Chapter 34
I blew out of the wineshop like my life depended on it, leaving a stunned Xander in my wake. Booking it back up the block toward the Sunny Side, I made myself slow down and inhale. And exhale.
And inhale…
And exhale…
By the time I pushed open the front door, I was reasonably certain I wouldn’t pass out.
Rita was sitting on the couch, nursing Mavis, and Paulette sat with her. When they heard the door, they both looked over.
“Oh, Hannaaaah!” said Paulette, near tears. “Thank Gawd, you’re home.”
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
“Wills is definitely cheating on me,” she said.
I drew a deep breath as I took my coat off and hung it on the rack. I was not in the mood to deal with this. Not now.
“And I had to find out todaaaay of all daaaays,” Paulette went on. “On Valentine’s Daaaay.”
Turning back around, I willed myself to hold it together.
“My sister said she saw him whispering and being all secretive,” she said. “And slipping someone his keys.”
That was it. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t anymore.
“For fuck’s sake, Paulette,” I practically screamed.
“Wills isn’t cheating on you. He would never cheat on you.
Your sister is just stirring shit up, like she always does.
She probably saw him whispering with Xander—who, I can personally verify, has no romantic designs on your boyfriend.
Xander just borrowed the keys to Wills’s shop so he could surprise me. ”
Miraculously, the baby just kept nursing.
Meanwhile, Rita’s eyes on me were as big and round as golf balls.
And as for Paulette…? Well, despite my uncharacteristic outburst, she was still…Paulette.
One…
Two…
Thr—
“I should never listen to anything my sister says,” she said, getting to her feet. “Goddammit, I need to go get Wills’s Valentine’s present out of the dumpster.”
If only my problem could be solved so easily.
After Paulette left, Rita homed in on me. “What the fuck happened at dinner?”
I shook my head and sighed. “Xander told me he loves me.”
She gave me a funny look. “Isn’t that a good thing?” she asked.
“It’s a great thing,” I said. “Because I love him too.”
“Then why did you just rip Paulette another asshole?” she asked. “Not that she noticed, but—”
The front door opened again, and Xander came busting in. “Hannah,” he said, his searching eyes landing on me. “Are you all right?”
For a few moments, no one spoke. No one moved. Breathing was a fifty-fifty call.
“Okay,” said Rita, breaking the silence. She gently disengaged Mavis from her breast, then refastened her nursing bra and adjusted her shirt. “It sounds like you two have some stuff to talk about, so…” She began to gather her things.
Xander and I stood awkwardly together, casting sidelong looks at each other, then quickly averting our eyes as we waited for Rita to pack up.
I had no doubt she was moving as fast as she could.
Only, well… It was amazing how many things babies required—not to mention how much stuff fit into one of those diaper bag backpacks.
The longer it took, the more uncomfortable the atmosphere became.
What seemed like a year and a half later, Rita stepped lightly past Xander and me. Holding a drowsy Mavis, she reached for the knob with her free hand.
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” she said quietly, by way of goodbye. Then, she slipped out the door.
Her departure didn’t exactly relieve the tension. It was a little while before Xander’s eyes met mine.
“Are you all right?” he repeated.
Realizing I hadn’t answered when he’d first asked, I nodded. “It’s just…a lot,” I said.
He nodded back. “It is,” he agreed. “And I apologize again. I completely understand your reaction. I’ve been thinking about all this for a while. But you’re only hearing about it now.”
Okay. So, he was sorry he’d sprung all this on me. But he wasn’t taking any of it back. Was he really expecting me to come around on this? To come home with him?
“And you’re right,” he continued. “As far as we know, the hunters haven’t identified the location of the portal. There is no immediate threat to my people. Not yet. So, if you need a little time—”
“I do,” I said. “I need time. Big time.”
He nodded again. “Okay,” he said. “But depending on what news we hear, I’m not sure how much time we have.”
I frowned. I’d always known that my days with Xander might be limited.
But up until now, I’d felt like I had some control in the matter.
Like, if I could just find a way to keep him safe, to keep his nature hidden, he wouldn’t have to leave.
But now, it wasn’t about me protecting him. It was about him protecting his people.
I couldn’t argue with him for wanting to live up to his responsibilities and do the right thing. How could I? His keen sense of responsibility was one of the things I loved about him.
Except, I wanted to argue. I was angry, goddammit. Angry that he’d put me in this impossible situation. That he’d put us in this impossible situation.
Of course, anger wasn’t going to solve anything. But I didn’t trust myself to hold it in. And I didn’t want to unleash on him the way I just had with Paulette.
“And I think I might need some space,” I said.
“Space?”
“I think I need to be by myself for a bit,” I said. “To get my head around everything.”
He took that in for a moment. Then, he nodded again. “Yes, of course. Whatever you need.”
At first, neither of us budged.
“So, uh…good night?” I asked it more than said it.
Getting the message, he smiled sadly. “Yes,” he said. “Good night, Hannah.”
I watched him start up the stairs. I felt a hollowness in my chest, like he was taking my heart with him. “Xander?” I called after him.
He stopped. Turned.
“Thank you,” I said. “For…tonight.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said. And then he climbed the stairs to his bedroom. Alone.
* * *
I took Casey out for a quick walk. Afterward, as if sensing I might need the emotional support, he followed me back to my bedroom.
Lately, I’d been popping into my room each day to dress, using the attached bathroom to shower. However, since Xander and I had started sleeping together, I’d been spending my nights upstairs with him.
I closed the door behind me—well, behind Casey and me. Immediately, the dog hopped up onto the mattress and claimed a spot at the foot of the bed, making himself comfortable. But even though Xander had fixed the leak above my pillow a while ago, the bed no longer seemed quite so inviting to me.
As I stripped out of my clothes and put on some sweatpants and a tee, I looked around.
For so many years, this had been my safe zone.
Now, it felt as if the walls were closing in on me.
Or…maybe it was more like I felt too big to fit inside these walls.
Earlier this evening, I’d been like a butterfly bursting out of its cocoon.
Now, here I was, trying to retreat to a cocoon I’d already outgrown.
“Ughhh,” I sighed.
With little hope of falling asleep any time soon, I slid between the sheets.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I’d vowed to make the most of whatever time I had with Xander.
But now? After everything that had passed between us, just the fact that he was up in 401 and not here in bed next to me was almost unbearable.
The idea that our time together might have to come to an end altogether was unthinkable.
Except, I had to think about it, didn’t I?
Because, really, how was this relationship of ours going to work out now?
If he stayed—and the hunters did find their way to the portal—it could mean the end of his civilization.
I knew him well enough to know he could never live with that.
But if he left and sealed the portal…he’d be sealing me out of his life forever.
Unless I went with him. But me living in his world? That wasn’t a viable solution. How could I just leave my family? My friends? The Sunny Side? Let alone, live under the sea? At just the thought, I felt my heartbeat accelerate again.
I took a deep breath to try to calm my nerves as I rolled over.
There must be another answer, one I just wasn’t seeing yet.
After all, Xander and I loved each other.
We loved each other, goddammit. That had to count for something.
Wasn’t love supposed to win? Or was that just some fanciful notion I’d gotten from reading all those romance novels?
I flipped onto my stomach and punched at my pillow. According to Rita, romance wasn’t something that just happened in the pages of books. And she was right. I’d found my prince. Literally, it seemed. But now, the question was, given the circumstances…how could I find my happily ever after?