Chapter 19
“After what happened at the bar… I think we should discuss our boundaries. Physical and otherwise. So that things don’t get muddled.”
We were two hours into a three-hour drive when David finally interrupted my spiel of my family tree.
I started with my great-grandma, her move from New Orleans, and how she met great-granddad on an orange farm in Florida.
Reciting family history soothed the nerves that’d followed me all the way home after the flag football, in my sleep, and through my morning routine.
The heat was on. Leaves were red and orange, falling across the near-empty two-lane highway out of Westbrooke.
I was comfortable enough to have my shoes off.
My legs were covered in a blanket David so happened to have put in the backseat.
Allegedly, he’d forgotten to take it inside after prepping for a tailgate with a few of his friends.
Seeing through his lies was getting a little bit easier.
“Boundaries. Muddled,” I said, cheeks ablaze as I thought of the things I’d said the last time I leaned on his console.
And how his fingers hooked on my belt loop had been more than enough to have me going straight to my room once I got back to my apartment for some quality time with my vibrator. “Great idea.”
David’s brow wrinkled as he glanced at me.
He’d suspected something all morning but had yet to question me.
Harboring a secret crush on him was strange.
Despite this developing soft spot, I still wanted to get under his skin.
Poke the bear until he growled back. It’s a desire now mixed up in a need for his attention.
To be heard, seen, and… taken care of. Damn, I wanted him to take care of me in a multitude of ways.
As David changed the radio dial, I sank into my chair, afraid that something could capture my thoughts in the air or on some radio frequency.
“What the hell is going on?” he mumbled to himself when all he could find was snow.
“Dead zone,” I reminded him with my collar pulled over my mouth to keep out the longing sentiments behind some kind of blockade.
There was always a weak signal during this part of the drive. I didn’t know if it was the height of the trees or the lack of houses.
“What kind of couple are we?” David started fumbling with the AC instead, turning on the heat. “Affection-wise.”
“I don’t know.” I straightened to look less defeated.
He took a deep breath. “What kind have you been a part of in the past?”
“You first.”
David frowned. He thought I was deflecting when I was really just fishing. I didn’t want to be the first one to suggest we should hold hands. It was a childish thing to get butterflies over, and yet, I was ready to burst.
“I don’t mind holding hands when it fits the occasion,” he said.
I snorted. “When it fits the occasion? What do qualified occasions look like?”
“Crossing the street, going up or down a staircase, in a crowded room, at theme parks.”
“So, practical hand-holding,” I summarized. “Not romantic. David, we’re supposed to be romantically involved.”
“I’m aware.”
“Which means sometimes we may hold hands just for the heck of it.”
“Every couple’s different.”
“If you don’t want to hold hands, you should just say that. We’re discussing boundaries. You can make it your boundary,” I reminded him as I relaxed again in my seat. The warmth from the vents helped calm my edgy nerves.
“I don’t mind holding your hand,” he said with little if any thought.
“You sure?”
He nodded. “Positive.”
“Wonderful to know you’d deign to interlace your fingers with mine,” I mumbled sarcastically. “How are we with hugging? Hand on the waist. Shoulders?”
“I can hug. My waist and shoulders are fine.”
“Same.” I pressed my lips together, treading carefully as I continued. “As my boyfriend, my family will not expect you to make out aggressively with me or anything. But a little thumb on cheek brush or hip grab would sell things.”
“And we don’t want to go out of business too early.”
I flipped down the mirror and checked my makeup. I needed something to do with my hands, and my phone still barely had a signal. “Exactly.”
“Speaking of kissing,” David said.
My stomach’s in hell, but I barely blinked. “What about it?”
“Obviously, we’ll try to avoid the lips at all costs,” he continued.
I laughed, all anxiety, no amusement. “Obviously.”
“What about other places?”
That shouldn’t have sounded so dirty and shouldn’t have set my skin on fire.
“Yara?” David asked when I took too long to calm my thoughts. “Are you…”
Oh no. No, no, no. I’ve shown my hand.
David smiled, satisfied with his ammo. He was a starved man stepping foot back into civilization.
“You are,” he decided with a low exhale. The noise wasn’t mocking; it was intrigued.
“I’m not.” I flipped up the mirror with enough force to raise concerns about its structural integrity. David would typically scold me for being so rough with his belongings. But not this time.
“You’re imagining me kissing you somewhere else,” he said.
I want to be a butterfly at this point. Weightless. Free. Able to escape this car and find some safe flowers in a field far, far away from this man.
“‘Course I was. I was mapping out all the logical points at which a boyfriend would kiss his girlfriend.” Sometimes it was best to fight his fire with nonchalance. David backed off when he realized something didn’t bother you.
“Where exactly would those be?”
“Cheeks, temple, forehead.” I touched each spot as I spoke, as if he needed help to figure out where everything was. “All of which is fine with me, so engage as you see fit. Especially when my sister or Ren are in sight.”
“Got it.” He nodded. “Anywhere else?”
I frowned. “I don’t know. How about you tell me, since you seem so interested in the topic? Where else would you like to kiss me, David?”
“Like’s not the word I’m looking for,” he said.
“Oh? When you figure out your vocab, please share. I’m still waiting on pins and needles for what you decide to call us.”
“I’m working on it,” he promised and looked over at me with a smile. David’s gaze lingered. He didn’t turn away even when I raised a questioning brow.
The radio came back on, giving me a jump scare. David blinked, the spell breaking as he cranked down the volume.
“We’re an hour out,” he announced. “We’ve got hand-holding, waist grabs, shoulder grabs, and mapped out kissing zones all in the green. Anything we’re missing?”
I chewed on my lip and shook my head. “You?”
“Alright, let’s move on to red zones. I have only one. Don’t shove me right here and we’re good.” David gestured to his chest area.
My brows furrowed. “There would never be a need to, but… why not?”
“It’s a boundary,” he said firmly. “Just don’t do it.”
“Got you.” I stared at the area. “You said shove. What about touching it? Casual like. Gentle.”
The chest covered a large area. I needed to know if I should avoid it altogether.
“I’m fine with gentle touch,” he promised. “A soft pat, rub, you can even rest your hand there. Just nothing with too much force... my foster dad used to shove a lot there. It’s a trigger… I’m working through it, but not there yet.”
My shoulders sagged at the tidbit. Much like in his room, I was hungry for more about him. David hadn’t faked throughout high school, but he minimized. Made his life seem like such a void, bland and empty when it was everything but.
“Red zones for you?” David asked.
I cleared my throat, reminding myself he didn’t owe me anything about his life.
No matter how many dares and time we shared, if David wanted to keep certain things to himself, that was his right.
I’d respect it. Mourn it. Contemplate ways to help him understand that I could be a safe place. But ultimately, let him decide.
“No boob or butt grabs, and I’m golden,” I said.
“You got it. Now what about safe words?” he asked.
“What about them? We’re not… partaking in anything that adventurous.”
He gave me an amused look. “Regardless, better safe than sorry. If I do something like kiss you one too many times and you can’t tell me to back off because someone else is around—”
“Again with the kissing. You’re really looking forward to that part, aren’t you?” I rested my elbow on the console and my chin in my palm as I smiled at him.
He chuckled. “Your projection’s your largest tell, you know that?”
“I learned from the best.”
“Uh huh.” David laughed again. I’m on a roll with these.
My head grew larger at the sound of each one.
There was no denying that David enjoyed my company now.
Even when he looked disapproving, I could easily make him smile.
And I’d long since released the idea of hating his presence.
Annoyance still shoved its way in between us sometimes, like a toddler in need of attention.
But I loved the interruptions. Love annoyance’s cute, constant presence, all soft and familiar and full of potential love.
Love. Not the romantic, head over heels, I can’t live without you love. Not now. Nowhere near now. But someday? One day. I wanted it one day.
Holy crap. We’ve just now decided to hold hands.
I pushed away from the console, turning my gaze out the window.
“Yara?” David noted my change in energy.
“I’ll ask you to call Haven,” I said.
“That’s a phrase, not a word.”
“It’s less suspicious. And I assume the scenario won’t be heated. I’ll have plenty of time to get it out.”
He was silent for a second before finally saying, “Mine will be, call Weston, then.”
“Best friends to the rescue,” I murmured.
“I guess,” he agreed, quieter as he got lost in his own thoughts.
“Wait for me to open the door.” David unbuckled his seat belt and turned off the car.