Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
I wake with a gasp, a scream trapped in my throat.
For a second, I was trapped in the dark, with not even a single candle to light the way, and the roof closing in upon me.
It felt so real I could almost taste the stale air of whatever cell I was contained within, and the old scar across my palm—where Soraya and I once bound ourselves together—is throbbing.
“Mira?”
I turn into Keir’s body, my heart racing. Every inch of me is deliciously bruised and sated, but it’s the way his arms curl around me that does so much damage.
“Bad dreams,” I whisper.
He strokes a hand through my hair. “You shouldn’t be having any bad dreams. Not while I’m near.”
I shudder. “I thought…. I thought it was Soraya, reaching for me.”
He rolls onto his side, so we’re face to face. “We’ll find her.”
“I know.”
“She’ll be fine.”
“I know.”
Long seconds tick out as he strokes small circles over my arm. “You love her,” he whispers. “Even after everything she did to you.”
I can’t possibly explain.
But I want to.
For the first time, I want to.
“I don’t know who my mother was.” The words come from my mouth, but I don’t recall beckoning them. Still, it’s far too late for regret. “I thought perhaps she was from the Court of Whispers, thanks to something my wet nurse once said, but… I’ve been there many a time. She wasn’t of the Whispers.”
He says nothing.
I want to say nothing further.
And yet, the words are rising up within me, choking me with all the pain and sorrow I’ve never been able to hide.
“My father forced himself upon her. It’s what he did to all of them.
He sent his wraiths to find him fae brides, and when they were brought to him, he forced them to bear his children.
He wanted a child that could pass as fae.
One that could walk these lands and bring him what he wished.
He wanted a child who could break the curse that afflicts us. ”
All the horror spills out of me. “There were dozens of us. Hundreds over the years. Whatever curse afflicts our kind, it breeds true. Barely one in twenty resembled their fae kin. And of those few, only a rare handful have the ability to wield their fae magics.” I hold my hands up and let the glamor slip.
It washes from my skin like a warm blanket being withdrawn.
A chill settles over me. I’m wraithenkind enough for my flesh to feel like marble.
A faint glow settles over my skin, as if the moon itself shines within me.
Not all wraithenkind bear such innate power.
Most of them are maggot-pale and coldblooded. But in this my breeding ran true on both sides. I have the power of my wraith father and the magic of my fae mother.
“Soraya is the only one who stood at my back throughout my childhood. And I watched over her. It doesn’t matter how many times she betrays me, Keir, because she is all I have.” A single tear leaks down the side of my cheek.
The faint light cuts shadows across Keir’s cheekbones. He lifts a hand and rests it, gently, against my hip.
His skin burns feverishly, and my chilled flesh drinks in that warmth as if it longs for it. His thumb brushed against my abdomen, and our eyes meet. My skin explodes like starlight, painting shadows across the wall.
Suddenly, I can’t breathe.
“Who is your father?” he breathes.
A week ago I wouldn’t have given him a name. But there’s a weakness within me that I can’t hide. I yearn for the heat of his touch, for the look he gives me.
And maybe there’s a part of me that is all swept up in this game of pretend.
If I close my eyes, maybe I could still be Merisel, his beloved future bride.
“You know who it is,” I whisper. “There is only one wraith that could steal hundreds of fae maidens from their beds.”
“Raesh. The King of the Wraiths.” His fingers skim the slope of my side from hip to ribs. His thumb works its devastating magic, for it brushes, just faintly, against the undercurve of my breast. “I knew, Zemira, but I wanted the truth from your own lips.”
I shudder.
“Leave him,” he says simply.
An incredulous laugh bursts from me. “And go where?” I hold up my glowing arms. “One hint of this and my head is removed. There is nowhere I can go.”
Nowhere that is far enough to escape my father’s wrath, and nowhere that would welcome my kind. Not to mention my soul….
Heat burns to life in his golden eyes. “There is one court that would have you.”
What? My throat grows tight.
Keir rolls onto his hands and knees, his knuckles resting on the bed on either side of my hips as he leans forward.
“I told you I was searching for a bride, Zemira. I told you I had waited hundreds of years for this moment. The stars aligned when I sent out that Summons. She was always going to arrive at that moment of time. My bride was going to walk into my court, and I was going to claim her. And the second you appeared, I knew you were the one fate had gifted to me.”
“No.” My protest is weak.
“Leave him. Come to me. You want the truth? You have rooms awaiting you at my court. You have an entire wardrobe of clothes. You will be safe. Protected—”
“I can’t leave my father!” I wrap my arms around me. And I would. I would if I could, but with that soul-trap around his neck, my father owns me. “He’d kill me if I even think about it.”
“He has to get to you first,” Keir points out.
I rake my fingers through my hair. This is a nightmare. Because he tempts me so. “You don’t understand. He doesn’t have to find me. He doesn’t have to get to me. He can kill me with a single snap of his fingers at any time he chooses.”
Keir goes still. The dragon’s a dangerous presence lurking behind amber eyes. “How?”
I shake my head. This isn’t happening. This is surreal. I can’t believe he still thinks I’m the bride who was meant for him, even after everything I’ve said and done.
Dreams don’t exist.
Fate isn’t meant for girls like me.
“Please don’t.” I wrap my arms around myself. “I know what I am, Keir. I’ve made my peace with it. And while it’s incredibly tempting, I’m a wraith. You’re accepted within the Blessed courts now, but if you take me as your bride, you won’t be.”
“I don’t give a fuck about their acceptance.”
I meet his eyes. “I can’t be what you want me to be.”
Keir stares at me for long seconds before he sighs in surrender. “You’re not merely a wraith, Zemira. You’re fae too. And if you want the truth, I think your mother was of the Court of the Moon and Stars.”
“What?”
The Court of the Moon and Stars is mere myth to most of the fae these days—though I have wondered whether my gifts came from there. Once upon a time it sat high in the Forbidden Mountains, a palace carved of alabaster that gleamed like the moon itself.
It was destroyed several decades ago by an avaricious king.
“Why would you say that?” I can’t bear to sit still any longer and push off the bed. There’s some escape in movement, in pacing—some escape from the emotion clawing its way up my throat. For as long as I can remember, my mother has been a mere shadow to me.
I don’t know her name.
I don’t know where she came from.
I don’t know if she had sisters or brothers, or parents. Or if she liked cheese or blackberries or riding or painting. I don’t know anything about her.
All I know is that she had eyes as clear as an alpine lake, just like mine.
And that she gave me three names.
She loved me. She loved me enough to name me true, according to the old ways.
I have to believe that. I have to. But it’s a knot that twines its way around my heart like strangler vines, because no one and nothing has ever loved me, and if I cling to that…
then it makes the stone weight in my chest feel a little like a heart.
“Because the Queen of the Court of Moon and Stars was a Shadow Walker, just like you,” he finally says.
“It ran in her blood, and some say it’s the reason her court was shattered.
She had three daughters, each as fair and lovely as the others, and each one powerful and dangerous.
Myrinda, Amithiele, and Zyra Starsworn.”
My breath catches as he conjures a ball of light into his hands.
Movement swirls within it as it spins, letting shadows dapple over the walls.
It’s like a snow globe. A child’s snow globe.
But it’s not glass. No. It’s a dream. A fragment in time, captured within a tiny pocket realm and fused into the shape of a globe.
Three fae women appear.
One is blonde and lovely, clad in a gown that shimmers like the moon off the waters of a lake.
The second has her ashen hair bound into a braid, and her earrings are little daggers.
There’s no mercy in her face, and the sword at her hip has a moonstone set into the pommel.
But it’s the last one that captures my attention.
The one with hair like spun starlight, clad strictly in black leather with a hunting bow at her side.
The one with the emblem of a slashing hawk carved into her belt.
“The Starsworn,” he whispers, and the other two women vanish like smoke as he forces the third princess to lengthen until I might as well be looking in a mirror.
All I can see is her face, lovely and dangerous.
Something hot slides down my cheek as I reach for her. The second my fingertips touch her cheek, she’s gone, ghosting into mist. The globe dissipates.
But for a second, I felt her.
And I saw her eyes widen as if somewhere—long ago—she felt a phantom caress on her face.
“Why did you show me that?” Rage and sadness threaten to overwhelm me.
Keir stares at me, sorrow in his eyes. “Because Raesh is but one of half of you, Zemira. It’s the only half you know.
But you are fae too. You were born under an ancient moon, and you have the stars in your blood.
You were made of the shadows, and you have the power of an ancient fae queen thrumming through you. ”
He takes a step toward me. “Do you know why King Ryddhaen broke the Court of Moon and Stars? It’s because the queens that ruled there were powerful beyond belief.
Thousands of years ago, a long-ago fae queen found a fallen star high on the mountains, where she eventually made her court.
The stories say she swallowed it, and nine months later she gave birth to a daughter who glowed like the stars and had the power to shift the tides themselves.
You are a child of that bloodline, made of starshine and shadows.
You are unmatched by any among the Blessed courts. ”
“I am also a child of darkness and despair,” I breathe.
His face is merciless. “Yes. You are.”
My heart sinks like a stone.
“You are darkness and you are light, and if you could ever bring yourself to accept the entirety of your nature, then even your father would fear you. You could kiss the stars themselves, Zemira, if only you would let yourself.”
“And you?” I whisper.
“Me?”
“Would you fear me too?”
A dangerous glint comes into his eyes. “I fear nothing, my lady of starlight. I never have, and I never will.” Flames suddenly flicker in his eyes.
“Because I am Fire and Fury, and if I were to ever unleash myself from these mortal trappings, then the very world would burn.” He captures my chin.
“I do not fear you, Zemira. Even though you could be my undoing.”
No matter how much I try, I can’t stop the violence trembling within me.
“If you continue to offer me such terms then I will be your undoing.” My throat goes dry.
“He’ll kill you, Keir. My father will kill you.
No.” I turn for the wash chambers, desperately needing a moment alone. “This is all we can ever be.”