fortunate. I was raised here in Golden by my grandmother and grandfather, on my dad’s side, not too far from here, down in the Boughery District.
They’ve both passed away, but I was very close to my grandmother.
I called her ‘Gammy.’ She was a saint, sort of like the woman you loved in Spain.
She enjoyed books and flowers and birds.
She surrounded me with those things. I didn’t have any brothers or sisters, so she was my whole world in some ways.
She took me to school in the mornings, helped me with homework, taught me to cook, and said prayers with me at bedtime.
I had a really good childhood even though I knew it was not like everybody else’s.
Growing up with Gammy was a gift to me, the unintended blessing of my busted home.
“I was a really good student growing up, all because of Gammy. But no matter how good I did, my father pushed for more. I had to excel, to be better than everybody else. And for reasons I’ll never understand, I always wanted to please him.”
Minnette paused and waved dismissively. “Mr. Theo, I’m sorry. I know you didn’t come here for this.”
“Oh, no. Please, my dear. I came here precisely for this.” He looked squarely into Minnette’s face. “Since I bought your portrait, I have looked at it over and over and I have wondered, ‘What is she like? What is her story? What is really in her eyes?’ Please go on. Have you time?”
It dawned on Minnette that Derrick was supposed to have been a part of this meeting and that they had planned on dinner afterwards. She was certain he must be somewhere nearby and was keeping his distance as a matter of choice. She would thank him later.
“So, I became really good at living up to people’s expectations of me.
Too good. I was valedictorian, summa cum laude, president of this and that, homecoming court, debutante, a regular approval junkie.
And now I’m a junior partner in a respectable Big Four accounting firm in a job I can barely stand.
If I give them sixty hours a week until I’m old, I’ll be a partner someday.
And my father is still disappointed I’m not a doctor.
But you know what I really want, Mr. Theo? … Don’t laugh.”
The expression on Theo’s face made it clear he would not take her words lightly.
“More than anything else in the world, I want to be a mom. I’ve always wanted that.” She let the words sink in, as if expecting a reply, a platitude, maybe even a rebuke. Theo merely nodded, as if to affirm the sanity and beauty of her desire.
“Crazy, right? I know it would be a major change, especially for somebody who’s spent her whole life trying to impress others, and I know I probably romanticize the whole motherhood thing in my mind, but still, I want to give a child what Gammy gave me.
I want to be like her. Just a housewife.
At least for enough years to grow a family.
That sounds insane, doesn’t it? Housewife.
A psychologist would have a heyday with me.
Here I am, the daughter of the world’s worst father and mother, and I want more than anything else to have a child and be a mom and take care of a life.
“So… the sadness. I think there was already a lot from my childhood, but, years ago, when my husband and I were dating in college, I got pregnant. He was in law school, and I was studying accounting. I was afraid and confused at first but sort of excited too. I made the mistake of going to my father for advice. I knew better, but Gammy was already sick with Alzheimer’s, so I didn’t want to trouble her.
I told my dad I was going to drop out of school and marry Derrick.
We knew we were going to get married someday anyway.
My father went berserk, called me some terrible names, reminded me of all the hard work and sacrifice he’d made for me, and told me to the penny how much my college was costing him.
He said I could have a ‘damn kid’ later on, anytime I wanted.
He said I’d be letting everybody down, even Gammy, if I let one stupid mistake get in the way of my future.
And of course,” Minnette’s tone turned sarcastic, “I’d be a disgrace to the family name.
It was quite the speech. Like I say, he’s not a very touchy-feely sort of man.
Purely pragmatic. And for some reason, I gave in. ”
A short, dense silence followed. Finally, Minnette turned toward Theo.
“So much for strength and bravery.” Then another pause.
“So much for kindness.”
She gazed vacantly at her portrait, shook her head almost imperceptibly, and then continued.
“I made my dear old dad proud. Miss Pragmatic. Career first. I’ve kept the sad part of my life a well-hidden secret, but I’ve hated myself a little bit every day since then.
I know I shouldn’t let it bother me or feel all this hurt and shame… ” Minnette paused. Her eyes filled.
“So, Mr. Theo, that might be the sadness you see.”
Minnette closed her eyes and bowed her head, then leaned into Theo’s shoulder.
Derrick watched, spellbound, from across the fountain. He resisted the impulse to make sure she was alright, sensing she would not want him there.
After a long minute, Minnette sat up and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand.
“Oh, Mr. Theo. My god, I don’t know what I’m thinking. I’m so sorry. I’ve never told this to anyone before. Only my husband and one other person know what I just told you.”
Theo took her hand. “I’m honored. And I give you my promise: Your words are safe with me. I don’t have many virtues, but I am good, one of the very best, at keeping secrets.” (He might have added “at living a secret.”)
A tear ran down Minnette’s cheek. “Oh my gosh. What’s going on with me? Accountants aren’t supposed to cry.”
They both laughed — a welcome relief — and sat quietly for a moment. Minnette took a deep breath, relaxed her shoulders and shook her head like someone coming out of a trance. And then, with a detectable lightness of voice and grin on her face, she turned to the old man.
“Theo, on an entirely different note, get this. You might be interested in knowing my father’s name. His first name is Pearce. His last name is Glissen. Pearce Glissen.”
Theo squinted, his brow furrowed. There was something familiar about the name, but what?