Chapter 10
JAKE
The next few days were spent adjusting. I still couldn’t wrap my head around being responsible for a tiny human now, but I took it as a win when every day was slightly easier than the last.
“I feel like a fraud calling myself a full-time nanny though,” I admitted as Ellie helped ready the sofa bed for the night.
“Why? You’re with him most of the day.” She tucked the sheet on the other side, affording me a pretty spectacular view of cleavage where her pyjama top gaped as she bent forward.
If it was anyone else I would’ve enjoyed the show, but this was Ellie, and it was the first night she hadn’t walked out swamped in three unnecessary layers of clothes. I couldn’t risk that, not when she was finally settling around me.
Instead, I refocused on tucking in my side. “Well, he’s at nursery more than I expected. I’ve still been able to do my work. I even had time to go to the darkroom in Greenwich yesterday.”
“I didn’t realise you developed your photos.” Ellie fluffed one of the pillows. “I assumed it was all digital.”
“I don’t do it often, but I like the creativity of processing and developing film every now and then, especially when I have an exhibit. They’re more dynamic.”
“You’ve had a photography exhibit?” she asked, voice bright with interest and awe.
“Uh, yeah.” I unrolled the duvet with a rough shake, startled by Ellie’s enthusiasm. No one else had ever cared enough to ask. “I actually have one coming up in a couple of months.”
“That’s incredible, Jake! Where is it? Can we go see it?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“But I want to. I’d love to see your work.”
I didn’t know what to say. Interest in my photography was so rare it felt unsettling, like I’d put my shoe on the wrong foot.
“Only if it’s okay with you,” she added, seeming confused by my hesitation.
“I—” My phone buzzed on the coffee table, and I was grateful for the interruption until I saw the name on the screen.
Avery
Hi. Are you ready to talk yet?
I know you like time and space when you need to think but it’s been a week. Where are you?
A week?
That wasn’t right, was it?
I’d been so consumed with getting through each day, making sure Noah was safe and happy, and learning his and Ellie’s routines, I’d barely given the world outside our bubble any consideration.
In fact, this was the first time I’d thought about Avery and the whole Oliver situation, and the reminder definitely didn’t bite as much as it had initially.
Huh.
Maybe Ellie was right. Maybe distance did provide some clarity.
“Everything okay?”
Ellie had moved on to tidying Noah’s toys, but watched me closely, probably concerned I was standing there not saying a word.
“Yeah. Avery’s texting me again.”
Leaving anyone on read went against everything I was as a friend—I always replied, unless I was somewhere in the world with spotty reception—but I typed and deleted three times.
“Sorry about that.” I slid my phone into my sweatshirt pocket.
“It’s okay. I know it’s playing on your mind.”
“That’s the thing. I’ve not thought about it once.”
“Or maybe you’ve been too busy and tired to think about it,” Ellie reminded me.
“Ha. You might be right. I still need to deal with it though. I don’t like having things hanging over me, but I don’t know what to say.”
“Why don’t you tell her that? At least it’s honest. Maybe it’ll spark a conversation.”
“Maybe.”
Quiet settled around us while I debated the truth of that, and Ellie collected the last of Noah’s toys.
“Can I ask you a question?” she said eventually.
“Anything.”
“Why… why are you so mad about what happened?” She traced the stitching on a purple toad Squishmallow before tossing it in one of the containers. “I understand the awkwardness of your friend getting together with your brother, but would it be the worst thing in the world?”
“For most people? No. But my relationship with Oliver has been complicated for years now.”
“In what way?” she asked.
“At first it was the usual sibling shit. As the youngest I was always left out or picked on. But as we got older, it felt like resentment somehow? I know I’ve made some mistakes, but it’s like he’s determined to think the worst of me.”
I sank to the edge of the bed. Talking about this kind of stuff always left me drained, which is why I’d mastered ignoring it.
“I remember one time I went to Cheltenham Festival with some mates. We drank a lot and placed some bets. I lost a chunk of money, but that happens, right?”
“Sure,” Ellie agreed. “It’s the nature of horse racing.”
“Right. But according to Oliver this meant I had a gambling problem. One freaking bet and I’ve got a gambling addiction.”
“That’s… weird.”
“That’s not even the half of it. There’s so many little things, so many misconceptions about me. I’ve given up correcting my family now. Let them believe what they want to believe.”
“Jake,” she said, the softness of it almost too much.
“It’s fine. It is what it is.”
“Not if it hurts you.”
“I’m more annoyed than anything. Frustrated. But I’ll get over it. I always do.”
“You don’t need to pretend you’re not hurting. You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel.”
Her words curled inside me, soothing that low lingering ache. “I know.”
A moment of true understanding passed between us.
A crackle of… something. Energy. Awareness.
I wasn’t sure. But I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had ever looked at me and recognised something I tried hard to forget.
Maybe my friendships were too fleeting and I’d never given them the chance.
Or maybe this was just… Ellie.
It was a dangerous thought to contemplate.
“Anyway.” Ellie looked away first, sliding her hair behind one ear, something I’d learned she did whenever she was nervous.
“I’ll leave you to get some sleep.”
I snagged her arm as she walked past, halting her movement.
It was an innocent gesture only meant to thank and reassure, let her know she didn’t need to be nervous with me, but the sparks shooting through me didn’t feel innocent at all.
Neither did the hot clench low in my gut at the sound of Ellie’s quiet gasp.
Our heights were more even with me still seated, and I was struck by the inexplicable urge to wrench her between the spread of my thighs, as if I did that kind of thing all the time.
I squeezed her wrist instead, and tried not to think about the warmth of her skin against my fingertips. There were some roads you couldn’t travel. Not even me.
“Night, Ellie.”
Her smile felt like I’d been kissed by the sun, but I wouldn’t think about that either.
“Goodnight.”
Avery
I’m ready to talk when you are.
Seriously?
In that case, come pick up the rest of your stuff or I’m throwing it on the street.
One thing I’d learned in all my years of travelling was how to pack quick and light. Barely ten minutes after we arrived at Avery’s empty flat, I’d already gathered the rest of my stuff and fastened my backpack closed ready to go.
“Uhhhhhh. Who are you?”
Shit.
I rushed to the living room where Avery peered at Noah on her sofa like he was some kind of mirage. Her handbag swung from the crook of her arm, like she’d frozen halfway through taking it off.
“Where did you come from?” she added, softer this time.
“I thought you knew all about the birds and the bees.”
She startled and spun around.
“Jake! What is going on? Who is this? Do you—” Her eyes widened with growing frenzy. “Did you find out you have a kid?”
“Yes,” I said flatly. “That’s exactly what happened.”
“Well, I don’t know! It’s not like it’s far out of the realm of possibilities, and it’s not as if you’ve been talking to me. Anything could’ve happened this last week.”
She looked so near hysteria, it was almost cruel to continue fucking with her, even though part of me wanted to.
“This is my friend, Noah. Noah, this is Avery. Say hello.”
“Hello,” he said, not taking his eyes off the TV.
Bluey was on, so I couldn’t blame him. I fucking loved Bluey now. We’d watched the Sleepytime episode six times so far and if Noah wanted to watch it again, he’d get no complaints from me.
“Explain,” Avery demanded. “Explain right now.”
My mouth twitched. This was gonna be good.
“I guess you could say I’m his Nanny.”
After a few lengthy seconds of nothing but the sound of the TV, Avery said, “You’re fucking with me.”
“Oh, come on. No swearsies. He’s sitting right there.”
“Swearsies?” She rubbed her temple with fingers covered in dried paint, and stared at the floor. “What is happening right now? Please be serious.”
“Well, right now I’m here to collect the stuff I left in your spare room. Noah’s my little helper, and if he’s good then he can get a star sticker plus a dinosaur sticker.”
“Dinosaur!” Noah scrambled onto his knees and gripped the edge of the leather sofa, like he needed an anchor in the midst of all this excitement. “What kind of dinosaur? Tell me!”
“Uh…” Shit. I hadn’t bought the stickers yet, and for some reason I couldn’t think of a single dinosaur name apart from the T-rex. “Take your pick. What’s the one with the two sharp pointy horns on its head?”
Noah’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “TRICERATOPS!”
I laughed. “That’s the one.”
Yesterday, he had trouble pronouncing television. Kids were so weird.
“I don’t understand what’s going on,” Avery said.
“There’s nothing to understand. I’m looking after Noah for a while, and his mum, Ellie, is letting me stay.”
“Ellie…” Avery straightened. “The girl from the bar?”
“You know about her?”
“You’ve mentioned her quite a few times, yes.”
I have?
News to me.
“Right, well, as I said. This is her son.”
“Is this a permanent thing or…?”
I wanted to laugh, even though it wasn’t funny. “Did you forget who you’re talking to?”
“I guess I did. It’s not like you to willingly look after a child.”
I was fed up of people telling me that.
“Never had the opportunity,” I bit out. “Besides, it’s not like it’ll be forever. I’m off to New York in August.”
“Oh. Your trip with Christian. Of course.”