Chapter 21
JAKE
Waiting on my brother’s doorstep in that fine, drizzly excuse for rain wasn’t exactly how I pictured the morning after, but expecting the unexpected should’ve been my new life motto.
“Oh, good, you’re awake.” Leo’s front door had barely opened when I barged inside. “I need some advice.”
“Won’t you come in?” he said dryly. “Hello, by the way.”
“Hi. Is that coffee? Thank god. I’m desperate.”
“Sure. Make yourself at home. It’s not like we were busy or anything.”
I spared a second to feel bad about interrupting his sexy morning with Grace, obvious given that he’d answered the door in nothing but black Calvin Klein boxer briefs and what appeared to be fresh scratches on his chest, but time was of the essence.
“Thanks. Nice undies by the way.”
Leo flipped me off, muttering something under his breath while I marched into the living room.
Sure enough, Grace was perched on a stool at the kitchen island wearing Leo’s grey bathrobe and messy sex hair.
“Oh, hey,” she said brightly. “What brings you here so early? I’m surprised you knew this time of day existed.”
“We don’t have time for jokes, Grace.”
“Disagree. There’s always time for jokes.” She offered me a cheeky grin, along with half a bagel layered with cream cheese, chopped chives and thin slices of smoked salmon. Chefs and their fancy-ass breakfasts. “Want some?”
“I’ll make him something.” Leo reappeared wearing boxing shorts and a loose grey vest. He fisted the riot of Grace’s hair and tugged until she arched backwards, their mouths meeting for a couple of quick, smiley kisses before he murmured, “That’s yours, baby.”
“Good, because I didn’t want to share. I was being polite.”
“Charming,” I muttered. “But I can’t stomach food right now. Thanks for the offer though.”
“But you always want food.” Grace stared at me, alarmed. “What’s wrong?”
“Is this about Oliver?” Leo wondered.
Fucking hell, I’d forgotten all about him in recent weeks, too preoccupied by Ellie and Noah and the way they made me feel. Nothing else seemed to matter when I was with them.
“No.” I yanked the empty stool, pausing at the realisation creeping over me. “Am I safe to sit here?”
“Of course. Why do you ask?”
“You’re both chefs. Cooking probably turns you on. Who knows where you’ve had sex in here.”
They spared each other a glance and my entire face wrinkled.
“Don’t act like you haven’t had sex on every flat surface ever.”
“I don’t find kitchens sexy, Leo.”
My brother chuckled. “Fair enough. We haven’t had sex where you’re sitting though, so you’re fine.”
“Also, to be clear, I always use disinfectant,” Grace added. “We’re not animals.”
“How much sex are you having in here?” I surveyed all the waist-height surfaces they’d definitely defaced. Nowhere was safe. “Actually, don’t answer that.”
They shared another knowing glance and laughed.
“Anyway.” Leo filled a cup with steaming coffee from his fancy cafetière and nudged it my way. “What brings you here so early?
I took a sip, grateful for the caffeine, then slumped with a groan, not sure where to start.
“I slept with Ellie last night.”
Simple, even if reality felt anything but.
Leo watched me curiously. “In what way?”
“There’s more than one way to fuck someone?”
“Oh, Jake,” Grace said sadly. “If you have to ask.”
“You know that’s not what I meant. Fucking hell. Why did I even come here?”
There was something devious about her smile as she gave me a nudge. Grace loved messing with me and vice versa. If it was any other day we probably would’ve devolved into our usual back and forth trying to one-up each other in some way, but I wasn’t in the mood for teasing today.
I needed help. Now.
“You had sex with Ellie.” Leo blinked at me like his brain was on five-second delay.
“YES. That’s what I said. Please keep up—ouch!” I rubbed at the stinging imprint of his fist on my pectoral muscle. “That hurt. Jesus.”
“Good. You deserve it. You’re the one who said Ellie was off limits. What were you thinking?”
Another groan tumbled out of me. Usually I’d deflect, offer up something flippant because not thinking was basically the gist of my personality. Act first, ask questions later.
But I’d thought about nothing else in recent weeks—longer if I was brutally honest—weighing the pros and cons of taking that step into… more. There was so much at stake and for the first time in my goddamn life, I felt the weight of repercussions if everything went wrong.
How did people do this every damn day?
Exhausting.
“I wasn’t thinking,” I admitted. “And I know what I said. But it’s hard when someone you’re attracted to is right there in your face every single day.” Or pressed up against your cock. “Surely you can relate.”
Leo nodded, casting a glance at Grace, but stayed silent.
“I mean, I was attracted to her from the moment we met because of course I was. You’ve seen her. She’s beautiful. But it’s worse now because she’s always there, and she makes me laugh, you know? Literally over the most random shit. It doesn’t even make sense. Noah too. He cracks me up.”
“Oh, Jake,” Grace said softly, stroking my shoulder.
“What?”
“Let him figure it out for himself,” Leo told her.
My gaze bounced between them. “I don’t know what the hell you two are talking about, but tell me what to do.”
“Why do you have to do anything?” Grace wondered. “Why not let things take their natural course?”
“I don’t follow.”
“Of course you don’t.”
“We agreed on one night together. That’s it.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Leo asked.
“Babe,” Grace laughed. “You’re slow today.”
“I thought that’s how you wanted it this morning? Nice and slow, that’s what you said.”
I pressed my eyes with the heels of my hands until my vision turned kaleidoscopic. “Can you two stop with that?”
“Okay, okay. The problem is, he doesn’t want it to be just one night.” Grace sent me a knowing look. “Am I right?”
I didn’t want to talk about that now.
“Look, Ellie is…” How did I even begin to explain what she meant to me? I wasn’t good at things like this. I wasn’t used to things like this either. “She’s… important to me. Noah is too. I can’t leave it like this.”
“Okay, so what I mean is, see where things go between you,” Grace explained. “Take her on a date. Spend some time together.”
“All we’ve done is spend time together. That’s what got me in this mess in the first place.”
“Why does it have to be considered a mess?” Leo asked. “You obviously like each other.”
I shook my head and didn’t stop. Of course I liked Ellie. “That’s irrelevant. I’m not the kind of guy Ellie needs, or wants. She doesn’t say it out loud, but I know she has all these dreams about relationships, and she’s so nice and I’m… well, I’m the complete opposite.”
“What do you mean by that?” my brother demanded, and the deepening concern rivalled the panic soaring inside me.
“Nothing.” Now wasn’t the time for a deep dive on my insecurities. I kept that shit to myself. “She’s too good for me, that’s all. Come on, we all know it.”
“No, we don’t,” Grace said. “You’re a good guy, Jake. I know you have a good heart.”
“Now you’re lying.”
Leo frowned. “What?”
“Are we really doing this? You guys aren’t exactly discreet.
I know you all think I’m irresponsible, lacking any kind of direction in life.
And while I don’t completely agree with that, I still can’t give Ellie the life she deserves.
Noah too. No offence to you guys, but they’re the best people I know. They deserve the world and I’m not it.”
“That’s not even remotely true,” Leo bit out. “Why haven’t you told me you felt this way?”
“I don’t need placating, okay? I need your advice about Ellie. Tell me what to do.”
‘Well, what did you say when you left?”
“Uh, nothing.” I winced at the reminder. Of all the times to panic, why did it have to be with Ellie? Fuck. I wondered what she was thinking right now. Is she okay? “I left before she woke up.”
“This gets worse and worse,” my brother sighed.
“Shut up. I’m trying to think how to salvage this.”
“You probably could have salvaged it if you hadn’t left her without saying anything,” Grace said, unhelpful as ever.
“Gee. Thanks.”
“I’m just keeping it real. You shouldn’t have left. She’s likely thinking she’s just another meaningless one-night stand to you.”
Meaningless?
Maybe it was a one-night thing, but nothing about Ellie was meaningless. Nothing.
“Oh fuck. Oh no.” My stomach twisted at the realisation, and I let my head thunk against the island as the dots slowly connected for the first time that morning. “Guys, I’ve really fucked it. What am I going to do?”
“Go back. Grab two coffees and pastries on the way and pretend you left to get some food. Hopefully she’ll be none the wiser.”
Huh… “That could work”
Leo gave his girlfriend a sharp glance. “He can’t lie to her like that.”
“Surely it’s better than her thinking he left her after they slept together for the first time.”
“I’m sure she’ll figure it out when you’re not back after twenty minutes. It doesn’t take this long to grab coffee and pastries.”
“Shit. That’s true. There’s a café across the road from Ellie’s building. It should’ve only taken me ten minutes. I’ve already been gone half an hour.”
“Well, you have to at least try,” Grace said. “She deserves better than you walking out the morning after. Even if you do agree it was a one-off.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. Fuck. Okay. I’ll go back.”
“And be honest. Tell her you panicked. She’ll appreciate the honesty.”
“Oh sure, brother. Just what every woman wants to hear.”
“If it means you’re treating her differently and not like all your other one nighters, then yes, I’m sure she will. Show her some respect, Jake.”
“I have. Maybe not last night, but right up until I had her naked, I respected the hell out of her.”
My brother pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we be done with this conversation?”
“Oh.” Grace pouted. “It was just getting good.”