Chapter 21
I sat there through all of that, knowing that he found this easy. Being mine wasn’t hard.
“Yara?” Amiee called my name, bringing me back to Earth. I blinked twice, clearing away the fog of David. Once my vision returned, I realized everyone at the table had their cups raised. They all looked at me, waiting for me to pick up my glass as well.
Ren was standing. She’d gotten to the dinner late and taken her place next to Rose with little fanfare.
With the attention on David, I could tell my sister and her fiancé (as of this morning, it’d become official in my parents’ backyard) were itching for some eyes on them. Hence the attempted cheers.
I quickly grabbed my cup and numbly held it up. Adam raised his brow at me from across the table, questioning if I was okay. And a few of my other family members exchanged looks, well acquainted with the lore of Ren, Rose, and me.
I hated that we had lore. I hated that my hesitation made it seem like I was focused on my ex-girlfriend and sister’s engagement when, really, I was panicking because I wanted to kiss David.
Sensing my unease, David casually rested his arm on the back of my chair and leaned in to whisper, “Give it another half hour, and I’ll figure out an excuse to get us out of here.”
I smiled, grateful for the confirmed escape and convincing partner act.
David placed his hand on the back of my neck, massaging gentle circles to release the built-up tension.
I’d wanted to pick at the space. He’d sensed that and stopped it with ease.
The soothing pressure of his thumb was eons better than the sting of self-punishment.
Gazes moved back to the newly engaged couple. I could hear the gossip now: Yara didn’t even want to raise her glass. Her boyfriend had to tell her to keep it up. How sad. How unfortunate. I wonder what she did to deserve it.
That last one was me. An old haunt that reared its head as soon as Ren began talking.
“I want to thank you all for joining us to celebrate.” Ren held onto Rose’s hand as she spoke. “This has been a long time coming, so it’s nice to be here with everyone we love finally.”
Ren’s hair was longer than the last time I saw her.
The loose brown curls swayed down her back.
Her brown skin had a beautiful tan. She held her head higher than she used to when we were in high school, all youthful insecurity gone out the window.
She smiled down at Rose, knowing precisely what she wanted and who she wanted.
I waited for the lingering emotion of betrayal to burn through my chest. I steeled myself for the frustration of my first girlfriend breaking up with me, only to ask my sister out two months later. Steeled myself to feel the hurt about my sister going on the date first and coming to me after.
“I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you,” Ren continued.
That should be an arrow. Knife to the chest. I felt nothing.
“And I’m so excited and honored I have the privilege of being yours and calling you mine.”
Rose was in tears. And I was happy for her. She looked in love. She was in love. I’d never experienced that with Ren.
“Good?” David whispered. Concern made his jaw stiff.
I gave him a grateful smile and subtle nod before whispering back, “Good.”
Before tonight, a small part of me had wondered, what if?
What if I wasn’t really okay with Ren and Rose being together?
What if the text David sent was something I’d secretly wanted to send all along, and the universe had made it happen?
What if Ren was my one true love, and I’d have to spend the rest of my life seeing her at family dinners and on family trips and suffering in silence because my sister was so happy? What if?
The bubble popped, and I’m freed from that fear. We all raised our glasses a little higher when Ren finished her speech. There was a collective hum of “cheers” and “congratulations.”
And I was okay. Maybe even better than okay, because I was never in love with Ren. Never destined to be some forlorn ex, living in the shadows of her happily married sister.
I hadn’t been in love then, which meant I had that to look forward to now.
When we all lowered our glasses, David accidentally knocked his against his soup bowl.
From the moment we sat down, he’d been slow to touch everything.
Any time his fingers made contact with something, he held it as if it would shatter in his hands.
The overcorrection birthed an excess of nerves.
While he’d easily comforted me, he couldn’t do the same for himself.
David’s glass tipped over, red wine staining the white linen. My aunt, sitting next to him, yelped and popped up before the liquid could get on the vintage fur coat she’d rested in her lap. Her quick motion disturbed the table, making a small bowl of soup splash over into a plate of olives.
David apologized quickly, trying to grab a cloth napkin, but in the process, knocked over my wine as well. The red stained my wool skirt. He was beet red, fingers shaking. His gaze immediately snapped to my parents, as if he expected a scolding. What he found was laughter instead.
Most of the people at the table smiled and waved off his apologies. A couple of cousins got up to grab more napkins and new glasses for us.
“I didn’t… I’m sorry.” David lowered himself into his seat, looking defeated as our silverware got replaced.
“Your reflexes are better with a football, son,” Dad noted, still chuckling.
“It’s fine,” I whispered and rubbed his back. I wanted to laugh too, but when we locked eyes, I could tell something was off. He wasn’t recovering from the embarrassment, the red darkening on his cheeks.
“Sorry,” he repeated, again, sounding like he deserved some kind of penance.
I frowned, my hand frozen on his back. “It’s fine. It was an accident.”
“Yeah.” He nodded as if trying to convince himself. “It’s just… it all looks very… expensive.”
“We have plenty more tablecloths and glasses,” Mom assured from her side of the table with a genuine smile. Someone commented that it was extra to have the cloth on the table anyway, setting off our family’s recurring debate about fine dining at home.
With the attention off of him, I hoped David would relax.
Instead, I caught him tucking his shaking hands underneath the tablecloth.
He wouldn’t meet my gaze anymore, retreating into his own world.
My brother caught my gaze, though, sending a wordless inquiry about my boyfriend’s issue.
Adam temporarily set aside judgment for empathy.
“It’s fine,” I mouthed, stomach clenching at how not fine it felt.
I was desperate to get David alone and check on him after dinner.
But before I could, Rose pulled me aside when we were all done eating, and everyone moved into the backyard for dessert by the pool.
The heat from so many people inside dissipated.
And the younger cousins kept going back and forth outside, letting the chill fall air find its way through the first floor.
“How are you?” Rose asked.
It felt like a silly question. Even though I wasn’t upset with her anymore, there was a slight twinge of annoyance in my gut. Rose didn’t want to broach the topic. She would just poke at it to see if it would give.
“I’m great.” I offered her a small smile. “Congrats. I know you two are going to be happy together.”
“Thank you.” Her eyes lit up at my stamp of approval. “You really think so?”
“Of course, don’t you?” My brows wrinkled when she hesitated.
She shook her head but still tried to smile. “I do, I do. I just… it’s all so surreal, you know? And you and I never really talked about how Ren and I happened. We hardly talk about anything anymore.”
Rose and I had the least close relationship of our siblings. It could be the eleven-month age gap, the constant external comparison, or that we’re more alike than we’d like to admit. Either way, I didn’t think we would ever be best friends, but we could be there for each other.
“I’m happy the two of you happened because you’re happy.” I grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You light up when she looks at you. It’s beautiful.”
She squeezed my hand back. “You don’t know how nervous I was to see you.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t think you were actually over Ren. I can’t imagine anyone being over her.”
When I laughed, Rose frowned. She looked almost offended. I reeled back in. Just because we were working toward common ground didn’t mean we would throw out years of baggage.
“You can’t imagine it because you’re in love,” I reminded her. “But I never was.”
“Really?” Her eyes grew big. The relief in her voice was palpable. “Ren swore you were.”
“We were only together for two months. Besides, Ren swears a lot of things,” I muttered.
“She does,” Rose agreed and laughed with me this time.
“The point is, I wasn’t. I was only hurt that she asked you out, because I thought maybe the whole time you two were into each other, and I was just in the way. No one wants to be the foil in someone’s romance story. Least of all your own sister’s.”
“And here I was thinking I was the foil to yours.” Her shoulders relaxed, freed from the burden of a guilty conscience.
“For a moment I thought maybe you were, but…” I shrugged and glanced toward the sliding glass door that led outside.
I saw David, with Adam and Aimee, on the porch.
He held two plates of cake as he waited for me.
David looked mostly recovered from the wine tipping incident.
His only tell of nerves was his struggle to maintain eye contact for more than a couple of seconds. I needed to go to him.
“I know for sure that was never the case,” I finished.
Rose glanced over her shoulder for a second, turning back to me with a smile. “I never in a million years thought you’d like David. Let alone go out with him. That’s why I couldn’t believe it when you said you two were dating. But now…”
“Now?”
“He looks at you like you’re everything he’s ever dreamed of.” Rose poked out her bottom lip. “It’s so sweet.”
“Very sweet.” I nodded and swallowed a sigh.
David and I were so entangled that I didn’t know where to start.
We didn’t have a proper beginning to our friendship.
How would that translate into a relationship?
More importantly, would that translate? He said it wasn’t hard being with me, but that didn’t exactly mean he wanted to date me for real.
“You should tell him,” Rose said in a lower voice as if our rowdy family could hear us over their buzzing conversations and the music blaring from someone’s portable speaker.
“What?” My gaze snapped back to Rose, suspicious of potential mind-reading abilities.
She gave me a knowing smile. “You should tell him you think he’s sweet. I know you. You can be so hard and standoffish when it comes to romance.”
“I’m not.” My defenses went up even though she wasn’t exactly wrong. I’d never been a heart-eyed, hand-holding girlfriend… maybe because I’d never been with the right person? Because nowadays, I want to hold David’s hand all the time.
“Tell him, Yara,” Rose said firmly. “He seems like a good guy. And if he’s the right guy, let him know. It’ll do you both some good.”
I swallowed a retort about not needing her relationship advice.
This was a nice day. A good dinner with the family and a hurdle I cleared with David's help. Everyone believed he was my boyfriend. He’d played the role so well that he convinced us both, too.
I would not ruin the vibe with my stubbornness.
So, I smiled, nodded, and told Rose, “I will. I’ll tell him. ”